


Government Owned

by Tragediane2015



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: AR, AU, Angst, Antianxiety, Anxiety, Betrayal, CIA, Crossover with NCIS Chapter 71, Darkfic, Double Agents, Drug Interrogation, Drug Withdrawal, Dubious-Con, Emotional Trauma, FBI, Flashbacks, Forced Enema, G Callen Whump, G Callen has Acute Traumatic Stress Disorder, G Callen has Complex Traumatic Stress Disorder, G Callen has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Gay Marriage, Gay Sex, Incest, Interrogation, Intravenous Fluids, M/M, Mental Abuse, NSA, Narcosynthesis, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Non Con Watersports, Non-Consensual Drug Use, OOC for Deeks, OOC for Director Vance, OOC for Hetty, OOC for Hetty and Vance throughout the novel, OOC for Kensi, OOC for Nate, OOC for Sam, Panic Attacks, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Psychotropic Drugs, Rape, Reliving the Trauma, Shower Sex, Slash, Swearing, Torture, Tragedy, Violence, anal rape, dea, non-con, oral rape, sedatives, transference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-06-03 01:57:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 129
Words: 128,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6592069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tragediane2015/pseuds/Tragediane2015
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative Universe (AU) with a generous helping of Alternative Reality [AR].</p><p>Story Premise: Flashbacks about his father plague Callen and he investigates their origin. In turn, the flashbacks trigger frightening new memories for him about former government supervisors from the CIA, the DEA, and the FBI.</p><p>Category: A tragedy/hurt/comfort/romance novel.</p><p>Slash: G/Sam. Begins with no established relationship.</p><p>Darkfic and Warning to Survivors of Abuse: Novel includes non-con, dub-con, incest, rape, pedophilia, torture, violence, betrayal, tragedy, and plenty of angst. Physical, mental, and emotional trauma.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with flashbacks, nightmares, reliving the trauma, night terrors, anxiety and panic attacks, etc.</p><p>OOC: Novel includes Squick and OOC for Hetty, Vance, Sam, Nate, Deeks, and Kensi. </p><p>Crossover Warning: A short crossover to NCIS for 3 chapters starts at Ch 71 with Gibbs. Gibbs mentioned briefly again in Ch 105. </p><p>Warning: Major G Callen whump ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: NCIS: Los Angeles and its characters are owned by CBS and the producers of it. I do not own anything, but if I did I would torture G Callen more and create plenty of angst for him. I am grateful to CBS and the producers of NCIS: LA for their contribution to the world of entertainment. 
> 
> My stories are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. This is a work intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by CBS and the producers of NCIS:LA. I gain no profit from the creation and publication of this story.

**Author's Notes:** I originally began this novel on November 4, 2006. It's when I first heard about the possibility of a spin off from NCIS.

This was the first fanfic story I wrote.

I started posting it on ff dot net in June 2011. I'm posting it here with a few changes to the story otherwise this is how I posted it on ff.net almost six years ago.

 

Callen moaned. Pain traveled from his wrists up his arms. He started to move and remembered what she had said. "Don't move or it will cut off your hands." He shivered remembering her words. Callen glanced down his torso. Inside it hurt, hurt bad. Pass out bad. Have to hold on, he told himself. At least a dozen times in the last hour or so, he had repeated a mantra to himself: Federal Agent. Been through this and worse. Focus on the worst pain. You can make it through this pain. Not that bad. Really? Hell no! This was the worst pain he ever... No. The worst would be the piano wire slicing through his wrists and ankles if he moved. The pain would last throughout the minutes before he bled to death. Do not move. Keep still. No matter how bad it hurts. Keep still.

Close footfall. Callen shuddered. He managed to shut down the urge to move. And he squelched the urge to scream for help. What if it was her returning to finish him off? He shuddered again at the thought. He heard someone gasp.

"Oh man, G," Sam said, "damn, I'll kill who ever did this to you."

Shit. He swore under his breath. He was stark naked. His partner could see everything.

"I'll get you down in a minute."

Down? Down from where?

"Get some blankets Kensi."

"On it all ready." She rushed back from the car's trunk and laid one blanket on the warehouse's concrete floor.

"Help me cut the wires. Easy. Keep him steady. Deeks, easy."

"Don't, please, don't." He cried out. Couldn't help himself. Hated his own weakness. "Damn it!" He bit his lower lip causing it to bleed.

"Don't sweat it, man, relax."

"Relax? Don't sweat it?"

"Quit talking, G."

Free from the wires, Sam Hanna lifted his partner into his arms and laid him on the blanket.

Kensi was quick to cover him with another blanket, wrapping him in the softness of two micro-fleece blankets. "Lie still." She brushed the damp hair from his forehead and kissed him there.

Callen needed to see why his partner had gasped when he saw him. He faced and stared at the wrought-iron wagon-wheel-shaped contraption, piano wire dangled from four places. Spread eagle. He shuddered within and squeezed his eyes shut. After trying for several seconds yet what seemed like minutes to calm his breathing, Callen gave into the terror which had bubbled up into his chest. He whimpered.

"Let's get him out of here. I've seen enough."

"Me too."

"Got pictures, Deeks?"

"Yes."

"Good." Sam lifted Callen into his arms again and carried him to the car.

He couldn't help himself, burying his face in his partner's chest, he cried and shook.

"Who ever did this to you—" Sam stopped mid-sentence realizing G had just urinated on both of them. "What the? Get the blankets out of my trunk and grab my extra clothes."

Deeks glanced at him sideways.

"I'll explain later." Sam settled his partner onto the back seat of the car and removed the wet blankets.

Callen curled into a fetal position and wailed.

"What the hell?" Deeks said, approaching the car.

"Acute traumatic stress disorder. Normal reaction."

"Normal?"

"Don't, don't say it. Just give me the blankets." He wrapped G in them. "Kensi, I need you to drive." Sam stripped and dressed in clean clothes in front of both agents.

"Gees, if I wanted to—"

"I know, if you wanted to see my sexy body, Kensi, I should have told you first so you could prepare yourself?"

"Superficial modesty, Deeks?" Kensi winked at him and then back at Sam.

"No modesty involved. I'm downright sexy and you know it." After winking back at her, he climbed onto the back seat next to Agent G Callen and pulled him onto his lap. "Easy does it, buddy, easy does it."

"Please don't, please."

"No one is going to hurt you, I promise."

He sniffled and quieted down.

"That's it, G, you're safe."

When the car's engine rumbled to life, Callen startled hard, whimpered, and lifted his head. He scanned the vehicle, turned and saw his partner, and settled back down, resting his head on his partner's lap. His shuddering started again.

Sam stroked his partner's back. "Relax, G. That's it, man."

"Where are you taking me?" He whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Headquarters for now. If Hetty wants you hospitalized she'll order it. I think she wants to see you first."

"Yeah, I know why." He shivered within, conjuring up in his mind what his supervisor might do to him for disobeying orders. Callen had to do this. He needed to. And now it had nearly cost him his life. Damn. He was in deep trouble and he knew it. He sucked on his lower lip where blood now seeped to the surface.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter Summary:  
> Sam Hanna, Kensi Blye, and Marty Deeks rescue G Callen from a sinister man who kidnapped G while he was undercover.
> 
> This chapter's summary:  
> Sam takes Callen back to headquarters where Hetty wants to debrief him.

Agent Sam Hanna lifted his partner into his arms and brought him into NCIS’s Los Angeles headquarters. After settling G into a chair before their supervisor’s desk in the archive room [sic], he started to walk away.

“One minute Mr. Hanna,” Henrietta Lange said, finishing her tea and setting the vintage tea cup and saucer aside. “Please have a seat. I need a short report.”

He stood not planning to stay long. “No suspects. Collected evidence.”

“I see and?”

“He’s not talking.”

“What is new about that Mr. Hanna? Tell me what you found at the scene.”

“I’ll do better than that. Deeks took pictures. They’re compiling them upstairs as we speak.”

“Good. Leave us.” She eyed her agent sitting in the chair across from her desk.

“Sorry.”

“Is that all you have to say for yourself, Mr. Callen?”

He nodded.

“It won’t do, won’t do one damned bit.”

“I was undercover.”

“That’s a given. Tell me something I do not know. Don’t try my patience.”

Callen swallowed hard and trembled within. Pictures of that woman’s torture flashed before his eyes. Hetty was superimposed over the woman face. “You bitch!” His mouth hung open and his left hand flew over it. “Sorry, oh damn.”

“What was that about?”

“I… don’t know, a slip of the tongue.”

“Who is she?”

“She?”

“You distinctly said, ‘you bitch.’”

“Don’t know.”

“I think you do, Mr. Callen. Must I have Dr. Getz drug you to get to the truth?”

“What!” Callen shot out of his chair, the blanket dropped to the floor, exposing his nude body. “Oh shit!” He grabbed them and wrapped it around his bloodied and naked body. “I can’t do this. I won’t do this.” He yelled, running away from her down the long hallway.

“What are you doing, G?”

He flipped around, almost losing his blanket again and faced his partner. “Where the hell are my clothes?”

“You don’t remember how we found you?”

“Where the hell are my clothes? Don’t play games with me. Don’t answer a question with a question. Don’t need that kind of crap right now.” He reached out a hand and steadied himself on the hallway’s wall, wishing there were handrails. There should be handrails.

“You need to be in there talking to Hetty.”

“No way in hell!”

“What has gotten into you?”

“Into me?” He adjusted the blanket again, pulling it tighter around his waist which left him feeling exposed still. “She wants answers I—can’t, no, don’t know.”

“Mr. Callen?” Henrietta Lange stood outside her office watching the two men converse.

“Forget it Hetty,” Callen said.

“I am not forgetting it. Bring him back in here, Mr. Hanna. Sit on him if you have to.”

As Sam approached him, Callen backed away down the hallway. The blanket started to slide down his waist and trailed on the floor. He tripped on it and started to fall backward. His partner scooped him up into his arms and carried him back into Hetty’s office.

“Put me down!”

“Not happening, man.”

“I told you I can’t do this. I don’t know. There’s nothing. I need sleep.”

“You probably need to be hospitalized, Mr. Callen. We will see to it right away. I called an ambulance.”

“What? This is crazy.”

“They will arrive soon. After a thorough examination and treatment for any injuries we will talk again.”

“What kind of examination? What kind of talk? I don’t know anything. I can’t remember anything.”

“Ambulance is here,” Kensi said, standing at the entrance to Hetty’s office.

Sam turned and placed Callen on the gurney.

“No!” G started to climb off the gurney.

Sam pushed him back down. “Follow orders for once, G.” He held him down while the paramedics strapped him onto the gurney.

“You’re coming with me, aren’t you?”

“Go with him, Mr. Hanna.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Hetty orders Callen to be hospitalized for tests and treatment, his kidnapper shows up and rapes him again.

“When am I getting out of here?”

“When Hetty gives the orders.” Sam stared out the window, his back turned to his partner. “If you don’t stop asking that question, I’ll request a zipper for your mouth. I’m sure they could sew one on.”

“Was it supposed to be funny?” Callen frowned and glanced again around the hospital room. “Hetty gives the orders? Not the doctors? You know I hate places like this.”

“She’s the one who ordered all the tests. It’s a guy thing, G, we all hate places like this.”

Arguing outside the room brought both men’s attention toward the door. Hetty stepped into the hospital room, hands on her petite hips. “Mr. Callen, you will submit to any test I order. Is that understood?”

“What if I can’t?”

“No such thing, you will do it. If you can go undercover without the proper authorization and the proper protection, you can damned well submit to any test I order.” She flipped on her heels and left.

“I guess that says it all, G.”

“Yeah, do it or else.” His upper lip curled at the corners.

“You think this is funny?”

“Sort of.”

“What test did you refuse?”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m not doing it.”

“Listen, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll follow orders.”

“Or what?” He imagined in his head seeing Hetty torturing him on that wrought-iron, wagon-wheel-shaped contraption. He shuddered. Why couldn’t he remember that bitch’s name? He could see her face.

“G?”

“What?”

“Did you hear a word I just said?”

“I should follow orders.”

“I think there’s a huge disconnect happening here.”

More flashes of pictures swept over his mind. He pushed them to the back of his mind, keeping them from surfacing and affecting his ability to respond and act in the current situation. The flashes of memory made Callen think of tiny robots invading his thinking processes. He watched a gurney being pushed into his room. “I am not going!” He yelled at the orderly.

“G, cut it out.” Sam helped the orderly transfer his partner onto the gurney. “I will be here when you get back.”

“Great, you’re not going?” He lifted his head and followed his partner’s movements and the orderly as they strapped him onto the gurney. “You always cover my backside.” Callen pushed a horrible picture back down into its place, deep in his mind. The closeness of the orderly intensified the memory. He fought to control his thoughts and emotions, his body alert and ready fight or flee.

“Can’t, man.” Sam settled into the window seat and picked up the novel he’d been reading.

“How can you—“

“Stop. I’m not going with you. See you in a bit.”

Callen watched the repetition of ceiling tiles as the orderly wheeled the gurney toward its destination. He hated losing control of the situation, knowing where he was going and what would happen next were paramount. A federal agent was always prepared. If so, how the hell did he end up being tortured by that mystery woman. The terror rose from his gut again.

The familiar ding of an elevator arriving brought him back to this reality. The gurney was shoved hard into the elevator. He heard a scuffle outside, tried to lift his head and upper body and was shoved back down.

“Stay.”

That voice. He knew that voice.

The elevator stopped between floors.

“What did I say?”

His father.

“I—don’t remember.”

“I will refresh your memory.” The man removed the ankle strap from Callen’s legs, pushed his legs over his chest, and climbed onto the gurney. “Perfect.” He unzipped his pants.

“What the hell are you—“

“Shut up, boy, I will do as I please.” He shoved his penis into his son.

Callen started to scream. His father covered his mouth.

“You know you like this, so shut up and enjoy it.”

He grimaced and twisted his body. Only an inch of room to spare. “Stop. Please stop.”

“No. Remember the promise you made to me.”

“No, what promise?”

“The one you made to me while on the wheel.”

“I don’t remember.”

“I will refresh your memory.”

“Wasn’t there a woman?”

“You do not remember, how wonderful.”

“Stop this.”

“We tortured and raped you together. And I loved every minute of it. Just like old times. Yet this is different. You remember?”

“No, get out of me. Get off me. Stop this.” Callen squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced again.

“Open your eyes damn it! I will stop when you promise.”

He acquiesced and opened his eyes knowing what would come next if he didn’t. “Promise what?” He flinched the pain worsening as his father stabbed into him.

“You won’t tell anyone about me. If you do I will have to torture you again.”

“Who is she?”

“Does it really matter to you?”

“Please—“

When his father grabbed his penis, he arched his back only the inch he could move. “Don’t, please.”

“We are now linked. As one. Come for me.”

“Screw you!”

“It is you who is being screwed, a royal screwing. Come for me.”

Callen couldn’t help what was happening to his body. He couldn’t stop the blood from rushing to his groin area. He pushed into his father’s hand wanting it and not wanting it all at once, pain and pleasure wracked his body.

“Yes, boy, mine, all mine.” He covered his boy’s mouth with is free hand and jerked him to an orgasm. “See, mine, all mine you little whore. The howling you made while we made you come was beautiful.”

“Liar.” Callen winced and shuddered pain searing through his groin.

“Not lying. You loved it. Promise me.” He squeezed his boy’s balls, hard with both hands.

“Stop,” G said, breathless, satiated, and hurting all at once.

“Promise me.”

“Yes, please let go, please.” Tears formed in his eyes.

“Letting go right now, boy.” He erupted inside his son. “Yes, you love that torture don’t you? I love to watch your face. Pained and satiated all at once.” He pulled out, zipped up his pants, and climbed off the gurney. “This was the test I made the doctor order, made him order at knife point to his surgical tools, his hands. Threatened to cut off each finger one by one.”

“You’re one sick bastard.”

“You want me to rape you again? Is that what you want? Huh?”

He swallowed hard and shook his head. Callen watched his father dress in the orderly’s uniform.

“Taking you back to your room once I have called your partner out of the room. Do you suck his cock?”

“What?” His jaw dropped.

“You heard me. Answer the question.”

“We don’t have that type of relationship.”

“Start it. I will be watching you. Make sure he tops you. Got it.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Do it or I will hurt him.”

“What?”

“I know about everyone on your team. Understand?” He pulled out a knife and pointed at his son’s groin. “Promise me, boy.”

Callen shivered, his mouth hanging open. “Yes.” More flashes of pictures bombarded his brain. He shuddered seeing a knife pierce the skin on his neck.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, father.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam discovers the truth about the last test his partner had.

Callen buried his face in a pillow and stayed in that position for the rest of the day. He couldn’t bare to have Sam see his face because he’d figure out something was wrong. Following in his father’s footsteps was the furtherest thing from his mind. Fall for Hanna, he couldn’t. If he didn’t, his father warned him of the consequences.

His ass ached. Must be bleeding. Wouldn’t Sam or Kensi or Deeks notice it?

“Wondering if you’re hungry? Thought about pizza delivery to break up the monotony.”

He lifted his head just so he could be heard. “No thanks.”

“Hm, not like you. What happened with the test?”

Hell.

“You haven’t talked to me since.”

“Tired.”

“Talkative. Maybe if I got Hetty in here you’d be more conducive to talking.”

“Don’t do that.” He adjusted his body to face Sam and laid on his side. In this position he saw Sam and the hospital room’s only window. “Can I get out of bed?”

“Only if I help.”

“I need another gown or two.”

“Come on G, really?”

“Please.”

“Something isn’t right with you. The truth.”

“I like you.”

“Huh?”

“Really.”

“Well, me too. Of course.”

“I mean more than friends.”

“Look, man, maybe things changed for you—“

“If I don’t do something with you… shit… he’ll rape me again and something might happen to you.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Who?”

“The father I thought was dead.”

“What are you talking about, G? What father?”

“My father.” Callen grabbed his abdomen and yelped. “Please….”

Sam was about to confront his partner when he noticed how pale he looked. “G, you don’t look right.”

“I look left?”

“G, cut it out. I’m serious.”

Callen grimaced and leaned forward. “Hurts.”

“I see that.” He pressed the nurse’s call button. Blood. Lots of it flooding over his partner’s lower body, staining the white sheets bright red.

A nurse sauntered into the room as if she was on her way to a coffee break. She stopped her nonchalant, lackadaisical attitude when she saw the blood and her patient’s pale skin. She flew out of the room and returned with a team of nurses and a doctor.

Sam grasped Callen’s hand. His normally warm hand was cool to the touch. “G, stay with me, man.”

“Supposed to be tests,” Callen said, his speech slurred and weak. “Aren’t they?” He didn’t resist the ministrations of the nurses and doctor as they examined him, stripped the bed and his gown, redressed him, and started two IVs.

“Hush, man.”

“Excuse us sir, he needs emergency surgery. Would you please sign this?”

“Can’t but my supervisor will. She’s in the waiting area, Hetty Lange is who you’re looking for.”

He watched them take the gurney from the room without transferring Callen to another one. Sam followed the nurse into the waiting area off the exam area. “Hetty, something isn’t right.”

“I will say so too. Emergency surgery. How come you missed this when you rescued him?”

“Missed it? He wasn’t bleeding then.”

“Oh really now.”

“Yes.”

“What happened between that time and now?”

“I have a hunch.”

“Run it by me.”

Sam sat across from Hetty, Deeks, and Kensi and kept his voice low. “Did you order a test right after you insisted G cooperate and submit to all tests you request?”

“No. I was about to but saw him being wheeled toward the elevator.”

“Oh hell. I need to check out that elevator. Someone needs to be with G at all times.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Something did happen.” He stood and strode toward the elevators. “This one?” He pointed toward the first one.

“The ones on the left,” Hetty said.

“The freight elevator?” He pressed the send button and waited for its arrival. “Kensi, I need your assistance,” Sam said when he saw the doors open. “We need forensics here ASAP.” He pressed the emergency stop button.

“They are on their way,” Hetty said. “Mr. Deeks, see to it that Mr. Callen is protected at all times. If you have to enter the surgical suite do so.”

Deeks leaped to his feet and half-ran, half-walked to the passenger elevators on the right.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she learns what happened in the elevator at the hospital, Hetty seals Mr. Callen's personnel file.

Callen woke with a start, coughing and choking on the tube down his throat. He wrestled against the restraints across his chest which held his torso and upper arms still. An inch to the left or right was all he could move.

“G, settle down.”

He pointed toward his face and signaled for the tube to be removed.

“No.”

He mouthed ‘now’.

“Can’t help you.”

Callen fought harder against the restraints bucking and cursing under his breath.

Sam pressed the call button.

Two nurses flew into the room and administered medications.

“Bastards!” He mouthed around the tube in his throat. His fists clutched and released the sheet in his fists, again and again. The medicine entered his bloodstream. His eyes felt heavy. He closed them. The sheet slipped through his fingers. His fists relaxed.

Hetty entered the intensive care unit room followed by Kensi and Deeks. “Again?”

“Yes.”

“They sedated him?”

“Yes.”

“They say when the tube will be removed?”

“When he stops gasping for air. The oxygenation level in his blood is still too low.”

Hetty sidled up to Sam’s side and grasped her comatose agent’s right hand. “Damn it, Mr. Callen, you had better try harder. We cannot lose you.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and released it. “What did the forensics team discover, Mr. Hanna?”

“I prefer to not discuss this here.”

They exited the private intensive care hospital room together. “Deeks, you ready?” Sam asked.

He nodded and entered Callen’s room.

“Where would you like to talk?”

“OPS. Eric culled more information than I have here.”

 

 

They rode to OSP headquarters in silence. Sam’s mind was on one thing, whether his partner would survive this latest trauma to his already battered body. He barely noticed when they arrived. Outside OSP headquarters appeared to be an abandoned, earthquake damaged building. Inside, it was their operations center and most important, it felt like home. Oddly, these days it felt more like home than his own home. He climbed out of the car. The late winter afternoon’s cool air felt invigorating to his body. It reminded him that he hadn’t worked out in over two days. Two days too long.

A sound too close to the car caused him to adopt a less casual stance. He drew his gun and readied it.

“A little jumpy, Mr. Hanna?” Hetty asked.

“Not just a little. Let’s get inside.” He opened the door for his supervisor and flipped around to see where the noise had come from. Nothing. He shuddered. Sam stepped through the doorway and set the alarm.

“More than a little jumpy I would say. Tell me, Mr. Hanna, what is with the spookiness?”

“I’ll show you upstairs.” They climbed the stairs and entered OPS together. “Ready Eric?”

“Yes.”

Sam listened to their tech operator, Eric Beale, and their new intelligence analyst, Nell Jones, as they both spouted off their findings. Although both agents had worked with each for just a just over six months, they volleyed their reports back and forth sounding as if they had spent hours composing a perfect symphony. Neither one missed a beat, nor stepped on each others’ toes. Great choice of new personnel Sam decided.

Hetty listened to their report. “So let me get this straight, Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones, you both believe Mr. Callen’s father ‘visited,’ shall we say for now, him in the hospital?”

“I wouldn’t exactly—“

“Do not say the word, Mr Beale, please dispense with the unpleasantries. This stays in this room. Understood?”

“Yes, Hetty.”

“Good. The subsequent abuse of Mr. Callen through the inadvertent connection to his father in the hospital shall from this point be encrypted in his records.”

Beale’s jaw dropped.

Jones’s lips remained still.

“Mr. Hanna?”

Sam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Ah, yes, if that’s what you want.”

“Who else knows?”

“Deeks and Kensi.”

“Getz?”

“No.”

“Keep it that way.”

“May I ask—“

“No.” Hetty flipped on her heels and left OPS.

 

 

Eric, Nell, and Sam stared after their operations manager and then at each other for a few moments. Eric started to encrypt that portion of Callen’s records.

“That was odd, very odd. Before you encrypt the file I need to see something.” Sam stepped between the two agents. He perused the findings until he found G’s father’s name. “Mr. Callen? Is that all? Is he really just Mr. Callen?”

“Yes, that’s all we could find.”

“Did you look into Callen’s records?”

“Encrypted and sealed.”

“By whom? Hetty?”

“Don’t know that yet,” Eric said.

“Keep this open. Don’t encrypt it.”

“But… Hetty—“

“Never mind her. I need to know. Instead give me the password.”

“I can do that.”

“Tell me later.” Sam left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetty forces Callen to go home with his partner.

More than a week later and after an hour long work out at his gym of choice for the day, he visited a new gym each day to keep from being tailed by unwanted pursuers, Sam Hanna entered his partner’s step-down ICU room. G was positioned upright in bed, several pillows under his head and back, one lifting his hip to the side. Good sign. “Good morning.”

“What’s good about it?”

“Foul mood again?”

“Yeah, so what.”

“G—“

“Don’t G me. Get me out of this place.”

“Hasn’t the nurse given you a sponge bath yet?”

“Wouldn’t want one if they offered it.”

“Here’s your chance and you’re turning it down?”

“Come on, get me out of here.”

“What’s the doc say?”

“Can’t go home alone.”

“Hm.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Means you’re coming home with me I guess. Maybe he thinks you need some male bonding.”

“I ought to throw this urinal at you.” Callen threatened, grasping its handle and starting to heft it.

“That’s not the kind of male bonding I had in mind, G.” He smirked.

“Wipe the smirk off your face or I will.”

“You’re serious?”

“Very.” He frowned and released the urinal. “I want to know why no one will tell me about the investigation into my father’s presence in this hospital.”

“I suggest you talk to Hetty about it.”

“She’s avoided me.”

“Maybe it’s your attitude?”

“What attitude?” He grabbed the urinal’s handle again. “Don’t push it, Sam.”

“I’m not. You haven’t shared one iota about what happened.”

“I don’t intend to.” He released the handle again and crossed his arms.

“I see that. Let’s find the doctor and get you discharged.”

“Sounds great.”

“There’s my agent, ready to go home?” Hetty bounded into the room.

Callen startled and pulled his arms tighter across his chest.

Sam noticed the gesture. “He’s being discharged to my home?”

“Yes, I arranged it, Mr. Hanna.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.

“A problem?” Hetty said.

“I guess not.”

“Good.”

A nurse brought in a wheelchair and discharge papers. “Make sure he signs off on these and follows them carefully.” She left.

“Restrictions?” He tightened his arms, becoming breathless.

“You are damned right, Mr. Callen.”

Sam touched his shoulder to relax him. It usually worked when Callen was uptight about something. This time the opposite occurred.

“Get your—hands off me. I’ll get dressed myself. Everyone out.”

Sam stepped back. “I’m staying right here.” He sat on the window seat.

“You’re not watching me.”

He stood and pulled the privacy curtain around his partner. “If you need—“

“Don’t, just don’t. Don’t push it.” He picked up the discharge orders and glanced through them quick [sic]. “What the hell? What the hell is this? There is no way in hell. No way in hell. I repeat no way in hell.” His voice got louder with each sentence.

“Sign it or else stay here.”

Callen grabbed the urinal and hurled it through the break in the privacy curtain toward the nurses’ station. He peeked around the curtain, watching the full urinal’s contents splatter one-half of the sliding glass, ICU doors. “Screw this! I’m not signing these ridiculous orders. Screw them all. Screw you too Sam. Screw you too Hetty.” He yelled.

“What is going on in here, Mr. Callen?” Hetty asked, skirting the mess by the doorway.

“Nothing.” He crossed his arms again.

“That was not nothing. Explain yourself—“

“Cut the crap, Hetty, I’m refusing your control over this situation.”

“And that means?”

“I’m going home.”

“Like hell you are, Mr. Callen. If you won’t go home with Mr. Hanna, you will go home with me. Which way do you want it?”

Callen sighed long and hard, releasing his arms. “Neither way is acceptable.”

“Then stay here and foot the bill yourself. These [sic] are your choices. Got it?” She stepped up to the bedside, released the railing and lowered it. “You need strict supervision and protection.”

“I don’t want it.”

“You need it. Understood, Mr. Callen?”

“I need my privacy.”

“I get it and it is not, you hear me, not happening.”

“Well, screw you Hetty, you bitch!”

Hetty slapped him hard across the cheek.

Callen’s jaw dropped. The stinging pain jolted him to the core. If he could’ve run out of the ICU room he would’ve right then.

“Two people can be stubborn, Mr. Callen. I suggest you sign those discharge orders and obey my orders before you end up spending your next several months under my thumb. I won’t take any crap off you. Understood?”

He nodded.

She picked up the discharge orders, a pen, and handed them to him.

He signed them.

She took them from him. “Sorry, Mr. Callen, you cannot have your way all the time. This is one of those times.” Hetty left.

Callen dressed in the sweats which had been placed on the bed earlier in the day. After he finished dressing, he pulled back the privacy curtain. “Where are my shoes?”

Sam pointed to the seat beside him.

He sat next to his partner and finished dressing.

“She give you a dressing down?” Sam eyed the red mark which had already started to form a bruise on his partner’s left cheek.

“I’ll say. I guess that means don’t mess with Hetty.”

“I’ll agree with that one.”

He leaned over and tied his shoes. “She was acting like a bitch.”

“More like you were acting like a bastard.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, orders are orders.”

“I hate losing my privacy. Do you know what the discharge orders says?”

“No and I don’t care. Whatever it says I would follow it.”

Callen stood and faced the window. “At least it isn’t pouring down rain.”

“At least.”

He stomped over to the wheelchair and plopped down in it. “Ouch!”

“Take it easy, G.”

“How easily I forget.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen reveals horrendous memories from his childhood. Sam listens.

Callen settled into a daily routine at Hanna’s house. It was okay, but not his idea of the best situation. Best would be complete privacy, doing his own thing day and night. Sleeping when he wished, eating if he wanted to, working out day and night, making sure he was fit and ready for the next undercover ops.

This routine sucked. Brush your teeth at a specific time. Take a shower at a specific time. Eat at a specific time. Go to the gym and workout where everyone could see you. Where everyone could stare at you when you can’t function normal. Stare at you when you stumble. Stare at you when you wince. Stare at you when you—

“G?” Sam held his name out longer than usual to get his attention.

“What?”

“Talk to me.”

“About?”

“You know.”

“Remember, you said I have PTSD. I’m having a memory lapse.”

“I’ll give you a memory lapse.”

Callen smirked.

“That’s more like the partner I know.”

“I don’t wish to talk about it.”

“Not an option.” Sam slid down on the sofa next to him. The living room was his favorite spot in the house. He had fixed a fire earlier in the evening and the two logs now glowed bright orange-red.

“Was this Hetty’s idea of bonding?”

“Hetty wanted your file encrypted.”

“What?”

“I have the password. Some unanswered questions remain.”

“Does she know?”

“She knows everything. I suspect that’s why she sent you home with me. Why is your main personal file encrypted and sealed?”

“What?”

“Don’t answer questions with a question. Answer me, G.”

“Ooh, getting angry, Sam?”

“Getting frustrated with your evasiveness.”

“I did that myself.”

His jaw dropped. “Yourself? Why?”

“I didn’t want anyone snooping around my history.”

“Like me?”

“Not you in particular.”

“Why?”

“Do you need to leave no stone unturned?”

“Yep, I’m afraid so.”

Callen sighed, stretching his arms out before him, next over his head, and last back down on his lap. He glanced at his hands and then at the glowing logs in the fireplace while licking his lower lip. “My father.”

This time Sam waited, hoping G would talk without more prodding.

“He was and still is quite the bastard. You don’t know what a bastard is until you meet him. Sadistic bastard who loved to torture and…. We’ll leave it at that, torture. Hate his guts to death. Know why I go undercover on my own?”

“Why?” He leaned against the raised arm cushion. It was the most comfortable spot on the sofa.

“To hunt down the bastard.”

“Hetty doesn’t know about this?”

“Never telling her and neither are you.”

“Hate to tell you, if I know about it, she’ll know sooner or later.”

“Read your mind?”

“Don’t know how, she does it. It’s creepy some times. She’ll nab you in a corner down the long hallway and confront you.”

“Yeah, too many times. Hate it. Scrutinizes you, up one side and down the other. It’s like she can smell a lie. Smell a hidden agenda.”

“Yep, smell it, that’s it.” Sam laughed.

“I know a liar when I see one. Can tell a mile off.”

“Really?”

“Read ‘em like an open book. I think I learned it from my father’s abuse. I had to know his state of mind when he got home from work. Whether he had gone to the bar or did drugs.”

“Drugs?”

“Cocaine or heroine were has favorites. Occasionally he’d abuse meth and go bonkers. I tried to stay clear of him then.”

“Go bonkers?”

He swallowed hard and stared into the fireplace. “Lose control of all his inhibitions.”

“Doesn’t sound good.”

“Horrific and terrifying for my mother and I.”

“How old were you?”

“You mean when did it start?”

“Yes.”

“The first time… six months old or there about.” His voice drifted off to a whisper.

“Sorry, G.”

“Never told anyone why I don’t use my name. It’s his. He named me after him. I was named after a bastard, a sadistic bastard.” He lied, at least a partial lie. Best to lie when you don’t know the whole truth. Yet the truth was there in his mind at times and then it simply drifted away in his mind, lost in a cacophony of thoughts and emotions and long forgotten night terrors.

“Sorry.”

“Now you know.”

“Not everything.”

“I’ll be here for several more weeks. You can pick my brain whenever you wish.”

“Where’s your mother?”

Callen leaped to his feet a little too fast. He doubled over in pain, recovered after a few minutes and hurried toward the bathroom.

Sam waited on the sofa. His position provided the best view of the kitchen, bathroom and hallway to the bedrooms. The family room and library lay behind his right shoulder. The perfect view of his entire house. A gun hidden in each room in a strategic spot. Loaded and ready. His partner looked pale when he exited the bathroom.

“Too close to home?”

“I don’t talk about her.”

“She abuse you too?”

“Bastard!” Callen charged his partner, running straight at him.

Sam leaned to one side, grabbed and wrestled G onto the sofa.

“Stop! Let me go, that hurts.” It was no lie. Searing pain coursed through his rectum into his lower bowels, he cried out and clutched his gut with both hands.

He relaxed his hold. “Tell me you’re angry.”

“Tell you? My mother was my only ray of hope. She fought for my freedom. Fought for my right to live… abuse free.”

“Most children don’t have someone like that in their lives.”

“She paid the price for it.”

Sam waited.

“My father tried to kill her because she stopped him from hurting me.”

“Hurting you how?”

“Damn it, you won’t let me just get away with it.”

“No, tell me the truth, G, just say the word.”

“Gees…” he said, releasing a long sigh. “He raped me. Satisfied? Okay?”

“He raped you in the hospital’s freight elevator too?”

He nodded. “Bastard,” he said under his breath. “Threatened me if I told anyone. Threatened me if I didn’t start having… damn… a relationship with you.” Damned if he would.

“A sexual one?”

“Yes, of course, what else. I mean we all ready have a relationship of sorts. Right? Wants you to top me. You know, wants me to be the bottom.”

“Don’t know _that_ terminology.”

“Gay stuff with BDSM mixed in for good measure. Or is it bad measure? Doesn’t matter. If he’s watching, which he said he is, I know he’s watching, he’ll see we’re together.”

“I think Hetty suspects this and she planned us living together for a reason.”

“If she sealed my records why?”

“Hm, interesting, I think she’s protecting your ass as always.”

“Literally protecting my ass,” Callen said, smirking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetty comes to Sam's place to explain what occurred in the hospital.
> 
> Callen can't stomach what happened to him.

Hetty let herself into Mr. Hanna’s home. If there was a key to be made she owned it, added it to her skeleton key set. She had a key for each agent’s home. Well, except Callen’s. He moved around too much. Hard to keep track of his whereabouts. Just when he acquired a key to make a copy he’d move again. Even the home she’d purchased for him didn’t keep him settled.

“Glad to see you knock,” Sam said from the living room sofa, his gun cocked and aimed at her.

“I need to speak with you both.”

“Callen’s still [sic] asleep still [sic]. We had a long night.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes.”

She sat in her favorite leather chair which faced the front door and gave her an ideal viewing of the entire front of the house. “Wake him.”

“You wake him. I hate when he’s grumpy.”

“I’m awake,” Callen said, wiping sleep from his eyes.

“Tough night?” she asked.

“No tougher than an interrogation by an enemy.”

She smiled. “Glad you two are getting down to things.”

“He wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Sam winked at his partner.

“I’m filling you in on why this pairing occurred.”

Callen sat as far away from Hetty as he could, the far end of the sofa.

“Mr. Callen I won’t bite.”

“It’s not the bite I’m worried about.”

“I had to do it for show.”

“Show?” He lifted an eyebrow and cocked his head sideways.

“I knew your father was watching every move we made.”

“Huh?”

“I reviewed the freight elevator’s video tape and voice recording.”

Callen leaped to his feet and made it into the bathroom just in time.

When they heard his hard retching, Hetty and Sam turned they heads in his direction.

“He’s been doing that a lot.”

“Cannot stomach the reality, literally?” she asked.

“Yeah, interesting choice of words.”

Callen returned with a towel and waste basket. “Go on.”

“You sure?”

He nodded.

“I took your father’s warnings to heart and played him all the way.”

“What?” Callen’s jaw dropped.

“I made it look like you two had started having a relationship. I fueled that fire with a slap on your cheek, solidifying in his mind that you two were glad to be together.”

“Interesting application of pressuring one to obey.”

“Mr. Callen I needed to be convincing and I over did it.” Hetty studied his face, noticing the red and purple bruise on his left cheek. “Please accept my apologies. I do not believe in striking an agent to prove a point.”

He nodded. Still, it was completely out of character for her. He shuddered wondering what she’d do next.

“Good, now let us get down to the situation at hand. I had your records encrypted and sealed as a precaution. I know Mr. Hanna obtained a password for his use. I knew he would do so, planned on it. In this case, we clearly have a psychopathic individual bent on wreaking havoc with you. I aim to stop him in his tracks. In addition, we possibly know the identity of the woman he paired with.”

“Paired with?”

“The woman who helped your father abuse you.”

Callen grabbed the waste basket and hurled.

“I am sorry this is difficult for you.”

“Difficult isn’t the word.” He swiped the towel across his face.

“She is an FBI agent and has been arrested.”

“FBI? What the?” He grabbed the waste basket, placed it on his chest, and hurled again.

“She befriended him while he spent time in prison.”

“Befriended him?”

“She was one of the investigating agents on his case and decided later she liked him.”

“Liked a psychopath? What’s there to like about a creepy bastard like him? An FBI agent falling for my father?” A flash of memory filtered through the recesses of his mind. He saw her. Who was she?

“It takes all kinds, G,” Sam said.

“You handled all this, when?”

“Some while you were in the hospital, the rest after you got out.”

“Is she talking?”

“She is talking to me.”

Callen smirked. He imagined Hetty torturing the agent. Wherever would that idea come from?

“I have not laid a hand on her, yet.”

“I like the sound of that, ‘yet.’”

“The FBI gave me full access to her, carte blanche.”

“I could only imagine why,” Sam said. “A federal agent has been assaulted by her and her psychopathic boyfriend. I’d say they’d have a lot of explaining to do if they didn’t give you full, unbridled access.”

“She is in the boat house.”

“What?” Callen hurled into the waste basket.

“Maybe you should have that vomiting checked into.”

“I’m fine, Hetty, this is just… close to home.”

“I see that. When did the vomiting start?”

“Last night right after he and I started to discuss his childhood,” Sam said.

“Makes sense, sounds like a latent emotional response,” Hetty said.

“A what?”

“You’re hanging around Nate too much,” Callen said.

“I did some psychological studies of my own, Mr. Hanna. Mr. Callen I want you to question the agent as well.”

“Hell no!” He leaped off the sofa and headed for the bathroom, waste basket in hand.

“There’s no way he could do that.”

“Why?”

“His… tender, for a better word, psychological and physical state.”

“Maybe he should see Dr. Getz.”

“He told me he’d rather die than see a head doc.”

“Interesting choice of words.”

“I thought so too.”

“I need him to question her. He knows what happened to himself, not I.”

“He doesn’t know.”

Hetty’s jaw dropped.

“He can’t remember most of it.”

“Acute Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?”

“Yes.”

“Complex traumatic stress, not a good sign.”

“He’s barely holding it together and I do mean barely.” Sam eyed Callen as he watched Hetty and him from outside the bathroom door. “He needs time to heal, not time to interrogate someone. If need be I could interrogate her based on what G has told me so far. Not enough for a court case. There’s bits and pieces. Maybe I could use them to interrogate her.”

Hetty lowered her voice and leaned forward. “Do you feel he needs psychological help?”

“Probably but getting him to it would be next to impossible.”

She whispered now. “Even Dr. Getz?”

“Maybe, don’t know.”

“Okay, then, I will leave you two gentlemen to continue uncovering whatever you can.” Hetty strode toward the door.

“Thanks for coming and explaining things,” Sam said, keeping his voice low. “That helps I’m sure.”

“You don’t have to whisper on my account,” Callen said.

“Take care of yourself, Mr. Callen, and please give us some answers to go on.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen handles a session with Dr. Getz and comes unglued over it.

Just what he needed, a session with Nate. Never. The last person he wanted to see right now. Henrietta Lange insisted and when she insisted upon something it happened, like it or not. He slouched down on one of two chairs facing a desk and waited for Nate to arrive.

“Hey Callen, how are you? Sit anywhere you wish.”

“I wish to sit in my office.”

“Callen, come on, anywhere in here.”

“That’s here, isn’t it?”

Hetty’s hands on his shoulders shut him up. “Mr. Callen, you will do your utmost to cooperate with Dr. Getz.”

“I was joking.” He glanced upward into her face. “Really.”

She squeezed his shoulders and left.

Callen sighed and slouched down more in the comfortable high-backed, chocolate brown, leather recliner. “Just so you know,” he glanced around the chair’s side toward the now closed door, “this is the last place I want to be today.”

“I got you. No one likes spilling their guts to a stranger.”

“I don’t consider you a stranger Nate, I’m just not partial to head docs.”

“Normal for most agents in law enforcement, Callen.”

“Good.” He stared at the desk’s front panel. Mahogany. Had to be to withstand all the bashing it got. No dents. Several hits on it, but not one gouge. Needed a polishing.

“Callen, did you hear me?”

He glanced up and realized he hadn’t heard a word Nate said to him. “…no, sorry.”

“Having nightmares?”

He nodded.

“Flashbacks?”

“Yeah.”

“Difficulty sleeping?”

“When haven’t I?”

“When did this start?”

“When didn’t it?”

“Callen, what are you saying?”

“I’ve had most of these problems since I was a child.” He covered his mouth.

“Not something you want anyone to know?”

“It’s not in my records, okay, keep it that way.”

“Hetty should know.”

“She knows everything. I wouldn’t worry about it. No records.”

“Can’t guarantee that won’t go into your records. It stays in my records though.”

“Great, strike the damnable words from your records or I walk out right now.” Callen stood and paced the room. “You hear me. Damn this head stuff. I knew I shouldn’t agreed to this one session, just one session. No more. That’s it.” He strode toward the door and ran smack into Hetty, hands on her hips.

“Mr. Callen.”

He hated hearing his name when she was angry. She drew out the “a” making it sound more like an “o.” Callen backed away from the door.

“What did I say to you only minutes ago?”

“Cooperate.”

“Yes, Mr. Callen, now sit and finish your session.”

“No.”

“You have two choices, sit and talk or be suspended without pay.”

Callen’s jaw dropped. “You can’t do that.”

“Oh? I can and I will if you do not follow orders, Mr. Callen.”

He slumped down onto the chair and stared at the desk’s panel.

“Mr. Callen, pay attention.”

“To what?”

“Was he like this before?”

“Yes.”

Hetty pulled up an office chair on wheels and sat next to him. “Will you excuse us for a few moments?”

Nate left his office.

She grasped both of her agent’s hands in hers. “What is wrong?”

He stared at the panel. “Needs polishing.”

“Hm, I think you need more than we are capable of providing right now.”

“If you mean hospitalization, no.”

“Medications?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“I just shared something I hadn’t planned to.”

“That is precisely how therapy works.”

“I want it expunged from my records.” He dropped her hands sliding his hands under his thighs.

“I am sorry Mr. Callen. Whatever you share in here remains in here and is placed in your records only accessible by Nate.”

“That’s not acceptable. You don’t have to suspend me, I quit.” He stood and strode toward the door.

“Sit down, Mr. Callen.”

There was the “o” sound again. He shuddered, refusing to face her.

Hetty placed her body between him and the door. “Not happening.”

“It is and it will even if I don’t do it right now.”

“What are you trying to say, Mr. Callen?”

He sighed and stared over her right shoulder at the door. “I lied.”

“Lied?”

“On my application.”

“We all lie at some point in our lives.”

“This one is a big one which affects my everyday life.”

“And so?”

“You won’t have to suspend me. When Director Vance discovers this lie I’m history.” He trembled within when he said his name. A flash of something was there and then the memory was gone.

“If you mean your PTSD, you need not worry.”

“What? Why?”

“If you have served as an agent in any capacity in the field you have some type of PTSD. It is a given. You are off that hook. Anything else you are worried about Mr. Callen?”

“No, that was it. I inadvertently shared it.”

“Not a problem. Please have a seat and please cooperate. You need to talk about this. No one knows what happened to you. _No one_.”

“That’s not true. You saw the video tape from the elevator.”

“Mr. Callen, I am referring to what happened between your father and this agent.”

“Then you will know and he will and anybody he wants to view my records will and—“

“Mr. Callen! Stop this. What you are dealing with is shame. You have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing. These bastards who did this to you should be the ones who carry the shame. Understood?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, please sit.” She grasped his left hand and guided him over to the chair.

“Have you—where’s my father?”

“In custody as of this morning. I forgot to tell you.”

He sighed and slumped into the chair. Callen closed his eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the last chapter I'll post today for this story. You've got 10 chapters to read. Hope you like it so far.
> 
>  
> 
> Callen's evasiveness wears thin on more than one person.

“How’d it go, G?” Sam asked when he entered the lounge off their office area.

“It went.”

“Could you be any less descriptive?”

“I could.”

“I’ll bet you could.” He sat next to his partner on the burgundy leather sofa. “Tell me about it later?”

“Sure.” He buried his head in the report he had been reading.

Sam leaned into him. “Interesting read?”

“Yes.”

“I see that. Care to share?”

“No, leave me alone.” Callen stood and took the report with him. He climbed two stairs at a time up to the upper lounge area.

“Grumpy isn’t he?” Kensi asked.

“Very.”

She lowered her voice. “Hetty says this morning’s therapy session was volatile.”

“Not good.”

“Heard a lot of yelling down the hallway.”

“Thanks.” Sam stood and followed G upstairs. He sat across from him, not saying a word. The partially enclosed lounge area gave them more privacy but not complete privacy.

“Didn’t I say to leave me alone?” He asked, keeping his eyes glued to the report.

“I thought you might want to talk up here.”

“You thought wrong.”

“Hetty wants you to debrief with me.”

“When did she tell you this?”

“The first time you saw Nate.”

“She never told me.” He set the report on his lap, but kept his eyes diverted from his partner. “We’re supposed to debrief with Nate, at least that’s what we’ve always done.”

“She wants you to debrief with me. Ask her if you don’t believe me.”

“I intend to.”

“Ask me, Mr. Callen.” Hetty stood just inside the doorway.

Why does she have a way of showing up at these times? Damn. “I’m supposed to debrief with Sam?”

“Always, Mr. Callen, always. That’s why you two are partners. You can bounce things off him and he can get more insight and vice versa. Being partners means more than simply watching each others’ physical backs.”

“Never thought of it that way,” Callen said. “Don’t tell me you knew that.”

“Yeah, I did, but then I have a lot more experience with partners than you.” He smirked.

Callen threw the report at his partner.

Hetty caught it mid-air. “I expect to hear good things about your debriefing.” She handed the report back to Callen and left.

“How does she do that?”

“What?”

“Show up when you need a question answered.”

“She’s reading your mind, G.”

“I ought to….”

“But you won’t.” Sam stood and sat in a chair next to his partner. “Tell me how your session went.”

“It didn’t.”

“Not from what I heard.”

“Kensi, right?”

“How did you—“

“She happened to be there in the hallway when I started yelling.”

“Yelling?”

“Gees, I yelled at Nate, okay? He deserved it.”

“Ooh.”

“Yeah, ooh, and he didn’t like it.”

“What did he do?”

“Asked me about something I didn’t want to talk about.”

“Doesn’t take much.”

Callen punched him in the upper right arm.

“Want to wrestle? You well enough?”

“No. Just don’t push me.”

“I’m only telling the truth. Getting information out of you is like pulling teeth from a giraffe.” He smirked. “I’m serious.”

“Ever pulled teeth from a giraffe?”

“Saw it happen on a National Geographic special once.”

“Sure.”

“Really, G, it’s a very odd thing.”

“So now you’re saying I’m odd.”

“No, it’s just difficult trying to get anything out of you.”

“I’ll share when I’m damn well ready.”

Sam gave him a light shove. G shoved him back. Sam grabbed him by the waist and wrestled him to the padded carpet. He straddled his lower torso. “Talk and I’ll let you up.”

“Get off me.”

“When you finish your debrief.”

“So this is how the sessions are going to be?”

“Sure.”

“No way.”

“Talk. Anything hurting?”

“My pride, still can’t beat you in wrestling.”

“It’s my shear size.”

Callen sighed. “I’m trying to get my accidental inclusion expunged from my records.”

“You harping on that still?”

“Yes, I am. My records, my information. Maybe I just need to hack the files myself.”

“Not happening, G. Why does it matter?”

“It slipped out and that means I lied on my job application.”

“Don’t think they could figure out that you had PTSD when they hired you?”

“No.”

“We all have it.”

“Not like I do. This is long term. Nate asked me if I had difficulty sleeping. Gees, when have I not. Me and my big mouth. I suffer from every type of sleep disorder which stems from PTSD. They’re listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. He would have to ask me that. And since then, you probably guessed, I’m not sleeping well.”

“Did you ask him what he could do to help you?”

“He suggested sleeping pills. Can you imagine an alert agent taking sleeping pills?”

“They don’t work like that.”

“Can you shift your weight off my hips some.”

“Sure.” He adjusted his position still keeping G’s arms above his head.

“You know maybe you _are_ gay.”

“Now I ought to do something to you.” Sam leaned in, getting within inches of his face.

“You’re aren’t going to kiss me are you?”

“Hell no!” He stared into his partner’s eyes. “Just as I [sic] thought, they are ultramarine.” He pulled back.

Callen released the breath he was holding. If his partner was gay it wouldn’t be that bad. He liked him. Sam’s body was ideal, hard and muscular and lean. _What am I thinking?_

“A penny for your thoughts?”

And he smelled delicious. _Did I just think that? Gees._ “Nothing.”

“I saw something.”

“Just some stupid thoughts, very stupid thoughts.”

“What your father asked you to do?”

“Oh hell!” Callen bucked upwards. “Get off me right now!” He yelled.

Sam leaped to his feet and pulled G up with him.

Callen dropped his hands and backed away. “We never had this conversation. Never.”

“Hey, forget it, G, I was just pulling your leg, okay?”

“Serious?”

Sam nodded and sat down again. “You okay?”

Callen picked up the report and left.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen loses it over his partner's pushiness. Sam has to make a promise because of it.

Sam Hanna paced the hallway outside Hetty’s office. An early morning call from her couldn’t be good news. He’d spent the better part of an hour waiting for her to open the door to the archive section of her office. At last, he stepped forward and saw G, his eyes wet from crying. _Damn it, did I do this?_

“Come in Mr. Sam Hanna.”

That was an ominous sound. Not good. She rarely called him by his full name and when she did it meant trouble.

“Let us all sit over here.”

To sit in the archive section meant double trouble—a reprimand was sure to follow. That’s when Sam noticed Nate was there too.

“You were supposed be debriefing Mr. Callen not harassing him.”

“Sorry, that was not my intention.”

“Intentions are everything when it comes to a potentially volatile situation. Go ahead Mr. Callen.”

“I can’t do this sitting down.”

“You are free to get up.”

Callen turned his back on everyone and spoke. “My father, oh hell, wanted me to engage you in a relationship. This is screwing with my mind. I can’t get it out of my mind. And then, damn, then you had to go and do what you did yesterday afternoon. Why?” He paced the room and came back over to where they all sat on a sofa and two armchairs. Callen didn’t look at his partner. “You, damn, I didn’t need that on top of what my father did.” Tears filled his eyes again.

“As you can see Mr. Hanna we are dealing with a sticky situation.”

“I won’t do it again. It was supposed to be a joke.”

“It was no laughing matter to Mr. Callen.”

“I screwed up okay?”

“Definitely, Mr. Hanna. Promise me it won’t happen again.”

“It won’t.”

“Good. Mr. Callen you are staying at Sam’s place until further notice.”

“Absolutely no way.” He shook his head fast.

Hetty stood and pulled him aside, whispering something in his ear.

“No!” He backed up and edged toward the door.

“Mr. Callen, stop.” She motioned for the Nate to intervene.

Nate slid past them and locked the doors. He deposited the key in his pants’ pocket.

“Bastard!” Callen charged him, yelling and hitting.

Hetty and Sam pulled him off of Nate. “Calm yourself, Mr. Callen.”

“I can’t. I won’t go there. He’ll… rape me.”

“Transference neurosis.” Nate mumbled out loud.

“What?” Hetty asked.

“That is what is happening. Callen, Sam isn’t going to do that to you. Remember, we discussed this before he came in here,” Nate said.

“He tried to.”

“No, he wrestled with you and it reminded you of what your father had done.”

“No, liar!”

“Listen to him, Mr. Callen, he is telling you the truth.”

“Get you hands off me assholes!” He wrenched himself free from Sam and Hetty’s hold and backed against a wall. “You too Hetty. I don’t want you touching me.”

“It will be quite difficult for you to stay with me if we cannot be in close proximity.”

Callen thought about her words and nodded.

“Coming home with me?”

He shook his head.

“Mr. Hanna?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Nate unlocked the door and stepped aside. Hetty moved away too. Sam stood his ground.

“I’m going to work,” Callen said, half-running out the door.

“You think he’s fit enough to work?” Sam asked.

“Doesn’t matter he’ll use it as a distraction. Always has,” Nate said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen gets kidnapped by his father again. He nearly dies because of it.

Callen stayed to himself the rest of the day, rereading the report Hetty had given him earlier. He was now on his twelfth read. “Hey Sam, I’m heading home now.”

“It’s early.”

“Tired.”

“Talkative as usual, G.”

“I’ll see you at home, we’ll talk then.” He strode toward his car, taking the report with him. Just before he inserted the key into his car door a knife was pointed to the side of his neck.

“Hands behind your back, slow, nice and slow,” the hoarse voice said.

The man’s voice sounded familiar. He knew to obey him because what came next would be shear torture if he didn’t.

“Nice.”

He heard and felt his hands being locked into zip ties. A hood slipped over his head. And finally he was manhandled into the back of a familiar van. The sickeningly sweet smell of chloroform came closer to his face. He struggled to move his head further away from it. A hand smacked him on the back of the head, removed the hood, grabbed his hair, as short as it was, and shoved his face into the chloroform covered rag. He fought the effects for several minutes before passing out.

Callen came to in a musty smelling room. The hood back on his head. A cold floor under his now naked body. Cool air wafted over his buttocks. He shivered. His hands were still tied behind him.

“Get up you slimy piece of shit!” The man with a hoarse voice yelled at and kicked Callen in the left side.

“I can’t.”

“You will or I’ll kick the shit out of you.”

He rolled over into a sitting position trying to avoid another kick.

“Get up shit head!” The man kicked him in the back right above his hands.

“What the hell do you want from me? How the hell am I supposed to stand like this?”

The man yanked Callen to his feet by his hair.

He tried to scream but the man punched him in the gut knocking the breath out of him. “What… do you want?” he asked with labored breathing.

“You.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t act so stupid. I want you beaten down and destroyed. You and your buddies got me arrested. You know what a stink that caused for me? Do you?” He kneed Callen in the groin.

He fell down on his knees yelping. “You bastard! I hate you.”

“Good, cause I rather hate you too. Take him.”

“Where?”

“Shut up or get kicked again.”

Callen went limp in their arms, resisting lead to more abuse.

“That’s it surrender to your second session. You’re going to love this one. I promise.” He snickered. “Put him on the wheel. Secure him.”

Now was the time to fight. Before he could think of fighting back he needed his hands free. When they untied him he started to fight them. A bullet whizzing by his left ear stopped him cold. Guns? His father never used guns before. Many hands grabbed him. Panic seared through his gut. A blanket was wrapped his body and he was lifted into strong arms. Sam. The smell was familiar. He sighed.

Sam settled G on the back seat of the car. He pulled the hood off of his head. “All right?”

“Not sure.”

“Where are you hurting?”

“Mostly my left side.”

Sam turned G to his right side. “He kicked you?” He noted the footprint of a shoe there.

He nodded.

“I think this should be checked out at the hospital.”

“I won’t argue with you.”

“That’s a first.”

“I feel like shit.”

Sam covered him. “Here or the front seat?”

“Here is fine. Thanks for coming for me.”

“Not a problem. Kensi, you riding back with Deeks?”

“Hetty says two to a car, no splitting up partners.”

“Got you. See you at the hospital?”

“Yeah.”

Sam climbed into the front seat and locked all the doors. He kept his eyes on G all the way to the hospital. About ten minutes out he noticed his partner’s skin paled. “G, stay with me.” When he saw his partner’s eyes roll back in his head, he pulled the car over and dialed 911. Afterward he dialed Kensi and Deeks.

“Call Hetty for me.”

“She called us and is her way to the hospital.”

“Call her again. Go to go.”

The paramedics had arrived.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetty orders the team into lock-down protocol, making certain all team members stay in pairs.

“Where is he, Mr. Hanna?”

“Emergency surgery.”

“What?”

“Internal bleeding. He’s lucky I kept my eye on him. They said if I would’ve waited until I arrived here he’d be dead.”

Hetty covered her dropped jaw.

“It was his father and a group of thugs he hired.”

“Now just how did he get out of jail?” Hetty asked.

“That’s what I’d like to know too.”

“And he was waiting for Mr. Callen right outside the building. I need to have a group meeting and lockdown protocol. Tell everyone to get here ASAP. Nobody comes here alone.”

Sam took out his cell phone and started making calls. They both waited for Callen to return from surgery. When a doctor entered the waiting area, they sprang to their feet and followed her.

Sam strode over to G’s side and grasped his left hand, Hetty his right hand while the doctor explained the situation to them both.

Callen roused and pulled back from the touch of Hetty and Sam. “No,” he said.

His partner leaned over and whispered into his ear. “It’s Hetty and me.”

He sighed and stopped struggling.

“That’s it G, relax, you’re safe.”

“My father—“

“Hush, Mr. Callen, I have taken care of the bastard.”

He smiled, hearing Hetty call his father by the correct name.

“Now there’s a promise—a smile,” Sam said.

Kensi and Deeks peeked into the Callen’s room.

“We will discuss the protocol in the ICU’s private waiting room. The staff has set up the room for us. Mr. Hanna, I prefer you stay with Mr. Callen.”

“Understood.”

After everyone left, Sam pulled up a chair and sat next to the bedside. He kept a hand touching G and the other busy reading the report which Hetty had given to Callen. Having read it several times all ready, he now leafed through it to find the information which had caught his eye.

“That’s mine, you know,” Callen said, his voice still groggy from the anesthesia.

“I know and it pertains to me as well since you are my partner.”

“I’d share it if you asked.” He coughed and cleared his throat. “Can I have water?”

“Ice chips.” Sam lifted the cup over the railing for him.

“Ice? Why would I want ice when it is so cold?”

“Are you joking with me, G?”

“I’m serious.”

Sam put the cup down and felt his partner’s forehead. Clammy. The skin on his arms was clammy as well. He pressed the nurse’s call button.

“Yes?” A nurse stepped into the ICU room.

“He’s feeling cool. His skin is clammy.” He knew from his own experience it probably meant his partner was in pain. Something G wouldn’t readily share with him.

The nurse stepped to the other side of the bed and started running through vital signs for the last hour since the patient had arrived on the floor. She depressed the pain pump and pulled down the oxygen mask. “Let’s put this on for a bit.”

Callen saw the mask coming at him and thought of only one thing. He shrieked and pulled away.

“G, it’s oxygen.”

“Like hell it is. I know that crap when I smell it.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam helped the nurse place the mask.

“No!” His hands went up to the mask trying to pull it off.

“Stop, G.” Sam drew his partner’s hands back down.

“We had the same problem pre-op and post-op with him.”

“I’ll talk to him about this.”

“Thanks.” He watched her leave. “G, what’s with the resistance to the mask?”

“Nothing.” He closed his eyes.

“It _is_ something. You can tell me.”

“Oh hell no, I can’t.”

“It might be an important piece to solving the crime.”

“Crime? What crime?”

“What your father and that woman did to you.”

“Forget about it.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Great!” He kept his eyes shut.

Hetty reentered the cubical. “How is he doing?”

“Being his stubborn and non-talkative old self.”

“Mr. Callen.”

There was that long drawn out “a” again. He shivered hearing her say his name.

“If Mr. Hanna asks you to debrief with him you will do it, understood?”

“Yeah.” Now he was in trouble. The sound of her voice was more stressed than usual. “Chloroform. Are you satisfied?”

“No, tell me more, G. You’ve just confused the issue.”

His point was to do exactly that. Throw a wrench in the works which were stressed.

“Perhaps you would like to share this with Dr. Getz.”

“No.”

“My suggestion then is you are forthcoming without more prying.”

He nodded.

She left.

“Is she mad at me?”

“No.”

Callen opened his eyes. “He used chloroform on me both times to subdue me.”

“Ah, that is the missing piece. I wondered how he could easily overcome you both times.”

“You thought I was a weakling.”

“Well, you don’t lift weights as I do.”

“I lift weights.”

“Heavy weights?”

“Stop pressuring me about it. It’s not happening. I’m not interested.”

“No wrestling match with me?” He feigned a whimper. “Aw, you’re breaking my heart.”

“I’m sure.” He laughed and winced.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen has a horrific nightmare about Agent Myers and the wagon wheel contraption.
> 
> Sam tells Hetty that G has some intel for her.

She was there, hovering over him. Breathing in his face. Too close. He inched away. All he could move. Panic and fear rose up from his gut. Have to get away. Can’t. In an instant he remembered why, the piano wire drawn taut across his ankles and wrists. If he moved he’d be cut into pieces. Bleed to death in minutes. He shivered. He stopped and tried to breathe, the panic and fear making it hard to keep logical thought straight in his mind. Remember where he was. He hoped his training would kick in and he could relax more. Wasn’t happening so far.

The bitch came at him with a knife, holding it at his neck, pressing inward right at the jugular. She knew where to press to cause the most fear to rise in her captive. How did this bitch know? Who the hell was she? He tried to flip the pages of his memories to find her calling card. Coming up blank on every one. He knew her, had to know her.

“Tell him you want it. Tell him how you want it. Tell him,” she said, her voice smooth and warm as chocolate melting slowly in a glass bowl over simmering water.

He sealed his lips tighter.

“I’ll slice your neck in two. Is that what you want, Callen?”

He kept his lips sealed.

She knew his name. See? He had to know her. She wore that damned black hood. The eyes though were familiar. He knew them. Had seen them numerous times. But where? When?

“You always were the shittiest partner.”

It can’t be true. The bitch lied. She told Hetty a lie. NO! He screamed. Before he could remember to not move he was thrashing and screaming and coughing, feeling the blood rush down his neck.

“G, man, wake up, you’re having a nightmare,” Sam said, stroking his partner’s arm.

“No! It can’t be. No!” Callen rolled over to his left side, panting, near breathless. When he saw his partner he yelled and tried to back away. He recognized the room, Sam’s master bedroom. Had anything happened between them?

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Oh hell, it was her.”

“Who?”

“The bitch. I saw her eyes and then I remembered.” He willed his breaths to slow down, calming himself. Shear terror rose in his chest again. “No, that’s not it. It’s what she said. Damn.” He drew up his knees and clasped his arms around them, rocking himself.

“G, look at me.”

“Can’t, don’t make me, can’t do it.”

“Okay, man.” He sat on the bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“No! Damn it, let me go. Can’t.”

Sam dropped his arm and stroked his back. This usually relaxed him. “Yeah, that’s it, let go of it.”

Callen shuddered, seeing her torture him, seeing her abuse him, and seeing her sitting next to him in their FBI issued sedan. “It can’t be, just can’t be. The lying bitch.” He lolled his head back and forth.

“Stop, G, relax.”

“Can’t. She’s a liar, a damned liar. She lied to Hetty.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not making sense.”

“The bitch, Sam, I know her. She’s lying. Damn.” He bit his lower lip, trying to keep from screaming. Wanted to scream, LIAR, loud enough for anyone to hear him.

“Let me call Hetty.”

“No, can’t talk to her right now.”

“Well, I can.” He took out his cell phone and dialed her.

Callen sat forward and tried to grab the phone from him.

Sam wrestled G onto the bed and held him face down, straddling his waist.

“Bastard!”

“You told me your father was the bastard.”

“Stop messing with me. Let me up.”

“Hetty, sorry for the early call.”

“If it is important I told you to call me.”

“G knows the identity of the woman.”

“She told me—“

“She lied. He knows.”

“I’m on my way.”

“No! Hetty I’m not talking.”

“What did he say?”

“Can’t wait until you get here.”

“Well, I know that _is_ not true. See you both soon.”

“Get the hell off me.”

Sam shut off his phone. “Talk to me G.”

“You promised me and her and Nate you wouldn’t do this any more.”

“This is not sexual and you know it. Cut the crap.”

“I’m not talking to her. I’m not ready.”

“Ready as you’ll ever be.” Sam slid off him and pulled him off the bed backwards. “Come with me.” With his hand on his partner’s neck he guided him into the master bedroom’s walk-in closet. “Put on this robe.”

“I’m not doing this, forget it.”

“You are if I have to tie you to the chair and put it on for you.”

“Screw you!” He kept his arms stiff at his sides.

“You’re acting like a child.”

“You’re treating me like one.”

“You’re right about that.” Sam released him. “Put the robe on and cut the crap or I’ll do it myself.”

“You don’t have to get bent out shape over this. It’s just a bathrobe.” He pulled it on and tied it. “Happy?”

“Very.” He grabbed the collar of G’s robe and lead him into the living room.

“Hey, stop, I’ll do what you want.”

“Sit.”

Callen sat on the sofa. “Going to make a fire?”

“Yeah.” He set logs, kindling, and newspaper in the fireplace and lit it.

When he heard a knock on the door, he answered it with his gun drawn and cocked.

“I hope you do not plan on using that on me,” Hetty said as she came into the house.

“I don’t take anything for granted any more.” He shut and locked the door. “I hope you came paired.”

“We will talk about this later.”

“And you want us to be careful?”

“Table it Mr. Hanna.” She sat in her chair. “Nice fire you got going there.”

Callen brought his legs up under him and crossed his arms.

“I have seen that posture before Mr. Callen. Believe me, you will talk. I need that information.”

“Not happening. He forced this on me. You said you wouldn’t use force. You said he couldn’t sit on me.”

“I did not say that, Mr. Callen. I said he needed to refrain from references to a relationship with you based on what your father had said.”

He swallowed hard and stared into the fire.

Sam brought over some hot chocolate and cookies.

“Didn’t know you had it in you.” Callen smirked.

“Watch it or I’ll sit on you.” He eyed his partner.

“Wouldn’t that—“

“Cut the crap, Mr. Callen. Get on with it. I want that information.”

“It was a nightmare not information.” He tightened his arms across his chest.

“I know Mr. Hanna better than that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Shall I have Mr. Hanna play back the digital recording of your nightmare?”

“The what?” Callen shot off the sofa and got in his partner’s face. “How dare you!”

“I told him to record everything you say.”

“And you didn’t tell me? Inadmissible.”

“We are not playing court, Mr. Callen.”

“What? You bitch!”

“That is enough, Mr. Callen.” She eyed Sam.

He pounced on G and brought him over to kneel on the floor in front of her chair.

“I won’t submit to this crap!”

“You already have, Mr. Callen, on your knees and being obedient.”

“He’s forcing me. Damn you all, what the hell do you want from me?”

“Information.”

“You’ll have to torture me to get it.”

“Is that so?” Hetty leaned forward, inches from his face. “I will use any means necessary to obtain the information I know you have. Understood?”

He started to look away.

She grasped his chin and held it tight between her petite fingers, their eyes meeting. “I am serious, Mr. Callen, very serious.” After releasing him she dialed a number on her cell phone. “Bring him in. I guess we need the big guns.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Place him face down on the sofa.”

“The hell you will!”

Sam pulled him up by the collar and pushed him toward the sofa.

“You bastard! How can you do this?”

“I am following orders, G.”

“Damn you, I’m your partner!”

“At the moment, my stubborn partner. Where do you want his head?”

“So the left arm is free.”

“No!” Callen yelled and turned to fist his partner in the gut.

Sam wrestled him onto the couch, sitting on his buttocks to keep him positioned.

“You assholes! What the hell is going on? I’m a federal agent. I’m _your_ federal agent, Hetty. You can’t do this.”

“I can and I will.” She heard a rap on the door and answered it.

When Callen saw Nate enter the house carrying a black bag in his right hand he shuddered. “No! You bastards don’t do this. Damn it, don’t do it.”

“Necessary.”

“Why?”

Nate pulled up the other comfortable chair and sat down. He opened his black bag and pulled out a filled syringe.

“What the hell is that?”

“Mr. Callen, watch your language please.”

“Why? What the hell for? You’ll violate me anyhow.”

“Violate you?”

“Force me to do something beyond my will.”

“So you are throwing it all out?”

“Screw you, Hetty.”

“Powerful words, but not powerful enough.” She nodded to Nate.

Sam pulled his partner’s arm out and steadied it for Nate.

“What the hell? You’re helping him drug me.” He yanked his arm back toward his side.

“Not going to work, G. Answers are needed.” Sam repositioned his partner’s arm and applied more pressure to keep it in place.

“What can I do to stop this? What are you using on me?”

“You can talk without being prodded and forced and without any more crap, understood?” Hetty said.

“I can’t.”

“Proceed.”

“Wait!”

“No waiting.”

Nate placed a rubber tourniquet on his patient left lower biceps area, palpated a vein on G’s forearm, swabbed a site, and slowly inserted a needle with attached tubing.

“You bastard! I hate needles.”

Nate tested the vein with the first syringe and pulled out another one. “This will make the process easier then.”

“What process? What are you doing to me? Why are you giving me drugs?”

“Hush, Mr. Callen.”

“How many? What are you giving me?”

“First I am shooting you up with some valium.”

“No, hell no, I don’t need that—don’t need it.” He started feeling woozy as the medicine coursed through his veins. “No more, please, you guys.” His speech now somewhat slurred, eyes fluttering closed and opened.

“Good, it’s working. Stay on him a little longer until the full effect is reached. I gave him a hefty dose considering how he was acting.”

“You bastard. Why? I’m never going to your office again.”

“Fine with me Callen, I’ll come here instead.”

“The hell you will. I’m going back home.”

“Not for a while, G.”

“I hate you all.”

“For now, that is acceptable and understood,” Hetty said, pushing her chair closer to the three of them and sitting down again.

“Do you want me to give the second drug?”

“Yes.”

“What?” Callen could barely make out what they were saying. Second drug? Or was second log on the fire. “You can put another log on.”

“May not need it.”

“Give it to him anyway, Nate. I want wag in that tongue.”

Nate injected the second drug slow. “You can get off him now. He won’t feel like going anywhere for a while.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen worries about whether Sam thinks he's a good partner.

Fifteen minutes passed before Hetty decided to start questioning her agent. She had listened to the tape of her agent’s nightmare. Not enough information revealed. Time to continue with the interrogation. “Mr. Callen?”

There was her infamous drawl and he knew he’d better answer. If only he could remember what she asked in the first place.

“I listened to your nightmare. Tell me about the bitch.”

“You would have to ask about her,” he said with slurred speech. “I can’t remember.”

“Cannot or will not?”

“Both. Shall I have Nate give you more medicine?”

He shook his head.

“Good, talk to me, Mr. Callen.”

“I… it’s classified.”

“I do classified, remember.”

He couldn’t remember who she was, this woman asking him all these questions. “Do I know you?”

“I am your supervisor, Henrietta Lange.”

“Did I… call you a bitch?”

“Yes, you did.”

“You’re not the bitch, she is.”

“Who is she?”

“An agent.”

“We know that Mr. Callen.”

“She lied.”

“About? This is like pulling teeth from a giraffe. Is he always like this?”

“I’m afraid so,” Sam said.

“Pulling teeth from a giraffe? Sam you lied to me. You got that saying from Hetty.”

“Sharp mind, G, now get with the program and answer her questions.”

“I know her.”

“From where?”

“FBI.”

“We know that, Mr. Callen. More information. Stop stalling or Nate will give you more.”

“What is it?”

“Narcosynthesis.”

“You gave me that shit? What the hell is this?”

“An interrogation, Mr. Callen.”

“I could kill you all.”

“You probably could if you can remember where you parked your gun.”

“I parked my car in the garage. Haven’t seen it since.” He smirked at his own stupid joke, feeling drunk and disoriented.

“Pay attention.”

“FBI, I told you.”

“And what?”

“Classified, really it is classified.”

“Did you bring the laptop?”

“Yes.” Nate pulled it out of his nap sack and handed it to her.

“I am bringing Eric in here and he will crack into the FBI files. Sure you do not want to just tell me?”

“What? You can’t do that. It’s classified. You’ll never get in.”

“Then you will get us in or tell me what I want to know.”

“I can’t and I won’t.”

“I see, Mr. Callen. Proceed Nate.”

Nate got out his cell phone and started putting in the numbers.

“Stop! Okay, I will.”

“Will what?”

“Tell you.”

“One more delay and we use Eric. Do you understand me, Mr. Callen?”

“Yes. She and I were partners. I think, not sure, saw her eyes, nothing else. The hood blocked the rest. The eyes. I’ll never forget those eyes. And she said it.” Tears filled his eyes. “I did my best, damn it, always my best.” He wiped his eyes on the sofa. “Sam?”

“Yes, G?”

“Am I a good partner?”

“Yeah, not when you’re being stubborn though.”

“I can be.”

“Like right now and having to use drugs on you. I hate doing this to you, man, but you gave us no choice. We need that information.”

“Sorry. I told her I was sorry too. She hated my aloofness. Hated that she couldn’t get any closer to me. Told me I was the shittiest partner she ever had. The shittiest? Am I the shittiest partner you ever had, Sam?” Tears fell down his face.

“Absolutely not, G.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me would you?”

“You know I wouldn’t.”

“Damn her.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen has more fears of being a homosexual because of the rapes. 
> 
> Callen talks about his former FBI partner.

Sam settled G into his king-size bed and climbed in next to him. “Hetty, please sleep on the sofa.”

“I am fine here.” She sat in a chair next to the bed. “I want to be here if he wakes up.”

“Or you and Nate could switch places.”

“He needs his beauty sleep. I want to him have a clear head when he gives Mr. Callen the medicines.”

“There’s monitors for every room as you requested. You need your rest.”

“You convinced me.” She stood up to leave.

Callen stirred. “What are you doing Sam?”

“Sleeping with you, man.”

“This isn’t a you-know-what thing is it?”

“No, a precaution if you wake up.”

“Right, more like the ultimate in control.”

“Go back to sleep, G, or Nate will give you more tranquilizer.”

“Why?”

“You needed it.”

“You had me drugged out of my mind and now you tranquilize me?”

“G don’t press this.”

Hetty got in his face. “Mr. Callen, you had better listen to your partner. I will have you sedated if necessary.”

He shuddered seeing her this close and hearing her words. “Okay.”

“That is more like it. I am off to go to sleep.” She left.

Sam stroked his back to relax him.

“Cut that out.”

“You need this, relax man.”

“I’m not a homo.”

“Neither am I, G. Quit worrying about it.”

“It bothers me.” Every time his partner touched him he felt a surge throughout his body as if an electrical current had been connected from that point and into every muscle and nerve ending.

“Because of what your father did to you?”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t make you gay.”

“It doesn’t?”

“I saw what he did to you in the elevator. You—“

“You watched the video too? Oh hell. Who didn’t watch it?”

“We all watched it.”

“Did you love seeing me get raped? Did you love seeing me get off? That proves it.”

“What?”

“I got off when he touched me.”

“Doesn’t prove anything, G. Anyone with a little know how can make a guy come. He obviously has that knowledge. It doesn’t make you gay.”

“So guys are more vulnerable to that?”

“Yeah. This isn’t your fault.”

“I thought it was. Damn, forget what I thought. It’s obvious my head was screwed on backwards. All these years I believed I wanted it.”

“As a child you were vulnerable and he took advantage of it. That’s what pedophiles do.”

“You think he’s a pedophile?”

“I know he is, man.”

“Great.” He sighed.

“Get some rest.”

“Now the medicine isn’t working.”

“It did for about an hour. You want more?”

“As a matter of fact I do. I can’t seem to shut off my brain.”

“Might be a good thing, G. Talk to me.”

“She and I were partners for about three years.”

“Not long enough for a close relationship, especially with your background.”

“What about us?”

“You and I are different. We’re men with similar backgrounds. We’ve been through assignments together. We’ve been through similar training before coming here to work. There’s more to build on.”

“How do you know that?” Callen rolled over to face his partner, propping his head up with his hand.

“I checked her background. No law enforcement. No military. No non-traditional law enforcement stints.”

“When I knew her, she was a rookie.”

“And she was complaining about trying to get close to you? Give me a break. It takes years of experience before another agent would feel comfortable with a rookie. Try about three years with her background. She expected way too much from you. Why did they have her on assignments with little training?”

“They were short agents or so they said.” At least that’s all he could remember.

“So you got slighted because of their need? Ridiculous.”

“Look at Deeks. Hetty’s got him on assignment and he’s got little time as an agent.”

“Ah, but he’s got many years as an undercover cop.”

“True.”

“The way I see it, the FBI screwed you over by placing this inexperienced agent with you.”

“Then she complains.”

“She held a grudge too.”

“You think she targeted me?”

“Let’s put it this way. She arrests your father and starts talking to him. She discovers they have you in common. He persuades her to pursue her grudges. If she’s a rookie, less than three years in law enforcement, which she was, he could easily get her to turn. And she’s got no military background. Not enough experience to deal with the pressure of a psychopath like your father. Especially, if she felt wronged by you.”

“So your letting her off the hook?”

“No, G, explaining why she possibly turned on you.”

“Oh, sorry, I’m a little paranoid after what you guys did to me last night.” Callen was more than a little paranoid. His supervisor had acted contrary to her usual behaviors as an operational manager. Her behavior was oddly familiar and in a way which spooked him to the core. He shivered within.

“You did it to yourself. You need to quit being stubborn and be forthcoming.”

“Right, not about this. Not about all that’s happened to me. I’m not an open book. Are you? Do I know all your deep, dark secrets?”

“I don’t have deep, dark secrets, G.” He smirked.

Callen slugged him. “Everyone has them.”

“Not like you.”

“I’ll….”

“You’ll what? Want to hunt me down?” He smirked again.

“You’re messing with me again.”

“Yep. Turn over and go back to sleep before you fall asleep. I’ve seen that sleepy look before.”

Callen rolled over and snuggled backward into his partner. He needed to feel his body close to his.

Sam wrapped his arm around G, pulling him back into him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen continues to have horrendous nightmares. He's afraid of being a homosexual because of the abuse.

Callen screamed and thrashed in his nightmare. He shot straight up in bed, looked at Sam and screamed again.

“G, stop, it’s Sam.”

“Get the hell out of my bed. Get the hell out of my house.”

“You’re in my bed.”

“Shit!” He tried to climb out of bed and stubbed his toe on a chair. “Oh hell, that hurt.”

Sam came around to his partner’s side of bed. “Get back in bed, now.”

“No.” He kept moving forward, grabbing onto the chair and steadying himself with one hand on the wall.

“Nate!”

“You’re going drug me again, is that it?”

“Anything that’s necessary for now.”

“I’m a federal agent. You can’t keep doing this to me.”

“We can and we will, Mr. Callen, now get your butt back in bed,” Hetty said, standing in the hallway outside the bedroom.

He decided to sit in the chair.

“The bed.”

“No.”

“I heard your nightmare. Did not need an intercom system for that one. Care to share since you are not willing to go back to bed?”

Callen didn’t know if his body would collapse if he stood again. The medicine still had its hold on him. “Not really.”

“Get him back in bed, Mr. Hanna.”

“I’m not sleeping with him. I’m not a homo.”

“No one said you were, Mr. Callen. Your partner is there for support.”

“Fine support he is sleeping while I’m screaming and thrashing in bed.”

“For your information, you did that several times last night and went back to sleep.”

“I did?”

“Yes,” Hetty said.

“You all heard me?”

“Yes,” Nate said, wiping his eyes. He stood in the doorway, peering into the room. “I’d like to get some decent rest.”

“Sorry, can’t help myself.”

“We do understand, Mr. Callen, however what we do not understand is your reluctance to talk to us,” Hetty said.

He sighed long and deep. “I can’t just spurt it out. You don’t understand why and I just can’t tell you.”

“Nate, perhaps since he is awake we could do a session?”

“Sounds like it to me too. I’ll get my bag.”

“What the hell?”

“Mr. Hanna, please bring Mr. Callen into the living room.”

“I’m not going.” He grabbed the arms of the chair and held on, his knuckles turning white.

“I’ll pry your hands off those arm rests if need be. Stand up.”

“I can’t.”

“Stand.” Sam placed his hand on the back on his partner’s neck.

Callen didn’t resist afraid of what might come next. These interrogations were too familiar.

“Walk with me.” Sam guided him into the living room. “Sit.” He directed him to a chair, the one which Nate had sat in last night.

“No.”

“Must I use force?”

Callen shivered hearing his partner say those words. “I can’t do this.”

“You will, Mr. Callen, sit down,” Hetty said.

“You don’t understand what you’re asking me to do.”

“Probably not, Mr. Callen, but I will have answers and you will talk. I promise.” She nodded to Nate.

Sam pressed on G’s shoulders, forcing him to sit down. He stretched G’s arm outward and held it for Nate.

“Let me go. Don’t do this. Sam, please don’t help them.”

“All you need to do is cooperate.”

“Simple for you to say.” He watched the drug go into the IV tubing and cringed knowing what it would soon be doing to his mind. “I’ll fight it.”

“Go right ahead Mr. Callen. Give him the tranquilizer too.”

“What? What the hell are you trying to do to me?”

“Make you relaxed to prevent you from resisting narcosynthesis.”

“You damned bitch.”

“Mr. Callen watch your mouth.”

“Or what? You’ll suspend me without pay. You’ll torture me. You’ll drug me.”

“How about I wash your mouth out with soap?”

Soap. The bitch had used soap on him. Callen swallowed hard and turned to look at the fireplace. No fire. Damn. No distraction. He fought the truth serum just like he was trained to do years ago. When the tranquilizer hit his bloodstream he lost the battle. His head relaxed and bounced softly on his chest. His fingers lost their grip on the armrests. He sighed.

“Good, Mr. Callen, very good.” She moved over to the sofa. “Now then, tell me all about the nightmare.”

“The NSA?”

“Were you dreaming about them?”

“Yes, my superiors told me they read my files from the CIA.” He involuntarily shivered.

“Which files?”

“The ones, you know which ones I’m talking about.”

“No Mr. Callen, I do not. Please refresh my memory.”

“Oh shit, the ones where they, you know, damn it, I can’t tell you.”

“You will tell me or Nate will give you more medicine. You want that?”

“No, please, no more, too many drugs in me. Please stop doing this.”

“Which files?”

“Where they raped me, okay, you satisfied? They called me into the office.”

“They? Whom Mr. Callen?”

“My supervisors, all of them.” He shivered seeing them in his mind. Hearing their voices. Hearing their orders. Unable to retreat from the office. “Strip, Mr. Callen.” He spoke with a robotic like voice, recalling the exact words they said to him that evening. “Help him.” G buried his face in his hands, trying to hide his tears from Sam, Nate, and Hetty.

Sam placed his hands on his partner’s shoulders, lightly massaging them. “I’m right here.”

“They stripped me. I couldn’t do it. I froze in shear terror knowing what was coming next. They chained me, you hear me, damn it, chained me to the big oval desk in the center of the conference room. Next they took turns raping my mouth and ass. I screamed. And they told me to scream all I wanted because no one was going to hear me. Remember I told you Hetty that I sealed my records after leaving the CIA. I lied about that. I wanted you to believe I was smart enough to do that before working for the NSA. I was stupid, so stupid. I trusted them. The CIA is known to be dirty but the NSA? I didn’t think so. I thought, it was stupid what I thought. Just forget it.”

“Mr. Callen, you were betrayed by those who should be protecting you and going after your perpetrator, your father. Your father must have connections. Do you know about anything?”

“I don’t give a crap. I don’t give a crap that I hacked into the CIA’s mainframe computer and sealed my records. You hear me? You can have me arrested. What the fuck does it matter anyhow? Huh? Treason? Is that what they call it? Who gives a fuck?”

“Mr. Callen if you will stop your ranting—“

“So you can drug me and shut me up again? Is that what you’re planning to do? Be just like them? Let me go because I was a shitty partner to my assigned partner. Because I wouldn’t suck his damned cock on every stake out? You can’t do anything to me that wasn’t already done. So I don’t give a crap!”

“Mr. Callen, would you please kindly shut up and let me finish what I was saying.”

“Relax G, let her speak.” He massaged his shoulders deeper. “Relax and stop fighting her. She’s not the enemy.”

“Right, she only loves to drug me and see me fight the drugs and see me break down like a baby and cry.” In his mind though Hetty was just like them. She acted just like them. No difference. Drugging and interrogating. The same abuse with a different person doing it.

“Mr. Callen!”

Oh shit. The drawl. He pressed his lips together and resisted the urge to lash back at her with his tongue.

“There will be no arrest, no trial, no more threats toward you. Please accept my apologies. I had know idea what you had been through.”

“And now you want me to see Nate? Is that it? Now I’m certifiably crazy?”

“Mr. Callen, stop ranting. No one is making you do anything except tell us what happened. I need a record of who did what.”

“For what purpose?”

“Prosecution, Mr. Callen.”

“Right, you’re prosecuting the CIA, NSA, DEA, and the FBI?” Callen asked. He covered his mouth. He revealed too much again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen reveals too much and tries to back pedal his way out of the now volatile situation.

Callen hated narcosynthesis. It made him say things he couldn’t resist saying. Now he had done it again. He wanted to scream. No way he could stop what Hetty would want from him next. His mind was no longer under his control.

“What are you saying, Mr. Callen? All these agencies which you worked for were involved in your abuse in some way?”

He swallowed hard and allowed his head to lower. Avoiding her eyes, those scrutinizing and penetrating eyes.

“I asked you a question, Mr. Callen.”

She used that drawl on him. He shuddered hearing it again.

“G, we need—“

“I can’t.”

“Nate, give him more medicine.”

“No way in hell!”

“Mr. Callen, if you would just be forthcoming I could dispense with these medications all together.”

“Hetty, if you could just understand what you’re asking me to reveal… you wouldn’t think of giving me more medicine.”

“Stalemate, Mr. Callen, but not for long. Inject him.”

Callen mustered up the last bit of strength he had and tried to stand. Sam pressed downward on his shoulders. He pushed up against his partner’s pressure. “Get the fuck off me!” He continued to press upward with all his might. “You bastard, let me go!”

“I told you before you should’ve accepted my offer for heavier weight lifting.” He shoved his partner back down onto the chair. “You’re not going anywhere until we say so.”

Exhausted from his last ditch effort, Callen slouched down in the chair defeated.

“That’s it surrender to the operation,” Nate said.

“Operation?” he asked speech slurred, chin bobbing on his chest.

“Relax, G.”

“Who’s doing surgery?”

“Don’t get all technical on us, G, relax and talk to us.”

“Please don’t give me more medicine.” He glanced sideways, watching Nate give him another injection.

“Relax.”

Sam’s voice sounded smooth like silk, soft like creamy butter. Callen’s head lolled from side to side.

“Relax.”

His body shuddered, seeing his supervisors at the DEA. The room was ice cold. Maybe not though. He was cold, chilled to the bone, hearing them say nearly the identical things the CIA and NSA had said to him. Frozen in place and time, he stood before them unable to obey their orders.

“What do you see, G?” Sam said, his voice a whisper.

“Them.” He whispered back to him.

“Where are you?”

“The office of the DEA. I can’t move. I hear them but I can’t move.”

“What do you hear, G?”

“Strip, Agent Callen.” He shuddered.

“You are safe.”

“I… can’t….”

“I am here with you. Safe. They can no longer touch you. Their voices can no longer hurt you. Understand?”

He nodded.

“Good.”

“They stripped me and chained me to their conference table. It happened again. Why did it happen again? I don’t understand why. Please help me. I don’t get it. Why?” Callen’s breathing hitched and he started sweating.

“Easy, G, relax, calm yourself, calm your breathing.”

He sighed.

“Remove yourself from the pain. You’re only seeing what happened. It is not happening right now.”

“Not happening right now? Why can I smell them? Why can I hear them? Help me, Sam, please, help me. I can’t get out of the room. Help me, please.” Callen panted, sweat pouring off his brow.

“Have an antidote for that stuff?” Sam asked.

“Yes, you sure you want to use it?”

Hetty shook her head.

“G, listen to my voice. You hear it?”

“Yes, Sam.”

“No matter what you’re experiencing, it is not happening right now.”

“Okay, I think that’s working. Shit! No!” He yelled and shuddered.

“What do you see, G?”

“The… damn… my CIA supervisor. He’s raping me too. No!” Callen started screaming and thrashing around in the chair.

“Hold him,” Hetty said, eyeing Mr. Hanna.

“Get your damned hands off me! Let me go, damn it, let me go. ‘No Agent Callen, you are ours to do with as we please. You will obey us or we will continue to rape you everyday until you say yes. Understood my dear Agent Callen?’” Callen told them with a disembodied voice.

“What did they want from you?”

“They wanted me to quit without pay after they abused me for three months.”

“When did they first abuse you?”

“A year after I started there. I know Hetty, don’t say it. I lied again on my application.”

“You said you worked there three years.”

“It felt like ten years.”

“Yet it was only a year?”

“Sorry Hetty, damn it, if you only knew what happened.”

“What about the FBI? How long did you work there?”

“The FBI? I can’t even begin to think about that.”

“You will Mr. Callen. I intend to hear all about the true story of your FBI experience.”

“I told you the truth about my partner.”

“All of it?”

He swallowed hard and averted his eyes.

“Thought so, Mr. Callen. For now though, I want Nate to give you the antidote and afterward tranquilize you. You need some sleep. Give him a hefty dose because we all could use some sleep around here.”

“No.”

“Do not for one minute start to resist or I shall have your partner sit on you all night.”

Callen’s eyes widened.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetty wants Mr. Callen to give her the password.

Callen moaned in his sleep throughout the late morning and early afternoon hours. Hetty, Nate and Sam took turns checking in on him. The tranquilizer’s hefty dose kept him sleeping for over twelve hours. Everyone had gotten their rest after the harrowing memories Callen had shared earlier in the morning. They discussed the agent’s memories several times.

One thing outstanding in Sam’s mind was how his partner kept up his fake facade for the past three years and half. Yet something was amiss in his mind. He knew his partner well, Callen kept a daily diary. Where were the diaries for what happened to Callen while at the CIA, NSA, DEA, and FBI? He had not discussed his concerns about the possible missing diaries with Hetty. Sam needed to confront his partner ASAP and he knew G would not like his prying. Too bad.

Sam excused himself from the dining room table where they had shared lunch.

“Going to talk to him?” Hetty asked.

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“I believe you have something to discuss with me first, Mr. Hanna.”

“I do?”

“I watched you thinking. You failed to contribute much to our discussion.”

“Damn, what is it with you, ESP?”

“Woman’s intuition.” Hetty cracked a wry smile. “Being an agent for years helps too.”

“Can we speak privately?”

She nodded.

“We shall return in a minute.” He lead the way to his private study off his master bedroom, shut and locked the door.

“Serious stuff, Mr. Hanna?”

Sam Hanna lowered his voice. “Very serious. Do you know that Callen keeps a daily diary?”

“I was not aware of that.”

“Well, I do and I wonder if there other diaries which he has kept hidden from us.”

“I see where you are going with this train of thought, Mr. Hanna. Good question to ask. You plan to question him later on?”

“No, right now. I heard him stirring.”

“Do you wish to use the big guns?”

“Only if he resists talking to me. If there is one thing I’ve learned about G, he is consistent about certain aspects of his life.”

“So you know Mr. Callen has a diary.”

“Yes, at least one diary if not more. If I get any other answer I’ll suspect that he is covering it up.”

“I will agree with you there, Mr Hanna. Carry on.” She unlocked the door and left.

Sam slipped into the master bedroom and climbed onto the bed next to his partner.

“Tired.”

“I’ll bet your are, G. You’ve had two long sessions in the past two days.”

“Too many drugs. No more,” Callen said, his speech groggy and slurred.

“Will work only if you cooperate.”

He sighed. “I’m beginning to hate that word, cooperate.”

“Hm. Not good because I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot.” Callen rolled over and faced his partner.

“I’ve observed you carefully since we’ve worked together. You keep a daily diary.”

“Your point?”

“Where are the diaries you’ve kept about what happened to you?”

“I didn’t.”

“Oh really, G, I think you’re full of shit. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t lie to me because it’s a given that you’ve lied on your NCIS application.”

Callen rolled over to face the wall.

“This alone tells me enough. Time for the big guns. Hetty thought I might have to use them. I had hoped I wouldn’t need them.”

“I didn’t keep any.”

“You’re lying to me, G.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t need them.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

Callen sighed.

“Another ominous sign. Give it up, G, I’ve figured you out and you’re trying to find a way out of it.”

“Damn you!” He sat upright, brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “You just won’t let this drop.”

“No.” Sam sat up in bed. “Tell me why you’re trying to hide this.”

“Not trying, no diaries.”

Sam climbed off the bed. “I guess you’re saying I should get Nate.”

“What? No!”

“Talk to me G.” He walked around the bed to his partner’s side and sat down on the chair. “You don’t fool me one iota. Your body says it all.” He rested his feet on the bed.

“Are you like Hetty now, reading my mind?”

“You could say that, maybe, but more like getting to know you since we began working together.”

“I hate this, really hate this.” Callen sighed and rested his head between his knees.

“And?”

“I did something very illegal. I already shared that.”

“You lied though. You told Hetty you did it just before you left the CIA. When exactly did you hack into the mainframe at the CIA?”

“I really don’t want to answer that.”

“Because you feel shame for not doing it sooner?”

He sighed deep and long and nodded.

“Makes sense.”

“I trusted the _good old boys_ and they literally screwed me over.”

“So when, G?”

“Wish I didn’t have to tell you.”

“Stop stalling.”

“After I left the FBI and before applying here.”

“You waited that long?”

“Thought it would be a good idea.”

“Because?”

“Gees.”

“Tell me.”

“I hacked them all.”

“You what?” Sam Hanna shot off his chair. “Hetty’s going to kill you for that. This is beyond treason, beyond reason.”

“Was that supposed to rhyme?” Callen smirked.

“Don’t go there G, don’t go there.”

“I heard everything you said, Mr. Callen. You have a lot of explaining to do.” Hetty strode into the bedroom. “You hacked into all their mainframes?”

He stared down at the bedspread. It was chenille. What was Sam doing with a chenille bedspread? They went out with the dark ages. Anything to distract himself from Hetty’s questioning.

“Mr. Callen, I am speaking to you.”

“I heard you.”

“Well?”

“Needed to.” He stroked the chenille bedspread, feeling it soft texture was oddly soothing.

“Shall I call Nate in here to get more detailed answers?”

“Serves them right, the assholes fucked with me and literally too. They had no right to touch me. And that gives me the right to hack them. Hack them to death.”

“Now Mr. Callen, that gives you no right to touch their computer systems. If Director Vance found out about what you did—I dare not say what he might do to you.”

“I could give a fuck, Hetty. If he tries me for treason, so be it.”

“You hacked everyone’s? Ours?”

“I have no reason, well, except to expunge my records. I do plan to do that.” He lied. Of course he lied. He needed to protect himself.

“Mr. Callen, you will do no such thing.”

“I’ll do it if you don’t. I plan to erase everything that you place in it about me and what I have shared.”

“You will not touch our mainframe. Is that understood?”

“No.” He smirked. Couldn’t help it. He loved giving her a smirk. If she thought for one minute he was going to roll over and play possum for her, she was dead wrong.

“Perhaps we have signed you up for the wrong department. I did not know you had this ability.”

“Is that supposed to be a joke, because I don’t find it very funny?”

“No, I am making mental notes for future assignments. I need the passwords, Mr. Callen.”

“Not for sale,” he said, the corners of his upper lip curling.

“I am not asking you to sell them.”

“Not talking.”

Hetty pulled out her cell phone and called headquarters. “Mr. Beale, I have a project for you. Have Kensi and Deeks bring you to Mr. Hanna’s place. Bring your computer.”

“Still unwilling to talk, Mr. Callen? I am giving you one last chance.”

“No.”

“Get here ASAP and bring Mr. Callen’s laptop with you.” She ended the call. “You are making a huge mistake.”

“On the contrary, it is you who’s about to make a huge mistake.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen relives a horrible memory about Agent Myers and his father.

Eric arrived with his and Callen’s laptop computers. He set them up in alcove off the kitchen and waited for Hetty’s instructions.

“Thank you for coming Mr. Beale.”

He watched as Sam brought Callen into the library. He didn’t look good, sluggish. Drugged, that was it.

Sam shoved G into a chair and sat next to him, keeping one arm around his shoulders.

“I’m not doing this.”

“Shut up and start telling Eric how to access your files.”

“I will not. You just told me to shut up.”

“Do not get smart with us, Mr. Callen. Do you wish be given more medication?”

“Hell no,” Callen said with slurring speech.

“Talk.”

“Screw you, Hetty!”

“Callen, stop this. You’re not helping your situation or ours,” Eric said.

“That’s right and I’m not going to. There’s no longer a pay off for me. As soon as Director Vance knows what I did I’m as good as gone.”

“You don’t know that.”

“She said so. I don’t care what happens to me any more. Doesn’t matter. Now Eric will know everything about what occurred.”

“Stop talking like that, G.”

“Nate, I need more amytal on board.”

“Coming right up.”

“Screw you, Hetty, and screw your whole NCIS bull crap!”

“I have heard enough of your potty mouth, Mr. Callen. Bring me a bar of soap, Mr. Hanna.”

“A what?”

“Soap, the more stringent the better.”

Sam stood and strode out of the room. He returned just as Nate entered the library. “All I have is Irish Spring.”

“That will do nicely. Thank you.” Hetty pulled a small switchblade knife from her pants’ pocket and cut off a sliver of the soap. “Now Mr. Callen the next time you think about using foul language I want you to imagine that sliver of soap foaming in your mouth. Understood?”

He kept his lips sealed tight and nodded his head. Then the memory took hold. It was her, the bitch, forcing the issue, forcing the soap into his mouth. He was drugged and couldn’t fight back.

Callen shook his head faster until his partner had grasped it between her hands and held it still. Tears formed in his eyes.

“Well, you brought this on yourself.” She put pressure on the corners of his mouth at the jaw hinges and forced his mouth open. Before he could close it she popped the sliver of soap into it. “Hold it in your mouth, Mr. Callen. This will remind you about how to use your tongue properly.”

He wanted to spit it back at her. The urge was strong. He fought it with every ounce of strength left in him. His mouth started forming bubbles and they spilled out onto his lips.

How to use his tongue properly was to suck cock whenever his father wanted it. It was to suck cock whenever a fellow agent wanted to get his rocks off. It didn’t matter where they were, in the middle of a stake out or in the middle of the office. Do it no matter what, do as you’re ordered.

She released his head and laughed. “You poor dear.”

He remembered those words and wanted to bash her face in right now. As fast as the memory came it was gone.

“Screw you all.” Callen started to rise up off his chair.

Sam stood and put pressure on his partner’s shoulders. “Sit, G. If you know what’s good for you, just sit.”

“Screw you Sam.”

He grasped the back of his partner’s neck and squeezed it hard. After leaning in close to G’s ear he spoke in a low voice. “Watch it, man, you’re treading on very thin ground here.”

When he heard his partner’s smooth tone Callen shuddered.

Nate came over to Callen’s side and administered another round of amytal.

“Please don’t Nate, please. Feeling weird.”

“Describe weird.”

“Throat feels strange.”

“Swallowing difficulties?”

He nodded.

Nate introduced a second drug to help with the side effects of the amytal.

“Need to sleep.”

“That lasts a bit. This time I have a very small amount of valium on board. You won’t feel as drowsy.”

“Sleep.” Callen closed his eyes, chin bobbing down on his chest and his head lolling from side to side.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen shares more about about what happened to him. 
> 
> A slight hint of psychosis starts to creep into Callen's mind.

“Mr. Callen, open your eyes and talk to us.”

He shook his head refusing to open them.

“G, come on, man, stop this.”

“I can’t do this any more. Can’t.”

Sam got close to his ear again. “I saw you going through something when Hetty cut up that soap. Want to tell me about it?”

“Hell no, never.” His eyes flew open. Callen started to stand.

Sam pushed him back down again. “Stay,” he said, his voice soft and calm.

“Please Sam, don’t make me talk about this. I need to go. I need… must hide. They’ll find me and….”

“What will they do if they find you?”

He shuddered, flashes of memories bombarding his mind. “Make me, oh hell, I can’t stop them.”

“Make you do what, G?”

“Make me, please….” He closed his eyes and tightened them against the onslaught of more pictures flashing before his mind. “Suck their cocks. Damn it. I didn’t want to do it. They made me. I couldn’t stop them. They made me. Please, I’m sorry, I’ll do what you want. Don’t do that again. Please.”

“Don’t do what again?”

“Put… damn… she put….” He buried his face in his hands and started crying.

“G, I’m right here. You’re safe. This is a memory. Remember?”

“That’s a lie. The bitch put the soap in my mouth.”

“Hetty?”

“Yes, she put the soap in my mouth because I wouldn’t obey them.”

“What?”

“You don’t believe me? You think I’m lying, right? Go to hell!”

“I don’t think you’re lying about what happened back then. Right now, G, Hetty did _not_ put the soap in your mouth.”

“Bull shit she didn’t! She did.”

“Look at the dining room table right in front of you.”

“I can’t bear to even see her.”

“It’s Hetty.”

“Liar!”

“G, listen to me, man, you’re not thinking straight.”

“So now I’m crazy, right, thought you’d say that.”

“I’m not saying that. I’m asking you to look at this reality and see that Hetty didn’t do that to you.”

“She slapped me on the face.”

“Didn’t happen, man.”

Callen’s eyes flew open. He turned to Sam and tried to punch him.

Sam grabbed both of G’s wrists and held them away from his face. “Look at what you’re doing. Look at how you’re acting. You’re swearing and freaking out about this. You’re acting as if we’re abusing you like these people did to you.” He felt him relax and released his wrists.

“It is to me. It’s happening to me right now. I can’t get away from that. It is real.”

“Look at me, G. It did happen. It’s not happening at this moment.”

“Liar.”

“Look at the table.”

Callen glanced at the table for a moment. The sliver of soap lay on it in the same place Hetty had left it. “Damn it, I’m losing my mind. I swear she put it in my mouth.”

“Tell me the FBI Agent’s name, Mr. Callen.”

He shivered. “Agent Myers,” he said keeping his voice low. “Sorry Hetty, I’m losing it.”

“You are doing just fine, Mr. Callen. I believe what Mr. Hanna said. You were in the throws of a memory and I inadvertently triggered it with the bar of soap.”

“No.”

“Really now—“

“No! You slapped me and that’s what did it. You lied to me. You said you don’t go around slapping agents.”

“Mr. Callen, I did not slap you.”

“What?” Callen’s jaw dropped.

“Maybe I should have as you were over the top.”

He nodded.

“I am glad you agree with me, Mr. Callen. Shall we continue?”

He swallowed hard, tears welling up in his eyes. “I—sorry.”

“Apology accepted, shall we?”

“I don’t know if I can say it, what she… they made me do.”

“Take your time.”

“They made me… damn it, made me suck their cocks whenever they needed it.”

“Any time they wanted it, Mr. Callen?”

“Oh hell, yeah, any time.”

“Anyone in the FBI?”

“And then some,” he said lowering his voice.

“Who else, G?”

“Can’t Eric go some place else?”

“Mr. Callen, Eric is harmless. Do not worry about him. Continue.”

“My father.”

“And?”

“Damn it, Hetty, must you press this?”

“Yes.”

“I lied to you about something.”

“Mr. Callen, I understand now why you lied. It does not make it right. However, under the circumstances any one of us here would have done the same thing. You were protecting yourself from what you thought might happen again. I do understand the need for protection. Do let me get this straight, Mr. Callen. You served no longer than a year at each organization?”

“Yeah.”

“I see, okay then, we will need to some ‘surgery,’ for lack of a better word, on your files when this is finished.”

“When what is finished? When you fire me? When you make me suck off everyone here too? Is that what you want me to do? Huh?”

“Whoa, Mr. Callen!” Hetty got to her feet. “I can see where this is going.” She kneeled at his side and took his hands in hers. “Please accept my apologies for all the people who did this outrageous and horrible abuse.”

“Sorry, Hetty, I’m a little gun shy.”

“I would be too, Mr. Callen. Have we ever acted like those… them?”

“The drugs.”

“I see. They were necessary only because we needed you to talk about what happened.”

“Slapping me.”

“Happened only once in the hospital.”

“So I brought it on myself, sucking cocks?”

“Mr. Callen!” Hetty said, dropping his hands and standing up. “When have I ever asked you to suck someone’s cock?”

He shuddered. It was her telling him to drive to the prison. Her drugging him just before they walked inside. Her tying him to the bed. Her using that hideous accoutrement in his mouth. Her inviting them into his father’s prison cell.

She watched as his eyes changed into that faraway look of when he had memories. Another part of the memory was here again. “Mr. Callen,” Hetty said, her voice soft and tender, “what are you seeing?”

“Her.”

“What is she doing?”

“Too much.”

“G, I’m here.”

“I lied, damn it, I had to, Sam, sorry.”

“About what, man?”

“The partner thing. I was the shittiest partner to her. Really. I wouldn’t do what she wanted me to do.”

“G, she wanted you to do horrible things. She was the shittiest partner.”

“If you only knew.”

“Knew what?”

“What horrible things I did.”

“G, she’s got your mind all messed up. You’ve got it turned around.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“She forced me to go with her to see my father. I didn’t want to go. She said if I didn’t she’d make me suck more cock.”

“Man, I’m sorry, G.”

“It sucked,” he said, smirking afterward. “I know stupid joke. I told her okay. What could I say after all? So I went along with it. She made me drive there. Drugged me when we got there. She said it would make her time more enjoyable. I couldn’t understand what that meant. Her time more enjoyable? She took my hand and guided me into to see my father. He hugged and kissed her while I stood there and watched in a stupor. I couldn’t move really. I was just frozen in time and space. They made out on his cot. Made me watch. My father’s cell mate was there watching too and leering at me. I shuddered when he gave me a lecherous look. He got off his top bunk and started stroking my sides, telling me how much he liked me and how much he wanted me. I couldn’t move. I watched my father eye his cell mate. That’s when things got scary.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen describes what Agent Myers did to him.

“The cell mate stripped off my clothes while I stood helpless to stop him. Afterward he stroked my cock and ass at the same time, getting me prepared he kept saying. My father and her tied me to the cot after that.” Callen sighed, staring down at his hands. “I can’t.”

“I’m right here, G. That bitch isn’t going to hurt you again.”

“I felt like a little boy. I couldn’t fight them. I hated it. The bitch, damn it, she put something in my mouth to hold it open.”

“Was it metal?” Hetty asked.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” He didn’t need to ask. Callen knew. He’d seen her in a memory. At least he thought it was Hetty. Maybe he was going crazy though. Maybe. “I started to fight them and she gave me another shot in the leg. She gave me, I think it was Viagra or something like it in the car. Told me to swallow it. Made me stick out my tongue like a kid. She had given me the shot by that time, injected me while I was about five minutes away from the prison. Did it while I was driving. I told her she was crazy for drugging me while I was driving. The bitch just laughed at me.”

“She wanted you drugged enough so she could easily handle any resistance when you got there. While you were driving you could not fight her and drive at the same time.”

“She acted like she was getting smoochy with me and then injected me. That makes sense but while I’m driving? That’s nuts! They all raped me and invited other prisoners to rape me.”

“The cell mate raped you too?” Sam asked.

He nodded.

“I am sorry, Mr. Callen, what happened to you is reprehensible and an abuse of power and trust.”

“I want to rest now.”

“When we finish I will allow you to rest.”

“Finish? You’re going to rape me too?”

“Mr. Callen!”

He shrunk back from her stern and disapproving voice and shuddered.

Sam wrapped his arm around his shoulders. “Hetty isn’t angry with you, G. She’s shocked. Remember we didn’t hurt you.”

“I keep forgetting because she slapped me across the face. And that reminds me of her. Sorry, can’t get it out of my mind, Hetty, sorry.” And there was something else odd about her behavior. He’d never trust her again. But putting his finger on exactly what he sensed didn’t happen. Callen closed in on the oddity and then it disappeared into the dark recesses of his mind as if it were sealed in a treasure chest full of terrifying memories from his past.

“It will take time, Mr. Callen, eventually you will know we are people you can trust.”

“Then you’ll fire me, right?” He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. And she’d drop it too.

“Whatever for, Mr. Callen?”

“Because of what I did. Because I lied.”

“Never.”

“You said I committed treason and they’ll fire me and try me.”

“Forget what I said, Mr. Callen, if that is possible. On my end I will seek to have all this kept out of your files.”

“Then you’ll be really pissed at me Hetty.”

“Why, Mr. Callen?”

He heard the drawl in her voice and shivered. “I… um… hacked into my file here.”

“What? You told me you had not done it.”

“I lied. I had to protect myself.”

She sighed deep and long. “I guess trust is a long time coming and far off in the distance.”

“Sorry.” But he wasn’t the least bit sorry. And trust? It wasn’t coming any time soon. He cringed whenever he heard her say ‘trust.’ That would never happen. Never.

“I do not blame you, Mr. Callen, I blame the people who tortured and abused you. The only thing left unturned is those passwords.”

“Crap, I thought you’d forget about them.”

“Not on your life, Mr. Callen.”

“That’s why I wanted to rest before I told you.”

“I will allow it. Mr. Hanna will you put Mr. Callen to bed please. I think he has earned a nap.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His escape planned for days before, Callen makes a run for it in Sam's car.

Callen decided it was now or never. He needed to go home, get away from here before they made him into their puppets again. Before they made him… he shuddered seeing her make him suck someone’s cock. A wave of nausea washed over him, he leaned over the bathroom sink, trying to keep it together. He swore it was Hetty making him suck cock. A flash of her penetrated his mind and he saw her. He stuffed it back down and grabbed onto the countertop, holding on to steady himself. The only thing was… no shoes. He’d find some when he got home. Callen turned on the shower and shoved the bathroom window upwards. He hoisted himself onto the window sill, eyed the area outside Sam’s home, and crawled through the open window onto the grass below. Thank goodness Sam’s house was designed this way, the windows so close to the ground. If he hadn’t checked them out the other day while he feigned going to the bathroom and being sick, going out the window today may not have been a certain possibility.

He kept low to the ground, crawling on his hands and knees until he cleared the front window. Upon entering the garage he searched for the spot he’d left the keys. _Good still there._ He jumped into the front seat of Sam’s car and rolled it down the driveway. Another great getaway deal—a slight slope to Sam’s driveway. At the bottom of the drive, he started the car and gunned it, jamming the gas pedal to floorboard.

Home. It called him like a beacon. Only one place would be safe enough — his mountain retreat. He raced towards Idyllwild.

When he heard a siren behind him, he froze. No, they’ll find him. Maybe the highway patrol wasn’t after him. Maybe they would pass him by. Then he heard it. “Pull over,” an officer said over a loudspeaker. Oh shit. He edged over to the side of the road and waited until the officer got within five feet of his rear bumper. Callen gunned it and shoved the gas pedal to the floorboard again.

He glanced down at the speedometer, 120 mph, Sam might have to kill him later for messing up his engine. His eyes scanned the rear view mirror. No patrol car. Good. His speed increasing to the maximum the engine would withstand, Callen glanced one last time at the speedometer and its reading. He smiled when he saw the numbers. Sam would be pleased his car could go this fast. At least Callen hoped he’d be pleased, 160 miles per hour. The exits were coming up faster than he remembered. His speed. There it is, the last one. He removed his foot from the gas pedal when he saw the sign for the turn off. Still he raced down the exit ramp knowing there wasn’t anything stopping him now.

Callen slowed down when he passed through the small town. After he reached the end of idyllic, sleepy town, he gunned the engine again, heading toward the safest place he knew.

Five minutes later, he pulled off the highway onto his long, winding driveway. He kept checking his rear and side view mirrors for the highway patrol car and any other unwanted vehicles. None. Good.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds G pulled a fast one on them.
> 
> The team sets out to find Callen.

Sam Hanna knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey G, leave some hot water for the rest of us.” He tested the handle and found it was locked. Damn him. He sauntered into the study to retrieve his skeleton key set.

“What’s up, Mr. Hanna?”

“He’s locked the door.”

“Really.”

“Shower is still running. Been over fifteen minutes. I have my suspicions.”

“Me too, Mr. Hanna.”

Sam inserted the key into the lock and opened the door. “Bastard!”

“Gone?” Hetty asked.

“Yes.” He turned off the cold water, all that was running. “I’ll kill him.”

“You will have to wait in line.”

Sam flew out the front door and stared into his empty garage. “Now I’ll really kill him.”

“Eric can find him if the GPS is still intact on your car,” Hetty said, looking past him into the garage. “Every team member’s car is fitted with a GPS. I need to know the location of my federal agents at all times.”

“I never figured you for spying on us.” He strode back into the house.

“How do you think I found, Mr. Callen, so fast the first time he disappeared?”

“I didn’t think… never mind.”

“Mr. Beale get to work. We need to know where Mr. Callen is.”

“Got something, Hetty,” Eric said.

“That was fast.”

“What I found you’re not going to like.”

Hetty leaned over his shoulder. “I am not liking this at all. Call the highway patrol. I want to speak with their chief, personally.”

Sam looked over both their shoulders. “Not good. Damn it G, what did you do now?” He listened to an abrupt conversation between his supervisor and the highway patrol’s chief.

“We are flying in ASAP. Order a helicopter. Nate got any psychotropics?”

“Why do you ask?” he asked, coming up behind them.

“Is it possible this has something to do with a memory he is stuck in?”

“Could happen. We need to order the drugs. I don’t carry those around with me.”

 

Forty minutes later, their helicopter landed on the Idyllwild highway patrol’s helipad. Hetty thanked the pilot as they exited their ride. Nate, Sam, and Hetty climbed into a highway patrol cruiser with an officer. None of them said a word during the short trip to Callen’s hideaway home in the mountains.

“How are we handling this, Hetty?” Sam asked when he stepped out of the cruiser into what looked like the preliminaries for a final gun battle — three highway patrol cruisers with their officers crouched behind them and weapons cocked and aimed.

“I will leave that up to you, Mr. Hanna. I believe he trusts you the most right now. Although, we still do not know what triggered this and whether Mr. Callen is compromised by a memory.”

Sam swallowed hard. Compromised by a memory? He could only think of one thing, a psychotic break. During one stint with the Navy SEALS, a team member had a psychotic break and ended up killing himself with his own gun. He was a stable team member until one incident and after that never the same. Sam shook his head. It was an oddity especially for a highly-trained, special ops officer, but nevertheless a possibility for any highly-trained agent in any situation. He drew his gun, cocked it, and inched toward the front door.

It was a heavy solid oak, ornately carved front door. The whole home looked as if it were built the same way; a solid log home with at least four thousand square feet or possibly more. His partner never shared about this fortress of a house.

“G, I’m coming in, man.”

“Don’t you dare you bastards!” Callen yelled close to the door.

“G, listen to me, it’s Sam. I don’t want to hurt you. My weapon is drawn and ready. I’ll shoot you if I have to subdue you and you’re armed.”

“Okay Sam, I hear you. I unlocked the door, backing away from it.”

Sam tried the door handle and it moved. Good, one step away from helping his partner. “I’m walking in the door and I’m armed.” He stepped inside and scanned the darkened entry hall until his eyes adjusted to the dim light and rested on Callen huddled on the stairs to the second floor, his gun drawn. After closing and locking the door, he stood his ground, gun aimed at Callen. “Put it down, G, nice and easy.”

“And you’ll what?”

Sam noted his partner’s shaking, the gun in his partner’s hand visibly moving.

“I’ll put down my weapon too. First I need you to put yours on the floor and kick it over to me.”

“What are they—doing to me?”

“They are leaving as soon as we have the situation under control. Hetty spoke with their chief. He knows the situation.”

“I’m scared.”

Sam flashed back to his team member during the stint. The exact words had been spoken. He shivered. “I’m here to help you, G. We’ll get through this together.”

“Will you… no, it’s stupid, forget it.”

“Nothing is stupid, G, What do you need?”

“I shouldn’t ask you. I shouldn’t need it. But I… damn it, I’m scared.”

“I understand, G. Now put down the gun and kick it over to me.”

“What if they come in here and try to rape me?”

“No one is getting past me.”

Callen released the trigger, put on the safety, placed the gun on the floor, and kicked it over to his partner.

Sam picked it up, opened the front door, and set it outside on the front stoop. His signal to send the highway patrol packing. He closed and locked the front door again. “What do you need, G?”

“Damn it, forget it.”

“I won’t forget it.”

“I’m not a homo, okay?”

“Got that, me neither.”

“Can you… pick me up and hold me?” He bowed his head.

Sam placed his gun in its holster under his leather jacket. He strode over to his partner and lifted him into his arms. “I’ve got you, G, you’re safe.” Damn, he wished he could’ve picked up and held his Navy SEAL team member. Maybe the guy wouldn’t have committed suicide, guilt still riddled his memory. He rocked G in his arms.

“Where’d you learn how to do this?”

“When my sister’s kids were babies, G, I was good at this, they loved being rocked in my arms.”

“Yep, you’re good.” Callen closed his eyes and sighed.

“What happened, G?”

“I planned this, well, except the OK Corral bit. I didn’t count on getting pulled over for speeding.”

“You were speeding in my car?”

“I knew this was coming. Sorry.” He opened his eyes and gazed up into his partner’s face.

“How fast?”

“Top speed was 165 miles per hour.”

Sam smirked. It goes that fast.

“Okay?”

“Okay, partner. It needed a test run. Now tell me how you planned this.”

“No way, I need to keep my secrets for next time, if there is one.”

“That’s not going to fly with Hetty.”

“She’s here? Oh shit!”

“Oh shit is right, G.” Sam set him on his feet. “Time to face the maestro.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen goes off half-cocked and the team subdues him.

Hetty and the Nate entered the fortress of a house. “You have a lot of explaining to do, Mr. Callen. Come with me. Show me a place where we can talk.”

He swallowed hard hearing the drawl in her voice. Callen lead her to a library near the back of the house.

“Sit, Mr. Callen.” Hetty remained standing.

Callen refused to sit knowing he maintained more psychological power while standing.

“Not happening, Mr. Callen. Must I ask for Mr. Hanna to come in here and put you in your place?”

He sat down on a burgundy, leather couch facing heavy oak, built-in bookshelves.

“Mr. Callen please explain yourself.”

“I’m not doing _that_ any more.”

“That?”

“Crap at Sam’s place.”

“I see, Mr. Callen. Do you want Nate to finish the job here?”

“What? Hell no!”

“Then what?”

“I’m not doing it at all.”

“Like hell you’re not. I want, no, need those passwords.”

“Not happening, Hetty.”

She left the library.

Callen inched out into the hallway and took the back stairs to the upper level. He could hear them searching for him on the lower level. Sam’s voice on his level was unexpected. He tucked himself further back into the eave closet and started shaking. He willed his body to stop but it didn’t work. After feeling for his gun, Callen remembered he gave it over to his partner. Damn it. He crouched lower and stilled his breathing.

“G, stop playing games. Where are you, man? Hetty is livid.”

Livid is not good. He imagined her tying him to the bed frame in the master bedroom. He cringed.

“G?”

He shivered, flashes of memories flooding his brain.

“G, talk to me.” He entered the master bedroom and listened. Soft breathing. Sam opened the eave closet, his gun drawn. No need to throw caution to the wind. He didn’t know what state of mind his partner was in. “Crawl out on your hands and knees.”

“You don’t have to be mean about it,” Callen said when saw the gun in his partner’s hand.

“I’m not being mean, G. Lay face down, hands behind your head.”

“No, don’t do this, Sam.”

“Hetty’s orders, G, sorry.”

He stayed in his kneeled position.

“G, I am warning you. Don’t make this unpleasant for yourself.”

Callen laid down on the carpet, trembling.

“Hands behind your head.”

“What—what are you going to do to me?”

“Do it, G, you’re trying my patience.” Sam straddled his partner and holstered his gun. “Do it or I will.”

“I can’t, please don’t do this.”

He grabbed his partner’s wrists and placed them on his head. “Stay. He’s up here in the master bedroom, second door on the left.” Sam yelled.

“Bastard! Get off me!” Callen pressed his back upward and kicked his legs. “Don’t let them get me, please, Sam, please.”

“You did this to yourself, G.”

“There you are, Mr. Callen. We had not finished talking.”

“I’m through talking with you. Stay away from me.” Callen shuddered seeing her inch closer to him. It was her. He was damned sure. From this point of view, the shoes were familiar. He shuddered.

“I need him on the bed,” Nate said.

“Not a problem.” Sam got to his feet and pulled his partner up with him.

Callen twisted his body in Sam’s hold, yanked his partner’s weapon out of its holster and pointed it at his abdomen. “Back off and let me go.” He cocked the hammer. “All of you, out of here.”

Sam backed away. “G, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“What’s going on? What do you think? I’m not going back to your place.”

“Something else is going on, G.”

“Nothing else. Get the hell out of my house, all of you.”

“That’s not happening, Mr. Callen. Calm yourself and talk to us about what you are feeling.”

“Right, I’m not stupid, get me talking and then jump me.” He backed up a foot.

“Mr. Callen, please hand over the gun.”

“Never to you, never.” He backed up until his thighs touched his four poster bed. “Get out.”

Hetty eyed Sam.

“I know that look.”

“Nate please leave the room for now,” she said.

He backed into the hallway, black bag in his hand.

“If you won’t hand it over to me then give it to Mr. Hanna.”

He shook his head.

“G, let’s do this again. Put the gun—“

“Fuck you! Get out!”

“Calm down, Mr. Callen.”

“Calm down? What the hell for? So you can rape me? So you can tie me to that… contraption? So you can make me suck your cocks? Is that what you want? Well, screw you!”

“I can assure you I have no desire to assault you in that manner, Mr. Callen.”

“Yeah, but you do in others, isn’t that right? Never slap an agent, my ass. You’re a damned liar. The bruise on my face proves that. Your nail marks on my face prove that. You think that will make me obey you? Huh? You bitch!”

Sam tackled his partner, the gun went flying through the air and fired off a round. He wrestled him to the carpet, straddling him again and securing his hands behind his back with handcuffs. “Anyone hit?”

“No,” Hetty said, leaning over and retrieving the gun.

“Bastard! You damned bastard.”

“That I am right now, G. Don’t fight this.”

“Take these off. I’m not a criminal.”

“You’re acting like one, G, taking my gun and threatening us with it.”

“Screw you,” he said, turning his head to try and spit at his partner.

“Do I need to tape your mouth shut, Mr. Callen? I will have none of that behavior.”

“What am I supposed to use as a defense then?”

“Nothing, Mr. Callen. Stop fighting us. It’s happening, period. Nate.”

He limped into the bedroom.

“Where are you hurt, Nate?”

“My pride. When I heard the gun fire I tried to get out of its range and tripped on my own two feet.”

“Well, at least you are not shot. Please get Mr. Callen comfortable.” Hetty tucked Sam’s gun into her pants’ front and left.

“You bitch! How dare you do this to me? Take these off me.”

“You lost your privileges, G.” He climbed off his partner and lifted him to his feet by his cuffed arms. “Still want him on the bed?”

“That would make this easier,” Nate said.

Sam wrestled him onto the bed. “Stop kicking me, G, I’m warning you, you’re playing with fire.”

“I don’t care. What are going to do with me?” he said, staring at Nate’s bag.

“Looks as if I’ll be starting another IV. When did you take this one out?”

“Screw you!” He spat in Nate’s direction.

Sam grabbed his partner’s short hair and pressed his face into the bedspread.

“Can’t breathe.”

“Agree to stop spitting and I’ll release you.”

He shook his head.

“Suit yourself, G.” He pressed his head further into the mattress.

“What the hell are you trying to do to me?” Callen said his voice muffled.

“Make you pass out.”

He kicked his legs trying to free himself.

“Just let it happen, G, because I’m not letting you go until you pass out or the medicine takes over your brain.”

“Please, don’t do this to me, Sam, please.”

“Promise you won’t spit any more.”

“Can’t do that.”

Nate finished getting the IV into Callen’s arm. “This will stop his struggling and spitting soon.” He injected the antipsychotic medication and a tranquilizer into the IV port.

“What the hell did you give me?” Callen asked his speech now both muffled and slurred.

Sam eased up on his partner’s head.

Callen relaxed and turned his face, his eyes closing.

“Good, Callen, let’s get you downstairs.”

“You’re going to rape me?” He squeaked out with a stressed voice.

“What?” Nate’s jaw dropped.

“That’s why you drugged me, right?”

“No.” Nate put away the syringes and intravenous supplies.

Sam climbed off the bed and dragged his now drugged and relaxed partner off the bed. “Much better, G.”

“You like me when I’m complaint and easy to fuck?”

“G, I’m not the enemy. You pulled a gun twice. You took my gun and threatened us. No one’s fucking you. As I see it you fucked with us. Got it?” He looped his arm into one of Callen’s cuffed one’s and steered him toward the hallway.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team drives Callen back to Sam's place and gets an earful from Callen.

“Mr. Hanna, either you will be cuffed to his wrist or he will be cuffed to the door. Understood?”

“He won’t like it when he’s more lucid.”

“I am not running a popularity contest, Mr. Hanna. Do it and do it now.”

Sam settled Callen into car on the left side and climbed into the right side back seat. He cuffed his left wrist to G’s right wrist. “Satisfied?” He watched her as he cuffed his partner to him.

“Very much, thank you.” She settled back in her seat as Nate drove them back to Sam’s place.

Callen stirred halfway back home. He lifted his head from his partner’s shoulder. After glancing around the black SUV and seeing who was there, he put his head back down.

“That’s it, man, keep calm. You’re safe.”

“More like a prisoner,” he said his voice groggy and his speech slurred.

“I didn’t do this, G.”

“Don’t get me started, Sam.”

“You and your giraffe problems.”

“Giraffe problems?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re the most stubborn man I know.”

“Takes one to know one.” He stuck his tongue out at Sam.

“Glad there’s no spit with that.”

Callen started to reach his hand up to punch him and noticed he was cuffed to door. “What the hell?”

“Didn’t figure you for a south paw, G.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You tried to punch me while you were sleeping. We had to stop the car and Nate had to cuff you to the door.”

“I ought to….” He tried to lift up his right arm and found it too was cuffed. “And this?”

“Started off being the only way you were cuffed.”

“Cuffed to you. How sweet.” He shot him a nasty look.

“My sentiments exactly, G.” He closed his eyes to get some more rest.

“I’m not through talking.”

“Sounds as if he’s got a wag in his tongue now,” Nate said.

“Maybe you would like to talk to me about those passwords, Mr. Callen.”

“Never.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s my only bargaining chip in this situation.”

“Actually, Mr. Callen, your reluctance to share those passwords maybe the reason your ass is canned.”

“What? This is pure unadulterated bull shit!” Here she was again sounding familiar. It was a scary familiar. He flashed again on a woman acting just like Hetty.

“No, Mr. Callen, this is the truth you’re hearing. Without those diaries you kept, I am assuming you kept diaries, your perpetrators go free and you get sent to a federal prison for treason.”

“Screw you, bitch.” And again, these words frightened him the most. It was her all over again, threatening him with incarceration and joining his father.

“Stop the car, Nate. I believe our ‘prisoner’ needs more sedative.”

Nate pulled over and put the brakes on, leaving the engine running. He took a filled syringe from his black bag, rolled down the back side window, stepped out of the car, and injected Callen’s IV with the medicine.

“I’ll kill you all!” He gritted his teeth together.

“You tried that, Mr. Callen.”

Sam smirked hearing Hetty’s wise crack.

Nate climbed back into the car and discarded the syringe in the side pocket of his black bag.

“Bastards, every last one of you!”

“That we are, Mr. Callen, this time you are damned right.”

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore her threats. They were real. Federal prison where his father could get to him. Where any of the many criminals he had incarcerated over the years could get to him. He shivered. And her, Agent Myers… his shivering increased to shaking and trembling. He pulled on the door handle cuff testing it.

“You’re not going anywhere, G, so just relax.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen has a horrific nightmare about being interrogated in the boat house.

Callen stirred again. He glanced around him. His jaw dropped. He started to stand up and found he was chained into bolts on the floor and on the desk. What the hell is this? The boat house interrogation room. Oh shit! What the hell was Hetty trying to pull on him. He heard voices, people yelling. He cringed hearing his name come from Director Vance’s mouth. They could see him struggle but he couldn’t see them. He hated this. Now he _was_ their prisoner. Hetty’s voice prevailed over the director’s. A door slammed and he jumped. The door to the interrogation room had to be open. He couldn’t crane his neck far enough in that direction to see.

The interrogation room’s door slamming against an inside wall startled him again. He tried to face toward the door. No luck.

“Hot water, G.” Sam sat down before him. “Hetty just stood up for your fine ass so you’d better be forthcoming.”

Callen cocked his head, not quite understanding what his partner had said.

“You hear me, G?”

“I don’t—“

“Don’t give me crap. Don’t give Hetty any more crap. You got it?” He stood, slammed the chair back into the table, and left.

When the door slammed shut he shuddered. Now he couldn’t hear them talk. A great disadvantage.

Again the door slammed open against an inner wall. Callen yelped.

“Haven’t touched you yet, G.” He closed the door after a cart with equipment on it was brought into the room.

Callen eyed the cart and started sweating. “What are you doing with… that?”

“Interrogating you per Director Vance’s orders.”

“What the?” His jaw dropped.

“You are to be treated as a prisoner from this point on.”

“What? You can’t do this. I’m a federal agent.”

“That’s what Hetty said too.”

“And?”

“And he said you’ll do it or he’ll send someone else in to finish the job.”

Callen shivered. He watched Sam pick up several metal tools off the cart and put them together. “No, you can’t do this. I don’t have your training, Sam. I can’t resist this like you can.”

“Precisely, G, that is why Director Vance ordered it.”

“Why you? Why not someone else? We’re partners, please don’t do this.”

“I can have him send in someone. You want that? An NCIS interrogator?”

Callen shrunk back and trembled. Flashes of memory bombarded his brain. He saw her interrogating him until he acquiesced.

“Did you hear me, G?”

“No, what? What did you say?”

“I’m ready to begin.”

“Fuck, no!” He screamed and thrashed and kicked when he saw the contraption was the same one Agent Myers had used on him. “Bastard! No! Stop, please, stop.”

“G, wake up, man.” Sam kept shaking him, but Callen didn’t rouse. The drugs must’ve kept him in a deeper sleep than normal. “G, wake up,” he said raising his voice.

“Get your hands off me, you bastard!” Callen leaped out of bed and tripped on the damned chair. “That hurt.” As Sam approached him he backed away. “Stay away you damned… you asshole.”

“G, wake up, you’re not awake.”

“I _am_ awake.”

“No, I think you’re sleepwalking.”

“Bull shit!” Callen glanced at the room around him. He watched his partner’s hands. Nothing in them. “You got it behind your back.”

“What are you talking about, G?”

“That hideous contraption. Show me.”

“I have nothing.”

“Turn around.”

“I’m not turning around, not that stupid. Not after what you pulled on us.”

He tried to calm his breathing but couldn’t. Close to hyperventilating he leaned over and tried to breathe normal. “Help me, Sam, I’m going to pass out.”

“Take in a slow, deep breath. Good. Let it out slow. There you go.”

Callen slumped to the floor by the bathroom door. “I swear, I swear it was real.”

“It probably happened.”

“I hope not.” He shuddered and cringed.

“Talk to me, G.”

Callen breaths still came too rapid to talk. “Not yet.”

“Slow it down more, man.” Sam watched him calm his breathing. “There you go.”

“This better not happen. I know it didn’t, yet.”

“What are you talking about, G?”

“The nightmare. But I think it is about something Agent Myers did to me.” He shivered seeing the memory flash before his eyes.

“Why don’t we get back into bed and discuss this?”

“You think I’m a homo? Is that it?”

“G! Damn it. For the last time, I am not gay.”

“I can’t help the way my mind goes off have cocked, ready to fire like a Colt .45.”

“I guess that comes with the territory of your abuse. I’m getting back into bed. You do what you want.”

“What time is it?”

“Early.”

“What day?”

“Gees, would you quit the twenty questions. After Nate sedated you on the way home in the car, you slept for one solid day.”

“A day? I’m missing a whole day?”

“Don’t fret it, G, you obviously needed it.”

Callen climbed back into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. He faced his partner. “Tell me the truth.”

“Okay.”

“Did Hetty interrogate me in the boat house?”

“No.”

He sighed. “Good. It was a nightmare.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen awakens to find the bathroom window screwed shut. He looses it.

Callen awakened and slipped out of bed, being as quiet as possible. He entered the bathroom, closed and locked the door. When he saw the screw secured in the window frame he wanted to scream. Instead he slammed his forearms into the mirror over the sink, shattering it. Bastards! He’d find a way out. Blood trickled down his left arm and pooled on the tile floor at his feet.

“G, what’s going on in there?”

“Nothing.”

“Really, I heard something. Open this door right now.” Sam jiggled the door knob. “If you don’t I’ll get my key and open it myself.”

Callen opened the door.

“What in the? What did you do to yourself?”

“Nothing.”

“G, stop saying that. Let me see your arms.”

Callen had wrapped them in a towel. “No.” He backed away from him, slipped on the pooled blood, and started to fall down.

Sam reached out and grabbed his partner by the arm pulling G toward him.

“Get you hands off me, asshole!”

“Cut it out, G, I’m not going to hurt you.” He dragged him out of the bathroom and sat him on the bed. “Show me your arms.”

“I got angry.”

“About what?”

“The window being screwed shut.”

“What did you do?”

“Something stupid.”

“Let me see.” Sam unwrapped his partner’s arms and saw the damage. Glass particles were embedded in G’s left arm near the IV shunt. Both arms were bleeding. “Does this hurt?”

He shook his head.

“Maybe shock for now.”

“Okay.”

“Let me get Nate in here to help me.”

“Hell no, I don’t want him to see this.”

“G, I need his help.”

“Can’t you do it yourself?”

“No, I’ll be right back.”

Callen laid down on the bed and curled into a fetal position, softly crying.

Sam and Nate came into the room and saw Callen’s position on the bed.

“Let me handle this Sam. Looks as if he’s had another psychotic break.”

“You think this might be from the nightmare he had earlier?”

“Don’t know. Did he share it with you?”

“No.”

Nate sat on the bed next to Callen. “Get me something to wash this arm. I might be able to save the IV shunt.” He used the washcloth Sam gave him and wiped away the blood. “Looks good, actually. I’d rather not start another IV on the other arm.”

“Need anything else?”

“Bandages. I don’t carry them in my bag, just the medicines.”

A few minutes later, Sam handed him a first aid kit. “If this doesn’t work we need to get him to a doctor.”

“I agree with you there.” He took tweezers and pulled small glass shards out of the deep cuts in Callen’s arms. “The right is still bleeding. Could you put pressure on it while I bandage this one?” His patient stirring reminded Nate that he needed to medicate him. He removed a bottle of valium and filled a syringe.

“No,” Callen said his speech slurred.

“Necessary.” Nate cleaned the tubing with alcohol and injected the medicine.

“I wish you’d stop medicating me.” Callen lolled his head from side to side.

“You sure about that? I was about to give you a pain killer.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Thought so.” Nate drew up some morphine, a little more than he’d normally give. He wanted to sedate him as well. After injecting it too, he helped Sam bandage Callen’s right arm. “He’ll be a little more sedate than normal.”

“I’ll miss the pain-in-the-ass Callen. I cleaned about a quarter of a pint of blood off the bathroom floor. More was on the towel, maybe a pint, possibly more.”

“I think I need to get some fluids in him and since I just heavily dosed him, that means an IV. Be back in a minute.”

“Not a problem Nate, I ordered your IV fluids.” Hetty stood in the doorway.

“I forgot you could hear everything.”

“Yes. How is he doing?”

“Heavily medicated for pain. But a little too quiet for my likes.”

“Me too, Nate.” She turned and left.

“While he’s out of it let’s check him over for any more cuts.”

By the time Sam and Nate finished checking out Callen the IV fluids had arrived. They both designed a makeshift pole in the corner by the bed and tucked Callen under the covers.

“I’ll stay with him if you’d like a break.”

“Thanks Nate, I could use one.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen reveals the source of his nightmares and flashbacks. It's the first time no drugs are used.

Callen woke up screaming and thrashing. He started to climb out of bed and Nate pushed him back down.

“Easy, Callen.”

“Where… am I?”

“You’re in Sam’s bedroom.”

Good. He shivered and pulled up the covers.

“Hey G, another nightmare?” Sam asked standing in the doorway.

“The same one.” He frowned.

“Sorry to hear that.”

“How long have I been sleeping?”

“All day after we got fluids in you.”

“What?” He glanced up in the direction where his partner’s eyes looked and saw the empty IV bag. “What for?”

“You bled out at least a pint, possibly two pints of blood.”

He studied his bandaged arms. “I don’t remember what happened.”

“You might not, Callen. You had a psychotic break.”

“You keep saying that.”

“It means a temporary break from reality.”

“I’m crazy, right?”

“No, it’s a temporary psychosis caused by an event which is beyond the brain’s ability to handle it.”

“It happened more than once. Didn’t it?”

“Yes,” Nate said, “and I believe it has to do with your current memory tied to the nightmares.”

Callen swallowed hard. He didn’t like the sound of this. The nightmares were horrendous. The flashes of memory were even more frightening if that could be possible.

“Callen?”

“Sorry, thinking.”

“Hetty wants a session later on this evening.”

“Session?”

“Narcosynthesis.”

“No way.” He slid down under the covers, pulling them up past his chin.

“She still wants those passwords.”

“Great.” He closed his eyes and squeezed them tight. Flashes of the memory bombarded his brain.

“Callen?”

“Stop! Stop them, please stop them.” His eyes flew open.

“What G?”

“The memory, the flashes of the memory.”

“And this because I mentioned the session Hetty wants with you?”

He nodded.

“Well, I wonder why this is happening.”

“I don’t, it’s the nightmare, the same one, and… damn it, I can’t deal with it. And now you want me to do a session with Hetty? I can’t.” He faced the opposite wall.

Sam sat on the bed facing his partner. “If you could just talk to me about the memory and the nightmare.”

“If I could?”

“Just me. I’ll even turn off the intercom.”

“But it’s recorded?”

“Necessary.”

“I hate necessary, truly hate necessary.”

“I do understand.”

“Speaking of which, let me remove this IV fluid. It is no longer necessary.” Nate stopped the fluid and pulled the line from his patient’s IV shunt. “Do you want me to shut down the intercom system?”

“Yes,” Sam said, watching Nate leave. “It’s just you and I, G.”

“Just great and I feel naked.”

“You’re not.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Help me understand, G.”

Callen covered his face up to his eyes with the bedspread and shivered. “This is hard to talk about. I think there’s transference happening. I think that’s the word. You’re in the nightmare and you’re going to interrogate me.”

“How am I doing that, G?”

“I’m in the boat house.”

“Yes, you kept asking me whether I took you there.”

“I asked you once.”

“You remember once. It occurred three times.”

“Three?” He pulled the bedspread down. His jaw dropped. “I can’t remember anything more than once.”

“It’s called dissociation and it’s normal considering what you’ve gone through. I know you’re going to ask if you’re crazy for doing it. No. You asked me every time you had that nightmare.”

“You’re going to use some hideous tool to torture me.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, man.”

“I hope not.”

“I promise, man, you’ve got my word.”

Callen closed his eyes, not wanting to look at his partner. “He… damn… he raped me.”

“Who, G?”

“The director.”

“Which one? You’ve worked for so many agencies.”

“Can’t this be simple? Why can’t I just say it? Oh hell.” He opened his eyes and stared at the wall. The color was okay but not his favorite, a deep burgundy. Must have been Sam’s wife’s favorite color. He still wondered why she had left him. Sam was a huggable bear in sub-military gear. _Whatever makes me think of these things?_

“Because it’s beyond belief?”

“Way beyond belief, man, I can’t stomach it.” Tears well up in his eyes. He shoved his face into the pillow. “I can’t do this looking at you. I can’t bear you looking at me.”

“I understand, man.”

“Director… damn it… Vance.” He peeked out of the corner of the pillow to watch his partner’s face.

Sam’s jaw dropped. “Vance?”

“Go ahead, tell me I’m a liar.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, G.”

“He used that… hideous device on me… first.”

“Tell me what the device looks like.”

“Hell no!” Callen faced the pillow again, burying his face in it.

Sam reached out and stroked his partner’s back. “I believe you, man. You haven’t lied to us yet about who abused you.”

He lifted his head. “What?”

It was Sam’s turn to swallow hard.

“What deep dark secret have you kept from me now?” Callen sat up in bed.

“It’s a long story.”

“Start.”

“Hetty investigated your abuse and discovered you are not the only agent being targeted.”

“What?”

“Any agent who has an abuse background has been and is still being targeted and harassed.”

“That’s why she wants the passwords?”

“Yes.”

“Damn it, why didn’t she just tell me?”

“She didn’t want you to get more upset.”

“Anyone else targeted by Vance?”

“We don’t know, G. No agent has talked about him. You are the first. What else did he do to you?”

“You would have to ask.”

“Hetty will want to know.”

“So she can fire my ass?”

“What?”

“She’ll fire me because it’s easier to not confront her boss.”

“Huh? You’re not making sense, G.”

“I am.” He laid against the pillows feeling dizzy and drained. “She has to confront Vance. You think he’ll tell the truth? You think he’ll say he raped me? Hell no! He’ll lie. If I’m the only one, all he has to do is brush her off and then get rid of the evidence, me.”

“G, that’s not going to happen. She will plaster his butt to the wall. You know her.”

“Yeah, sure hope you’re right.” He flashed on Vance’s face, looming bigger than life, on the OPS center’s screen. Callen shivered. Vance had told him to watch his back because Callen was investigating the possible perpetrators of his attempted murder. That look on Vance’s face, he shuddered. It reminded him of Hetty’s behavior of late. He shuddered harder.

“There’s another thing I need to ask about. You keep saying Hetty scratched your face with her nails. Did she?”

Callen pulled the covers up to his eyes and shivered. “No, I was dissociating, is that what you call it? It was Agent Myers.” A lie but one he knew his partner would readily accept.

“Makes sense. I think this would be more like transference.”

“Yeah, that’s it. All this psycho-mumble jumble makes me confused.”

“Forget about that stuff. Can I have Hetty listen to the digital recording?”

“I guess so.”

“You can hold off if you want to.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“We should celebrate?”

“Why?”

“This is first time you didn’t need a drug interrogation.”

“Great, let’s go out and paint the town burgundy,” Callen said with a deadpan look on his face.

“I’m going slug you for that one, G. You’re going hurt bad. Your only saving grace is the injuries.”

“A bad joke?”

“I happen to like burgundy.”

“Your wife?”

“She didn’t care for my choice of color in the bedroom.”

“Sorry, I thought it was her color.”

“Get some rest, G. I was messing with you.” He tousled his partner’s hair, what little he had.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team races against time to protect themselves from an unknown enemy.

Callen heard Hetty yelling. He couldn’t quite make out her words. She was on the phone, that much he knew. He sat up in bed and leaned forward hoping to hear her more easily. Didn’t work. Callen slid out of bed and sat in the chair. He needed to get out of bed and stretch.

He saw Sam pass by his room and then turn and come back. “What are you doing out of bed, G?”

“I hear her yelling.”

“She’s hashing it out with brass.”

“Vance?”

“No.”

“Who?”

Sam entered the bedroom and closed the door. “The President.”

“Of the United States?”

“One in the same.”

“Hetty is talking to him?”

“Yeah.”

“Did I cause this?”

“No, Vance did.”

“Great, it’s about me, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Hetty flew into the room. “Get him into bathroom and both of you get in the tub.”

“What?” Sam asked.

“Don’t argue, just do it. Stay low.”

They watched Hetty run out of the room. Sam grabbed his partner and helped him into the bathtub. He pulled the shower curtain down over them both.

“Burgundy, hm.” Callen smirked.

“You are full of it. Feeling good?”

“Better. Didn’t know you’d like those girly colors.”

“When we get out of this tub I’m going to—“

A loud crash followed by a boom shut them both up.

“What the hell was—“

Sam covered his partner’s mouth. “No talking,” he said releasing his hand and keeping his voice low. “Don’t move. Stay here. I need to check things out.” He started to get out of the tub.

Hetty hurried into the room. “Pack whatever you need. We are out of here in five minutes.”

Sam pulled G from the tub and sat him on the bed. “I’ll take care of this.”

“What was that?”

“Hell if I know.” Sam pulled their duffle bags out from under the bed and packed light. He rifled through a locked cabinet near the bed and removed several kinds of weapons and ammunition.

“An arsenal? Never knew you had it in you.”

“You don’t know me by now? I love guns, the more kinds and types the better.”

“You have more?”

“Plenty, stashed all over this house. Let’s go.” He handed Callen a small duffle bag and strode toward the door. “Be right back.” Sam returned minutes later his now light duffle bag heavy and full.

Hetty stood outside door waiting. “I do not know if your car survived.”

Nate and Eric followed them through what was left of the house toward the garage. There were no walls, no front door. The only portions of the house left standing were the bedrooms and bathrooms.

“We need transportation. I think I can get it out.” Sam dropped his bag next to Callen who looked confused and dazed. “Nate, I think he needs a little help.”

Nate helped Callen sit on a low brick hedge which skirted a planter box. It was the only thing left standing outside. The garage had been partially destroyed.

“I feel like….” Callen slumped forward, passing out.

Nate sat next to him, taking his pulse and respirations. He leaned Callen against his shoulder and put his arm around his waist.

Sam revved his engine and plowed through the garage door sending it up and over the top of the garage.

Everyone ducked. Nate helped Callen to his feet and walked him toward the car. “That was some move. Looked more like a high flying acrobat act from the circus.”

“Probably couldn’t make it happen again if I tried.” Sam smirked and helped Nate get Callen into the back seat. “It’s going to be a tight squeeze.”

Eric and Nate piled into the car. Hetty sat in the front with Sam. Nate pulled Callen against his shoulder and held him there.

Sam backed down the driveway like a maniac. Once on the street he gunned the engine, pressing the gas pedal to the floorboard. “Where—“

An explosion rocked the car sending it scooting down the road almost out of control. After gaining control of the steering wheel, Sam glanced over his shoulder and watched his house as several more explosions rocked it, flames reaching skyward. “What the hell?”

“I’ll explain later. There was a great place we spent a couple of hours exploring the other day.”

Sam eyed her. A great place? He smirked. “Got you Hetty.” He sped down the side street putting distance between his house them.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gung-ho, gun-toting agents protect themselves and Special Agent G. Callen.

The team arrived at Callen’s Idyllwild house sometime in the late afternoon. Callen was still out cold. Sam lifted him into his arms and carried him into the house. After settling G into the master bedroom upstairs he went downstairs and helped Eric and Nate set up their OPS center in the library.

Hetty busied herself in the kitchen making tea for everyone. Like or not she’d fix it and they would drink it.

Callen inched down the stairs, trying to steady himself with both handrails. At least someone got smart and put handrails in this house. It was one of the designs which caught his eye and helped him choose this home. With only socks on his feet he slid on the last few steps and landed with a loud thud on the floor at the bottom of the stair well.

“What the hell was that?” Eric asked, springing to his feet.

Each team member grabbed their weapon of choice and rushed toward the noise.

“Mr. Callen!”

Hetty’s drawl never sounded so wonderful. “I was lonely up there.”

Sam helped him to his feet. “Where’s your shoes? That’s probably why you fell down.”

“Shoes?”

“Yes, shoes.”

“What are shoes?”

“Either he’s drugged or making a lame joke,” Eric said. “I’ll get him a pair.” He took the stairs two at a time. When he passed by a front window he saw a car coming up the driveway in the distance. “We’ve got company.” He grabbed the shoes and flew down the stairs gun drawn.

“Give him a gun and he’s gung-ho. Stand aside before he shoots up the town.” Nate laughed. “Thought you said you didn’t want to ever carry one.”

Eric shot him a look.

“And paints the town burgundy,” Callen said.

“You’re cruising, man.” Sam settled G on a sofa in the living room. “Stay here.”

“What if someone comes for me—“

“Stop fretting, G. I’ll be right back. I promise.” He exited the room with a double-barreled shotgun in hand.

Hetty, Nate, and Eric stared at the weapon in Sam’s hand.

“I think we brought knives to the gunfight at the OK Corral. Mr. Hanna wherever did you come up with that weapon?” Hetty smirked.

“I have a collection.” Sam parted the drawn drapes at a front window and poked the barrel of his shotgun through them. “Darn, I was hoping to use my weapon. I never get a chance.” He stepped back and opened the front door. “Welcome to our humble abode.” Sam gestured with his left hand.

Marty Deeks and Kensi Blye sauntered into the house until they saw Sam Hanna’s shotgun at his side.

“Gees, I think I missed the memo on which weapons to bring,” Kensi said.

“We all did.” Hetty smirked. “Apparently Mr. Hanna has a collection he’s kept hidden from us.”

“Apparently so.” Kensi sauntered close by Sam. “Is that the biggest gun you’ve got?”

“Are you coming onto me, Kensi?” He smirked.

“Man, I ought to pop you one for that.”

“But you won’t because you only date men once.”

“That’s two pops I owe you.”

“Keep ‘em coming, Kensi.”

“Children!” Nate walked between them. “Get a room.” He smirked.

“Ooh Nate, good one,” Deeks said.

“Now what was that line you retorted, Callen? Paints the town burgundy?” Nate sat down next to him in the living room. “An inside joke?”

“Don’t tell, G, or I’ll have to torture you later.” Sam winked at his partner.

“My lips are sealed.” The corners of his mouth curled upward.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callens suffers through a full-blown anxiety attack.

Hetty served the tea in the living room and encouraged every one to take a cup or mug. “Mr. Callen your choice of tea cups and service set are impeccable.” She nodded toward him and studied his face.

Nate watched the interaction between them. Something was off with Callen.

“Mr. Callen, may I speak to you in the library?” She brought her tea with her and sat across from the couch.

Callen sat down on his favorite spot, the couch.

“What going on, Mr. Callen?”

“Nothing.”

“That is not your nothing face. Talk to me.”

“I’m scared about what happened back there.”

“Understandable, Mr. Callen, follow me back to the living room I was about to explain things to everyone.”

“I… need, no forget it.”

“What do you need?”

He shoved his hands under his thighs.

“Stay here, I will send in Nate. When is the last time you were medicated for your PTSD symptoms?”

“What?”

“Nate did not tell you he was medicating your symptoms?”

“No.”

“I will tell him to explain it to you. He will be in shortly.”

Hetty and Nate talked outside the library before going in together.

“I heard that.”

“It was meant to be heard by you, Mr. Callen. I gave Nate a dressing down for your sake. He now knows to inform you before your symptoms go ballistic and to medicate you.”

Nate pulled up a chair and opened his black bag. “I’m sorry, Callen, I should have told you what I was doing. It works so I’ll keep doing it.”

“What are you giving me?”

“Anti-anxiety medication.”

“I guess that’s what this feeling is.”

“As if your skin’s going to crawl away and die in the corner?”

“Hm, not exactly how I’d describe it but it will do.” Callen smirked.

“I should check these bandages too. Hetty—“ He turned to talk to her and she was gone.

Hetty returned with a duffle bag. “Our first aid kit, Nate.” She sat next to her special agent on the couch, setting her tea on the side table.

“Glad someone thought about it.”

“I ordered Miss Blye to see to it.”

Nate drew up a dose of Valium, swabbed the IV tubing, and started to inject it. He disposed of the syringe and started unwrapping the bandage on Callen’s left arm.

Hetty unwrapped the one on his right arm. “Looks good, Mr. Callen.”

“Same here, healing nicely.”

They redressed Callen’s arms with antibiotics and new bandages .

“Let us return to the living room and I will explain what occurred at Sam’s home.”

Nate put away the first aid supplies, stood, and helped Callen to his feet. “Lean on me.” He took him into the living room and sat him down on a chair. Nate kneeled before him. “If you need to go to sleep, give me the eye and I will get you upstairs.”

“I don’t think I can do this. Feel drugged.”

“You will for a bit.”

“I need Sam,” he said, keeping his voice low.

“I heard that, G. Need to rest upstairs?”

“I’ll miss out.”

“I’ll explain it to you later, okay?”

He nodded.

Sam lifted his partner into his arms and carried him upstairs. Nate followed them, black bag in his hand.

“Aren’t you glad I don’t weigh a ton?”

“If you weighed a ton you no longer be a featherweight.”

“I’m a featherweight?”

“In wrestling you are.”

“Not nice, Sam, not nice.” His lips curved into a half smile.

“Glad you’re having fun.” Sam set him on his feet and pulled down the covers. He tucked his partner in and sat on the side of the bed. “You need to tell me when you’re having anxiety or other symptoms. I can’t read your mind like Hetty can.”

“So she can read our minds?”

“I’m a believer. Seriously though, let me know. Nate’s going to stay with you.”

“Why?”

“One of us needs to hear what Hetty has to say. I don’t see you hopping up and dancing. That leaves me.”

“I can do the jig when I’m not medicated.”

“Actually you do the slide better.”

Callen slugged him in the arm.

“Now I can tell that medicine is working. Don’t plan on defending yourself with your southpaw.” He smirked. “I’ll see you later.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen wants to go for a run. Sam fakes him out and plays along.

Callen woke up disorientated. He glanced around the room and realized he was home, safe. The early morning light cast shadows on the floor and bed. When he saw Nate asleep in a chair, slumped over, Callen remembered his team’s invasion into his home. So much for being safe. While he was safe from his enemies, until they found him, he wasn’t safe from his team. They knew it all — every memory, every scream, every nightmare, every rape. He sighed and climbed out of bed, tiptoeing toward the bathroom. Callen stopped short when he saw a shadowy figure in the doorway. He backed up and tripped over Nate’s feet, falling on his ass.

“Stop! Don’t hurt me.” He screamed holding up his hands in front of his face.

Sam reached out and hoisted his partner off the floor. “This wouldn’t keep happening if you asked for assistance.”

“Keep happening?”

“This is the second time you’ve tripped over Nate’s big feet and fallen down.”

“Oh, I don’t remember the other time.”

“And you probably won’t remember this time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m certifiably crazy, don’t you?”

“G, that’s not what I’m—“

“Well, screw you!”

“There is that potty mouth again, Mr. Callen.” Hetty stood in the doorway.

Callen startled hearing her voice. “I suppose I was swearing earlier too.”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

“Great. And of course you can play back the recording for my benefit as well?”

“Of course, Mr. Callen, your house got wired too.”

“Yeah, I figured you couldn’t resist making sure you knew everything I said out loud and in my sleep.”

“Do you wish to talk to us about the nightmare?”

“I didn’t have one just now.”

“Really?”

“I’m telling the truth. I woke up spooked because I didn’t recognize the house.”

“I see, Mr. Callen, go back to bed.” She left.

Callen lowered his voice. “I suppose everyone heard me.”

“It’s recorded _and_ there’s an intercom system.”

“Great.” He walked toward the bathroom door.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to relieve myself.”

Sam followed him.

“I can’t do this alone either?”

“True.” He stood at the half-closed door, resting his left hand on the door jamb.

Callen washed his hands and glanced into the mirror at his face and hair. “I look horrible.”

“Kensi said you looked rugged.”

“She did, huh? I like rugged.” He ran a comb through his longer than normal hair. Usually he kept it in a military crew cut, easier to keep up. He opened the door fully and saw his partner standing there. “You really are serious?”

“Hetty said to watch you like a hawk would its prey.”

“Great.”

“You make great prey, G.”

“I ought to punch you for that one.”

“Left or right?”

Callen cocked his head. He punched Sam’s arm.

“Ouch, that hurt.”

“I’m sure.” He smirked.

“Glad you’re feeling better this morning.”

Callen sauntered past him and entered the walk-in closet.

“What are you doing, G?”

“Getting dressed.”

“No, back into bed.”

“What?”

“Hetty’s orders.”

“I need to take a run. I haven’t exercised in ages.”

“Okay, I’m going with you.”

“I knew you would.”

“If you don’t behave, I’ll bench press you, understand?”

“Yeah.” He wondered what that would look like, his partner bench pressing him. Callen shuddered and shivered. He dressed in sweats and sat on the bed to don his running shoes. Maybe being bench pressed by his partner wouldn’t be that bad. _What the hell am I thinking?_

“Do you have two wardrobes?”

“What do you mean?”

“This closet is full. I’ve never seen you with so much clothes.”

“I planned to keep it that way.”

“Huh?”

“I did this for emergencies.”

“Emergencies? You anticipated this, didn’t you?”

He nodded.

“What kind of arsenal do _you_ have?”

“I’ll show you after the run.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen goes off the deep end with flashbacks and another psychotic break.

Callen beat his partner as they raced home.

“Damn, you haven’t run in weeks and you still beat me.” Sam bent over breathing hard.

“Running is my passion.” He bent over and panted slightly out of breath.

“And weapons?”

“My other passion.” The corners of his mouth turned up.

“I doubt if it’s more serious than my gun obsession. Show me.”

Callen entered the house and strode toward the basement with Sam right at his heels. He placed his hand on a full hand scanner and the basement door unlocked.

“I never would have thought there was a basement with this—“ His jaw dropped. “What in the hell?”

“As I said, weapons are my other passion.” The entire basement which spanned the footprint of the house, about 2000 square feet, housed weapons of every kind. One corner was filled with supplies and rations.

“Are you expecting the apocalypse?”

“No, just all the special agency task forces.”

“G, I don’t think—“

“You don’t think this is necessary? Well, I do.” He turned to leave.

Sam grabbed him from behind and held him in place.

“Let me go.”

“We need to talk. This is the only room in the house which is not monitored. Talk to me.”

“I can’t.”

“What the hell did you do, man?”

“It’s what they did to me and what I know after breaking into the main frame of each agency.”

“This is serious, G.”

“Yes. You probably think I’m certifiably crazy.”

“Would you stop saying that? I do have a question for you. You got the tea set for Hetty didn’t you?”

He swallowed hard and sighed. “Yeah.”

“Damn, G, you’re a real piece of work.” He sighed, shook his head, and released him.

Callen ascended the stairs two at a time. He reached the master bedroom suite to find Hetty sitting on his bed.

“By the way, Mr. Callen, I took the liberty to explore your house last night. Lovely home. I found your basement and I had it equipped with monitoring devices.”

He backed out the door right into Sam.

“Caught in the headlights, G?”

“You said it wasn’t monitored.”

“I lied.”

“You said you never lied to me. Wait, you played me. Damn it. I could punch you.”

“Go ahead, Mr. Callen, get your anger out and afterward come over here and sit next to me. We have lots to talk about.”

He couldn’t move toward her or back up and get out of the room.

“G, what’s going on?” He moved closer to him.

“Don’t touch me,” he said his voice lowered and soft.

“Having flashbacks?” Sam’s voice was now tender.

He nodded.

“Easy, man, I’m going to take your arm and have you sit in the chair.”

“Don’t touch me.” Tears welled up in his eyes. He started trembling.

Hetty approached him and together she and Sam brought Callen over to the chair.

“Easy, G, talk to me.”

He shivered hard.

Hetty left and returned with Nate.

“Callen, I’m giving you some Valium.”

“Please don’t drug me. I can’t stand it. No more.”

“Tell us what you’re seeing.” Nate kneeled before his patient and opened his black bag. He drew up a syringe of Valium and injected it slow. “I’d like to get you onto the bed. Will you do that for me?”

“So you can all rape me?” Callen’s voice squeaked when he spoke.

“Clear the room,” Sam said. “Let me handle this.”

“Because you feel guilty for lying to him? I asked you to find out why he hid all this and you did.”

“You know Hetty, sometimes I hate following your orders. They muck up my relationships. And this is one of those times.”

“Stop!” Callen screamed covering his ears. He jumped to his feet and ran out the door.

“Get him now!” Hetty spat out her orders.

Sam ran after him.

After losing his balance, Callen slid down the basement steps and tumbled onto the cement basement floor. He yelped and turned to his side. His ribs hurt. He hoped they weren’t broken. Upon getting to his feet he knew they were. His breaths came with great difficulty. Think he told himself. A foggy brain made moving difficult. At least the steel, bullet-proofed, door to the basement was locked. The windows were bulletproof. Essentially, he had reconstructed a bunker from an ordinary basement. Callen grabbed one of his assault rifles and loaded it. No one was getting down here without getting blown to pieces. He aimed to please himself.

“Mr. Callen,” Hetty said.

He jumped, almost firing off the weapon. Callen searched the basement, weapon ready, trying to find the source of the voice. He came upon a small box. _The monitoring system. Damn it. I forgot._

“Mr. Callen,” Hetty said, “I am prepared to get through this door anyway I can. You will open this door and allow Mr. Hanna entrance.”

“The hell I will, bitch.”

“You’re having a memory.”

“Don’t think so, bitch.”

“Mr. Callen, if I have to break down this door, you will be chained to the bed and drugged. Understood?”

“Yeah, just like you did to me before. You’re such a liar, bitch.” When he didn’t hear anything for a few minutes he decided to load another weapon. Now he heard it. It was a faint sound at first. After a while the noise increased. He knew in an instant they were using a torch to cut through his door. Damn them, they’d ruin his master piece. Callen aimed his assault rifle at the door. “Stop what you’re doing or I’ll kill you all.” The noise continued. “Bastards! You bitch! Did you get the big guns as you said you would? You think this is going to stop me. Think again.” Callen started firing at the door. Armor piercing bullets riddled the door’s once smooth finish.

“Mr. Callen, stop what you’re doing.”

“When you stop what you’re doing.” He listened and heard them still cutting through his door. “Damned liars. I stopped and you’re still cutting through my door. Bastards!” Callen aimed his gun at the door, firing again.

“Mr. Callen, we will shoot you. Do you understand?”

“Yeah bitch, I get it. Come and get what’s due you.” Before Callen could aim his gun at the door. The door flew toward him. He scooted sideways across the floor, the heavy door narrowly missing him. Too slow, he berated himself. He backed away, slower than usual, keeping his assault rifle aimed at the stairs.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Hanna gets help for his partner G Callen.

“Put it down, G.”

G? He knew that voice. How did Sam get in this bunker with him? “Don’t mess with me.”

“I’m not messing with you, G.”

The bodiless voice came from the top of the stairs. “Sam? Is that you?”

“Yes.”

“How did you find me, man?”

“I knew just where to look. I’m coming down the stairs.”

Callen backed up, still holding his weapon aimed at the stair well.

“I’m unarmed, G.” He came down the stairs holding his hands in the air.

“You’ve got arms, Sam. I can see them.” He smirked.

“Wiseass. Want to put down that weapon?”

“Maybe. Did you come alone?”

“I’m the only one entering your, um—“

“Just say it Sam.”

“Bunker.”

“Good.” Callen placed the weapon in its holding position on the gun rack.

“I hope you put the safety on.”

“No safety.”

“What do you have in there anyhow?”

“Armor piercing bullets.”

Sam swallowed hard. “Serious firepower, G.”

“Love it.”

“Can I put my arms down?”

“Yeah, sure.” Callen sat on a bar stool height wooden box in the room’s center.

“What do you have in here?” Sam sat inches from his partner.

“More ammo. One can never have enough ammo.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah, Sam.”

“Can I see?”

“Sure.”

They both climbed off the box.

Callen lifted the lid.

Sam grabbed Callen from behind and held him in a chokehold bending him over the box.

“What the fuck? Let me go. You’re not Sam. You’re fucking with my mind. I’ll kill you.”

“You tried that three times now, G.” He pulled his partner’s sweats down.

“You’re going to rape me?” He shivered and shook.

“Calm down, G. Nate gave me something to give you.”

“You fucker. I’ll kill you!” He squirmed and kicked trying to get away.

“I’d hold still if I were you. I’ve heard that breaking a needle off in one’s muscle isn’t a very pleasant experience.”

“Bastard!” He stopped moving and panted.

Sam didn’t bother swabbing the area with alcohol. Get the medication into him is what Nate had said and ASAP. He injected the antipsychotic medicine into his partner’s right buttock.

“Shouldn’t you swab the area first?”

“Won’t hurt you this once.”

“Talk about planning something. I hate you.”

“Right now I’ll accept that. You’ll thank me later.”

“Bull shit I will, bastard.”

“You so love that word.”

“What did you give me?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Now.”

“No, I’m the one in control if you hadn’t noticed.”

“I feel weird.”

“Explain weird.”

“Lightheaded and tired.”

“Normal.”

“What was it?”

“Not discussing this with you, G.”

“Can you pull up my sweats at least? My ass is hanging out and getting cold.”

“Stuff it, G. I’m not finished with the medicines. The Valium dose Nate gave you earlier was light.”

“So you’re giving me more?”

“Yeah.” Sam injected the second syringe’s contents into his partner’s left buttock.

“Crap, that hurts.” Callen winced.

“You’ve got a couple of bruises probably from falling on your ass in the bedroom.” He pulled up G’s sweats.

“Are we done?”

“Not yet.” Sam pulled out his handcuffs. “This part you’re not going to like. But hey, I’m not running a popularity contest.” He cuffed one his partner’s wrists.

“Bastard! Don’t do this,” Callen said his speech slurred.

“Sorry, I’m following orders, G. And this time I agree with them.”

“Because of the armor piercing bullets?”

“Yeah, and more.”

“Damn it, I won’t do it again.”

Sam cuffed the other wrist and guided his partner toward the stairs.

“Is this so they can all fuck me?”

“G, no one’s fucking with you. You fucked with us one too many times.” He dragged him up the stairs by his cuffed arms.

“That hurts you know.”

“What hurts?”

“I think I busted some ribs.”

“When?”

“I’ll tell you if you take the cuffs off.”

“Not happening, G. You’ll talk if you know what’s good for you.”

“I like that line,” Callen said his speech more slurred.

“At least one of us is going to sleep well this afternoon.”

“You know I usually take a shower after running.”

“And?”

“I didn’t get one.”

“You’re going to bed, G, final.”

“Sucks.”

Sam took his partner up to the master bedroom.

When Callen saw Hetty, Nate and Deeks in the room he attempted to back up. “What’s going on?”

“I need extra help.”

“No, please.”

Sam dragged him toward the bed.

“Please, Sam.”

“Should of thought about what your actions might cause.”

“I wasn’t in my… right mind. Wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Yep, and now it’s going to cost you your freedom.”

“What the hell are you doing to me?”

“Face up or face down?” Deeks asked.

“Face up for now.”

Deeks pulled down the covers and readied the bed.

“Want him in a nightshirt?” Nate asked.

“His sweats are fine for now.”

“Let’s get these shoes off.” Hetty knelt down and removed Callen’s shoes and socks.

“Please don’t do this.” The medicines prevented him from fighting them with his body. “I need you to stop.” He shook, afraid of what was coming next.

Sam brought him over to the bed and sat him down. “G, you need to rest.”

“And then you’ll all rape me?”

“Mr. Callen we are not here to rape you. We are here to help you.”

“Please don’t hurt me. I won’t do it again.”

“I don’t think you can promise us that, G. Right now you’re not in a mental state where you can understand much of what we say. So let’s just leave it at that.” Sam unlocked the handcuffs leaving the left one attached. “Lie back.”

Before Callen could resist, Deeks grasped his left hand, pulled it up to the bed frame and attached the handcuffs to it.

“What the hell?” He jerked on the handcuffs and yelled at Deeks. “Take this off right now, you bastard!”

“Not happening, G.” Sam got up and tucked his partner in for a nap.

“Not happening? What the hell is going on? You can’t do this to me. Damn it. I’m a federal agent. Take this off me. Now!”

“Sedative?” Sam asked Nate.

“Possibly needed. You gave him both drugs?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I need a sedative then.”

“Don’t you dare!” Callen screamed at them, kicking his legs and twisting and turning his torso. He yelped and froze, his breaths labored.

“Breathe normal, G.”

“Can’t, hurts.” He winced and shivered, an aching and tearing pain ripped through his ribs.

“He said he might have broken some ribs.”

Nate came over to Callen’s side, pulled up his sweatshirt and felt his ribs. “Does this hurt at all?”

Callen gritted his teeth.

“I guess that is an affirmative. Any tape for broken ribs in that first aid kit?”

“I don’t remember Kensi getting any,” Deeks said.

“Callen, do you have some tape?”

“I’m not telling until you release me,” he said, biting his lower lip.

“Fine, suffer G.”

“What?” He lifted his head and stared at his partner.

“You want to play tough, suffer. I think we are finished here.” Sam eyed everyone in the room.

“You bastard!”

“Tell me where the tape is.”

“Go suck yourself.”

“Ooh powerful words coming from someone who is hurting and handcuffed to the bed.”

“Damn it.” Wetness formed in the corners of his eyes.

“Well?”

He sighed short and shallow. “It’s in the corner where I keep the rations. You’re not leaving me here alone are you?”

“Nate will babysit you.”

“Babysit? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’ve been acting very childish.”

“True.”

“If you calm down he just might forego the sedative.”

“Would be nice.” Callen closed his eyes and sighed.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen has his most horrific nightmare to date. He and Sam talk about it.

“I have a brilliant idea, Mr. Hanna.”

“About?”

“I believe we’ve missed something with Mr. Callen. I want his entire body checked for any odd particles.”

He glanced at Hetty sideways. “Where is this coming from?”

“Just humor me, Mr. Hanna.”

“And I suppose this requires G be stripped from head to toe.”

“That is affirmative.”

“You know he’s not going to like that.”

“Ask me if I care. Follow orders Mr. Hanna.”

“Okay.”

“Take Nate and Deeks with you. Has Mr. Callen had a break from his captivity?”

“Nate gave him one about two hours ago.”

“Give him another one and afterward use four corner restraints.”

“You really know how to make him pissed, don’t you?”

Sam climbed the stairs to the second floor. He watched from the door seeing Callen look the most peaceful he had been in days. The thought of wreaking havoc with his partner’s peace made him shiver. He sauntered into the bedroom.

“Hey G, time to get up,” he said leaning over him to unlock the handcuffs.

Callen stirred and stared up into his partner’s eyes. “Another potty break, is that it?”

“Do you need one?”

“Sure, I’ll take all I can get.”

Sam helped him out of bed and to the bathroom.

“I feel pretty good,” he said while washing his hands. He stared into the mirror, a habit he had started ever since he’d been at the CIA years ago. The skin on his head crawled and made him want to bash in the mirror. He gritted his teeth trying to hold back the urge to slam his arms against the mirror again. Callen squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lower lip. He waited until the feeling passed and left the bathroom.

“You all right?”

“Sure.” He started to walk toward the bed.

Sam stopped him. “I asked you a question.”

“I answered it.”

“Not sufficient information.”

Callen sat on the bed. “I don’t get it.”

“I observed you as you exited the bathroom. You look as if you are in pain.”

“No.”

“Okay. Strip.”

“What?” Callen’s jaw dropped.

“Remove your sweats. I need you naked.”

He backed away from the bed and right into Marty Deeks and Nate Getz. “Please don’t do this.”

“Do what? Ask you to strip? If you won’t do it we will have to do it for you.”

“I don’t get it.”

Sam nodded at his two partners.

Deeks and Nate grabbed an arm each and brought Callen over to the bed. He kicked and twisted in their hold.

“Don’t make this hard on everyone, G.”

Deeks and Nate lifted and dragged their squirming fellow agent onto the bed.

“Fuck this! Stop!”

“No swearing, Callen, give it up and make this easy,” Nate said.

“You want to rape me?”

“No Callen. Strip.”

“Screw you!” He tried to spit on them.

Sam pounced on him, straddling his hips and holding his hands above his head.

“Get the hell off me.”

“Not happening. Tie him down.”

“No!” Callen screamed and thrashed and woke up.

“Get off me, Sam. What are doing sitting on me?”

“Trying to wake you up for past hour.”

“Hour?”

“Yeah. I had to hold you down so wouldn’t hurt yourself. You thrashed around in bed the entire time.” Sam slid off his partner and laid down next to him. “Do you need to be held?”

“You can’t hold me with the handcuffs on.”

“I took them off. I was afraid you’d hurt yourself. Want to talk about it, G?”

“Just that it was horrifying.”

“Probably one of the worst nightmares I’ve seen you have.”

Callen snuggled up to his partner and laid his head on his chest.

“Don’t get all gay on me now.” Sam smirked, wrapping his arm around G’s back.

“I promise if you won’t either. I think there was that transference thing going on again. Isn’t that what Nate calls it?”

“If you mean transposing good people onto bad ones? Yeah.”

“Damn. Wish this would all go away.”

“You know what Nate says, talking helps it go away and keeping inside makes it become more bottled up.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t have _my_ nightmare.”

“Is there a little self loathing going on, G?”

“Nothing like that.” He laughed.

“Think it’s funny do you?”

“Kind of and kind of not. I have something odd to ask you.”

“Go for it.”

Callen buried his face in his partner’s chest, the flashbacks coming back again. “Forget it,” he said his voice muffled.

“Look at me, G. Whatever is bothering I can handle it?”

“I can’t handle it so how can you?”

“Remember I cover you, every part of you, not just your physical safety.”

“Right and that will make everything better?” He pulled away and sat up.

“I’m not saying that, G. I’m trying to say I am here to debrief with you no matter what you need to talk about.”

“Is it possible, don’t call me crazy—“

“G stop this crap. You are not crazy. Crazy is what you went through.”

“Maybe the CIA put something inside my brain.” He spit out the words in rapid succession.

Sam sat up.

“Yeah, I knew it. Forget about it.” He started to back away.

“Wait a minute, G, that’s not stuff of science fiction. They really did put things in people during the Cold War. They did experiments on people, gave them drugs, tortured them, and sexually assaulted them. Why do you ask?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Not stupid, tell me.”

“The nightmare was about Hetty believing something was implanted in or on me by the CIA.”

“Implanted where, G?”

“Everywhere but especially on my head and it caused my psychotic breaks.”

“Interesting. I wonder what this dream is referring to with your abuse.”

“Me too. It was the creepiest and scariest nightmare I’ve ever had. Deeks, Nate, and you stripped off my clothes and tied me to the bed. All of you combed over my body, even using magnifying glasses, searching for these odd particles. Deeks was making all these jokes about my body. Nate added some humor to that. I was crying and you told them to go easy on me that I had been through too much. Deeks was the first one to find one on me. It was on my head, near my temple. After he found it there, you all concentrated your efforts on my head. I freaked out the entire time asking what in the hell you found. You all refused to tell me. All of you made a collection placing them in this petri dish. Deeks took it to a nearby lab to have them examined. Talk about weird.”

“Sounds creepy and scary to me too, G. Sorry you had the nightmare.”

“So does this mean they put something in me?”

“Let me run this by Hetty.”

“You can run it by me right now, Mr. Hanna.” Hetty entered the bedroom and sat on the chair.

“You’re up early.”

“Couldn’t sleep with all the screaming.”

“Sorry Hetty,” Callen said, bowing his head and staring at his hands, a nervous habit which started only recently in Hetty’s presence.

“You can’t help it, Mr. Callen, I’m not blaming you. I could’ve put my earplugs in and gone back to sleep but I decided to listen to your conversation instead. Yes, the CIA puts stuff in people’s heads. They also use programming and mind control. Went out with the dark ages.” Hetty laughed. “Or so people believed. It still occurs to this day, although for different reasons than before. We are no longer in a Cold War with the Russians as you know. However, there are other threats and the CIA continues its experiments against those threats.”

“Shit!” Callen scrambled off the bed and started for the door.

Sam ran after him, slamming him against the door from behind.

Callen cried out, the wind knocked out of him. “That damn well hurt my ribs.”

“Sorry, G, you’re not going anywhere,” he said, bringing his partner back to the bed. “Looks as if you’ll need those handcuffs back on.”

“Please don’t.”

“No choice Mr. Callen, please secure him to the bed Mr. Hanna.” Hetty stood and came closer to her agent. “You just got triggered.”

He nodded.

“Next time grab onto your partner and hold on for dear life, Mr. Callen, don’t run from it.”

“Can’t stand it. Need to get away.”

Hetty sat on the bed next to him. “I believe you if that’s worth anything to you. I believe they probably did some mind control or programming or possibly both to you. Your behavior of late points to that possibility more than a psychotic break. When Nate wakes up I will have him do some research into the subject. Afterward we will all four have a session.”

“No session. I know what you’re going to use on me. I hate that stuff.” Callen pulled away from her.

“Did a woman do anything to you while you were working for the CIA?”

He screamed and kicked, trying to get away from her.

Hetty stood. “Interesting reaction, Mr. Callen, an affirmative for me about the mind control and programming. I shall return with some tea for you Mr. Callen. It will help calm you.”

“You programming me, that’s what you really mean isn’t it bitch.”

“G, stop doing that.”

“It is all right, Mr. Hanna, I am beginning to understand why he does that. A complete transference onto me instead of knowing the woman who did this to him. Was she Chinese, Mr. Callen?”

“Fuck you! Get the hell out of my room!”

“I see I hit a sore spot. The tea.” Hetty left.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate, Sam, and Hetty learn Mr. Callen has been comprised.

He refused the tea. He refused to sit up. He refused to talk.

“I see we will need a come-along. Nate time for the big guns.”

“You’re not drugging me.”

“You are not in a position to resist, Mr. Callen.”

Nate prepared his syringes and labeled them.

Callen watched him and shuddered.

“I too understand your reluctance, rather complete distaste, for being drugged. The CIA uses lots of drugs when they program their experiments, as they refer to them. Everything about your behavior is starting to make sense to me. Why I did not think of this sooner mystifies me. Usually I am right up on these things. Perhaps it is—“

“Just shut the hell up!” And everything about how she talked was beginning to crystallize in his mind. His suspicions proved to be accurate but Callen had no way of escaping his captor now.

“Hurry up and medicate our foul mouthed agent, Nate.”

He approached the bed and set his syringes on the nightstand.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“On the contrary, Mr. Callen, this is completely necessary.”

“Would you just shut up. Damn you. Sam please make this all go away.”

“Can’t, G, sorry. If you fight this I will sit on you.”

“Screw you too.”

“Don’t get gay on me now.” He smirked trying to inject some humor.

“I’m not laughing.” He frowned. When he saw the syringe coming at him he freaked, kicking and thrashing.

“Allow me.” Sam straddled his partner’s hips, holding his torso and arms still.

“You bastard!”

“That I am.”

“Get off me.”

“Not happening until the drugs are on board.”

Callen bucked upward trying to unseat his partner.

Sam flattened his whole body against G’s.

Callen sighed. “Thanks a lot, Sam, now I can’t move at all. Easy on the ribs, big guy. Now who’s gay? This is too kinky for me.” He smirked.

“Did you give him the Valium? Sounds as if something is working.”

“Actually, I haven’t given him anything, yet.”

“It appears, Mr. Hanna, you have a calming effect on Mr. Callen.”

“Interesting, so laying it on thick with your partner really does work.” Sam smirked.

“When I get loose I’m going to punch your lights out.”

“Sounds interesting. Does your world go black or grey when the lights are punched out?”

“Sam!”

“Yes?”

“Would you stop?”

“I’m rather enjoying the reactions I’m getting from you.”

“Drugs are on board.”

“I could tell right away on that. Laying on him must be the key to keeping him calm before getting the injections.”

“Don’t count on it in the future.” Callen shot him a look.

“I will count on it and plan to use it again. It works.” He climbed off Callen and sat next to him. “You calmed right down within seconds after I laid on you.”

“Embarrassing.”

“Everyone has their need and yours, believe or not, is human contact, Mr. Callen. It is something loners need more than us socialites.” Hetty smiled.

“I ought to punch you for that one, Hetty.”

“Ah, but you cannot. Is that it, Mr. Callen? I want you to remember your time at the CIA.”

“What do you think this is a hypnosis session?”

“Interesting you should use those exact words, as the method was used quite often by the CIA.”

“You bitch! Stop this. Stop talking about them.”

“Mr. Callen who is this bitch you are referring to, the Chinese woman?”

He shivered hearing her say Chinese. Flashbacks bombarded his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“What was her name, Mr. Callen?”

“Oh hell, please not this.”

“Her name?”

“Agent… I can’t remember.”

“Think.”

“Agent Chang, I think that’s it.”

“Yes, I know all about her. A wicked, abusive handler whom the CIA uses for their programming and mind control protocol. When is the last time you made contact with her, Mr. Callen?”

“What?” His jaw dropped.

“The last time—“

“I heard you the first time. I don’t know. I would assume when I worked for the CIA.”

“Do not assume anything, Mr. Callen. If she is your handler, which may be entirely plausible, she may be contacting you on a regular basis. Excuse me. I need to find Eric and get him on this right away.”

“What else should I—“

“I shall return in a bit.”

“I don’t remember seeing her. Am I going crazy?”

“No, G, when these handlers contact you they drug you so can’t remember what occurred during that meeting.”

“Great! Are you saying this bitch made contact with me and I don’t remember it? I’m a federal agent. An undercover ops expert. That means I’ve been compromised. What’s Hetty going to do with me now? This sucks.”

“Hetty is not going to fire you over this.”

“Really? She’s got a huge leg to stand on.”

“A what? Was that supposed to be funny?”

“That didn’t come out right. Bad humor.”

Hetty entered the room again. “Eric is working on this right now. I think for now you should rest until he gives me more information.”

“Why couldn’t I remember her name without being drugged?”

“She probably programmed you to forget her name. That would be protocol for a handler. To answer your question about getting fired over this, the answer is no. I have zero intentions of firing you. This is not your fault, Mr. Callen. They did the unthinkable with you. It is time we turned the tables on them.”

“But I’m compromised.”

“You have worked well as a compromised agent. I look forward to when you are no longer being programmed and mind controlled. You will be an even better agent.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen's head is going to roll. He's done something Hetty is livid about.

Eric’s job was to comb through several thousand videos of Mr. Callen’s ops searching for any time he was compromised. Kensi’s and Deeks’s jobs were to search the logs and the ops notes. Hetty spent her time in her bedroom alone. And the rest of team wondered what she was doing.

Hetty discovered a part of her agent’s hard drive which had been altered in an odd manner. She’d bring this to the attention of Eric. He’d know how to crack the code. She searched his emails, perused the history on his search engine. But nothing revealed whether Agent Chang had contacted her agent.

A knock on her bedroom door startled her. She hid Agent Callen’s computer under her bed and answered the door.

“Mr. Beale what have you found.”

“It’s what I didn’t find that concerns me.”

“What would that be?”

“Agent Callen has been in the files and has encrypted them.”

Hetty’s jaw dropped. “Damn him, he promised.”

“That he did.”

“One thing we haven’t accessed, the diaries he kept and encrypted. Thank you for the report Mr. Beale. What about the videos?”

“Anything to do with Agent Callen is password protected.”

“And Miss Blye and Mr. Deeks?”

“Same problem, Hetty, sorry.”

“Damn him, a head is going to roll.” She strode toward Mr. Callen’s room.

Hetty opened the door, slamming against an inside wall. “Mr. G. Callen what the hell have you done with your files?”

He swallowed hard and pulled the covers up to his lips. Hetty never called by his full name, especially the initial, unless she was livid, he could see it in her eyes, and yeah, he could smell it. The air was nearly palpable with her rage over what he’d done. He shivered.

“Do not try to hide from me, Mr. G. Callen.” She stepped over to the bed and yanked the covers off him. “Answer me.” She saw him visibly trembling. “Well?”

“I… don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Like hell you don’t. Tell me or this _will_ get you fired. Understood?”

He nodded.

“Well?”

“I… um… had to do it.”

“Really now.”

“Yeah, really.”

“Why?”

He shivered seeing the mien on her face. He had never seen her this angry. “She made me.”

“Now we are getting some place, Mr. Callen.”

He sighed hearing the ‘G’ missing from his name as she addressed him.

“Agent Chang?”

“Yeah. I remembered that when you were gone. I… only remembered that she made me encrypt all my personal files on the OSP computers.”

“Really now, interesting. You know Mr. Callen, you have not given me your passwords which I requested over a week ago.”

“Oh shit, not this again.”

“What is the problem?”

“If I give you those passwords I’ll have no leverage.”

“You keep saying that but I am not so certain I understand what you mean.”

“Do you realize now how compromised I am?”

“I realize one thing, Mr. Callen, you are withholding information that I need. If I do not receive those passwords today you will be suspended without pay and be placed under review.”

Callen’s jaw dropped. “You don’t understand.” And here was one more strike against his supervisor, another threat to manipulate him. How far would she take this? And could he risk that?

“Make me understand.”

“I need to hide information.”

“From whom?”

“Her and Agent Myers.”

“Makes sense. However, you need not hide it from me and the team. Do you understand?”

He shivered.

“Yes?”

“I can’t.”

“You will. Nate!”

“I can’t do another session so soon.”

“He will give another dose and you will talk to me.”

“It didn’t work before and it won’t work now.”

“Mr. Callen, why are you being so damned stubborn?”

“I told you, leverage.”

“Against whom?”

“Everyone.”

“Us included?”

He nodded.

“This ends now. We are addressing the problem with Agent Chang.”

“Bull shit!”

“Mr. Callen watch that mouth.”

“You’re not because you can’t find when she contacted me.”

“Because you’ve hidden your records, Mr. Callen,” she said. “Ah, Nate, do you have something stronger we can use?”

“I have yet to max him out on narcosynthesis. I was saving it for emergency use.”

“This would be one of those times.”

“I say max out because it is obvious it was or is being used on him by Agent Chang.”

“Oh really. Why do you believe that?”

“Because he’s already needing a higher and higher dose to extract information.”

“Hm. Mr. Callen, do you remember her using this on you?”

He pulled the covers up to his chin with his free hand and shivered.

“I would say that is an affirmative. Go for it.”

“Please don’t.”

“Necessary.” Hetty left.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen gives Hetty the passwords.
> 
> His body reacts to another memory.

Callen lolled his head from side to side moaning, unable to tell her what she wanted to know.

“Go deeper, Mr. Callen, remember where you are. Remember who you are to me.”

He shuddered and saw who he was to his supervisor. It wasn’t as he originally thought and it terrified him. He needed to hide this truth from her or she could destroy him.

“Tell me what I want to know and you can be released.”

“I… no, please, please stop. It’s her, she’s here within me, inside my head. I can’t tell you. She’ll kill me. She promised to hurt me bad.” He shook and shivered.

“Mr. Callen, stay with my voice.”

“Your voice?” That’s the last place he wanted to stay. She wasn’t safe, Agent Chang wasn’t safe, and Nate wasn’t safe. Was Sam?

“Yes, it’s Hetty, don’t listen to Agent Chang. She’s the enemy. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah.” But he knew otherwise. Everything about the way Hetty talked was like _her_. Callen shuddered.

“Good.”

“No! She’ll rape me. She’s going to rape me. Help me, please help me. I can’t get away from her. She’s raping me, raping my mind.”

Hetty’s jaw dropped. “Mr. Callen, the mind rape threat is her fail safe. She cannot rape your mind. Do you understand me? It is not possible. It is an idle threat.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I am not lying, Mr. Callen. It is the oldest trick in their book. Trust me.”

Yeah, he knew it was the truth, but he couldn’t trust his so-called friend. Callen acquiesced though, not wanting to carry this further. He wrote down the passwords, releasing himself from one more of Hetty’s mind games and paving the way for his escape from this torment.

Eric entered them into the computer. He nodded to Hetty.

“Excellent, Mr. Callen. Mr. Hanna I think this would be a good time to hold him. He needs it. He has asked for you for the last two hours.”

He nodded, slipping past Eric, Sam lifted his partner into his arms and rocked him.

“Everybody will see.”

“Everybody heard you asking me to be picked up.”

“Now they’ll think we’re two homos for sure.”

“Let them fantasize. We’re just two partners who need a special time.”

“Mr. Callen I turned off the intercom for this session. I figured you deserved to have one request fulfilled as I was getting mine fulfilled. Mr. Hanna he could use a shower too.”

“I definitely agree with that one.” He smirked.

“I’ll sock you one.”

“I’m looking forward to you giving it to me.”

“Think I can’t now?”

“Not under the influence of this amount of drugs.”

“True.”

“We will get out of your hair.” Hetty and Eric left.

Sam entered the bathroom and set his partner down. He turned to leave.

“No.”

“What?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Explain, G.”

“Too drugged. Can this wait?”

“I’ll stay here in the bathroom.”

“Turn around so I can get undressed.”

“It isn’t as if I haven’t seen you nude in the past month.” Sam faced the opposite wall. “I didn’t ever get to tell you what a great place you have.”

“Thanks.” Callen stepped into the huge tiled shower. “You can turn around.”

Sam sat down on a padded leather bench next to a large two person tub. “And here I thought you were destitute. You had Hetty fooled too.”

“I only bought this recently.”

“How recent?”

Callen started to have a seizure. He grabbed the handrail in the shower to steady himself. At first it seemed to go away. He cried out for Sam when he lost his hold on the handrail as the seizure took a deeper hold on him.

Sam jumped into the shower, lifted his partner off the tile floor, rinsed him off, grabbed a towel, and dried him. He was about to call for Nate over the intercom system, but remembered it was no longer on. Sam placed G on the bed and covered him. He was still seizing. He yelled for Nate.

Nate came running. “When did this start?”

“A few minutes ago in the shower.”

“I can’t give him much phenobarbital.” He drew up the medicine and injected Callen’s IV shunt. “Were you asking about anything in particular?”

“Just talking about his place here and asked when he purchased it.”

“Interesting.”

“He never answered me.”

“I need to get Hetty.”

“I am here, Nate.”

“I think this is memory related.”

“And why?”

“Sam asked him when he bought the house. Callen had the seizure instead of answering him.”

“Later we will pursue this. He needs a break.”


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen was compromised on an assignment in New Jersey.
> 
> His handler rapes him.

“These passwords are the charm,” Eric said.

“Getting that information we need?” Kensi asked.

“And then some.”

“Tell me about it, Mr. Beale,” Hetty said bringing in tea for herself and Eric.

“There’s more than just the diaries which Callen kept. There are notes and journals which his perpetrators kept.”

“Oh really, let me see.” Hetty stood over his shoulder eyeing the 42 inch high definition monitor. Her jaw dropped.

He glanced up toward her face. “I had the same reaction. It’s a racket they use on new recruits who have a history of abuse by a father. I noticed it has to be the father and it has to be the son. No women.”

“May I?” Hetty motioned she was joining her agent and sat next to him on the bench seat.

Eric turned the screen making it possible for both of them to see the screen straight on.

“It is no wonder Mr. Callen was reluctant to hand over these passwords.”

“And their ‘protocol’ is followed throughout all the agencies.” He showed her all four agencies by placing them in one window. “Grooming.”

“I can see that, Mr. Beale. Not good. I need you to compile all the names of agents mentioned in these notes and journals.”

“Started the list all ready.”

“And I thought I was the only who could read minds.” Hetty smirked. “Can you show me the list so far?”

“Bringing it up on the screen now. I remember some of these men applied for a position here when you were creating the team.”

“Indeed.” Hetty browsed through the list. She spoke into the intercom system. “Mr. Hanna please bring Mr. Callen downstairs. Nate I will need you on standby.”

Callen resisted going down the stairs.

“G, don’t make me use something on you.”

“Like what?”

Sam grabbed him by the back of the neck and put some pressure on both sides of his neck. “Move.”

“No.”

He pinched harder.

Callen moved. “What is that?”

“A nerve on either side of your neck. Works every time.”

“Bastard.”

“I heard that, G.”

“Yeah, so what?”

He shoved Callen toward the chair Hetty had set up in the middle of the library. “Sit.”

“Bull shit!”

“I can make you pass out like this. Is that what you want?”

He shook his head and sat down in the chair. It reminded him of a hot seat in the conference room at the CIA and the NSA and the… he didn’t want to even think about those other places.

“My dear Mr. Callen, you left out some vital information.”

“So did you,” he said.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“You promised to tell me what happened at Sam’s house.”

“Ah that I did. Your mental and emotional states are too fragile right now. When things settle down I will certainly inform you as I did the team.”

“Meaning I’m too fucked up?”

“Mr. G. Callen!”

He shrunk down in the chair. “Sorry.”

“I am damn well tired of hearing your sob story. Do you understand me?”

He nodded.

“No one around believes you are crazy or messed up.” Hetty got inches from his face. “What happened with this CIA handler is not your fault.”

He swallowed hard and sighed.

“I need to know about this house. When did you purchase it?”

“Why?”

“Mr. Callen don’t try my patience. Simply answer the question.”

“I can’t.” He started to get up.

Sam pushed him back down onto the chair. “You’re going to answer her question.”

He shivered. “I can’t.”

“Must I use more drugs on you?” Hetty asked.

He shook his head.

“Talk, G.”

Tears welled up in his eyes. “I… she… please don’t make me talk about this.” He squirmed on the chair. “You don’t understand what you’re asking me to do.”

“I probably don’t, Mr. Callen. This is an order. You are _my_ agent—“

“I quit.”

“Not happening.”

“Well, screw you Hetty, I _am_ quitting.” He tried to stand again. Sam pressed hard on his shoulders keeping him seated. “Let me up.”

“Talk to Hetty, G.”

“No!” Callen yelled and buried his face in his hands. “I can’t do this. You don’t understand. Please.”

“Tell me why.” Hetty pulled up a chair and sat before him. “What did Agent Chang do to you?”

“Oh hell.”

She grasped his hands and pulled them away from his face. “No matter what she did you are not to blame.”

Tears fell on his cheeks. “It’s hard to talk about.” He bowed his head and lowered his voice. “She made me choose. I had to do this.”

“When?”

“Six months ago.”

“You bought the house then?”

He nodded.

“The weapons arsenal?”

He shook his head.

“Mr. Callen.”

He hated that drawl in her voice. “Five months ago.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe drugs might help you remember.”

“No, please. Can’t do that any more. Don’t make me. Don’t drug me.” He started to cry.

Sam pulled up a chair, sat down, and surrounded his shoulders with an arm. “I’m here for you, man.”

“Can’t.” He shook his head. “I remember I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“What would help you talk about it?” Hetty asked.

“Nothing.”

“Embarrassed, Mr. Callen?”

He nodded.

“Remember this, you are the CIA’s operative and she is your handler. None of this is your fault.”

Callen glanced up at her and his jaw dropped.

“I figured this out this morning with Mr. Beale.”

“Makes sense but doesn’t erase what she did to me.”

“Ah yes, Mr. Callen, torture can be a bitch. The body remembers it for years and years.”

“I lied, the first time was eight months ago in Newark, NJ.”

“Why were you there?”

“Assignment for you.”

“Don’t remember the assignment. Mr. Beale will you pull up the events calendar for May.”

“It’s here Hetty.”

“The video for the assignment?”

“She contacted him.”

“Where?”

“The hotel.”

“Mr. Callen, I remember that assignment now. You insisted on your own room. I protested and you did your usual manipulations to get me under your thumb. She wanted it that way?”

He shuddered, seeing and feeling her closeness. Flashbacks bombarded his brain. He squirmed in his chair trying to get away from her. A gun in his back reminded him to do as she said. Get a separate room.

“Mr. Callen?”

He startled.

“Flashbacks, G?”

He nodded.

“Tell me what you are seeing,” Hetty said.

“Her in the hotel lobby, close to me, holding a gun at my back, telling what to do and… I obeyed her.”

“She wanted the separate room.”

He nodded.

“Then what?”

“She said I had a new assignment. When she told me about it I refused to do it.” He stopped and wiped the tears from his face with the back of his right forearm. “And as usual she said I would be sorry, was I ever.” Callen sniffled. “She brutally raped me until I acquiesced.” He sobbed, shudders wracking his whole body.

Sam drew G into his side, holding him close. “I think that is enough, Hetty.”

“I agree, Mr. Hanna. Take him back upstairs. Nate please sedate him.”

“No! No drugs. I told you what you wanted to know.”

“And now you need to rest.”

“You bitch! How dare you do this to me?”

Hetty eyed Nate who switched places with her.

Nate sat down and opened his black bag.

“Hate it. Don’t do it.”

“Just something to calm you.”

“Drug me that’s more the truth.” He squirmed trying to free himself.

“Easy, G, let him give you this.”

“Why? So you can all rape me while I’m drugged out of my mind?”

“Did she do that to you, Mr. Callen?”

He averted his eyes.

“Mr. Callen.” Hetty grasped his chin and got in his face. “I am not the bitch who did this to you.”

“Sorry, please, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I’ll follow your orders. Please let me go. Please don’t, please.” Callen sobbed his chin dropping to his chest.

Hetty released him and stepped back. “Get him out of here. I am through with him.”

“What? Through with me? You’re going to fire me? I hate you bitch!”

Nate prepared a syringe.

“Don’t drug me. I promise I’ll do it.” Callen squirmed on the chair.

“Calm down.” Nate eyed Sam.

He switched sides and held G’s left arm still.

“Don’t help him. Damn you.”

“Easy, G.”

Nate medicated his patient. “You’ll feel better soon.”

“Better? After she’s through with me? I don’t understand. Please help me understand.”

“Relax G.” Sam stroked his shoulder and arm.

“Take him upstairs,” Nate said.

“Come on G.” Sam helped his partner to stand and guided him toward the stairs.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen feels suicidal and has felt that way for months. Hetty wants to know why that started.

“Nate?” Callen lifted his head, searching the room for him.

“Right here Callen. What do you need?”

“More,” he said his voice groggy from the sedative Nate had given him.

“You’re maxed out.”

“No, need more.”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Where’s Sam?”

“He’s talking to Hetty.”

“Great, about what?”

“Probably you.”

“Drug me.”

“Callen, no more. Go back to sleep.”

“Damn you! Take these handcuffs off.”

“Sorry, Hetty’s orders, can’t do that.”

He tested the handcuffs pulling hard on them. When the door opened Callen startled. “Sam, please help me.”

“Not happening, G. You’re settled in for the night.”

“No dinner?”

“You ate.”

“I did?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I forgot. Nate won’t give me any more medication.”

“Not my problem. If you’re maxed out then you’re maxed out.”

Callen lifted his head. “Screw you both.”

Sam sat on the bed next to him. “You’re the one who’s handcuffed to the bed. Looks as if you’re screwed.”

“I hate you.”

“For now, I’m sure you feel that way.”

Callen rolled over as much as he could and faced the windows.

“Angry?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“I want to die,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper.

“You what? G, you’ll find a way to make it through this.”

“I don’t want to make it through this. I don’t care any more.”

“Why are you saying—“

“Has any woman ever raped you? No! So don’t tell me I’ll make it through this.”

“Mr. Callen stop this right now,” Hetty said when she entered the bedroom. “We are all here to help you.”

“Right. Drug me and help me. Great. I’d rather die than be interrogated by you again.”

“G, don’t say—“

“Don’t Sam, it’s how I feel.”

“Ashamed.”

“Screw you Hetty!”

“Did I hit a sore spot? Thought so. That is the bottom line here.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“You have Mr. Callen. It is all over your journals.”

“You read my journals on my laptop?”

“Yes, Mr. Callen.”

“I’ll kill you, bitch.”

“Please reserve usage of that word for Agents Chang and Myers.”

“Please reserve? What the hell? You peruse my private files on my computer and you think—“

“Mr. Callen, you should know by now that anything which pertains to your job is my business. You have held this back far too long. When did these feelings start?” Hetty came over to the window side of the bed.

Callen closed his eyes.

“I see. Resistance.”

“So.”

“I can have Nate give you a stimulant.”

His eyes flew open. “You wouldn’t.”

“But I would. Again Mr. Callen, when did these feelings start?”

“You don’t play fair.”

“Certainly I do. It is you who have withheld information.”

He sighed.

“When?”

“Eight months ago.”

“When she raped you and forced you to submit to your new assignment?”

“I didn’t agree. I refused to do it.”

“Good for you, Mr. Callen.”

“No, the stupidest move I ever made.”

“How so?”

“I left out some info. I had to.”

“Tell me.”

“She contacted me again two months later.”

“Were you on a mission for me?”

“When am I not?”

“Do not get mouthy, Mr. Callen.”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“So Eric can track me?”

“Yes.”

“And you can watch the juicy details?”

“Mr. Callen, I assure you I don’t find watching your rape pleasurable.”

He swallowed hard. She lied. They all lied. And now he knew for certain she was one of them.

“We were on assignment in San Diego.”

“I remember that, Mr. Hanna. Mr. Beale please pull up the videos from San Diego.”

“Lovely, you have videos of everything?”

“I try to keep a record of all assignments in case there is a problem which needs to be readdressed.”

“Great.”

Eric entered the room with this laptop. “This isn’t good, Hetty.” He opened it and showed her.

“I can see why you have a problem, Mr. Callen.”

“What problem?”

“Feeling suicidal.”

“Great.” He knew what they were looking at too. Video of him being gang raped in an alley behind a hotel. Callen shivered remembering the horrible rapes. Agent Chang brought her thugs to rough him over to get what she wanted.

“I can see why you stopped resisting her assignment.”

Callen felt heat rising from his chest into his face.

“I still need to ask you what she asked you to do. It is difficult to make out what the woman is saying to you.”

“I can understand most of it,” Eric said. “I’d prefer not to tell you in front of Callen. I wouldn’t want to hear it again if I were him.”

“Okay, let us go downstairs. Any missing information, Mr. Callen, and I will be coming back up here for it.”

“Just great. I don’t want to hear about it.”

“You will.” Hetty and Eric left.

“Get this piece of shit off my arm!”

“G, stop.”

“I need to relieve myself.”

“What didn’t you just say so?”

“I just did.” He yanked hard on the handcuffs and yelped.

“Stop that and let me get them off.” Sam unlocked the handcuffs and helped his partner sit up.

“I don’t need your help. Get your damned hands off me.”

He sat next to his partner. “Quit biting me.”

Callen glanced at him sideways.

“I’m trying to help you, stop being a butt hole.”

“Sorry.”

Sam stood and helped his partner to stand.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen has another nightmare and remembers some horrific things the two agents did to him.
> 
> Hetty inadvertently triggers the nightmare again and Callen makes a run for it.

Callen knew Hetty would return soon and ask other questions not answered by those videos. He had a plan in his head. Pretend he was asleep. The memory of her returning to force Callen to purchase the weapons was horrifying. Etched in his mind forever. And someone else was there. Someone was with her.

Hetty stood at the door to her agent’s master bedroom.

He shivered seeing her shadowy figure. “Go away!” Callen yelled, yanking on the handcuffs.

“I need more information, Mr. Callen.”

“Not giving it.”

“Then I will resort to torturing your willing body.” She closed the gap between the door and him.

Callen yanked harder on the handcuffs. He realized that both his hands were now cuffed. He shuddered and freaked out the closer she came. “Stay away from me, bitch!” Callen yelled. He twisted and turned his body trying to free himself.

Now she stood by the bedside, leering at him. He screamed and kicked and arched his back. Sweat poured off his brow and down to his chest.

She reached out to touch his head.

Callen bolted upright in bed and screamed.

“G, calm down.”

“Get away from me.” He climbed out of bed and pressed himself against the closest wall, trembling.

“It’s Sam, G.” He kept his voice soft and calm.

“Where… am I?”

“Your home in Idyllwild.”

He took in a deep breath and let it go with a long sigh.

“Okay?”

“Not really.”

“Want to talk about it?” Sam climbed out of bed and plopped down in one of two chairs. “Come sit next to me. I promise I won’t bite.”

Callen inched over to his partner.

“Come on, man, not going to hurt you.”

He slumped down on the chair.

“Horrendous nightmare?”

“Yeah.”

“Talkative?”

“As per usual. Can you turn off the intercom?”

“Done deal, G. I did that earlier this morning when you had a doozy of a nightmare.”

“How many?”

“At least four times.”

“Everyone heard me?”

“Only the first time. The worst were the last three times.”

“She was in my nightmare.”

“Agent Chang?”

“Yeah. It was about Hetty wanting more information. Hetty and her were transposed over each other. It was Hetty standing in the doorway. It was Hetty standing over me and leering at me. It was Hetty saying she’d torture me to get the information.” And he neglected to tell him about the other shadowy figure.

“What information?”

“Why did I buy the guns?”

“Why did you, G?”

“I knew you’d ask. I don’t know. I didn’t get to that part in the dream. Every time I get close to that part I freak out in the nightmare.”

“Describe freak out.”

“First off, both hands are secured to the bed frame with handcuffs. I struggled to get away from her. I freaked out because I can’t get away from her.”

“Makes sense, G.”

“And she’s going to interrogate me.” Callen sprung off the chair, went to the window and started to open it.

“Hey G! Stop! What are you doing?” Sam followed him.

“I need to get away.” He bashed the screen out with both hands.

“G stop.” Sam placed his hands on his partner’s shoulders.

“Oh hell, please don’t. Don’t hurt me.”

He surrounded his partner’s waist and held him. “Easy, G, easy, it’s Sam. Not going to hurt you.”

Sobs wracked his body.

“That’s it let it go, G.”

“She’s coming, please let me go, please.”

“No one is here but our team.”

“Where am I?”

“Idyllwild.”

“I’m losing it, man, losing it.”

“No, you’re fine, you’re survived horrible abuse.” Sam rocked him. “Easy, let it go, G. I want to hold you.”

“No way. Don’t do that.”

“Okay, let’s get you back to bed.”

“No!” Callen kicked backward and turned to punch his partner.

Sam wrestled him onto the bed.

“Bastard, damned bastard,” he said with a muffled voice his face buried in the bedspread. Handcuffs placed on his both wrists caused him to shiver. “You don’t need to do this. I’ll behave.”

“I need to do something, G, you’re out of control.”

“I’ll behave. I’ll calm down. Why both wrists? I don’t understand.” Tears flooded his eyes.

“Calm yourself, G.” Sam lifted him up and seated him on one of the chairs.

“Take them off. Why are you doing this?”

Sam called down the hallway for Hetty and Nate.

“You aren’t doing this to me.” Callen yelled at his partner. “Release these.”

“Sorry, G, I think this is more of the information Hetty’s needs.”

“Screw Hetty—“

“What did you say, Mr. Callen?”

He tried to get off the chair but slid back down onto it. “I said… forget it.”

“It is obvious you have some information for me. I can tell by the way you are acting.”

Sam vacated the other chair and Hetty settled down on it.

“I’m not talking to you.”

“Why is the window open, Mr. Hanna?”

“He wanted to get away.” Sam closed and locked it.

“Maybe we need to screw all the windows—“

“Don’t you dare, bitch!” Callen thrust upward. Sam pressed down on his shoulders. “Stop! You can’t do this. This is my house. I’m a federal agent.”

“Settle down, Mr. Callen.”

“Screw you.” He faced the windows.

“Tell me what I need to know and Mr. Hanna will remove the handcuffs.”

“Go screw yourself.”

“That sliver of soap can be created here, Mr. Callen.”

“So you _are_ that bitch.” He refused to look at her.

“I want him handcuffed to the bed, both arms.”

Callen freaked out inside. Flashbacks bombarded his brain. She _was_ one of them. With strength he couldn’t muster before, he lifted off the chair and ran for the door.

“Get him.”

“No,” Sam said, “I can’t do it this time. Callen’s nightmare included what you just asked me to do.”

“Hm, sorry I said it now. He’s probably gone off half cocked. Bring him back here and keep him seated. I will have Nate medicate him in the chair.”

“What if he won’t come back in here?”

“Pick him up and carry him.”

“Great, no way am I getting kicked again.”

“He went ballistic?”

“Yes.”

“I am turning the intercom system back on after you find him. Nate can sedate him in there.”

“I take it you aren’t doing a session.”

“Not in his state.”

“Thanks Hetty.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen makes a run for it.
> 
> Sam comes after his partner.

Callen tucked himself backward on his butt into the upstairs’ utility room closet. It was a difficult move because of the handcuffs. Every inch he backed into the closet caused excruciating pain in his arms and ribs. He bit his lower lip to keep from crying out. Callen slowed his breathing and waited. The bitch was here. She would find him. Remain calm. Keep quiet.

“G?”

He shuddered.

“G? Come on, man, I’m here to help you.”

The bitch was with him. Maybe it was the other bitch. Maybe it was both of them coming to hurt him. Coming to torture him again. One to program. Two to rape. He shuddered again. And that other shadowy figure. Callen couldn’t see the face but it was familiar. It was the same one he feared hid under his bed as a child. The bogeyman. Yet for him the bogeyman existed. He _was_ real.

“G? Where are you? Hetty isn’t going to put you through a session. Let’s get those handcuffs off you.”

He swallowed hard hearing the word, handcuffs. Callen wanted to scream at him that he was a liar but held back. Can’t be found again. Keep quiet.

“G, I know you’re in here. I see some blood. The handcuffs must be digging into your wrists. Are you sure you don’t want me to take them off?”

Callen bit his lower lip again.

“Must be hurting, G.”

He could see the shadow of his partner under the door.

Sam opened the closet door. “Come on, G, let me get you out of there.”

“Get away from me.”

“I’m going to pull you out.”

“No!” Callen scooted backwards forcing himself further into the closet. He yelped.

Sam sat down on the floor just outside the closet. “Not going to hurt you.”

“Liar.”

“Why are you saying—“

“You put these damned cuffs on me again.”

“I’m sorry, G, you were out of control.”

“Screw you! You know why.”

“Yes, and what was I supposed to do to prevent you from climbing out that window?”

“Sit on me. Lay on me to calm me down.”

“I guess I could have tried that first. Sorry, G.”

“And then she came, the bitch, telling me she wasn’t the bitch. She is the bitch, damn it. She wanted to handcuff both my hands to the bed.” Callen breaths came fast and hard.

“Calm your breathing, G.”

“Shut up, just shut up.”

“She’s not cuffing you to the bed.”

“Bull shit! I heard her.”

“I told her about your nightmare and she’s not doing it.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Callen winced from the pain in his wrists.

“At least let me see what you did to your wrists.”

“Screw you.”

“G, come on, man, we’re partners.”

“You treated me like I was a prisoner.”

“I refused to follow Hetty’s orders.”

“What?”

“You heard me. She asked me to drag you back there and handcuff you to the bed. I flat out refused her orders.”

“She angry with you?”

“Thankfully she understood when I told her about your nightmare. Let me see your arms, G.”

“You have to promise me something first.”

“What?”

“No drugs.”

“Can’t do that, G.”

“Then I’m not coming out.”

“I’ll drag you out if I have to.”

Callen scooted backward another couple of inches. He yelped again.

Sam reached into the closet and grabbed one of his partner’s feet.

“Bastard! Let go of me!”

Sam saw that look in his partner’s eyes which meant he either having flashbacks or was in a memory. He pulled hard, wrestling him out of the closet and onto his lap.

“Oh hell, no, please don’t hurt me. No more drugs. I’ll do it. I promise. Whatever you want. Tell me, you can tell me now.”

“Calm yourself, G,” he said stroking his partner’s back. “Easy.”

“She’s going to get me. You need to let me go.”

“G, did she come to this house?”

He swallowed hard. “I was supposed to tell her where it is. Sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Easy, man, did you?”

“Never. Couldn’t do it. She tortured me at… my apartment.”

“Is that why you didn’t like your apartment? You told Hetty it was a different reason.”

“I lied.”

“You have done that quite a few times.”

“I had to. I needed to hide what happened. Please don’t tell her.”

“You know Hetty will want to know.”

“Great, just great.”

“Sorry, G, at least it won’t be happening tonight.”

“Can you take these off me?”

“In a bit.”

“No, now!”

“G, stop escalating, I’m not taking them off until we finished having our little chat.”

“Screw you, I’m done.”

“If I were you, I’d think twice about shutting this down. Hetty gets winds of it she’ll insist on a session tonight.”

Callen lowered his chin to his chest.

“Sorry, man. I need to know what was going on with you in the bedroom.”

“I told you,” he said keeping his chin in place.

“I need more information. The guns.”

He sighed. “Can’t you give me a break on that?”

“No.”

“I’m not talking about it. Too much torture and other things.”

“She raped you?”

Tears welled up in his eyes. He nodded.

“I’m sorry, G.”

“After she tortured me I still wouldn’t agree to buying the guns.”

“What are they for?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember what she said. I know she told me. But there’s no memory.”

“Amytal might help bring that out.”

“No drugs, you promised.”

“I said no drugs for an interrogation tonight.”

“What?” Callen lifted his head. “Bastard!”

Sam shoved him off his lap and onto the floor face down.

“Fuck, that hurt.” A throbbing pain reverberated through his rib cage.

“Wish I could hurt you more for calling me a bastard, but you’re my partner.” Sam stood and lifted Callen off the floor. “Let’s see these wrists.” Sam examined them. “Maybe some antibiotic and some gauze for padding. “Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Don’t ask.” He placed a huge hand on his partner’s neck and squeezed. “Move.”

“You don’t have to get mean about it.”

“Apparently I do.” He guided him toward the master bedroom.

Callen stopped a few feet from the door and started to back up.

“Move!”

“Can’t.” He shuddered.

“No one is going to hurt you. I promise.”

“Hetty,” he said his voice lowered.

“She’s not going to hurt you.”

“You’ll protect me?”

“Sure, man, you bet.” Sam pulled his partner back against his chest, hugged and released him. “Easy, G.” He walked with him into the bedroom. “Let’s get you into bed.”

“What about dinner?”

“I’ll bring you some later. You need a nap right now.”

“I _am_ tired.”

“Stress will do that to you.” Sam brought his partner over to the window side of the bed. “Sit.”

Callen sat down. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement and startled. He sprang off the bed.

“Easy, G, sit.”

“No drugs.”

“A tranquilizer,” Nate said.

“Great, just wonderful.”

Sam pressed on his shoulders. “Sit, G.”

“Can’t, I can’t do that. Can’t do drugs.”

“Easy, G, sit. I don’t want to get rough with you.”

“I’m not getting drugged.”

Sam wrestled G onto the bed face down. Nate injected the medicine into the IV shunt.

“Ouch, that hurts.”

“Ouch?”

“Well, it does.”

“But ouch?” Sam smirked.

“This isn’t funny, Sam.” The medicine coursing through his veins and heading toward his brain relaxed his mouth. “Maybe it was, don’t know any more.”

“That’s it, G, relax and let it go for now.” Sam removed the handcuffs from his partner’s wrists. He tucked him under the covers.

“You going?”

“I have a little work to do in here.”

“In here?” Callen asked his speech slurred and sluggish.

“Close your eyes and rest.”

Before he closed his eyes he saw Nate kneel on the bed and inject something else into the IV shunt. “What?”

“A sedative, Hetty just requested it.”

“Wonderful, I’ll be in a stupor now.” He hated being stupefied with drugs. Hated the feeling. He wondered much longer it would be before he could find his way out of here. Worst of all, he hated being controlled by others.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen receives an assignment and doesn't like what he has to do to prepare for it.

The first thing Callen noticed when he awakened a little after six in the morning were the screwed shut windows. Bastard! The second thing Callen noticed were no handcuffs. _Thank you_. The third thing he noticed was it was not his master bedroom at Idyllwild. Oh shit! He slid out of bed crouching low to the ground. Callen inched toward the door and tried to open it. Locked? What the? He glanced around the room noticing this door was the only one except for the bathroom door. He grasped the handle again and turned it. It opened.

“G, what are you doing out of bed?” Sam asked.

“I needed to find out where I was.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Why are the windows screwed shut in my room?”

“Hetty’s orders.”

“And why I’m not in the master bedroom.”

“Hetty’s orders.”

“No handcuffs.”

“Hetty’s orders.”

“You’re sounding like a broken—“

“Hetty’s orders. Get back into bed, now.”

Callen backed up to the bed and sat down. “What’s going down?”

“That’s my line, G. Get into bed.”

“I need to know.”

“On a need to know basis, Mr. Callen. At this time you do not need to know. Get into bed.” She stood at the door staring at him.

“Okay, I get the point.” He climbed under the covers and propped his head up on several pillows.

“Better, G.”

Hetty sat in the only chair. “I have an assignment for you, Mr. Callen.”

“What if I refuse?”

“There is no option of refusal.”

“I’m not ready to do that.”

“Tough, you are my number one agent. You will do this. Get him ready, Mr. Hanna.” She left.

“What was that about? What’s with the mystery?”

“Consider it a mystery assignment, G.”

“Great.”

“Go take a shower. Use the equipment in the bathroom.”

“What equipment?”

“Do it, G, or I will do it for you.”

Callen’s jaw dropped. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Go into the bathroom and look.”

He strode into the bathroom and stared at the items on the sink’s countertop. “No way in hell.” He yelled. No way was he giving himself an enema. No way was Sam giving him an enema.

Sam came into bathroom. “Then I will.”

“That’s… not happening.” Callen backed into the bathroom and forced himself against the farthest wall. He felt as if he were plastered against the wall.

“Easy, G, this is necessary for your assignment.”

“No assignment needs that. It’s not happening.”

“Easy, man. Either you do it or I will need to do it for you. Hetty’s orders.”

“What type of assignment is this?” he asked stalling as usual.

“No more forthcoming information, G.”

“Well, screw you!” Callen rushed him trying to run past.

Sam wrestled him into a chokehold and starting stripping him.

“Don’t do this, please Sam.” He kicked backwards.

“Don’t fight this, G, it’ll make things worse. I’ll tighten my grip and you’ll lose consciousness.”

Callen froze knowing that meant he wouldn’t be able to resist his partner’s assault on his body. He willed his body to become limp and relaxed.

“That’s it, G.” Sam finished stripping off his partner’s clothes and side-stepped him toward the shower.

“I’ll do it myself.”

“You had your chance.”

“What about your clothes?”

“Coming next.”

Uncontrollable shivers wracked Callen’s body.

“Cold?”

He shook his head.

“You having a flashback, G?”

He nodded.

“Talk to me about it.”

“I can’t. Afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Can’t.”

“Me?”

He nodded.

“I’m not going to hurt you, G. I hope you know that by now.”

“No.”

“Have I ever—“

“Just shut up! Stop this.”

“Easy, G, what’s going on with you?”

“It’s more than a flashback.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I don’t want to get you angry with me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s what happened with the DEA.”

“Really? I recall you never talked about this aspect of your career. As a matter of fact, you’ve omitted it from all conversations and even side tracked me when I asked you about it.”

“Had to. I wasn’t ready to divulge anything about it.”

“But you remember what happened?”

Callen sighed. “I have flashbacks everyday about what happened there.”

“You need to tell someone what happened.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” He sighed again.

“Change of plans. Get dressed.” Sam released him and stepped out of the shower. “Be right back.”

Callen dressed in his sweats, shivering and shaking from the flashbacks now bombarding his mind.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen shows his partner his fully equipped gym and pool and gets triggered.

Sam reentered the bedroom and found his partner sitting on the bed staring out the window. “All right, G?”

He nodded.

“How about some exercise?”

“A run? Really?”

“Yes, Hetty thinks it would do you some good.”

“Can we work out afterward?”

“Work out? Where?”

“I’ll show you.”

“What else do you have around here we don’t know about?”

“You’ll see.” Callen smirked.

“You in a good mood now?”

“As long as I don’t have that… thing stuck up me.” He cringed remembering what his partner tried to do to him in the bathroom. And what another man had done to him. Then the memory was gone.

“It’s going to happen, G.”

“What?”

“Later.”

“Great.”

“When you’re relaxed.”

“You’re drugging me? Is that it?”

“Stop, man, stop escalating.”

“Me escalate?” Callen pointed to his chest.

“Stuff it! Show me where this work out room is. I got to see this.”

“You think I’m lying?”

“Pulling my leg for sure. Hetty combed your entire property with a fine toothed—“

“Did she look in the garage?” Callen took the back stairs two at a time. When he came to the bunker he sighed. “I forgot you guys totally demolished my bunker door.”

“What would you have done if I did the same thing?”

“Destroy it.” He walked out a side entrance and strode toward the garage. To the right of the door was a hidden panel. He lifted it and placed his hand on the flat vertical surface.

“Paranoia?”

“Screw you. Security. I have my reasons.” He opened the door and walked into his own private gym.

Sam’s jaw dropped.

“I like the reaction. Thought I was lying to you. I know you.”

“Yeah, I’ll admit I doubted you. This is top of the line, man.” He strode over to the weight lifting machine and checked it out.

“Like it?”

“Did you buy this for me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, you selling on the side?”

“What?”

“Where did you get the money to do this?”

“The weapons and the bunker.”

“You ripped off money from that?”

“Siphoned it.”

“Ripped it off.”

“I deserved every dime of it.” Callen slumped down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. “Try it out.”

“You working out with me, G?”

“Taking a break, not ready for that.”

“I’ll spot you on them.”

“I said no, now quit pushing it.”

Sam came over to him. “What’s with you?”

“The shower.”

“Still harping on that?”

“It triggered me for some reason and I don’t know why.”

“So it wasn’t about the DEA?”

“Somewhat.”

“What kind of half-lie is that?”

“Stop. I’m through with your crap. Give me a break. I have something special to show you.”

“This is special enough for me and knowing you thought about me while you purchased this makes it even more special.”

“This is even better.” Callen took a remote out of a drawer in the coffee table and pressed a button.

“Holy—“ Sam’s jaw dropped again.

“Like it? I know how much we both like swimming.”

“Incredible piece of equipment.”

“Half sized Olympic. Hot tub too.”

“You thought of everything. We could exercise in here and forget about jogging outside. Let’s take a swim.”

“I don’t have trunks.”

“Who cares.” Sam started to take off his sweatshirt and stopped when his saw partner become pale. “G?” He put his sweatshirt back on. “What’s going on, man?”

Callen dropped the remote and sprung off the couch. He backed over to the door, slid against a wall and shook.

“G, what’s going on? Talk to me.” He approached him from the side.

“Stay away from me.” He yelled. “You bastard!”

“Tell me what I did so I can—“

“Screw you! Don’t play me.”

“Calm—“

“You want me to be calm? What the hell is wrong with this picture?”

“If you tell me—“

“I’ll tell you when I’m damned well ready to.” He grasped the door knob.

Sam grabbed him from the side and pushed him face first against the wall.

“No, bastard, let me go!”

“It’s Sam, G, easy.”

“You’re a damned liar.”

“I’m not lying, G.”

“Get off me.”

“When you settle down.”

Callen pushed backward against his assailant.

“Not going to happen. Relax.”

“So you can rape me again?”

“I haven’t raped you once.” He lowered his voice keeping it calm and soft.

“Damned liar.”

“Tell me where I perpetrated this despicable act on you.”

Callen swallowed hard. “The pool.” He whispered.

“We haven’t gone swimming in your pool. You just showed it to me.”

He shivered seeing them rape him again and again.

“Who did this to you?”

“Can’t.”

“I’m stepping back and releasing you.” Sam stepped aside and stood in front of the door.

Callen backed away from the wall and stopped. He didn’t look to his left or right. He froze in place.

“What do you need, G?”

“Can’t talk to you about this.”

“Can we work out on the equipment?”

“Go ahead.”

“Together, you know some male bonding.”

“Screw you!” Callen yelled and ran toward the far side of the gym.

Sam took out his cell phone and text messaged Nate in the house. He needed some help on this one.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen's memory of what the DEA did to him becomes more vivid.

Sam opened the door for Nate and Deeks. All three glanced at Callen in the corner and continued to talk amongst themselves.

“I know what you’re planning to do with me. Bastards!”

Nate walked to the far of the gym and sat on the weight machine bench. “Nice set up, Callen.”

He startled.

“Are you okay?”

“Define okay. If you mean have I gone off the deep end again the answer’s no. Although, Sam might not think so.”

“He believes you’re having a memory.”

“It’s possible.”

“Would you mind coming over to the couch? You might be more comfortable there.”

“Not with the damned door open.”

“The door’s closed.”

“The hell it is!”

“You mean to the—“

“Don’t you dare say it, bastard.”

“Close the door over there, Sam.” Nate faced Sam and tilted his head toward the pool.

Callen watched his partner grab the remote and close the door to the pool area. He sighed.

“Better?” Nate faced his patient again.

“Somewhat. I only want you here.”

“Not happening, Callen.”

“So you can gang rape me?”

“Where’s this coming from?”

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“No. Okay why don’t you sit here on the bench. I’ll sit on the free weights bench.”

“I’ll take the free weights bench.” Callen sat across from Nate, about five feet apart.

“What exactly triggered you?”

“Exactly? Now there’s the mystery answer. If I had an answer do you think I’d be sitting here shivering like a scared rabbit being hunted by a rattlesnake?”

“No. You wanted us to close that room off. Do you think—“

“Don’t you dare even say the word.”

“Okay, I think that is ground zero.”

“Why?”

“You won’t even let me mention the word.”

“I’m leaving.” Callen stood and walked past Nate.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You’d better sit down before the big guy hammers you.”

“Where do you think you’re going, G?” Sam confronted him halfway across the room.

“Upstairs.”

“Fat chance. Sit on the couch.”

“Not happening. Move out of my way.” Callen kept his eye on the door ignoring his partner’s requests.

“You need me to plaster you to the wall again?”

“Screw you!” He made a run for it.

Sam Hanna tackled his partner from behind pinning him to the floor.

“See, this is what I mean, bastard, you’re going to rape me.”

“Damn it, G, you’re telling me who raped you.” He climbed to his feet and pulled his partner up with him. “Move it, over to the couch.” Sam placed his hand on Callen’s neck and squeezed it. “Sit.” He shoved him down on the couch. “Get Eric down here.”

“You mother—“

“Stuff it, G, you’re talking so give it up.” He stood in front of his partner. “Start.”

“No.” He crossed his arms.

“Maybe you need to cool off.” Sam grabbed him by the back of his sweatshirt and yanked him off the couch. He opened the pool door with the remote.

“No! No way in hell.” Callen refused to walk with him.

“Don’t press this, G.” He dragged him toward the pool.

“Please don’t do this. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” He fell to his knees and grabbed his partner’s pants. “I’ll suck your cock.”

“You’ll what?” Sam’s jaw dropped. “What the hell?”

“Please let me. Don’t make me go in there.”

“What the hell did these guys do to you? Was this the DEA?” He released G’s sweatshirt.

Callen scrambled on the hands and knees back to the couch and kneeled there waiting.

“G, did you hear me?”

“I’ll suck your cock.”

“Stop that. Get off the damned floor.”

He curled into a fetal position and started wailing.

Nate rushed over to his patient, grabbed his black bag from beside the couch, and started filling a syringe with medicine.

“What’s going on with him?”

“Possibly a psychotic break. Maybe just a horrendous memory. Hold his arm out for me.”

Sam positioned his partner’s arm for Nate.

“Please don’t give me that stuff. I said I’ll do what you want. You promised you wouldn’t drug me if I did what you wanted me to do.”

“Easy, Callen, let the medicine work.”

“So you can rape me, right?”

“Stop this! I’m tired of hearing you say that.” Sam said.

“You’re drugging when I don’t want it.”

“And you believe we’ll do more to you if we drug you?”

“Yeah.”

“What did they give you?”

“I don’t know,” Callen said with a calmer more sedate voice.

Nate eyed Sam. Together they lifted him onto the couch.

“What did you give me?”

“A tranquilizer for now.”

“And then?”

“Callen, I’m not planning on drugging you as before. You’re forthcoming about what happened.”

“So as long as I’m talking?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t talk about this. So you’ll need to drug me.”

“You want to be drugged? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to feel or think or remember this as I am.”

“I’m not doing that, Callen.”

“You bastard!” He started to stand and fell back against the pillows. “What did you give me?”

“A hefty, double dose, so you got most of your wish granted.”

Callen drew up his knees, locked his arms around them, and rocked himself, closing his eyes.

Nate kneeled before him. “You need to tell us what you’re seeing.”

He shook his head.

“Maybe taking you over to the pool is a good idea. It seemed to help the memory come out.”

“Screw you, Nate.”

“Hits a sore spot?” Nate eyed Sam.

Sam grabbed his partner’s arm and hoisted him off the couch.

“Don’t, please don’t do this to me.”

He dragged him over to the pool’s edge.

Callen shivered and shook.

“Easy, G, talk to me.”

“Can’t.”

“They made you suck their cocks?”

“Please don’t.”

“Yes or no?”

He nodded his head.

“Where were you?”

“Please not that.”

“Who’s house?”

He bowed his head and stared at the tile around the pool’s edge.

“G, who’s house?”

“It was a party for his wife.” A knock on the door made him involuntarily shudder.

Deeks opened the door and Eric entered.

“Eric, I need some names. Callen’s supervisor at the DEA.”

“Got you,” he said, sitting on one of the couches around the coffee table.

“Bastard! Why did you bring him down here? Get the hell out of here, Eric.”

“Ignore him. Keep working on the name. Who else? Does the guy have a wife?”

“You might want to come over here and read about him.”

Sam glanced over Eric’s shoulder. “Holy crap, thanks.” He strode back over to his partner. “He’s Navy, of course you knew that right?” He watched him shake. “What did he do to you, G?”

“Screw you.”

“Come on, G, do I have to force the issue and make you get even more triggered? Is that what you want?”

“Doesn’t matter any more.”

“Why?”

“Now everyone knows my dirty secrets.”

“G, it’s not like that. We’re your team. We care about—“

“The hell you do!” Callen charged at Sam kicking and hitting.

Sam wrestled him into a chokehold. “You want it dirty. I’ll do dirty.” He dragged him over to the shallow end. “No steps this works great for my purposes.”

“You fucker!”

“That I am right now, G. You made it hard and now it’s going to cost you.” Sam stripped off his partner’s sweats. “Like going commando I see.”

“Screw you. Let me go. I’ll kill you. I swear to… please.” The flashbacks flooded his mind. Callen fell limp in his assailant’s arms.

“Yes, that’s it surrender to me. More info when you have it, Eric.” He dragged Callen into the pool.

“Ah yes, he has no wife. Never married.”

“You lied, G, no wife. Tell me the truth.”

“It is the truth.”

“No wife. What part of no don’t you understand?”

Callen shivered even though the pool’s temperature was in the 80s.

“Talk to me, G, you’re trying my patience.”

“And mine too, Mr. Callen.”

Hetty. Callen kicked backwards trying to free himself.

“You want to lose consciousness? I can do that if you wish.”

“Why are you here? I don’t need all of you here.”

“Tell us, G, and everything will stop.”

“Choke me,” he said lowering his voice.

“What did you say?”

“I want you to choke me, damn it. Did you hear me now?” He yelled. “Make me pass out.”

“Is that what he did to you?”

“No one did anything. You said I lied. So no one did anything.”

“Stop doing this, G, stop this crap.”

“I’m a liar, okay, so just choke the shit out of me.”

“Bring him over to the edge, Mr. Hanna.”

Callen kicked and squirmed in his partner’s grasp as he neared the edge.

Hetty leaned over and grasped Callen’s chin, staring into his eyes. “You listen to me good, Mr. Callen. Like or not you’re remembering what happened to you. Understand me? Or else Nate will use narcosynthesis. Have you ever been—“

Callen freaked out hearing Hetty’s last sentence. His eyes flew open wide and he screamed. He pulled away from her grasp twisting and turning his body.

“G, stop this.”

“He’s triggered by something Hetty just said,” Nate said.

Sam dunked his partner under the water with him and came back to the surface.

“Bastard! What are you trying to do to me?”

“Shut you up and stop you from freaking out. Tell me what triggered you just now.”

“Damn you! I’m a liar.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You said I lied.”

“He doesn’t have a wife.”

“I’m not talking about this any more.”

“What? You want me to dunk you again? I’d say you don’t like that. Right?”

“Screw you.” He yelled.

“Tell me or I’ll dunk you.”

“I lied. You said so.”

“One.”

“I’m a liar. Nothing happened, okay, satisfied?”

“Two.”

“What the hell do you want me to say?”

“Three.” Sam dunked under the water pulling his partner with him. He came up for air about a minute later.

Callen spluttered and gasped for air. “You’re killing me?”

“One.”

“Screw this! What do you want me to say?”

“The truth.”

“I told you the damned truth and you told me I lied.”

“Two.”

Callen let out a deep breath and took one in.

“I’m waiting.”

He spoke in a quiet voice, almost inaudible. “I was his wife.”

Sam’s jaw dropped. He released his chokehold and backed away. “Get him out of here. Get him a towel. Now!”

“Yeah, I thought so, bastard!” Callen swam toward to the shallow end.

His partner grabbed him from behind.

“Fuck! Let me go.”

“Why am I the bastard here, huh?”

“You think I wanted to do that? You think I willing went to his party? Bastard!”

“I didn’t say that, G.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m reeling inside, okay, I never… forget it.”

“Yeah, I get it. You now have proof that I’m gay, right.”

Sam slammed G’s body against his and thrust into him, knocking the air out of his lungs. Callen doubled over and fell into the water face down. Sam picked him up and forced him again into a chokehold. His lips inches from G’s ear he spoke. “For the last time, you’re not gay. Now get the fuck out this pool. Get out.” Sam released him and swam the other way.

Callen swayed back and forth with the waves kicked up by his partner swimming away from him, too stunned to move.


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Callen's memory comes to light.

“Mr. Callen get out of the pool.”

“Fuck you, Hetty,” he said under his breath.

“Mr. Callen, if I send Mr. Deeks in there to get you it won’t be pleasant.”

“My pool. I’ll decide when I want to get out.”

“Get him Mr. Deeks.”

Deeks dove into the deep end and wrestled Callen into a chokehold. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll settle down and not struggle.”

Callen relaxed in his arms.

“I’m not gay either so don’t get any ideas.” He smirked.

“I don’t find that funny.” He sucked up a mouthful of water.

“I wouldn’t if I were you.”

Callen spit it out and allowed Deeks to swim them toward the shallow end.

Sam stood outside the pool with two towels. He handed one over to Deeks and placed Callen in a chokehold while drying him off.

“I can do this myself.”

“I’m sure you can. Next time follow orders.”

“Screw you.”

“I’d watch that foul mouth of your around Hetty. You might end up with a sliver of soap in your mouth.”

“Bastard. Why did you leave me?”

“I needed time to think.” He wrapped a dry towel around Callen’s waist.

“Think about how gay I am, right?”

“G, you’re cruising on my bad side, man, so stuff it.” He side stepped his partner over to the couch, released his chokehold, sat down and pulled Callen onto his lap.

“Cozy, huh?”

“G, watch it.”

“Can I at least get dressed?”

“No, Mr. Callen. After this you will be upstairs with Mr. Hanna preparing for your assignment.” She loomed near her agent and glared at him. “Understood?”

“I’m not—“

“Stuff it, Mr. Callen. You will follow orders either awake or sedated. No choice. Right now Mr. Beale has some questions for you to answer. I hope we do not need to use narcosythesis. I won’t hesitate to have Mr. Hanna place you in a chokehold again.”

“I’d love that.”

Hetty grasped her agent’s chin and got in his face. “Watch it, Mr. Callen.” She released him, stepped back and pulled up a chair.

He shivered. “You didn’t invite Kensi—“

Sam pushed G off his lap and wrestled him into a chokehold. “Didn’t you hear what Hetty said?”

“Choke me. Just do it all ready. Damn it, do it,” he said his voice raspy from the tighter than usual hold his partner had on his neck.

Sam released him.

Callen rubbed his neck afterwards.

“Believe me I’d love to do it right about now, but Hetty won’t allow it.” He smirked.

Hetty nodded toward Eric.

“The person you named as the perpetrator isn’t married nor has he ever been married. I did some checking and discovered he’s most likely gay. He frequents gay establishments. He’s got a record as well for assaulting patrons at gay clubs. Who else was there?”

Callen shook hearing the information.

“Easy G, tell him.”

He shivered, flashbacks almost overcoming his defenses. Callen tried to shut them down.

“What are you seeing?”

“Can’t. You’ll be too angry. Angrier than you were in the pool.”

“I wasn’t angry with you, G. I was shocked.”

“Oh. Hard to talk about.”

“I’m right here with you, G.”

“He used a chokehold like you did on me.”

“Did he now? Eric, is he special forces?”

Callen shivered and pulled away from Sam.

“Easy, G, settle back against me.”

“Just get it over with.”

“Get what over with, G?”

“Rape me, stop making me wait.”

Sam shot off the couch and paced the room. “Stop saying that. I never touched you like that, man.”

“But you’re just like him.”

“The hell I am.”

“You are, damn it, you are.”

“How so?” He got in his partner’s face and watched him shake.

“Navy…”

“Say it, damn it!” Sam yelled at him.

“Navy SEAL, okay, you happy, does it make you happy? Bastard! You’re just like him putting me in a chokehold.”

“But I didn’t do it until you passed out, did I? I didn’t do it like him, did I? I suspected this by your strange attitude toward me. The way you’ve been posturing yourself and goading me.”

“No, you didn’t,” he said in a soft voice. “He choked me and made me pass out.”

“While he raped you?”

Callen squeezed his eyes shut, pulled his legs up, locked his arms around them, and shook.

“Easy, G, take your time.”

“Why didn’t you just choke me to death? Why?”

“Gees.” Sam sighed. “You mean him?”

He nodded. “Sorry, Sam, I keep doing that. It’s as if you two are one.”

“Were his buddies SEALs too?”

Callen dropped his knees, leaned over the floor and vomited. “Sorry.”

Nate took Callen off the couch and into the bathroom and cleaned him up. “I think he’s had enough.”

“I know there’s more.”

“Probably so, Sam, but I don’t know if he can handle it.”

Sam strode up to Callen. “You need to tell us what happened in that pool at his house.”

“A nightmare. It was a nightmare.” He kept his head bowed, chin on his chest.

“Can you tell Nate?”

He shook his head and pointed at his partner.

“You sure, G?”

“I need you to hold me.”

“How?”

“Just sit next to me, your arm around my shoulders.”

“Okay, let’s sit next to Eric. I’ll get you a waste basket.”

Sam gathered a waste basket and towel. He took Callen’s hand and led him over to the couch. “Okay, I’m all set.”

He sat down next to his partner. His chin started to quiver. He buried his face in his partner’s side. “Sorry, horrid memories. They drugged me. Told me I was invited to his wife’s birthday party. I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. How stupid I was to believe him. He picked me up at my apartment in his limousine. Spiked my drink. Date rape drug I suspect now. Woke up in his shower… with him… never again.”

“He gave you an enema?” Sam asked.

“Oh hell… yeah.”

“G, I’m sorry had I known I would’ve never—“

“Stop, there’s no way you could’ve known. No way.”

“I knew there was a memory.”

“And you stopped, okay, I’m fine with that. Waste basket, hurry.” Callen grabbed it and hurled. “I’m starting to understand why I’ve overreacted to things you’ve done with me.”

“Sorry I triggered you.”

“Couldn’t be helped. Look at all the things which can trigger me.”

“True.”

“Afterward he made sure I took some more drugs. He said for a good time you will need these. I still didn’t understand what he had in mind.”

“He pre-medicated you and you weren’t aware of his intentions. This isn’t your fault, I hope you know that.”

“They raped me in the pool.”

“They?” Sam asked.

“Some were his friends.”

“And?”

“The rest from the DEA.” He buried his face in Sam’s chest and lowered his voice. “He handcuffed me by my wrists and ankles to huge eye hooks on the deck and under water.”

“I’m sorry, G, makes sense, man. You flipped out on me when I handcuff you.”

He nodded.

“Can I take him upstairs, Hetty?”

“Yes, Mr. Hanna. Let us put off his assignment until he has recovered from this memory.”

“I concur, Hetty,” Nate said.

Sam stood and lifted Callen off the couch with him. “Okay to walk on your own.”

“Yeah.” He started for the door and fell to the floor.

“G!”

Nate and Sam flew over to his side.

“He fainted,” Nate said checking Callen’s pulse. “Weak and thready, probably shock from what he’s remembering.”

“I’m carrying him this time.” He lifted G into his arms and carried him out the door.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen continues to remember the horrid abuse by his DEA supervisor.

“Hetty, I’m not arguing with you, just disagreeing.”

“That you are Mr. Hanna.”

“I don’t like him going out there with this guy possibly knowing Callen told us what happened to him.”

“And you suggest?”

“Scrub the assignment.”

“Mr. Hanna I believe you want to scrub it because of the required enema. True?”

He sighed. Caught in a lie wasn’t good when it came to Hetty.

“Well?”

“Yeah.”

“You see Mr. Hanna, Mr. Callen did many assignments with that possibility being true and nothing happened to him. Well, except the usual getting shot at for being an agent.”

“But they contacted him and abused him.”

“I am giving Mr. Callen two weeks to prepare for his assignment.”

“That should help with recovery time.”

“Not what I had in mind, Mr. Hanna. Get him into that gym of his and get him back into shape.”

“I hope he doesn’t get triggered.”

“When he does you will be there to pick up the pieces, right? And you have the expertise of Nate.”

“Great, some assignment.”

“Complaining Mr. Hanna?”

“I had hoped G would get more time to recover from what he just shared.”

“He has this weekend.”

Sam strode toward the door, muttering under his breath.

“Mr. Hanna, I didn’t excuse you.”

He flipped on his heels and faced her.

“If you feel strongly about him needing more time I will give it. Let us see what transpires over the weekend.”

“Thanks. When do you expect we will return to our Los Angeles operation?”

“No ETA, Mr. Hanna. That will be all.”

He stomped up the stairs to the master bedroom suite. After sitting on the bed to remove his shoes and socks, Sam decided to lay down and pull the blanket over himself.

Callen moaned.

“It’s me, G, go back to sleep.” He watched Nate leave.

“I need to talk but without the intercom on,” Callen said, whispering.

“I’ll see if I can arrange it. Why didn’t you talk to Nate?”

“You would have to ask me that.”

“You knew I would.”

“I wish I could punch you one but you’re too strong.”

“Why don’t we rest for a while and I’ll get Hetty to cut the intercom?”

“My tongue is wagging now.”

“Be right back.” Sam slipped out of bed, opened the door, and found Hetty standing there.

“It’s done.” She left.

Sam closed the door and sat in the chair. “That woman _can_ read minds.”

“Or else she has that intercom turned up to the max.”

“I’ll take the second option. What’s on your mind?”

“More happened with that DEA supervisor.”

“I figured as much but thought you could use a break.” Sam sat at the foot of the bed. “I’m here for you, man.”

Callen sat on the side of the bed for a moment before getting up. He stared out the window at the surrounding mountains and hills. “He used me as his—damn, why can’t I just tell you? I hate this.” He sighed. “I can’t look at you or Nate or her.”

“Her?”

“Hetty.”

“I know what you’re thinking. I know what they think.”

“I’m not thinking anything about you, G.”

“That’s a lie. I let them do this to me and I didn’t fight it.”

“They programmed and drugged you. No one can fight that. If it were the same circumstances—“

“Bull shit! You’re a Navy SEAL. They prepare you for situations like this.”

“Not _like_ that. No one can prepare anyone for a scenario like that. Drugs and programming go past all defenses.”

“I thought… maybe I was wrong.”

“I’m not judging you, G, neither is anyone here.” Sam came along side his partner. “Need to be held?”

He shook his head.

“How about we just cuddle on the bed?”

“Nice move, but I’m not gay.”

“G, come on, man, stop fighting this.” He placed his arm around his partner’s shoulders.

Callen jumped and backed away.

“Easy, man, what’s going on?” Sam saw Callen’s tear stained face. “Looks like you could use a hug, nothing more, I promise.”

He crossed his arms.

“Okay, maybe not.” Sam strode back to the chair and sat. “When you’re ready.”

Callen slid past his partner and hurried toward the door.

Sam crossed the room in three huge strides, grabbing G by the waist. “Not happening, G, you’re in here with me.”

“I can’t do this. I need… to get away.”

“From me?”

“Yeah, let me go.”

Sam pulled G tighter into his body.

“Damn it, I said release me.”

“You’re triggered by something, let’s talk—“

“Screw you! Release me or I’ll punch your lights out.”

Sam flipped G around to face him, grabbed his arms and thrust them behind his partner’s back.

“Bastard!”

“I’m not into getting my face hit by you. Settle down. Tell me what I said that triggered you.”

“I’m not triggered.”

“Bull shit, G, you’re crying and shaking.”

He glanced at the floor between them and then up into Sam’s eyes. “I can’t talk about this with you.”

“And you can’t talk about this with Nate. So who are you going to talk about this with? Certainly not Hetty. That leaves Eric, Deeks, or Kensi.”

“Screw you!” Callen pushed his arms to the side, twisting his arms and body to escape Sam’s hold. “Let me go.”

“Promise you won’t punch my lights out and I’ll think about it.”

Callen spit on his face.

“That’s going to cost you, man.” Sam wrestled his partner into a chokehold, slamming G’s body backwards against his. “Is this what you want, G? Huh? You want to be manhandled?”

“Fuck you!”

“You’re the one who’s in the fucked up position, not I.” Sam surrounded his partner torso and both arms with his left arm and squeezed him.

“What the fuck are trying to do to me?”

“Show you who’s in control and it’s not you.”

“You bastard, I swear, I swear I’ll kill you.”

“Like this?”

Callen screamed.

“Go ahead, get it all out of you.”

“Get what out of me?”

“All that anger.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Really, G, could’ve fooled me.” He squeezed him harder and then released him, keeping him in a chokehold. “So he took you some place and manhandled you, right?”

Tears flowed down his face.

Sam felt wetness on his arm. “That’s an affirmative. Did he use you? Did he make you his toy, his boy-toy? Did he pimp you out?”

“Shut up, just shut the hell up.”

“Think I hit the sore spot.” He tightened his chokehold.

“What are trying to do to me? Make me pass out?”

“Working on it. Pimp you out at a gay bar?”

“Bastard!”

“Thought so, considering the man’s background. Had you fucked by anyone he desired, didn’t he?”

He nodded.

“Why do you make me do this to you? Is it the only way you can remember what this sick fuck did to you? I don’t want to hurt you, man, but you asked for this and you know I’ll do it. That’s why you went for the door, right?”

He nodded.

“What do you need from me now?”

“Don’t know.” Callen sighed and relaxed.

“That’s better, G, easy.” He started to release his chokehold.

“No, don’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Need you to hold me.”

Sam released him and lifted him into his arms. “You mean like this?”

Callen relaxed in his partner’s big arms.

“I guess that is an affirmative.” He rocked him. “Any more you need to talk about?”

He buried his face in Sam’s chest and whimpered.

“Easy, G.”

“The bathroom thing. Don’t say it.”

“You’ll have to take that up with Hetty. She’s insisting on it.”

“Can’t you tell me why.”

Sam took in a deep breath and let it go. “If I tell you about the assignment you might freak out.”

“That’s why Hetty’s kept it from me?”

“Yeah.”

“Put me down.”

Sam sat on the bed.

Callen crawled off his lap, hesitated for a moment beside the bed, and made a run for the door. Half way to the door his partner slammed into him, knocking the breath from his lungs, and pinning him to the floor. “Bastard!”

“You’re the bastard for playing me. I believed you were finished.” He placed him in a scissors lock with his powerful legs, rolled him to the side, and put him in another chokehold. “Now, is this how you want to play this, G?”

Callen shivered, tears forming in his ultramarine blue eyes. “Please don’t—“

“Stuff the complaining. You wanted me to tackle your sorry ass.”

He nodded.

“What do you need triggered now?”

“Nothing. Just need it like this.”

“You into abuse?”

“Maybe.”

“Sounds like it to me.”

“Need this closeness and holding me wasn’t working.”

“And this makes you feel?”

“Safe, protected, loved.”

“Interesting, G.” He released his scissors lock and chokehold, kneeled, and drew Callen up with him. Finally he stood and pulled his partner up to stand. Sam side-stepped him over to the bed. After laying on his side he drew Callen into his body and held him close. “Still want the chokehold?”

“No.”

“So you’re not into abuse.”

“Guess not.”

“You had me worried for a moment. Talk to me, G.”

“I can’t do that bathroom thing. I can’t talk to Hetty about it.”

“And you can’t talk to me about it.”

“Right.”

“So who are you talking to, G? It’s got to be Hetty, Nate, or me.”

He sighed. “Tighter please.”

Sam wrapped his legs around Callen’s legs and tightened his grip around his partner’s chest. “Good?”

“Yes. I need to know what I’m doing.”

“From what I’ve seen so far, you couldn’t handle it if I told you.”

The bedroom door opened and Hetty walked in. “When I heard the first scuffle I switched the intercom on. I needed to make sure you were both okay. Mr. Callen, you’re not ready to hear about your assignment.”

“I’m not doing the bathroom thing.”

“You will do it either by yourself or drugged with Mr. Hanna doing it. Your choice.”

“None of the above.”

“I see, Mr. Callen. I suggest we do a dry run on the enema.”

“Don’t say that damned word!” Callen screamed and twisted his body.

Sam tightened his hold on his partner.

“Bastard!”

“Mr. Callen this is precisely the reason I haven’t disclosed the details of your assignment.”

“Bitch, you damned bitch. You’re telling me or I won’t do it. Understand me?”

Hetty closed the space between her agent and her, grasped his chin and scrutinized his face. Inches from it she said, “It is quite obvious to me, Mr. Callen, that you are triggered by the preparations for this assignment. We shall proceed with the preliminaries this weekend instead of waiting. Give him the enema, Mr. Hanna, whatever way it has to be done.” Hetty left the bedroom.

“Nate, I need you,” Sam said.

“No, you can’t, please don’t do this. Just tell me one thing. Is it a GPS? Is she making me swallow a GPS?”

Hetty flew through the door and got in her agent’s face. “Did she make you swallow one? Did the little bitch make you do that? Is that how she tracked you?”

He trembled seeing her up close and angry. Her rage confirmed his suspicions, he shivered.

“Answer me, Mr. Callen.”

“Yeah,” he said his voice quavering.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam prepares G for his assignment.

“I am sorry, Mr. Callen, you are going through with this—procedure,” Hetty said sitting in the chair.

Sam held him in a scissors lock and chokehold.

“You can fight all you want but it is going to happen. Understood?”

“Bitch!”

“Nate please medicate that sassy mouth. His tongue is a little too loose.”

Nate removed a bottle of valium from his black bag.

“Please don’t do this, Nate.”

“It’s a tranquilizer and it will calm you.”

“Right and then you’ll all rape me.”

“Hold him still, Sam.”

He tightened his grip on Callen’s neck.

“You’re choking me too hard. I’ll pass out.”

“Might feel better than an enema, Mr. Callen.”

“You bitch! I hate you all.”

Nate injected the medicine into a vein near Callen’s neck.

“Shouldn’t you do that somewhere else?”

“Works faster here.”

Callen’s muscles relaxed.

“That’s it, G.”

“Isn’t fair.”

“Take him into the bathroom.”

Sam released his scissors lock on his partner’s legs and stood up with him still in a chokehold. He shuffled him toward the bathroom.

“Please don’t do this,” Callen said his speech slurred. “How much did you give me, Nate?”

“More than enough.” He gathered his black bag and sat on the bed waiting.

“Don’t strip me. No, please.” He whimpered.

“Did she drug you, G?” He removed his partner’s sweat pants.

“Why are you asking me this now? Why right here?”

“We need answers, G.”

“Yeah, okay, yeah.”

“And then what?”

“Stop taking my clothes off.”

“Now the sweatshirt, G.” He took a pair of scissors and cut them up the back.

“You bastard!” He twisted his body trying to free himself from the chokehold which was now loose.

Sam tossed the cut up top and pants in the corner.

Flashbacks bombarded his brain, he jerked and writhed and screamed.

“Easy, G, easy, man. The memory is here again as before. Only this time I can’t stop. I must follow through with the procedure.” He finished stripping off his own clothes and stepped into the shower with his partner. The tubing and enema bag were ready to use. He found the lube and inserted the tubing’s end into it. Keeping his partner in a chokehold he bent him over at the waist and forced G’s ass into the air.

“Please don’t do this. I can’t fight this. Don’t, Sam, please.”

He didn’t listen to his partner and inserted the tubing.

“Oh… oh please, no.” Callen twisted and turned his body.

“Hold still, G, stop fighting me. You’re making it hard on yourself. I’ll clamp down on your neck. Is that what you want?”

He shook his head.

“Thought not.” He advanced the tubing inside and stopped. Afterward he started a steady stream of the enema solution. When the bag was half full he turned it off. “Hold this until I tell you release it.”

“In the shower?”

“No.” Sam pulled him out of the shower with him and held him up against a wall next to the toilet.

“Please, feel full.”

“You should.”

Flashbacks. He saw that man raping him before he gave him the enema.

“Sit.” Sam instructed him to sit facing the toilet.

“Why like this?”

“Stop talking. Stop asking questions.” He shoved him forward. “Go.”

Callen shook and shivered and whimpered.

“Quit your complaining and go. If you don’t I’ll be giving you another enema with this one still in you. Now, go. That’s it, G.” He rubbed his shoulders.

“Are you—“

“Enough talking. Wipe yourself. Good. Up we go.” Sam hoisted him off the toilet and guided him into the shower again. He bent him over again. “Stay or I’ll use a chokehold. Understood?”

“No chokehold.” Callen whimpered. “Please, triggered.”

“Hold still and do what I say and you will be out of here soon enough.” He inserted the lubricated tip and pushed the rest of the bag into him. “Hold it.” Sam guided him out of the shower and had him wait by the toilet.

“Please, Sam, no more.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” He flushed the toilet and pushed his partner onto the toilet facing it as before. “Hold it.”

Callen sighed.

“Okay, release your bowels.”

He felt heat rise from his chest into his face.

“No need to be embarrassed, G. This is a basic human need.”

“Yeah, and you’re watching me do it.”

“Stop talking. Wipe yourself.” He lifted Callen off the toilet and guided him back into the shower.

“No more!” He twisted his body to free himself.

“Cut it out, G!” Sam pulled Callen into chokehold and slammed his body backward against his chest.

“Don’t, please, can’t do any more.”

“Quiet down, G. Don’t jump to conclusions.” He brought his partner closer to a huge ceiling shower head, turned the water on lukewarm and held him under the spray.

“Trying to drown me?”

Sam tilted his partner’s head upward.

Callen spluttered and spit water from his mouth.

He pulled him backward and turned up the water’s temperature. “Had enough yet?”

“I’m going to kill you!”

Sam ducked him under the water’s spray again, tilting his head backward.

Callen twisted and kicked trying to free himself.

“That’s it get it all out of your system.”

“You’re drowning me?” He spluttered, spitting out water.

“If you’d stop talking and struggling I wouldn’t be doing this.” He turned the water’s temperature down.

“What the hell are you—get me out of this shower. Bastard!”

“That’s it, G, let it go. You need to release this pent up rage.”

“I don’t have pent up rage, you bastard! You’re freezing my ass off.”

Sam changed the water back to warm and held Callen under the spray.

“Hell! That hurts.”

“Supposed to hurt, G.” He changed the temperature again back to the coldest temperature.

“You mother! Damn you!”

Sam watched his partner’s skin change to near pale blue and switched the temperature to warmer than before.

“That hurts, you damned bastard!” Callen screamed at him and started crying.

Sam released his partner, turned the water to a more reasonable warm temperature, pulling him into his body, stroking his back. “Easy, G, let it go. That’s it.” He rocked him side to side.

Callen buried his face in Sam’s chest and wailed.

“Sorry, G, had to do it. You needed to release something and I could feel it.” He continued to rock him. “Let it all go.” Sam pumped some soap onto his hands and began washing his partner’s back.

“No, please don’t.”

“Just relax, G, and allow me to wash you. You’re safe, G.”

“Afraid.” He trembled.

“Of?”

“The doctor.”

“Nate?”

“No,” he said his voice barely audible.

“Who, G?”

“The doctor who gave me the enemas.”

“More than once?”

He nodded.

“Sorry, G. Would you recognize the doctor’s picture if you saw him?”

“Don’t know.”

“She drugged me and took me there.”

“Sorry, G, that must have been torture.” He hugged him, running his fingers through Callen’s hair.

“No rape, please.”

“I promise, G, no sex at all. Turn around.”

He shook hearing those words and froze in place.

Sam turned him around and started washing his partner’s chest.

“Fuck, stop, I can’t—can’t stop my body.”

“Easy, G, you’ve been abused and made to react to human touch in inappropriate ways. Don’t worry about that.” Sam finished washing his partner’s arms, torso, and groin. He pushed Callen against a wall and finished washing his backside including his buttocks and legs. Afterward he turned Callen around and washed his legs and groin.

“This is embarrassing.”

“Why, G? You’re pretty much incapacitated. If I were you I’d just relax and let it happen.”

Callen closed his eyes and leaned into the shower wall.

“There you go.” He pumped some shampoo onto his hands and washed his partner’s hair and face. “I like this rugged look on you. I think Kensi is right.”

“You coming onto me, Sam?” He smirked, keeping his eyes closed.

“There’s the man I know. Let’s get you rinsed off, G.” He directed his partner under the shower head, rinsed his hair, and turned him to remove all the soap.

“What about you?” Callen winked at him.

Sam shut off the water, grabbed a towel, and handed it to his partner. With another towel he dried Callen. Afterward he took the towel from him and dried himself.

“I’m serious. When do I get to bathe you?”

“This is not a gay thing, G, so drop it.” He saw tears form in his partner’s eyes. “Hey man, it’s all right.” Sam pulled him into a hug. “I hurt your feelings, sorry.” He stroked his back.

“I’m gay then right? I mean I took this to mean you wanted to start something.”

“I see, not what I had in mind, G. Simply bathing you after a stressful day. I thought it would be relaxing to have someone do it for you since Nate medicated you.”

“Now I feel like a total idiot. I thought you were coming onto me.” He pulled back from the hug.

“Easy, G, you construed it that way because of what happened to you, doesn’t mean you’re gay.” Sam brought him into his body for another hug. “That’s it, G relax. I made a promise with Nate and I’m keeping it.”


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam places G in a triggering position.

Callen slept through the night after his ordeal in the shower with his partner Sam. He actually felt relaxed for the first time in years. Another man had lovingly washed his entire body and it felt good. Maybe he had a tendency toward men. Or maybe it just felt good to be touched by a man who truly cared about him. He could not stop thinking about Sam’s hands stroking his body, washing him with soap, washing his hair with shampoo. Callen placed his clasped hands under his head and sighed.

“You awake, G?”

“Yeah.”

“Talkative.”

“Yeah.” He rolled to his side and faced his partner. “That’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in… I don’t know when.”

“You enjoyed the body massage?”

“That’s what it was. Yeah, I got it.”

“You needed it. You were wound tighter than a fined tuned tympani. I agree with your assessment on your sleep. I’d estimate that ever since we’ve worked together you’ve never slept that well.”

“Three years and half years?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks. What was with the water torture though?”

“You were being stubborn as usual and thought I was coming onto you. I wasn’t and only wanted to give you a massage.”

“So you utilized water torture?”

“If you wish to call it that.”

“It felt as if you were trying to drown me or water board me.”

“You resisted my ministrations.”

“Sorry. I didn’t get it until this morning.”

“You’re slow, G.”

Callen lightly punched him in the left arm.

“You want to wrestle?”

“No. Remember you promised.”

“Sure did, G.” Sam rolled on top of him.

“Sam.”

“Yes?”

“You promised.”

“That I did. You punched me first. My turn.” He stretched his body lengthwise on Callen’s until he heard him sigh. “There you go, G relax.”

“You know what this feels like? One big huge massage.”

“Interesting, I’ll need to remember that when you’re stressed. Massage works well on you. Do you wish to talk to me about what transpired last night?”

“Oh hell, you would have to ask me that.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “This is all I want right now.”

“Not enough information, G.”

“Pushy.”

“Sure am, talk.”

“Flashbacks.”

“Talkative.”

“Thanks.”

Sam pressed Callen’s arms above his head.

“Sam, you promised.”

“And I asked you a question. You are debriefing with me. Get to it, G.”

“You know how I feel when you put me in this position.”

“No, tell me.”

“Stressed.”

“You are quite verbal this morning, G.”

“Can you release my arms?”

“Talk and I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, this is going to sound weird.”

“Try me.”

“When you do this, damn I hope Hetty’s not listening in.”

“Because she’ll think what?”

“I’m gay. I feel turned on sexually when you hold me down like this.”

“Interesting. I’d say it’s probably due to what happened to you and not something you truly feel.”

“So a memory?”

“I would guess so.”

“Great, another damned memory.”

“Only when I hold your arms above your head and lay on you?”

He nodded.

“Let me see if I can accentuate the feeling for you.”

“No! Wait! I don’t know if I want that right now.”

“I think it deserves consideration.”

“What?”

Sam got on his hands and knees and leered at his partner, pressing G’s hands further apart.

“Stop!”

“I think I hit a sore spot.”

“I’ll sore spot you! Get off!”

“Tell me what you’re seeing.”

“Screw you!”

Sam laid down on G again pressing his heftier body into his partner’s.

“You bastard get off me!”

“Talk.”

Tears formed in his eyes.

While holding G’s arms with one hand, Sam reached for the two pairs of handcuffs in the night stand.

“No, please don’t do this to me. You know that triggers me.”

“Yes, and that is why I’m doing it to you.” He clasped one set of handcuffs on G’s left hand to the headboard.

“Bastard!” Callen thrust his body upward trying to unseat his partner. “Stop this.”

“Tell me what’s happening inside your head.”

“You.”

“I’m in your head?”

“Damn you, stop this preposterous crap, Sam.”

Sam clasped the second pair of handcuffs on his partner’s right hand and secured it into the headboard.

“I’ll kill you mother fucker.”

“Spread eagle gets you riled up doesn’t it, G?”

“Bastard, don’t you dare do this to me. Not after last night in the shower. Please.”

Sam climbed off the bed and pulled a pairs leather cuffs attached to metal cuffs out of the drawer.

Callen saw the devices in his partner’s hands and yelled. He twisted and pulled and jerked on the handcuffs on his arms.

“Easy, G, those metal cuffs will cut into your skin if you pull too hard.”

“Take them off!” Watching Sam with the leather cuffs made him feel as if fire ants were crawling all over his body. He yelled and kicked trying to prevent his partner from attaching the cuffs to his legs.

Sam grabbed G’s left leg, held it steady while he secured the leather cuff on the ankle. “Yes, spread eagle ought to get a rise out of you, G.” He attached the metal cuff to the bed frame.

“I’ll give you a rise, asshole!” Callen kicked his right leg toward his partner.

He ducked, G’s foot narrowly missing his head. “I’m quicker though.” He switched sides of the bed and grasped his partner’s kicking foot.

“No! You bastard!” Callen screamed and jerked his foot trying to escape his partner’s hold. “Why are you doing this? What did I do to you, asshole?”

“Easy, G.”

“Easy, my ass, don’t do it.”

Sam clasped the leather cuff around G’s right ankle and attached the metal cuff to the bed frame.

Callen lifted his head and glanced down at his body. “I’ll kill you, bastard, kill you!”

“Get it out, G, tell me what you’re seeing and going through.”

“I tell you all right, I’ll kill you. I’ll go downstairs and get my armor piercing bullets and shoot right through your damned, bulletproof vest, bastard.”

“Who would you like to do that to, G?”

“You!” He spit in his partner’s direction. “Don’t come near me.” Tears flooded his eyes.

“You need to tell me who did this to you.”

Callen yanked on his arms.

“That’s going to leave marks.”

“Who gives a damn!”

“Easy—“

“Don’t easy me, bastard!”

“If you would be forthcoming.”

“You love that word don’t you?”

“Not necessarily. I could use another word if that one bothers you.”

The bedroom door opened. Hetty. Callen startled and strained his head to see where she was headed. Then he saw Nate. “No, no, no. You don’t need to. I’ll calm down. Damn it, please. What are you doing here? What are you doing to me?”

“Mr. Hanna has followed the orders I gave him last night while you slept.”

“What? What the hell? What orders? Restrain me like this?”

“Yes, Mr. Callen.”

“Then what? What are you doing to me, Nate?”

“He’s tranquilizing you so some work can be done on your skin and on your body.”

“What the hell? What do you mean? Sam? Sam, please tell me what’s going on?”

“I’ll see you in a couple of hours, G.”

“What the?” He lifted his head, straining again to hear their conversation. “Don’t leave me with this psychopathic bitch.”

“You need to relax, Callen.” Nate approached the bed with a syringe in his hand and an alcohol swab.

“No, please, I’ll stay calm.”

“Fat chance, Mr. Callen. Go ahead Nate.”

Nate swabbed Callen’s neck and injected the medicine.

“That’s dangerous there.”

“Dangerous if there are bubbles, Callen.”

“What are you doing to me? Please tell me. I have a right to know.”

“You certainly do, Mr. Callen, and when we start placing the transponders I will tell you all about them.”

“Transponders? What the hell?” He yanked on the handcuffs.

“Shouldn’t do that Callen. I can give him something directly into his hands to relax them.”

“Please do.”

“No, don’t. Please. Nate, please don’t do this. Nate!” He screamed watching Nate fill two syringes with a light colored yellow medicine. “Nate! Sam, please, somebody help me. Please, somebody help me.” His head swimming from the tranquilizer, Callen could no longer lift it to see what Nate was doing. His eyelids fluttered several times before feeling as if Sam were sitting on them.


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen is further prepared for medical interventions for his assignment.

What felt like several minutes later, Callen opened his eyes and glanced around the master bedroom. His eyes rested on Nate sitting at the desk in the study. He licked his lips and raised his head once more. His head felt like a fifty pound lead weight. He laid back. “Nate.”

“Yes, Callen?”

“The transponders?”

“Yes?”

“Are they in?”

“The doctor shall arrive shortly, Callen.”

“What doctor?”

Nate stood and stretched, removed a syringe from his black bag and set it on the desk.

“I don’t—“

“Hetty determines the medicines you need. She requested one more.”

Voices in the hallway outside the room changed Callen’s focus to the door. When a doctor strode into the room he cringed and shivered. He tried to move away but his body failed to respond to any muscle impulses. He watched Hetty enter as well. “No, no, no.”

“Did you give him the other medicine?”

“I was just about to do so.” Nate came over to Callen’s side.

“What are you giving me? What are you doing? Please, someone tell me.” He glanced up at his left arm and noticed the return of the IV shunt. This time it was closer to his shoulder meaning the medicine would work faster. He shivered. And his arms had been adjusted more downward. Now he wondered what they had in mind.

“This relaxes your muscles,” Nate said as he injected the medicine.

“No, Nate, don’t do this to me.”

“Hetty’s orders.”

“We will wait a few minutes for that to take effect, Mr. Callen, and then proceed with your implants.”

“Implants? What the hell are you doing to me? I’ll kill him.”

“Mr. Hanna?”

He nodded.

“If you kill off your partner than you will have no one to protect you on your assignment.”

“You bitch!” He tried to spit at her but found his tongue wouldn’t cooperate. “What the hell did you give me?” he asked, his speech now slurred. “I have to pee.”

“Go right ahead, Mr. Callen.”

“In the bed?”

“Callen, I placed a catheter in your—“

“Don’t say it! Oh shit! What the hell are you doing to me?”

“I told you Mr. Callen. Give him the second dose of tranquilizer.”

“No, please, I need Sam. Please, Sam.” He teeth chattered.

“Easy, Callen.” Nate injected the second dose.

“Please don’t do this to me. Sam, please.”

Sam strode over to his partner. “Easy, G, you need to stop resisting the medications.”

“I need you to get me out of here.”

“Not happening, G.”

“Why did you do this to me?”

“Hetty’s orders.”

“You didn’t follow them before. Why now?”

“Preparing you for the assignment.”

“I can’t believe you did this. So the enema, was that bull shit?”

“It was done to trigger you and get the memory out and to clean you out for the procedures the doctor will do.”

“You bastard, I’ll kill you.”

“As Hetty said I think you should resist the urge to do that. You’ll need me on this assignment.” Sam laid on him lengthwise. “Listen, G, my suggestion is you allow the medicines to work and let Hetty do her job. The reason why is simple. She’s using technology to protect your ass, literally. Got me, G?”

He nodded.

“Good, now stop fighting this.”

“I can’t, you know me by now.”

“You’re triggered?”

“That’s a given.”

“Well, maybe this is a good thing and the memory needs to be brought forth out into the open.”

“What? You bastard!”

“Easy, G, remember you need me.” He climbed off his partner and left the room.

“Mr. Callen, you know our private physician.”

“How do I know he doesn’t work for them?”

“Believe me, Mr. Callen, his background is scrutinized once a month by many sources. The plan is to place several transponders on and in your body so you can easily be tracked.”

“So I’m the bait?” Now he was flashing on the doctor. Callen realized in this moment the guy was frighteningly familiar. He flashed on seeing his supervisor and the doctor together. When and where wasn’t in the flashback. He shuddered.

“Yes, Mr. Callen, I believe you have this figured out.”

“Great, just wonderful.” The doctor, who Callen remembered seeing on more than one occasion, opened a briefcase on the second nightstand. Callen stared at the contents and started to sweat. “Where are those going?”

“Mr. Callen you will address your questions to me.”

“You can’t do this to me.”

“And why not?” Hetty asked.

“I have rights.”

“Explain them to me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Explain your rights to me, Mr. Callen.”

“Is this a trick question?”

“I think you know the answer to your questions without me answering any of them.”

He swallowed and stared at the contents of the briefcase. “Where are they going?”

“Mr. Callen, they are going anywhere I wish them to go. Understood?”

“Because you own me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I quit.”

“We have been through this conversation before Mr. Callen. You are not quitting. You are going on assignment.”

His lower lip and chin trembled. “Please don’t do this to me. Please don’t treat me this way. I need… please.”

“What do you need, Mr. Callen?”

“Sam.”

“I can bring him back in here if you wish.”

Tears formed on the outer portions of his eyes. “Sam, please.”

“Hey, G, what’s going on, man?” Sam strode into the room.

“I need you to, damn it, lay on me.”

Sam climbed onto the bed and straddled his partner’s waist. “Looks like a memory is close, G. Want to talk about it?”

“Lay on me.” Callen whimpered.

He lay lengthwise on his partner’s body. “Talk, G.”

“He’ll hear me,” he said his voice lowered, averting his eyes toward the doctor.

“He’s harmless, G.”

“No, please, he raped me.” He whispered.

“Hetty, we need the room.”

She motioned for everyone to leave. “You have one hour, Mr. Hanna. Intercom off, Mr. Beale.”

“G, that doctor did not rape you. Who did?”

“Him.”

“No wonder you hate doctors and hospitals.”

“The one who gave me the enema for the device.”

“What? What are you talking about, man? You’re making no sense.”

Callen closed his eyes fighting back the flashbacks.

“Don’t push them away. Tell me.”

He opened his eyes. “I’m trying to but I can’t just… damn it… the doctor Agent Chang sent me to once a month.”

“Once a month? Why?”

“He was a proctologist.”

“What the hell? He raped you?”

He nodded.

“That’s sick, man, I’m sorry.”

“He, um, raped me, gave me the enema, and raped me again while the fluid was in me. Afterward he’d place the GPS in my bowels with this long instrument.”

“Must have hurt, man, I’m sorry. No doctor should violate you in that way. No wonder the enema I gave you triggered you.”

“It’s not your fault. You could’ve possibly known.”

Sam rolled off his partner, released one cuff, rolled him to his side and held him.


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen begins to remember something which happened to him. It involves wrestling, something Sam had always wanted to do with him.

“Why didn’t she just tell me?” Callen asked when he stepped into the gym and pool area. “Hetty could’ve just said she’s fitting me with special equipment for the assignment.”

“Would you have listened to her?” Sam asked. “Besides you were triggered and having flashbacks.”

“I guess not since I didn’t in the first place.”

“Like usual you did what you do best, question authority. Believe me, if there’s one thing Hetty knows by now it is that.”

“Thanks.” He slugged his partner in the left arm. “You’ve been working out in my gym.”

“Sure have. It’s about time you learned to wrestle.”

“No.” Callen backed away and sat on a recumbent cycle.

Sam came behind him, resting his hands on his partner’s shoulders. “Just as I thought would happen. The minute I mention wrestling you get uptight.”

“I’m not uptight!” He climbed off the cycle and starting working with the free weights.

“That’s what you need, G, work those muscles and get ready for our match.”

“I’m not doing a _match_ with you. Are you deaf?”

“No, persistent.”

“You’re pissing me off, now. Go do something with yourself instead of working out near me.” Callen pumped a smaller weight with his left arm working up to fifteen reps.

“Try something bigger and do less.”

He turned and got in Sam’s face. “No. Leave me alone.”

Sam flipped G around and got him in a chokehold.

“Bastard! Release me.”

“No.”

“What? You want me to acquiesce to a wrestling match with you?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll leave me alone if I do it once?”

“A match and that’s it.”

“What does a match entail?”

“Three rounds, winner pins the loser on their shoulders.”

He swallowed hard, flashes of a memory surfacing in his mind. “You’ll teach me?”

“Teach you first and afterward have a match with you.”

“Okay, one match, that’s it, right?”

“Yeah.” Sam released his chokehold. “That is one primary method to holding your partner in a position to overturn him.”

“The chokehold?” Callen swallowed hard again and rubbed his throat. Everything about this triggered him.

“I’ll lie on the mat first. You straddle me.”

“Your waist?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not going to move before I get situated?”

“Why would I do that?” Sam asked.

“To annoy me.” Callen smirked and straddled his partner’s waist.

“Hold my hands above my head.”

He pressed Sam’s hands above his head and to the sides.

“Perfect. My next move, if I wasn’t on my shoulders long enough—“

“Wait a minute. Long enough?”

“You have to pin my shoulders to the mat for two-seconds.”

“Should be easy.”

“Sounds easy, G, but it’s not.” Sam thrust his torso upward and grabbed his partner’s hands. Before G could react, Sam had him pinned to the mat on his back, his legs in a scissors hold.

“Get the fuck off me, asshole! I’ll kill you, I swear I’ll kill you!” Callen screamed at him. “Don’t… rape me, I’ll do it, just don’t rape me.”

“Easy, G.” He stroked his chest.

“Stop that, asshole, get your damned hands off me.”

“It’s, Sam, easy does it.”

Callen struggled to free his legs.

Sam wrestled him to his side and placed his partner in a chokehold.

“You bastard!” He trembled and twisted his body.

“Don’t do that, G, relax.”

“So you can rape me?”

“Easy, man, no one is having sex with you.”

“Sex? Bull shit, you raped me. Now you’re doing it again.”

“Am I?”

“I feel it inside me.”

“Right now?”

He nodded, tears falling on his face and on his partner’s arm.

“Easy, man, I’m not even hard.”

“You’re not?” Callen sighed. “Shit, I’m sorry, man.”

Sam released him fast and stood, pulling up his partner with him.

“What did I do wrong? You’re angry. I’m sorry.”

He pressed his big hand on G’s neck and guided him toward the bathroom.

“You’re going to do it in there? An enema? Please don’t.”

“Easy, G.” Sam grabbed several towels and brought them into the bathroom. “Let me help you.”

“Help me what?”

He grabbed his partner’s shirt.

Callen stepped back, his eyes wide open. “Get your hands off me you pervert!” He tried the door handle and it was locked. For some reason, he couldn’t remember how to open up a locked door. He trembled.

Sam approached him. “Easy, man, let me get you undressed.”

“Stop!” Callen screamed and fell to the floor and curled into a fetal position.

He scooped G into his arms and brought him over to the shower where he undressed him. Afterward he undressed himself and stepped into the shower with his partner. Sam soaped G’s back and front from shoulders to feet. He sat his partner down on a shower bench and showered as well.

“Where am I?”

“Shower off your gym.”

“You… bathed me… you bastard, damn you, bastard.” Callen started to stand and fell back. “What did you do to me?”

“Nothing, G, you did it to yourself.”

“That’s it blame me for raping myself.”

“What are you talking about, G?”

“You raped me that’s why you bathed me.”

“You want to hear the truth instead of your blathering idiotic mouth?”

Callen’s jaw dropped.

“Thought that would shut you up. You may not want to hear this but… you should know. This is the second time you’ve urinated on us.”

“Bull shit! You liar!”

“I’m sorry, G, I’m not lying.”

“Bastard, you bastard.” Callen fell to the shower floor crying.

Sam kneeled down and lifted him into his arms. “Easy, G.” He brought G out of the shower and over to the mat where they had wrestled. With several towels he had grabbed before leaving the bathroom, Sam spread them out on the mat. After laying G on a towel and covering him with another one, he got a towel and cleaned up the mat.

Callen rolled to his side and watched his partner mop liquid off the mat with a white towel which had now become light yellow. He started crying again. “Why? Why am I doing this? Please help me. Please.”

Sam put the towel in a hamper and came back to his partner’s side. He laid down next to him. “Easy, G,” he said, stroking his arm. “You were terrified.”

“Both times?” he asked tears streaming down his face.

“Yeah, G.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing, G, nothing at all.”

“I’m a grown man and I’m peeing in my pants when I’m terrified and you’re telling me there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“If you don’t believe me ask Nate. You’re terrified and triggered.”

“What if I go on assignment for Hetty and get terrified and pee in my pants? This is ridiculous!”

“Sorry, man. What do you need from me?”

“I want you to trigger me again.”

“What?”

“I want to know what made me pee on myself.”

“You have no memory?”

“Nothing.”

“Unusual for you. What would you say about doing it in the nude?”

“Shit!” Callen scooted backwards away from Sam.


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic violence and rape warning. I normally wouldn't do this for my chapters. But this one is particularly sadistic.
> 
>  
> 
> Sam gives G a massage which causes memories to surface.

Callen crawled away on his hands and knees and hid in a corner, curling his body tight into a ball. He trembled.

Sam followed him, approaching slow and steady. “Easy, G.”

“No, stop, I thought… crap… I’m dissociating like crazy. I thought we were dressed in sweats.”

“We were, G. Do you remember why I bathed you?”

“Oh hell, yeah, I do now, again. What’s wrong with me? The memory of that goes away so fast.”

“It is like you said, dissociating. You need Nate?”

He shook his head.

“Do you remember what I asked you?”

He nodded.

“Want to give it a try?”

He shivered and sighed. “Afraid.”

“Makes sense, G, I would be too, especially if I couldn’t remember anything. You don’t know what will trigger you and that’s scary.”

“Very scary.” He shivered.

“Be right back.” Sam grabbed some more towels out of the linen closet and brought them over. “Here this might help with the shivering.”

Callen took the towel and dried his hair and shoulders.

“Ready?” He offered his partner his hand. G took it and pulled himself up off the floor.

“You’re right.” _Damn it, here I am staring at my partner’s groin. I need to stop doing this. Maybe I am gay._

“About?”

“You’re not even hard.”

“I told you it’s not a sexual thing, G.”

“I didn’t believe you until now.”

Sam pulled him into a hug.

“This is uncomfortable.”

“Relax, G, just go with whatever comes up for you.”

“Better. Actually I need this.”

“I’ll bet you do. Your father probably never touched you in non-sexual ways.”

“He didn’t.” Callen rested his chin on Sam’s shoulder. Tears fell onto his partner’s skin.

Sam rocked him from side to side. “Easy, G. Why don’t we go upstairs and I’ll give you a massage.”

“In the nude?”

“Yeah. We can wear towels around our waists until we get upstairs.”

“Sounds better to me.”

“Good.”

They each wrapped a towel around their waist and headed toward the house.

“I wish Hetty would get the door fixed.”

“Not as long as those weapons in there are loaded.”

“She doesn’t trust me?” Callen smirked.

“I’m glad you think you’re funny.” Sam opened the side door and ushered G into the house.

Callen hoped to sneak up to the master bedroom before anyone could make a snide remark.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Kensi said. “Chippendales’ All Stars?” She snickered.

Callen felt the heat rise up to his face. He couldn’t think of a quick come back line this time.

“Eat your heart out, Kensi, I know you’re jealous of our hot bodies,” Sam said, strutting his stuff through the living room and up the stairs. He gently grasped G’s hands and guided him along behind him.

“Don’t you boys go off and do something dangerous now,” Hetty said, meeting them at the top of the stairs. “No need to be embarrassed Mr. Callen. I have seen you in much more compromising positions than this.” She smirked and walked down the stairs.

“I was hoping we could avoid that,” Callen said as he entered the master bedroom. He laid face down on the bed.

“Me too, G.” He closed and locked the door behind them. “Perfect G.” Sam removed a bottle of massage oil from the bedside drawer. He straddled his partner’s waist, poured some massage oil onto his hands, set the bottle aside, and started pressing and kneading the muscles on his partner’s shoulders.

“Feels awesome.”

“For now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll see.” He moved down to G’s shoulder blades, pressing in hard with his knuckles.

“Not so hard.” Callen squirmed and bucked and moaned.

“Not happening. Take it.”

“Hurts.”

“It should, you hold tension here.” He stabbed and prodded G’s shoulder blades with his strong fingers alternating with his knuckles until the knots released. Afterward he worked on the upper shoulders and pressed hard with his knuckles.

Callen flinched and squirmed. “Hurts like hell.”

“Good, I’m getting somewhere.”

“Bastard.”

“Damn good bastard.” Next he zeroed in on his partner’s neck at the base, switching to his fingers.

“Now that feels awesome again.” He relaxed.

“There you go getting all mushy on me.” He moved up the neck to the base of G’s skull.

Callen squirmed and arched his back. A memory coursed through his brain. “Get off.”

“Endure, G.”

“No, get the hell off me.”

Sam pressed harder knowing it was a trigger point for a memory.

“You bastard! Get the hell off me!”

“Not happening.”

“I swear I’ll kill you.”

“What’s happening, man?”

“Just get off me.” Callen whimpered.

“Tell me what you’re remembering and I’ll think about it.”

“No, I can’t, you’ll use it against me.”

“When have I ever done that?”

“When you use the chokehold.” Callen squeaked out.

“Who used it on you?”

“I told you.”

“The Navy SEAL guy and the doctor and?”

“Please no more questions. Can’t.”

“Can’t or afraid?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid, okay, does that make you feel bigger and better. Does it? Well, I’m so glad you—“

Sam placed his partner in a chokehold and scissored his legs, flipping him to his side. “It doesn’t make me feel anything like that. Now stop your belly aching and tell me who did this to you.”

“Get off me, bastard! Release me.”

Sam massaged G’s chest.

“Oh, don’t do that, please.”

“Easy, man, talk to me.”

“My father and… can’t say it.” He shook his head trying to get away.

“Easy, G. Who else?”

Callen’s breaths came hard and fast.

“Slow it down, man, you’ll hyperventilate.”

“Scared.”

“How old are you, G?”

“Three, I think.” He shivered and swallowed hard.

“Who else, G?”

“Oh hell, my father’s boyfriend.”

Sam relaxed his chokehold but kept him locked into his body. “I’m sorry, man. He raped you too?”

“You have to ask don’t you?”

“You know me by now, no stone—“

“No moss growing anywhere.”

“Something like that.”

He nodded.

“Your mother know about that too?”

“Shit, Sam, stop with the twenty questions.”

“Well?”

“She knew even though she worked the nightshift, she knew. It’s what made her quit working those hours. I remember the first time she came home and his boyfriend was there. She laid into my father yelling at him. There was a lot of screaming going on that weekend.”

“I’m sorry, man, must’ve been a volatile home to live in.”

“That’s when she started to protect me.” He shivered seeing his father’s boyfriend on top of him. Like Sam— “Shit, get off me!” He twisted and squirmed.

“Not happening, G. What are you seeing?”

“You’ll use it. No, please get off me, please.” He whimpered tears flooding his eyes.

“Easy, man, I won’t use anything against you.”

“I can’t.”

“What did he look like?”

“Oh fuck, why do you do this to me?”

“It’s either us talking about this or Nate giving you amytal and then you wagging your tongue.”

“Great. You’d get Nate to drug me?”

“Sure would, you should know that by now. Talk, G.”

“Like you, damn it.”

“African American?”

He nodded.

“Interesting.”

“What is so damned interesting?”

“You do have problem with me. I noticed that from the beginning.”

“Wonderful. Talk about me not being forthcoming.”

“Well, after I saw how you reacted I didn’t think it was good to pry until we knew each other longer. I figured sooner or later you’d tell me.”

“When exactly did you notice?”

“The first day we worked together.”

“Great, over three years ago and you never said a word.” Callen sighed and relaxed.

“That’s it, G relax. Give it up to me. Tell me all your dark and dirty secrets.” He smirked.

“You know sometimes I’d like to be the one to interrogate your ass.”

“My ass?” He laughed. “It doesn’t talk.”

“I’ll…”

“Kill me?”

“Don’t push it.”

“I’m pushing it, G, talk.”

“Just like what you’re doing right now he do to me. He was built like you.”

“Sexy.” Sam laughed.

“I’m going kill you.”

“I look forward to that day when you try again.”

“Again?

“Let’s see you tried about three times so far.”

“Bastard.”

“And?”

“He choked and raped me. He was big all over.”

“Big dick too?”

He nodded. “Was darker than you though.”

“I’m sorry you endured that, man, must’ve been awful. I can’t imagine.”

“He couldn’t get much inside me. Didn’t care if he hurt me. Had to soak me in the bathtub afterward because I was bleeding.”

“Gees.” Sam wrapped his free arm around Callen’s chest and hugged him. “Sorry. And your father?”

“You can’t stop questioning me, can you?”

“No, talk, G, or I’ll ask the big guns to come in here.”

“Can you loosen up on the chokehold?”

“I did.”

“More?”

Sam released more pressure on his partner’s neck. “Good?”

“Yeah.” Callen started crying.

“That bad?”

He nodded.

Sam pulled him tighter into his body. “I’m here, man, you’re safe.”

“Don’t let go of me no matter what I do, no matter what I say.”

“Afraid you’ll freak out on me, G?”

“I’m shaking inside. I’m close to losing it right now.”

“I feel it, G.”

“Oh hell, I… he… I now know why I didn’t remember my first name. I told everyone my name was G.”

“When they asked you at children’s services and your first foster home?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to know. I buried it deep inside me.” He shivered, tears flooding his eyes again. “Now I’m remember what happened it for the first time.”

“Something your father did to you?”

“Oh shit, I can’t do this. Hold me tighter. Real tight, make it hurt. I don’t want to breathe. I don’t want to feel.” His breaths came in short and fast.

“Slow it down, G.”

“Can’t. Oh man, please I’m losing it. Please, stop the memory. Please, stop the pictures.” Callen started wailing.

“I’ve got you, man.” He tightened his grip on his partner’s chest.

“Yeah, like that, tighter, man, I’m losing it.” His chin and lips quivered.

Sam rocked him. “Easy, man, I’m here. Not letting you go.”

He swallowed hard and spoke with a trembling voice. “He says he liked my name because it sounded like… damn it… like a garrote. Oh shit. He says do you know what a garrote is?” The shivering intensified, his teeth chattered. “It’s used to strangle someone. If you use a strong enough wire you can even slice their head off.”

“Oh man, your father is one fucked up, piece of shit, G.”

“He had piano wire wrapped around my neck while he told me this.”

“That’s seriously fucked. I’m sorry you endured that.”

“My first name is… Garrett. I hate that name. Don’t ever call me that damnable name. You hear me?” He twisted and squirmed.

“Easy, G, easy man. I like G and that’s final.”

“Yeah and Hetty is listening to this recording next and she’ll now start calling me that hideous name. I hate it!” He screamed and wailed.

Sam stroked his chest.

“No, bastard, I said to hold me tight. Don’t do this to me.”

Sam pulled G back against his chest and tightened his hold. “Good?”

“Yeah. He… damn it… he raped me while the piano wire was around my neck. I knew not to fight him because the wire could slice through my neck. I went limp in his arms.” He flashed on the piano wire dangling from the contraption his partner had found him on. “Oh shit, he kept using that wire on me. It wasn’t just once. Oh shit.”

“Yeah, when we found you both times.”

He nodded. The flashbacks continued to bombard his brain. He twisted and squirmed. Sam tightened his hold. “Yeah, tighter.”

“Can’t do much more, G.”

“I don’t want to breathe any more.”

“Not happening, G.”

“I can’t stand this feeling inside me.”

“It’s normal, you’re terrified.”

“Did I pee on myself?”

“No, you made it through the memory without that happening.”

Callen took in a deep breath and sighed. “I peed on the carpet when my father did that to me.”

“I can imagine you would, G. You were a terrified little boy being abused and raped by a sadistic bastard.”

“He got so angry when I did that. He raped me harder, slamming into my body. I screamed and cried and he didn’t care, he didn’t stop pounding into me until he got off.”

“Man, your father is one sick bastard.”

“I need to stop now. I can’t… talk any more about this.”

“Can we continue the massage? It might feel good after what you shared.”

He nodded.

Sam released him. He poured more massage oil onto his hands and worked on G’s neck. “You okay, man?” He heard Callen sobbing. Sam stroked his face and massaged his head. “Easy, man, let it all go, that’s it.” He slid off his partner’s back and pulled him into a hug, holding him close, stroking his back. “Let it all go, G.” Sam felt his partner’s body heaving as it was wracked with sobbing.


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a workout with Sam, G loses it in the pool.
> 
> He is further triggered by Nate.

Callen and Sam finished working out in the gym and took a swim together. “Feels great working out together again,” Callen said. “I love the feel of my muscles after a workout. This water’s great. Sam?”

“I’m thinking,” he said while doing a backstroke across the pool.

“The assignment?”

“No, thinking of retiring here and forcing you to sell your house.” He smirked.

“Not happening. You could visit.” Callen swam up beside him doing a sidestroke.

“Are you sure about that, G? I’m still stronger than you. I could easily overcome you and pressure you into turning over your assets to me.”

“I’m game.” He stopped at the deep end’s under water ledge and sat down.

Sam sat next to him. “A wrestling match?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Let’s do it now.”

“Okay.” Callen started to lift himself out of the pool. Sam grabbed him from behind and placed him in a chokehold.

“Sam!”

“Yes?”

“This isn’t playing fair.”

“Who says criminals and terrorists play fair?”

“So you’re playing a scenario on me?”

“You might say that.” He tightened his grip on G’s neck and dragged him backwards across the pool toward the shallow end.

Halfway across the pool Callen decided to make a move. He bit into his assailant’s arm. When the man released his chokehold, Callen flipped around, slugged him in the gut, and kicked him in the groin. He didn’t wait to see his assailant’s reaction and quickly swam away. He was about to step out of the pool when the man pursuing him grabbed his left ankle and yanked him backwards. He slid under the water cussing and spluttering.

Sam pounced on G under the water and pinned him to the shallow end’s bottom. With more muscles than his partner, he easily held him under water. He waited until G stopped fighting him and brought him up for air, then shoved under water again, holding him down. When he was certain all the struggle was gone from his partner, he pulled him up and dragged him out of the pool.

“Bastard!” Callen clawed at his assailant’s free extremity, scratching and tearing his flesh.

“Damn it!” Sam punched G in the chest. The wind knocked out of him, Callen fell backwards into the water, sinking to the bottom. Sam dragged him out of the water onto the pool deck. He flipped G onto his side, grabbed a towel and started drying off. “What the hell was that about?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Callen coughed up some water and tried to get up.

“Need a hand?”

Callen rubbed his chest where his partner had hit him. “No thanks.” He crawled over to a bench and pulled himself onto it.

Sam threw him a towel. “What did you think I was doing to you?” Sam sat on the bench at the far end.

“Not talking to you right now.”

“What happened to you in there?”

“Shut the hell up.” He stood, swayed, and steadied himself on the wall before leaving the pool area. Callen dried his hair and dressed in his sweatshirt.

“When I ask you a question I expect you to answer me. Remember we are supposed to debrief.”

Callen strode toward the entrance to the bunker.

“Just like usual.” He grabbed his cell phone and warned Nate about Callen’s reaction.

“You bastard!” Callen flipped on his heels and got in his partner’s face. He shoved Sam with both hands against his chest. “Damned bastard!”

“Easy, G.”

“Easy? Bull shit! You tried to drown me and you want me to act like nothing happened?”

“You bit me. Want to explain that reaction?”

“You deserved it.”

“Really? More like you got triggered.”

“Bull shit!” He did an about face and left. Halfway across the bunker he saw Nate waiting by the stairs. “Great,” he said under his breath. “What now?”

“Let’s talk in the library.”

“I’m going upstairs to change.”

“Hetty wants you in the library.”

“I thought you wanted me in the library.”

“Mr. Callen don’t argue with him. In the library now.” Hetty stood on the landing pointing toward the library.

He backed up into Sam. “Nothing happened. We were wrestling in the pool.”

“Nothing?” Nate asked. “Then your debriefing will be short. Bring him.”

Sam placed him in a chokehold.

“Your fucker!” Callen grabbed his partner’s arm, kicked backwards, and twisted his body.

Sam wrestled him into a tighter chokehold. “Settle down, G, don’t make this hard on you and us.”

“Nothing happened, damn you all.”

“Are you going to cooperate, Callen?” Nate asked approaching him carrying his black bag.

He stared at the black bag and shivered.

“Relax, G.”

Callen willed himself to relax but it wasn’t working. Being in the close proximity of two tall, strong men triggered him beyond his comprehension to think straight. The closer Nate got to him the more he squirmed and twisted his body trying to extricate himself from Sam’s hold. “Please don’t, please, no.”

“Easy, G, relax.” Sam eyed Nate and tilted his head toward the huge wooden box.

He saw the signal between his two captors and escalated. “No! Bastards!” He kicked and screamed and squirmed, every muscle on edge.

Sam dragged him over to the box and bent him over it, pressing his partner’s body into the box with his.

“Why? I don’t understand. What did I do? You bastards! Stop doing this.”

Nate prepped Callen’s right forearm, palpating a vein he slowly injected the medicine.

“Asshole!” The familiar stab of a needle startled him. “Damn it, that hurts. I’ll kill you, I swear, I’ll kill you, kill you both. Let me up. Let me go.”

Nate removed the tourniquet and put away his equipment.

“Did you bring them?”

Nate pulled the handcuffs from his black bag.

“You bastards!”

“Easy, G.”

“Easy? Screw you!”

Sam clamped one handcuff on G’s left wrist and the other on his right wrist. “We’re staying here until the medicine takes affect.”

“You said you wouldn’t use these on me again.”

“If you cooperated. I wouldn’t exactly call what just occurred cooperation.”

“Why did you call him? I don’t understand. I wasn’t freaking out until you called him.”

“Come on G that’s a lie and you know it. Explain your behavior in the pool.”

Callen took in a deep breath and sighed. “I can’t.”

“There’s the first truth you’ve told me since we got out of the pool. Let’s go.” Sam guided him toward the library.

At the door to the library, Callen refused to enter. Eric, Hetty, and Nate all sat around an oval shaped table in the room’s center.

“Move it.”

He stayed in the doorway.

“Do you need to be manhandled?” Sam pressed on the sides of his partner’s neck.

Callen stepped backward and shivered.

“What is it G?” he asked, keeping his voice lowered.

He turned his head and whispered. “They’ll rape me.”

“Not happening G.”

“Take the cuffs off.”

“Not happening G.”

“I can’t, please.” Callen trembled, his lower lip and chin quivered.

Sam shoved him into the library. “Hate to force the issue, G.” He pushed his partner down onto the couch and sat next to him, placing his arm across G’s shoulders.

“I need to sleep.”

“It’s the amytal. You’ll adjust soon.”

“You gave me that shit again? You said you wouldn’t be doing this any—“

“Mr. Callen something happened in the pool and you are going to tell us. Understood?”

“You can see the damned recording. I know you have a damned video camera in there recording everything I do. You think I am stupid? Well—“

“Stuff it, Mr. Callen. I am tired of your complaining. You will tell me, period. Nate I guess it is time for more medicine.”

“Shit!” Callen shot off the couch, lost his balance and fell to his knees, falling over on his side.

Sam pulled him back onto the couch positioning him on his side.

“No, please, not like before.” Callen whimpered, tears flooding his eyes.

“Easy, G.” Sam released the handcuffs and stroked his partner’s arm. “Relax, G, that’s it.”

“I… damn it… I don’t know what happened in the pool.”

“You agreed to a wrestling match with me.”

“I remember that but then I lost it. I don’t remember why.”

“Eric turn the monitor so he can see and show him the video.”

“No… I mean… damn, I don’t know if I can handle seeing it.”

“You will endure, Mr. Callen. Ready Eric?”

As he watched the video recording Callen’s jaw dropped. He shivered and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Turn it off Eric. Thank you. Mr. Callen?”

“G?”

“I can’t talk about this with everyone here.”

“Let’s give them the room.”

Eric and Hetty left.

“I’m staying Callen in case I’m needed,” Nate said. He stood and sat on the opposite end of the couch.

“Do you need to be held, G?”

He shook his head and curled into a tight ball on the couch.

Sam drew a blanket over him, tucking it around his body.

“Feels good. I thought you were my father’s boyfriend and my father. Especially when Nate came into the bunker. That really triggered me.”

“I noticed you escalated.”

“I couldn’t help myself. You guys, together you guys are like my father and his boyfriend.”

“Hm, interesting I never noticed that before. Nate kind of looks like your father.”

“Oh shit.” Callen pulled the blanket over his head and shivered.

“Sorry, G, I just now figured it out.”

“They… used to play a game with me when I was really young.”

“How young, G?”

“Damn, you’d have to ask? Around eighteen months old, I guess. I think they started it earlier than that time. But I don’t remember much of that. Eighteen months old is the earliest, concrete memories I have.”

“You’re safe, G.” Sam stroked his arm.

“It’s unusual to have memories for anything younger than eighteen months old,” Nate said. “Unless of course the abuse was repeated.”

“I can’t… hard to talk about… can’t imagine remembering this without the amytal. When I began to stand they used that to their advantage. Every time I’d move to stand they would get behind me and hold a greased finger near my rear end. They knew I’d be impaling myself on it very soon as I couldn’t keep standing or walking. I was just starting.”

“Your father must have trained you before that.”

“That’s what I vaguely remember. I think it started when I was a year old. I have this vague memory of him holding me in the tub. He’d put his pinky in my butt just the fingertip.”

“Of course it started as a supposedly innocent act of him bathing you. How many years did he bathe you?”

Callen swallowed hard and shivered. “Until my mother reported him and the family got split up.”

“You were five when you entered into the foster care system.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a long time grooming you for him and others. Did his boyfriend ever join him in the bathtub?”

Callen scrambled off the couch, crawling on his hands and knees over to a corner. He shivered and shook.

Nate started to get up. Sam signaled him to stop.

“You got triggered by me, G?” He nodded. “I’m tossing you the blanket, okay.” He nodded. “I’m sorry, G. Anything I can do?” He shook his head. “How about Nate?” He shook his head. “Want to go upstairs and change?”

“Oh shit, oh no.”

“G, what is it?”

He wrapped his body tight in the blanket. “I did it again. Please don’t rape me, daddy, please.”

“Let me get you into the bathroom downstairs.”

“You’re going to rape me.”

“No, G.” Sam lifted Callen into his arms and carried him downstairs and into the gym’s bathroom. “Can you bring him some sweats? You’ll need to clean up the floor in the library.” Nate glanced at him sideways. “Just do it, Nate, you’ll understand then.” Sam closed the bathroom door.

“Please don’t rape me, I’ll do what you want, daddy.”

“Easy, G, you’re safe.” He pulled off his partner’s swim trunks. “You didn’t pee a lot, G.”

“It felt like I peed a lot.”

“Do you want a shower? Or I could take you upstairs and give you a body massage.”

“Both. I just need you to touch me.”

“This isn’t about sex.”

“Did I say it was?”

“Just so you know, G.”

Nate brought the clothes and Sam hung them up behind the door. “I see what you mean. I cleaned it up.” He left.

“A shower upstairs? Remember we won’t have to go through the side door.”

“Okay.”

Sam wrapped the blanket around Callen and lifted him into his arms.

“You’re carrying me all the way upstairs?”

“Yes.” He grabbed the clothes off the door and headed for the master bedroom.

“Don’t say it, I’m not a featherweight.”

“Nope. You’ve been eating too much again.” He smirked.

“It’s muscle.”

“Let’s hope so.”

“I ought to slug you one.”

“But you can’t because you’re drugged.”


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen misconstrues Sam's intentions again.
> 
> Sam decides to follow through with what G wants.
> 
>  
> 
> G Callen/S Hanna slash from here until the end of the novel.

**G. Callen/S. Hanna slash from here until the end of the novel.**

 

“Easy, G, let me wash you.”

“Don’t hurt me, please.” He rubbed the spot where his partner had punched him. “Hurts.”

“Sorry, G, you were off the wall. Spread your legs and put your hands on the wall.”

“I bet you say that to all the men you arrest.” Callen smirked his speech still slurred from the Amytal.

“Trying to come on to me, G?” He washed his neck, shoulders and back. Next he washed his underarms, massaging his arms from the shoulders to the finger tips.

“That feels awesome. Wish my boner would stay down.”

“Don’t worry about it G.” Sam washed his lower back and buttocks.

“Now you’re cruising.”

“You’re starting to become defined.”

“Coming on to me now?”

“No, giving you a massage and noticing your physique.” He soaped down each leg and came back up the inner thigh to his partner’s groin.

“Watch it now.”

“Man, you are drunk on that Amytal.” He took his partner by the arm and rinsed him under the center shower head.

“Feels so good.” Callen sighed.

“Lay back against the wall, upper back only.”

“So you can ogle my prick?”

Sam ignored the question and continued to bathe him from head to foot. He pumped some shampoo onto his hands and massaged his partner’s hair and scalp.

“I don’t know if I can stand up much longer.”

Sam brought him back under the shower head. “Ok, last rinse, close your eyes.”

“You mean no persuasion tactics?”

“You want some?”

“No. Just pulling your leg.” Callen smirked.

“I’ll pull yours.” Sam leaned G back against his body and rinsed off the soap.

“Now there’s awesome.”

“You watch it this time.”

Callen lulled his head back and forth. “Need to go to bed.”

“Almost done.” He lifted his partner’s cock and balls and rinsed under them. Callen tilted his head, pulled Sam’s face down to his, and kissed him on the lips. Sam shoved G away from him.

Still under the influence of the Amytal, Callen swayed and lost his balance, his butt hitting the floor.

“Don’t ever do that again,” Sam said.

Callen trembled. “What did I do? That hurt. Why did you do that?” He broke down and cried.

“Gees, easy, G, sorry. Are you hurt?” Sam pulled G off the floor and into his body. “Sorry, man, you shocked me when you kissed me. I didn’t expect it.”

“I thought you wanted me. You were saying all those things. And then you fondled me.”

“You misconstrued what I did and said. This is the second time you’ve done this. And then you took it further.” Sam checked over his partner making sure he wasn’t hurt. “You threw me for a loop there.” He flipped G around to face him. “You said you didn’t want anything sexual and you’re coming onto me. Do you want me to reciprocate?”

“Don’t know.”

Sam kissed G’s forehead. “Want me to continue?” He kissed the bridge of his nose. “More?” He nodded. He tenderly kissed the fading bruise on his partner’s cheek where Hetty had hit him. “Okay?” He nodded. Sam tilted G’s face up to his, gently grasped his chin, and kissed him on the lips.

“Oh my….” Callen gasped and put his arms around Sam’s waist. He returned the kiss with passionate tonguing of his partner’s mouth.

Sam stroked G’s back down to his buttocks and back up to his waist.

“I want you to make love to me.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, in here where no one can see or hear us.”

“We should turn off the water.”

“No, on demand, will go until there’s no more natural gas in the world.” He smirked. “Besides I’m enjoying your body close to mine with the warm water flowing over us.”

Sam pulled back and dipped his head down to envelope G’s mouth, nibbling on his lips and tongue. He trailed his tongue down his partner’s neck, sucking and licking. Callen gasped. Sam trailed kisses down to G’s chest, sucking and tonguing his nipples. “Delicious.”

Callen arched his back, pushing his chest into his partner’s mouth. “Yes, please, more.”

“Someone’s a little pushy.”

“I’ve wanted you since the day we first worked together.”

“I was married remember. Much better now. I wanted you too.” He enveloped G’s lips tonguing him deep and hard, claiming his mouth.

Callen wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck. “So you lied to me?”

“Everyone lies, G.” Sam smirked.

“I’m horny for you, please I need you in me.”

“Are you sure, G?”

“Why do you keep asking me?”

“I want to be sure you really want this.”

“Why?”

“Because you have short term memory problems.”

“Yeah, it’s not my fault though.”

Sam kissed and licked the bruised area on G’s chest where he had punched him. “Sorry I hit you.”

“I lost it, man, sorry.”

“Yeah you did. Doesn’t mean I should punch you.”

“I deserved it. I went ballistic.”

“You didn’t deserve that.” Sam kissed the bruise again while stroking the sides of G’s torso. He flipped him around and pressed him against a shower wall. “I love your body.” Sam whispered into his partner’s ear. “I want you.”

Callen shivered hearing Sam’s words. “Please.”

Sam massaged G’s head, running his fingers through his longer than normal hair. “I think I’m partial to the sexy, short, buzz cut.”

“I could go nude like you.”

“Nude?” Sam nuzzled his face into G’s neck, sucking skin into his mouth.

“Had your rabies shot?”

“Not lately, can’t mark you with a rabies shot.”

Callen laughed.

“You think that’s funny?”

He nodded.

Sam stroked G’s back and buttocks. He zeroed in on his partner’s muscular buttocks, kneading them. Callen moaned. “Now there’s funny, my partner reduced to moans. Sexy ass.” Sam leaned over and trailed his tongue down to G’s buttocks, sucking skin into his mouth and biting down.

“Ooh, shit!”

“I hope not. Let’s keep this clean.”

“That’s going to leave a mark.”

“I certainly hope so.” Sam lifted G into his arms and sat on the shower seat. He drew him into body, stroking his back and buttocks and planting kisses on his head and face. “Sit on my lap.” Callen wrapped his legs around Sam’s waist and his arms around his neck, drawing close to him. Sam cupped his partner’s face in both hands and planted gentle kisses on G’s lips.

Callen squirmed on his lap. “I need you, please.” Sam wrapped his arms around his partner and picked him up. He pushed G against a wall and ravished his mouth and face, licking, sucking, and nibbling. Callen moaned and squirmed more. “Please.”

Sam ignored his pleas, devouring his mouth and face and neck.

“Please.”

“Soon.”

“No, now stop teasing me.”

“Teasing? I’ll show you teasing.” He carried G to the shower’s center and laid him on his back under the cascading water. “Last time. Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes, please make love to me.”

“Or do you want a hot fuck?”

“Sounds more my style right now. I need you so bad.”

“Me too. I’ll make love to you later. Tell me if anything is too fast, too painful—“

“Or too slow?”

“Too slow?”

“Like right now, I need you now.” Callen gasped when he felt Sam’s hard cock slide against his buttocks. He hissed with pleasure anticipating what he’d long ago fantasized. Now it was about to happen.


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen barely remembers the night before and accuses his partner of raping him.
> 
> They kiss and makeup.
> 
> And make love.

Callen sat upright in bed, glanced around the room and saw the bathroom door ajar. He heard the shower running. He slipped out of bed and edged toward the bathroom. Sam was humming a song. Bastard. _How could he be humming a song after raping me?_ Callen entered the bathroom, shut the door, stripped off his nightshirt and stepped in behind his partner.

“G?” Sam faced him. “What are you doing—“

“Stuff it. Now don’t lie to me, man.”

“About what?”

“Why are you so happy? I haven’t heard you humming a song in months.”

Sam sat on the shower bench. “I’m happy because you’re making progress.”

“Right. You’re happy because you raped me. Didn’t you?”

“You don’t remember last night do you?”

Callen froze in place as if he were a suspect caught in the eyes of an undercover agent.

“We took a shower after you pissed on yourself.”

“We?”

“I bathed you, G, you were basically out of it after Nate had given you the Amytal.”

“That’s not what I remember. You played with my… shit….” Tears welled up in his eyes.

“I lifted your cock and balls to rinse under them since—“

“To get me turned on, right?”

“No G, but you didn’t see it like that.”

“What did I do?”

Sam sighed. Twenty questions from G. A first.

“Well?”

“I held you in my arms while I washed and rinsed your groin. You tilted your head up, pulled my head down, and kissed me on my lips.”

Callen backed up. His jaw dropped. “Oh fuck.”

Sam stood and approached him.

“Don’t come any closer.” He held his hands out in front of him. “What did you do to me?”

“I shoved you away.”

“I fell on my butt, right?”

Sam nodded.

“Oh hell.” He covered his mouth with his hand backing up against a shower wall.

“Starting to remember, G?”

“I thought, damn, I thought it was a dream.”

“I’m glad you didn’t say nightmare.” Sam smirked.

“You kissed me.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh crap, now what?”

“What do you mean, G?”

“We, I… you fucked me.”

“Yeah.”

“You asked me if I really wanted it, several times.”

“Yeah.”

“You gave me every opportunity to stop.”

“Yeah.”

“It felt good, I remember.”

“Yeah.”

Callen closed his eyes. “You said you’d make love to me later.”

“You fell asleep in my arms before I had the chance.”

Callen remembered the sex. It was the most fantastic, mind-blowing sex he had in years. He shivered when he remembered his partner’s intense fucking and how much he enjoyed it. Shivers ran up and down his spine. His cock stirred.

“You want me to make love to you?” Sam asked, inching closer to his partner, now less than a foot from him he reached out a hand and caressed G’s face.

Callen pressed his face into his partner’s hand. “Please.” He opened his eyes and gazed up into Sam’s eyes. “Please make love to me.” Sam grasped G’s face with both hands, tilted his face to meet his own, dipped his head down, and sucked on G’s lower lip. Callen reciprocated sucking on his partner’s tongue. His knees weakened, his cock stirred some more. “Want you.”

“I know, G.” Sam surrounded his partner’s shoulders and drew him into this body. He kissed his forehead and continued to plant kisses down his face to his mouth. After enveloping G’s full lips with his, he tongued him deep. Callen bucked his hips forward wanting, no needing more. Sam slid his right hand down to brush against his G’s erection. Callen shuddered and gasped. Sam sucked on G’s lips, bringing them in and out of his mouth.

“Ooh, you need to do something.” Callen trembled. Sam kneeled down and licked the underside of Callen’s cock head. “Oh fuck!” He thrust his hips forward into Sam’s face. “Please.” Callen grasped Sam’s head and rubbed his cock head all over his face. “Lick it. Yes!” He hissed, throwing his head back and grabbing his right nipple with his left hand. Again he thrust his cock into his partner’s face. “Suck it.” Sam sucked in G’s semi-soft cock down past the head. He reached both hands up and brushed G’s nipples, then grabbed and squeezed them between his thumb and index finger. “Mother—” Callen arched his chest, pressing it into Sam’s fingers, and thrust his cock into Sam’s mouth. “Suck my whole cock down.” Sam sucked G’s cock into his mouth. Callen almost came. He thrust his cock into his partner’s mouth. Desperate for release, he grasped Sam’s head with two hands, thrusting his cock into his hot mouth. “Yes, take that cock, take it.”

Sam licked two fingers and shoved both up into his lover’s hole.

“Ooh. Mother fucking hot!” He bucked his hips into Sam’s mouth then thrust backward and impaled himself on the invading fingers. When he felt his S spot, the spot that Sam named, being manipulated, he squeezed the fingers. “Please I need to… please I need you inside me. Sam, please.”

Sam lifted his partner into his arms and laid G on his back under the shower head. Water cascaded over their bodies. Sam kissed him deep and hard, forcing his tongue into his mouth. He trailed his tongue down his lover’s face to his neck, sucking and licking him. Sam zeroed in on G’s erect and sensitive nipples, tonguing and nibbling on them.

“Ooh, my… please.” Callen arched his back, pressing his chest into Sam’s mouth.

“Like that?”

“Yeah.”

Sam tongued down G’s chest, swirling his tongue into his partner’s navel then back up to his nips. Callen lifted his partner’s head, leaned down and tongued him deep. “Want me?”

“Please.”

“Say it, G, tell me what you want.”

“Please make love to me.”

Sam kissed him hard, enveloping his mouth and sucking his lips. He pushed his cock into G.


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen becomes triggered by flashbacks.
> 
> He learns what happened to Sam's house.

“Let’s take this into the bedroom,” Sam said.

“But they’ll hear us,” Callen said.

“I’ll take care of that.” He closely followed his lover into the bedroom, hugged him and put on a bathrobe. “Be right back.” He slipped out the door.

Callen paced the room, freaked out inside, and berated himself for what he was feeling inside. _What the hell is wrong with me? Everything is going fine and I’m losing it._ He jumped when Sam reentered the room.

“Are you all right, G?” When Sam stepped forward G backed away. He noticed the faraway look in his partner’s eyes. “Obviously not. Something got triggered, huh?”

He nodded.

“Why don’t you sit on the bed and we’ll talk?”

“No way! Stay away from me.”

“Whoa, G, where’s this coming from?” he said. “Everything was—“

“Don’t say it.”

“Okay, at least let me hold you.” He could see his partner trembling. “A memory?”

“I’m freaked out inside and I don’t know why.”

“Was it when I said we should take this in here?” He watched G’s face pale. “Okay, that’s the trigger. Tell me why, G.”

“I don’t know why.” He backed up against a wall and shook.

“Close your eyes and tell me the first thing which comes to mind.”

“The first thing…” He shivered. “Hetty’s going to kill me.”

“I hope you don’t mean that in a literal sense.” He nodded. “So you think she’ll be angry with you for something—“

He opened his eyes. “Damn it. I lied. Okay?”

“Again? Why?”

“Oh hell. Self preservation, I guess.”

“Sounds reasonable and I’m sure it sounded reasonable at the time.”

“Yeah.”

“But now?”

“I’m so screwed. Hetty will go ballistic.”

“Maybe not.”

Callen crossed his arms.

Sam sat on the bed and patted the bedspread next to him. “Come over here, G.”

He swallowed hard and inched forward.

“What’s with you, man?”

“Scared of you.”

“Me? What did I do now?”

“It’s not your fault, Sam, you were born that way.”

“My skin color?” He nodded. “We discussed this before and you—“

“Just shut up, damn it.”

“Easy, man, don’t get bent out of—“

“Screw this.” He bolted toward the door.

Sam slammed into his lover’s body, plastering him against the door. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I…” His voice quavered and his chin and lower lip quivered.

“Listen, G you’re not dressed for the occasion, if you know what I mean.” Sam placed him in a loose chokehold. “Is this what you need? Do you need it rough? Do you need to be manhandled?” He felt his partner relax. “I guess that’s an affirmative. Easy, man.” He brought him toward the bed.

“Can’t do that, please, don’t rape me.”

“Who raped you, G?”

“I thought he did.”

Sam hoisted his partner onto the bed and laid behind him. “Who, man?”

Callen twisted and wrenched his body free and got halfway off the bed. Sam scissored his legs, turned him to his side, and placed him in a chokehold. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Let me go, bastard!”

“You’re cruising calling me a bastard.” Sam smirked. “Goading me?”

“Screw you!”

“I see what you want.” Sam speared G’s ass with his hard cock.

Callen screamed. “Bastard.”

“That I am. Maybe this,” he thrust further into his lover’s canal, “will settle you down.”

“Please, stop,” he said his voice quavering and lips quivering.

“Talk to me, G.” He released his scissors lock and pressed his cock in further. “I’ve got you, man.”

“Boy, do you ever.” Callen laughed. He pressed his hips back into his partner.

“I’m glad you’re laughing again and responding to my monster cock.” Sam sucked and nibbled on his ear.

“And you want me to talk now? I can barely think straight.”

“Want me to pull out?”

“Don’t you dare. I need you in me.”

“I noticed something. The wrestling makes relax you and the cock subdues you.”

“Not fair,” he said, sighing, “but true. I lied about Director Vance raping me.” He figured he might as well just spit it out rather then prolong the inevitable.

“What?”

“Don’t get too angry at me.”

“Angry? I am livid.” Sam yanked his cock out of his partner and sprung off the bed. “You got my house destroyed over a lie? What the hell were you thinking?”

“Sam, let me explain. You never… Hetty never told me what happened to your house.”

“It’s gone, bombed out, and all because you decided to name the director as one of your rapists?” He paced the bedroom. “What were you thinking? Obviously not anything at all, right. I can’t believe this. Wait until Hetty hears about this. Yeah, she’ll go ballistic, all right. She’ll ream you a new one.”

When he heard Sam’s ranting, Callen curled into a fetal position and rocked himself.

Sam stopped. His partner was in distress. He crawled onto the bed and pulled a cover over his naked, trembling body. “Oh, man, sorry. I’m sorry, G.” He heard a soft crying. “Man, I messed up. Please talk to me, G. I’ll need to get Nate in here if you don’t want to talk to me. I’ll understand.” He pulled his lover’s body back into his, removed the blanket and enveloped his body.

Callen sighed.

“At least that’s some acknowledgement that you’re here with me.”

“A black man, oh shit, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, go on.”

“Raped me.”

“Who, G?”

“He was my handler.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“Crap. I lied about Agent Chang, well not exactly, I mean she was involved but not by herself.”

“I’m confused, G.”

“That makes two of us. Are you recording this?”

“Have to, G. But no one else is listening.”

“Good. I think I might need to be drugged to remember though.”

“That’s an unusual request for you. Are you sure you want that?”

“I’m blocked. I’m only getting triggers.”

Sam snuggled him closer into his body. “I’d like to make love to you,” he said with a lowered, raspy voice.

“Make up sex.” Callen smirked. “Try to turn me on with that sexy tone?”

“You little devil, G, I ought to fuck you silly.”

“You ought to. Maybe it would help me forget about the whole thing.”

Sam rubbed his cock against G’s buttocks.

“Feels good.”

“You want it?”

“Yeah, please.”


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen recants a memory of Vance being one of his perpetrators. He requests to see proof that Vance is a perpetrator.

“Let me go and talk to Hetty and Eric,” Sam said hugging his partner who was laying on his back.

“No.” Callen pulled away from his partner’s embrace.

“Afraid she’ll go ballistic on you and ream you a new one?” He rose to position himself on all fours over G’s body.

He laughed at Sam’s joke.

“Got you smiling.” He dipped his head down and stuck his tongue in G’s mouth, sucking on his lips. “Really, I need to talk to them about what you’ve shared so far.”

“Why not just give them the recording?”

“What are you afraid of, G?”

He averted his eyes, glancing out the window into the night sky.

Sam grasped his chin and brought his face close to his. “Is this about us?” He nodded. “Don’t want anyone to know?” He nodded. “Well, get a life, G, everyone knows.”

“Everyone?”

“Yeah, everyone downstairs knows.”

“How? You told them?”

“No, they heard your screams in the shower demanding that I fuck you.”

Tears filled his eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry, no nasty remarks or comebacks. Actually the opposite, concern for your well-being. Hetty especially got in my face.”

“Ooh, really.”

“Practically reamed me a new one. She says, more like orders me to take good care of you or I’d have her to answer to.”

“I think I’m liking Hetty a lot more.”

Sam released his chin and covered his mouth with his, deep tonguing him. “When I come back maybe you’d like a good reaming too.”

Callen smiled and kissed his partner back, sucking on his lips.

He climbed off the bed and put on his bathrobe.

“No nightshirt?”

“Don’t need it. Besides I’d have to strip before jumping on your lovely body. Too much work.” He smiled and exited the room. Sam plodded down the stairs not looking forward to what lay ahead with Hetty. He entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea.

“What’s up Mr. Hanna?”

He turned to meet her gaze. “We’ve got a problem.”

“What is it?”

“G says that Director Vance is _not_ his perpetrator.”

“Oh really? Well, I have proof that he is. What is it that Mr. Callen would rather not know? I wonder.”

“He says that another black man is his handler along with Agent Chang.”

“Interesting, come and peruse the information we have gathered.” Sam followed her into the library. “I think Nate should go keep Mr. Callen company.” After he left Hetty had Eric show Sam the intel they’d found.

For the first time in his career as an undercover ops agent, Sam was at a loss for words. He slumped down on the couch, tears filling his eyes.

“I am sorry but you had to know, Mr. Hanna.”

“He doesn’t remember,” he said, his voice quavering, a first for him, his calm demeanor shaken.

“Well, you need to debrief him.”

“Me?”

“Yes, sorry, you and Nate if you need him.”

“I’m not sure I want to do that.”

“You have no choice, Mr. Hanna, you two are now more intertwined than you were. It is your responsibility as both his partner and his lover to debrief him. Understood?” He nodded. “And if you have difficulty call on Nate’s expertise. Understood?”

“Yeah.”

“Take some tea upstairs for Mr. Callen, give him a nice massage, tell him a story, and then hold him.”

“Are you a romantic, Hetty?”

“I know you are, Mr. Hanna, take good care of our agent.”

Sam finished his tea and took the cup into the kitchen. He leaned over the sink and sighed deep.

“You can do this Mr. Hanna.”

“I’m glad you have confidence in me because I seem to be lacking it in myself.”

He plodded up the stairs and trudged toward the master bedroom. After Sam entered the room he watched Nate leave. Sam slid under the covers with his lover. A rap on the door startled G. “Easy, man.” He stroked his face.

Hetty entered with a tray filled with a pot of tea and two teacups. “Enjoy.” She left.

Callen stirred and sniffed the air. “Tea, but not just any tea, Hetty’s fruit tea.”

“I’ll pour you some.” Sam got out of bed and locked the bedroom door.

“You look sexy in that bathrobe.”

“I’ll get you for that one, G.”

“I hope you wore it downstairs.”

Sam ignored him and poured him a cup of Hetty’s delicious tea. “Straight up?”

“I used to be.” Callen smirked.

“You’re cruising.”

“I hope so, promises.” He sat up in bed waiting for the tea.

Sam placed it on the nightstand and propped some pillows behind G’s back. He leaned over, planting a forceful kiss on his lover’s lips and tonguing him deep.

“Keep that up and my tea will be cold before I can drink any.”

Sam handed G the tea on a saucer. “This is a nice tea service set.” He sat next to him.

“I liked it and thought Hetty would too.” He took a sip and relished the fruity flavor. “Not having any?”

“I had some downstairs.”

“You didn’t respond to my volley.” Callen frowned.

“We need to talk.”

“Sounds serious. So you’re dumping me?”

“What?”

“Well, there’s an odd look on your face.”

“There’s an odd feeling which goes with that look. I told Hetty about Vance and your feelings about him.”

“And?”

“She gave me verifiable proof that… damn it, I thought this would be so easy to say. He is… crap.”

“He probably is crap.” Callen smirked.

“Seriously, G… he _is_ your handler.” He watched his partner’s face pale and the tea cup begin to slip from his hand. Sam grabbed the tea cup and saucer before G dumped it on his lap. He set it on the nightstand. Afterward he drew his lover into his body and held him, stroking his back. “Easy, G, I’m here for you, man.”

“It can’t be true,” Callen said, tears streaming down his face.

“It is, G, sorry.” He rocked him side to side.

“I need you to hold me on your lap.”

Sam pulled his lover onto his lap and surrounded his waist with his arms. Callen rested his head on Sam’s chest. “Interested in a no-strings-attached massage?”

“I need to see the proof.”

“I don’t know if—“

“Stop protecting me. I need to know something first.”

“Ask away.”

“Am I the ops?”

Sam pushed Callen off his lap, stood and faced him. “Your team has investigated everything you’ve shared.”

“Doubting me?”

“Believing you, G, and verifying it.”

Callen clutched his gut and curled into a fetal position.

Sam laid behind him and pulled G into him. “What are you remembering? I know that look in your eyes.”

“Please just hold me close.” He relaxed his body’s tense position and scooted backward into his lover.

Sam wrapped his arms around his G’s chest and waist. “We good?” He nodded. “Whenever you’re ready to share I’m here for you.”

“I need to see the proof.”

“I want to be there when you view it.”

“It’s video?”

“Yeah.”

“How much?”

“Quite a bit.”

“Holy crap.” He buried his face in the bedspread.

“I can get Eric to set it up in here, and we can watch it together.”

He lifted his head. “You’ll do that for me?”

“Anything to make it easier for you, G. I….”

“What?” Callen faced him. “What is it?”

“I love you.” Sam kissed his forehead and then his lips. It was a tender almost delicate kiss.

Callen sighed and kissed him back. “I love you too.”


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric sets up the videos in the master bedroom.
> 
> Callen watches them and freaks out.
> 
> He further freaks when Sam ties his hands behind his back as part of a massage and fuck session.
> 
>  
> 
> smut and trigger

Eric Beale set up the computer with a remote in the master bedroom in front of the two chairs. He handed the remote to Callen and turned to leave.

“Thanks for covering me,” Callen said.

“You’d do it for me.”

“Yes, I would.”

“Go easy on yourself. These are not easy on the eyes. We had a difficult time with this and it didn’t happen to us.”

“I will, thanks.” Callen watched Eric leave and then sat in one of the chairs. He brought his knees up to his chest, clasped his arms around them and rocked.

Sam strode into the master bedroom, closed and locked the door. He placed a syringe and alcohol swab on a dresser.

“What’s that for? You’re not drugging me.”

“If need be, yes, it depends on your reaction to the videos.”

“Great. You’re all starting to scare me. First, Eric tells me to go easy on the videos. Now you bring in a drug filled syringe.”

“These are not pleasant to watch. I could only stomach a few minutes of the one which is probably the most benign of all of them.”

“Wonderful, gives me so much confidence.”

“G, you’ve experienced a lot more than most of us, but the fact remains that you have no memory of what he did to you. You only remember Agent Chang’s abuse.”

Callen rested his head on his knees, tears flooding his eyes. “I lied.”

Sam kneeled before him. “What did you lie about?”

“I do remember him, oh hell… him raping me and her watching.” He whimpered.

“When? Eight months ago? Six months ago?”

“Both times. And five months ago.”

Sam pulled Callen off the chair and onto his lap. He stroked his back. “I’m sorry, man. You’re safe. This asshole isn’t going to hurt you any more.”

“He’s the director. How’s that going to work?”

“Not any more, G.”

“What?”

“He’s was arrested and charged.”

Callen’s jaw dropped.

“Your case was turned over to an outside investigative firm.”

“That compromises the hell out of my ops career.”

“No, Hetty took extra precautions and used a cover name. Eric spent the last week compiling a life history on you.”

“You mean on the other me?”

“Your true identity. Hetty’s using it for all the records pertaining to your abuse.”

“Smart and creative move on Hetty’s part.”

“I thought so too. Shall we?”

“Can we stay here like this?”

“Sure. You want to control the remote?”

“Need to.” Callen touched a key and the computer screen came to life. He pressed the remote button for the video feed and leaned back into his partner. The first five minutes of the first video were familiar and then he didn’t recognize the rest. He shivered hearing Vance’s words for the first time on the video. His hands trembled. Finally, when he couldn’t stand it any more, he leaped off his lover’s lap, threw the remote on the bed, and ran to the door. Callen tried to open the door but again here was that inability to remember how to do it. “Fuck. Open the damned door. I need to get out. I need to get away. Please.” He pounded on the door and wailed.

Sam scrambled to his feet and pressed his body into G’s. “Easy, man, easy.” He covered his partner’s hands with his, steadying them. “I’m here, G. That’s it relax back into me.” Sam lifted him into his arms and carried him to the bed. He shut off the video. “I thought this might happen.”

“I thought I could handle it.” He buried his face in Sam’s chest. “Boy, was I wrong. Should just be a simple thing of watching those videos and dealing with it. Shouldn’t it?”

“Not necessarily. You buried the memories for a reason. You’re not ready to deal with them. That’s what Nate told me.”

“Great, you could’ve told me.”

“Would you have listened to me? Be honest. Don’t answer me because I know the truth. You go head long into everything you do — it’s either one hundred and twenty percent or nothing at all. That’s a good thing most of the time but in this case, no.” Sam rolled to his side and pulled his partner into his body, wrapping his arms around his chest.

“Of course you’re right.”

“I’ll have Eric remove the equipment later.”

“And right now?”

“I promised to give you a massage. Clothes on or off?”

“Off of course.”

Sam nibbled and sucked on G’s ear while he kicked off his shoes and removed his own clothes.

“Are you sure this is a no-strings-attached massage?” Callen smirked.

“Positive.” He brushed his hand across his partner’s nips.

“I don’t think so.” He pushed his hips back into Sam’s groin.

“You want something?” He kneaded G’s buttocks.

“Yeah, a massage.” He laughed.

Sam rolled him over on his back and ravaged his mouth. “Will this do?”

“You’re evil.”

“I try to be, especially with you.” He unbuttoned the top button on G’s shirt, planting kisses on his face and trailing down his neck. Upon reaching his chest, Sam finished unbuttoning G’s shirt and sucked one nip in his mouth and lightly chewing on it. Callen arched his chest upwards wanting more. “Isn’t that a bit forward?” Sam smirked. “I love this well-defined body.”

“Does it turn you on?”

“You’re darned right it does.”

“Same here.”

Sam nibbled and hard tongued the nip and released it. He trailed his kisses down to his partner’s navel and tongued it deep. Callen grabbed his head and pressed it into his body. “Very forward. You need to exercise some restraint.” He laughed and rolled his partner onto his stomach. Sam pulled the shirt down to G’s wrists and wrapped it in place.

“What the hell?” Callen shivered.

After he straddled his partner’s legs, Sam pressed his hands underneath Callen’s waist and unbuttoned his jeans.

“Would’ve been easier on my back.”

“But it’s more exciting this way with your hands secured behind your back.”

Callen panted enjoying his partner’s manhandling of his body.

“You like this don’t you?” He nodded. “Thought so. You and your role playing should do well with this scenario.”

“It’s a real head trip for me when my lover pretends he’s going to seduce me.”

“Ooh, you’re cruising, _boy.”_

Callen smiled hearing his partner get more into the part.

Sam stripped down his lover’s pants so only his bottom was exposed. “Going commando I see.”

“Remember, I’m a special ops agent. I need to be prepared any possibility.”

He slapped his partner’s buttocks.

“This is supposed to be a massage.”

“Yep.” He slapped them again.

Callen squirmed and panted, his erection growing.

“I see you like that, _boy._ ” He slapped both cheeks in rapid succession until they pinked up. “I always wondered what it would be like to press my hot cock between two heated and reddened buns.” Callen moaned. “That’s all you have to say on the subject?” He nodded. “I found something which zips your lips. Interesting. And it turns you on. Interesting. I’m filing this away for future reference.”

“Like when we’re on an ops and you want to calm me down and turn me on at the same time?” He laughed.

“Now you’re cruising big time, _boy_.” Sam sucked on two fingers and shoved them into his partner.

“Yes!”

“Yeah, screw you.” He sawed them back and forth and abruptly pulled them out.

“Nasty.”

“Just doing a preliminary assessment on your massage zone.” He climbed off his partner and pulled his jeans down to his ankles. “All trussed up and no where to go.” Sam rolled him over on his back and straddled his waist, rubbing his ass over lover’s erection. “I like this massage more than I thought I would.”

“Me too.”

Sam retrieved a bottle of oil from the pillow under G’s head.

“Talk about being prepared.”

“Just in case you’re too dry, _boy._ ” He dribbled the cool, cherry flavored and scented liquid over G’s chest and spread it with his tongue, flicking it over his nips.

“Yeah.” Callen arched his back, pressing into his lover’s tongue.

“Getting desperate? Thought you wanted a no-strings-attached massage, _boy_?” Callen moaned. “Maybe not. I just simply love cherries.” Sam winked at him.

“Ooh, you’re so evil.”

“You’re darned right I am.” He slid backwards and dribbled some oil onto his lover’s cock and moved forward sliding his buttocks back and forth over it.

“Ooh.”

“Yeah, liking that. Excellent. That there is a no-strings-attached massage.”

“Meaning?”

“You aren’t getting any release and you aren’t getting your cock anywhere and you aren’t getting laid.”

Callen frowned.

“So you’re telling me by the way your face is pouting that you want to be screwed?”

“Please.”

“You call that begging?” Sam laughed.

“And my arms are killing me in this position.”

“Let me fix that.” Sam slid off him and flipped him over onto his stomach. “You sure you want me to make you more comfortable?”

“Depends on what you have in mind.”

Sam straddled his partner’s thighs, grabbed G’s arms for more leverage, and plunged his cock into his lover’s hole. Callen moaned and squirmed, pressing his cock into the mattress. Sam pulled out all the way and plunged in again.

“Please, damn it.”

“What’s the matter, _boy?_ ”

“I feel trussed up.”

Sam dripped oil along G’s back from his neck down over the tangled shirt, his hands, his lower back, and finally his buttocks. He puddled more on G’s lower back and licked him there. “Nice.” He trailed his tongue up to G’s hands and sucked each finger. Callen squirmed, rubbing his cock on the mattress. Sam pulled back and slapped his butt cheeks until they pinked up again.

Callen hissed.

“Stop masturbating. I own that cock and this ass.” He kneaded his lover’s tight buttocks.

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.”

“You like being controlled, don’t you, _boy_?” He nodded. “Just as I thought.”

“Are you going to, you know…?”

“No, giving you a massage.” He pulled all the way out and slammed his cock back into the molten love tunnel. “And of course, I’m fucking with your mind and body.”

“Damn you are. Would just screw me all ready?”

“No can do, _boy,_ this is a massage.”

Callen whimpered and closed his eyes, tears flooding his eyes.

“G?” Sam pulled out and flipped him onto his back. “What’s going on, man? Open your eyes. Look at me.”

He opened eyes and glanced at his partner for a moment and averted his eyes.

“You got to talk to me, G. I don’t read minds, at least not like Hetty.”

“Very triggered,” he said, staring out the window.

Sam slid off him, rolled G on his side and removed the shirt from his arms. He pulled his partner back against his body and held him tight. “What triggered you, G?” He heard him softly crying. “Oh man, I should’ve listened to you when you said your arms were killing you. Sorry.” He kissed his neck and head.

“I thought… doesn’t matter.”

“It does. Tell me.”

“I thought you were playing me and I was fine with that. But when you said you wouldn’t fuck me… oh shit.”

“What, G?”

“It just took me back to Vance and what he did to me. I don’t know why. I trusted the bastard and he used that against me.”

“Ah, I think I see the correlation here.”

“Well, at least one of us sees the correlation because I don’t have a clue. I just want to crawl up inside myself and hide.”

“It’s called abuse of power, G. When I trussed your legs and arms it triggered you.”

“Don’t ever do this again. Now let me go.” Callen pulled away and slid his legs off the bed. He stood, took a step, and fell face first onto the carpet. “Oh hell!”

Sam scrambled out of bed and kneeled down next to him. He pulled off his partner’s shoes and jeans.

“You could have reminded me about these.”

“You reacted so fast—“

“Screw you. Get your damned hands off me.” Callen crawled away on his hands and knees, sliding on the carpet from the oil Sam had put all over his body. “I want my damned clothes. Where are my damned shoes?” He huddled in the far corner, curling himself in a partial fetal position, rocking himself.


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam requests Nate's help after Callen freaks out.

Sam buzzed Nate signaling him to come upstairs and bring his arsenal of medicines. When he heard Nate come up to the door he opened it and allowed him to come in.

“Hasn’t moved since I called you.”

“Not good.”

“Want him covered?”

“I’ve seen him naked before. Need him subdued if he fights me.”

“Understood,” Sam said.

Nate approached his patient, black leather bag at his side. “Callen,” he said keeping his voice low and soft. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Keep that bastard away from me,” he said.

“What happened?”

“I got triggered and he didn’t stop. Damn it, he didn’t stop.”

“You know Sam won’t hurt you.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Everything was fine with you two.”

“He… I… damn it, I don’t know,” Callen said, drawing into himself, clutching his legs and shivering.

“Did you watch the videos Eric—“

“Fuck!” Callen leaped to his feet and ran toward the bathroom.

Sam grabbed him, wrestling him to the carpet. He placed him in chokehold and scissored his legs.

“No, bastard, let me go.” Callen screamed. “I’ll kill you.”

“Easy, man.” Sam rolled him to his side and rocked him. “It’s Sam, G.”

“No, no, no. No more. Please don’t do it to me.”

“Do what, G?”

“Restrain me and rape me. You got to let me go. He’s here. Please he’ll find me.”

“Easy, man, you’re safe. It’s just Nate and I.”

He shivered. “No drugs.”

“No choice right now, G.”

He squirmed and twisted his body. “Let me go asshole.”

Sam clamped down on his hold, wrapping his free arm around G’s chest.

“Bastard, stop this.”

“He’s ready.”

Nate kneeled on the carpet beside Callen. “I’m only giving you a tranquilizer.”

“You’re drugging me so you can rape me?” He squeaked out.

“Callen, I assure you that is not the reason.”

“Why then?”

“You freaked out.”

“I’m still freaking out.”

“I know and I’m taking care of it right now.” He drew up the medicine, placed a tourniquet around Callen’s left forearm, palpated a vein, and injected the Valium into it. “Keep him still for about ten more minutes,” Nate said while putting away the used syringe. “Feel better?”

“A little. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Callen. Any more problems Sam, call me as usual.” Nate left.

“Sorry.”

“No need to apologize—“

“Yeah, there is, damn it, you were doing wonderful things to me and I lost it.”

“Next time I’m putting my foot down on your destructive requests.”

“What?”

“Wanting to see those videos.” Callen whimpered and tried pulling away from him. “Not going to happen. I’ve got you tighter than I’ve ever held you. I’m right.” He nodded. “I’m glad you agree.”

“I… need you in me,” he said in a very quiet voice.

“Afraid I’ll reject you again? Is that why you’re so afraid to say it loud enough?”

“You’re angry with me.”

“You’re darned right I am.” Sam released him and stood up. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.”

Callen curled into a fetal position and wailed.

“Damn it, G, you’re in no position to have sex. Understand me?”

“No, I don’t.” He crawled away on his hands and knees toward the corner again.

Sam met him halfway, placed him into a chokehold and a scissors hold on his side. “What is your damned problem?”

“You, bastard.”

“Me? I’m protecting you from completely losing it and I’m the problem? I just don’t get it with you.”

“I…” Callen shook with heaving sobs. “I need you in me. Why won’t you do it?”

“Gees, man, I can’t believe you. You’re emotionally wounded and you want me to have sex with you.”

“I want… need you in me, please, please, you don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“Get away from me.”

Sam grabbed the phone out his back pocket and buzzed Nate again.

“You bastard! You’re drugging me to shut me up?”

“You’re darned right I am.”

“I hate you! Go screw yourself.” Callen screamed his voice hoarse from crying.

“You’ll have to come in Nate. I’m preoccupied.”

“I can see that,” Nate said, closing the door behind him. He kneeled next to Callen, facing him.

“Please don’t. All I want is for Sam to put his cock in me. He won’t do it.”

“I see.” He filled a syringe with a sedative.

“Don’t do this. Please talk to him. Make him understand. I need him.”

“You have him, Callen. Tonight he’s doing the right thing for you.”

“The hell he is. Damn you both, I need you Sam, please listen to me.”

“I listened and it was and is a bad idea.”

Callen squirmed when he saw the needle come closer to him. “Where the hell are you putting that?”

“Your buttock.”

“Sam don’t let him.”

“Will a thigh work?”

“Buttocks are better.”

Sam flipped his partner onto his stomach.

“No, damn it, he’ll see, please don’t do this.” He squirmed and twisted his body.

“Hold him still.”

“Bastards, damned bastards every last one of you.” He screamed.

“Easy, man.” Sam pressed his body into G’s pinning him hard against the carpet.

“This isn’t fair. Get off me.”

“Maybe having him work out isn’t such a great idea after all?” Nate said to Sam.

“I can handle him just fine.” He elbowed him between the shoulder blades, pressing in hard.

“That hurts.”

“Stop struggling and I’ll release you.”

“No bastard.”

Nate injected the medicine into Callen’s right butt cheek.

Callen tried to reach his hand down to stop him. Sam blocked him, wrapping his arm around G’s arm and chest.

“Bastard! That hurt!” Callen screamed.

“Stop fighting us, G.”

“Screw you. Get your damned hands off me.”

“Easy, man, settle down.”

“The hell I will. You bastards.”

“What the hell has gotten into you, G”

“You!” He forced his arm upward and it only moved an inch. “What the hell did you give me?”

“A sedative.”

“No, please.”

“Let it work.”

“And you’ll rape me?”

“No G. See this is why I refused to have sex with you.”

“Do you have to say that in front of Nate?” Callen asked his speech slurred now.

“I know about your relationship Callen. Don’t worry about it.”

“Great.”


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After freaking out on Sam and Nate, Callen finds himself handcuffed to the headboard. He learns he had another nightmare.
> 
> Callen explains to Sam why he needs to be filled to feel safe.

Callen awakened to find his arms handcuffed to the headboard. He glanced around the room and didn’t see Sam. Panic rose up from his gut. He imagined that scary black man had him again and he couldn’t escape. He shuddered. A noise coming from the bathroom startled him. Callen lifted his head and strained to listen further. When Sam entered the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist he shrunk back, pressing his legs under him.

“Easy, man.”

“Don’t.” Callen’s lips and chin quivered. “Stay away from me.” He whimpered.

“It’s Sam, G.”

“Fuck, get the hell away from me. Take these off of me.”

“Easy, man, you had another nightmare.”

“Liar, damned liar.” He jerked wildly, pulling hard on his handcuffed wrists.

“Easy, man, you’ll hurt yourself.”

“What the hell do you care? You’re just going to rape me. What do you care if I hurt myself?”

Sam grabbed the syringe off the chest of drawers.

“Oh crap, no more drugs. I promise I’ll do it. I’ll buy them. I’ll go on the assignment. You don’t have to rape me again. Please…” He whimpered again, tears flooding his eyes.

Sam straddled his partner’s waist, swabbed his right biceps area and injected the tranquilizer. “Easy, G.” He capped the needle and set it on the nightstand. After stretching out on his partner’s body he gently stroked his partner’s face and hair. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

“Don’t, please don’t.”

“Not doing anything, just laying on you.”

Callen sighed. “Please, I need you in me.”

“What?” Sam got on hands and knees. “You’re not making sense, G. You don’t want me to hurt you or rape and you want me to fuck you.”

“Damn it.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Come on, G, open your eyes and make sense to me.” Callen opened his eyes and stared out the window. Sam grasped his chin, holding his face until their eyes met. “Come on, man.”

“I… damn… can’t say it, can’t tell you.”

“I’m not doing it until you tell me.”

“I thought you didn’t want me and it freaked me out.”

“Oh G, I’m sorry, man, I wanted you but we were playing a sex game. You were enjoying yourself and then you lost it when I denied you.”

“It freaked me out, okay. I don’t know why. Maybe it was you withdrawing your love from me and that terrified me. Don’t know.”

“This is the most transparent I’ve seen you, G. Thank you for being honest with me. I don’t want to trigger you and didn’t want to trigger you so I declined your request.”

“I wasn’t asking to have sex.”

“Then what?”

“I needed you close because I was triggered.”

“Putting my cock in your ass is not about closeness, G.”

“It is to me. It makes me feel, well, safe.”

“Like when I put you in a chokehold?”

“Yeah. So am I weird or something?”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re weird. You’re you and if that’s what makes you feel loved and wanted and needed and safe, then damn it, I’m giving it to you. Next time I suggest you be more specific about what you’re asking me.” Sam leaned over Callen and kissed his lips, sucking on his lower lip. “Are you interested in getting something to eat?”

“I suppose we should eat.”

“Want a shower first?”

“If we do that I know I’ll never get downstairs tonight.”

“I like the sound of that, G.” He laid down on his partner’s body kissing him again. “I feel the same way about you. But we do need to go eat, especially you.”

“I have a question.”

“Go.”

“Did I sleep the whole day?”

“Yeah, G.”

“The drugs?”

“You needed them.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad you’re not arguing with me. You need to talk about the nightmare?”

“Not ready yet.”

“And the sex game? You told me not to do it again. Is that what you want?”

“No. After a while everything you did triggered me so it’s hard to tell which specific thing caused it.”

“Good, because I want to continue where we left off. You game?”

“After we eat?”

“Yeah.” Sam licked his lips and leered at Callen. He climbed off the bed and unlocked the handcuffs.

“The handcuffs are a turn on for me.”

“I know, however, I want to wait until you’ve worked through most of your memories because they were used on you when you were abused. There’s one more thing. You need a safe word just encase you get triggered while we play.”

“A safe word?”

“You say it at the first sign of distress and I do mean the first sign, G. Don’t wait until you’re freaked out to tell me it.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“I need an answer before we go downstairs to get something to eat.”

“Why?”

“Because you get distracted too easily.”

“And you’re planning something.” Callen dressed in his sweats and a pair of Nike runners.

“I’m always planning something to do with your lovely body.” Sam caressed his lover’s face.

“I got the perfect word, Garrett.”

“It won’t trigger you?”

“I hope not.”

“We’ll see.” Sam finished dressing in his jeans and a light sweater.

“You look edible.”

“Edible?”

“Must be hunger setting in.” Callen smirked.

“I’ll show you hunger.” Sam hugged him and dipped his head down to envelope his lover’s lips. “Shall we go?”


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen heats up the relationship between him and Sam, but it's too hot for him to handle.

Callen plopped down on a chair in the kitchen and yelped. “I guess I forgot about being bad.” He winked at his partner.

“Guess you did, G,” Sam said. He turned back to the kitchen counter and finished scrambling the eggs. “What kind of meat do you want?”

“A thick, long sausage.” He smacked his lips and made a loud slurping sound.

His partner leaned over close to his ear. “Watch it, G, be careful what you’re asking for.” He grazed a hand over one of G’s nipples.

“Be careful? You’d better watch what you touch.”

“I did and it got hard.” Callen’s breathing hitched. He pressed his left hand down hard against his erection, too close to creaming his pants. Damn. “So?” Callen reached out and brushed his hand across his lover’s huge sausage.

Sam set the bowl of eggs on the table, grabbed G by his sweatshirt, and pushed him toward the alcove by the front door. He shoved him hard up against a wall, forcing his head backwards with a strong hand placed on his chin. “What game are you playing with me?” Callen shuddered. He waited for the safe word. None. “Like to be manhandled?” He nodded. “I can tell.” Sam brushed his hand across G’s erection. His lover’s cock now pushed his sweats obscenely outward in a huge tent. He grabbed and fondled the head until he heard Callen’s breathing change. “Yeah, you’re hot for me, _boy_.” He drew out the last word. “Think you can make it through dinner without coming?” He shook his head. Sam grasped his lover’s shaft and stroked him several times.

“Oh no…” He bit his lip preventing himself from yelling out his lover’s name.

“Cream your pants, _boy_?” He nodded. “Get up stairs. Wait for me. No stripping. Face the bed. Hands behind your head, interlaced. Understood?” He nodded. Sam released him.

Callen climbed the stairs two at a time. He entered the bedroom, closed the door and waited in position as his lover had ordered. When the door opened he startled and panted. His mind filled with images of what his partner might do to him, Callen’s erection stirred.

“Nice.” Sam came close up behind him. “Remove your pants and drop them at your feet.”

He bent over to remove his shoes first fully expecting his lover to mess with his butt cheeks. It didn’t happen. He sighed. Callen stripped off his pants and tossed them on the floor.

“In position.”

Callen interlaced his fingers behind his head.

Sam took handful of scrambled eggs and brought it up to his lover’s lips. “Open.” Callen opened his mouth, eating the eggs and licking his partner’s fingers and hand afterward. A few minutes later Sam brought a huge, thick kielbasa to his lips. “Open your mouth in the shape of an O. Stick out your tongue. Get the meat nice and wet.” After G slobbered all over the sausage, he shoved it into his lover’s mouth until it hit the back of his throat. He brought it back out and shoved it back in. Again he pulled it out, shoved it back in and pulled it out. “Lick it, get it nice and wet again.” Sam’s breathing hitched as he watched and listened to G slobber all over the sausage. “Open.” He shoved the kielbasa in hard causing G to splutter around it, eyes watering. “Nice.” He yanked it back out. “Take a small bite.” Callen’s erection hardened. Sam grabbed his lover’s sausage and stroked it.

“Fuck.” Callen whispered.

“Soon, very soon.”

He panted and thrust his cock into his lover’s hand. “Please, I’m close.” Sam stopped and slapped G’s cock back and forth and squeezed his ball sac hard. Callen pulled backward and yelped.

“Not yet, _boy_.” He fed G the rest of the kielbasa and scrambled eggs.

Sam now stood behind him. “Spread your legs.” He yanked G’s sweatshirt over his head while positioning his arms at his lower back. Next he wrapped the sweatshirt around G’s wrists and tied it in place.

Callen flashed on something horrid. Just his hands rearranged without being tied made him shudder. He yanked his arms hard.

“Easy, G.” Sam surrounded his chest with both arms and brought him back against his body. “Safe word?”

“No, please continue, I want this.”

“You’re shaking. Safe word.”

“Please don’t stop.”

“Damn it, G, you’re triggered.”

“And I want this,” he said his voice quavering.

“You can’t handle it.”

“It’s, damn it, you restraining me.”

“That’s when the feeling starts?”

“No, the flashbacks started when you repositioned my hands.”

“Okay, tell me what you saw.”

He shuddered.

“You’re safe, G.”

“I want everything else I just can’t… do that… and I hate it. I need you.”

“I know and I can’t continue when you’re triggered like this.” He unwrapped G’s arms and hugged him again. “Sorry, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah.” Sam licked, sucked, and kissed him on the neck. “I kind of like that pet name for you.” He gently grasped his partner’s face and tilted it upward until their lips met. Sam planted a light kiss and then enveloped his lover’s mouth.

He pulled away from the kiss. “This is ridiculous.”

Sam flipped him around. “Easy, G, what’s going on, man?”

“I wanted that. We’re not continuing?”

“We’re making love.”

“Oh.” Callen kissed his lover’s neck. Sam covered G’s mouth devouring him with a kiss and sucking on his lips.

“Bed.”

“No, bathroom, under the shower head.”


	63. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes love to Callen in the shower.
> 
> Flashbacks haunt Callen. He reveals them.

Sam and Callen finished a hot lovemaking session in the shower. They lay in each other’s arms on the shower floor under the center shower head.

“Now that, sweetheart was making love to you,” Sam said kissing G’s lips again.

“I don’t know about you but I’m sleeping well tonight.” Callen sighed.

“Good.” He stroked, squeezed, and caressed G’s buttocks with both hands. “I love you.” He kissed him again. “You make me so happy.”

“I do?”

“Yes, I’m satiated and when I satiated I’m happy.”

“Does that mean you like my ass?”

“Does that mean you want more cock in your ass? Ready for a rough ride in the sack?”

“Don’t entice me.”

Sam kissed him again. “Seriously, I think we both need a good night’s sleep.”

Callen slid his body up and down his lover’s, pressing their two soft cocks together.

“You enticing me?”

“I could be enticed quite easily.”

“I see that.” Sam rolled to his side, pushing G off onto his back and pinning him beneath his beefier body. He enveloped G’s mouth and sucked on his lips until he felt the man’s cock twitch against their stomaches. He climbed off him and stood offering G a hand.

“You got me all boned up again.”

“Good.”

“You’re wickedly evil.”

Sam drew him into a hard hug and flipped him over, butt in the air.

“Fuck!”

“Remember our agreement every night. Stay in position.”

“Do we have to do this now? We just had a wonderful time.”

“And?”

“I wanted to savor the moment for a little longer.”

“We savored the moment for at least an hour,” Sam said. “You want to prolong the inevitable. Either you do it or I will. You said you don’t like doing it.”

Callen sighed and relaxed and waited.

Sam stepped out the shower and prepared the enema. He returned to G’s side, lubed the tip, and slowly inserted it. “I’m surprised I can get it up there with all the come in there.” He laughed.

“Not funny.”

He stroked his lover’s buttocks. “Here comes the first half.”

The minute the water hit inside his intestinal tract Callen lost it. He screamed, pulled away, dislodged the tubing, and huddled in a corner of the shower.

“Easy, G.” Sam put away the enema equipment. “Come sit next to me, G. It’s Sam.”

“Liar, you damned liar.”

Sam approached his partner. “G, it’s Sam, sweetheart.” He sat on the floor within inches of his lover. “Let me hold you.” When Callen heard the man’s voice close to him he startled and leaped up ready to run. Sam reached out and grabbed G by the legs, wrestling him to the floor and into his arms.

“You bastard let me go!” He kicked and screamed and attempted to bite his assailant.

“Easy, G, it’s Sam. He placed him in a loose chokehold and scissored his legs. “Hush, man, hush.” With his free hand he caressed his lover’s face and neck.

“It’s not going to work. I won’t do it. I don’t care what you do to me. I won’t do it.”

“G, what are you talking about?”

“Yeah and then you’ll rape me. I know how this works. You think I’m stupid?”

“No, sweetheart—“

“Don’t pull that sweetheart crap on me!”

“G stop escalating.”

“Screw you.” Callen panted.

“Easy, man.”

“Going to give me more drugs to make me compliant.”

“Who did that to you, man?”

“Him.” He shuddered.

“Oh… crap… I don’t know if I can….”

“Take it slow,” Sam said.

“Vance,” Callen said his voice barely audible.

“What did he give you?”

“Don’t know, pills and a shot.”

“Tell me what you’re seeing.”

Callen squeezed his eyes shut trying to block the horrendous flashbacks.

“G, come on, man, talk to me.”

“I need you in me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Damn it, I don’t care. Just do it. Don’t ask me a zillion questions. Just put your—” Callen’s breathing hitched. He yelped. Sam had speared him. “Yes, hold me closer.”

“I’ve got you, G.” He nuzzled his head into his partner’s neck. “Remember, if you can remain calm and talk Nate won’t medicate you.”

“Hard to do. It happened when I first started with the CIA, I know I wanted to deny it, wanted to pretend he didn’t do anything to me, I know he did now. I can see him. I see myself with him. Is that possible?”

“Yeah.”

“He calls it training. I call it rape. I see it like a motion picture. Press in harder Sam. I need to feel you in me.”

“I get it now. If you feel me, there’s no room for anyone else.”

He nodded. “It works in my mind. I come into the hotel room. He hides in the room and springs on me, pinning me against a wall. Next he injects a drug into my neck. He presses his hard cock against me, warning me not to fight him. After dragging me over to a chair he sits, forces me to kneel, pulls his zipper down, and shoves my face onto his cock, and rapes my mouth.” He sighed. “That was the easy part to talk about. After this preparation he takes me into the bathroom and gives me an enema.”

“This further explains you getting triggered about enemas and my skin color.”

“Afterward, he takes me into the bedroom and makes me suck his cock again. Sometimes he rapes me in the bathroom too.”

“This explains when you freaked out in the bathroom that one time.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.” Sam kissed his neck.

“Finally, he rapes me until I agreed to whatever he asked me to do.”

“When would he give you the other drugs?”

“In the bathroom.”

“What do you think, Roofies and GHB?”

“Yes, and maybe more.”

“There’s something which happens but it doesn’t make sense. I can’t figure it out.”

“Don’t try to figure it out, G. Just share it.”

“He takes me some place and I’ve been there before.”

“You would if he was taking you there all the time.”

“No, you don’t get it.” Callen squirmed, his breaths becoming more rapid.

“Easy, G.”

“I’m freaked out, man, freaked out on the inside.”

“I’m here, sweetheart, you’re safe.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Maybe you need a tranquilizer.”

“Feels like ants crawling all over me.”

“Anxiety, G, the tranquilizer will help.”

“I don’t want Nate here. Just you and I.”

“Hold me tighter. I need to feel closer to you. Need to know there’s room for no one else. Please.”

Sam wrapped his arms around G’s chest and waist, pulling him back hard into his body.

Sam felt the tension in G’s body release.

“Actually, I like it with your cock in me deep like that.”

Sam claimed G’s mouth with a deep kiss. “Okay, G, talk.”

“It’s about my father and where he used to take me with his boyfriend. Same place.”

“We need to get Eric up here for this and get this on the regular digital recording,” Sam said.

“You’re recording this?” Callen asked.

“Yeah, as always.”

“I look forward to the day that doesn’t happen.”

“You’ll have to quit working for the government for that to happen.”


	64. Chapter 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen runs afraid of talking about what he remembers, hoping it isn't real.

Sam and Callen finished a hot lovemaking session in the shower. They lay in each other’s arms on the shower floor under the center shower head.

“Now that, sweetheart was making love to you,” Sam said kissing G’s lips again.

“I don’t know about you but I’m sleeping well tonight.” Callen sighed.

“Good.” He stroked, squeezed, and caressed G’s buttocks with both hands. “I love you.” He kissed him again. “You make me so happy.”

“I do?”

“Yes, I’m satiated and when I satiated I’m happy.”

“Does that mean you like my ass?”

“Does that mean you want more cock in your ass? Ready for a rough ride in the sack?”

“Don’t entice me.”

Sam kissed him again. “Seriously, I think we both need a good night’s sleep.”

Callen slid his body up and down his lover’s, pressing their two soft cocks together.

“You enticing me?”

“I could be enticed quite easily.”

“I see that.” Sam rolled to his side, pushing G off onto his back and pinning him beneath his beefier body. He enveloped G’s mouth and sucked on his lips until he felt the man’s cock twitch against their stomaches. He climbed off him and stood offering G a hand.

“You got me all boned up again.”

“Good.”

“You’re wickedly evil.”

Sam drew him into a hard hug and flipped him over, butt in the air.

“Fuck!”

“Remember our agreement every night. Stay in position.”

“Do we have to do this now? We just had a wonderful time.”

“And?”

“I wanted to savor the moment for a little longer.”

“We savored the moment for at least an hour,” Sam said. “You want to prolong the inevitable. Either you do it or I will. You said you don’t like doing it.”

Callen sighed and relaxed and waited.

Sam stepped out the shower and prepared the enema. He returned to G’s side, lubed the tip, and slowly inserted it. “I’m surprised I can get it up there with all the come in there.” He laughed.

“Not funny.”

He stroked his lover’s buttocks. “Here comes the first half.”

The minute the water hit inside his intestinal tract Callen lost it. He screamed, pulled away, dislodged the tubing, and huddled in a corner of the shower.

“Easy, G.” Sam put away the enema equipment. “Come sit next to me, G. It’s Sam.”

“Liar, you damned liar.”

Sam approached his partner. “G, it’s Sam, sweetheart.” He sat on the floor within inches of his lover. “Let me hold you.” When Callen heard the man’s voice close to him he startled and leaped up ready to run. Sam reached out and grabbed G by the legs, wrestling him to the floor and into his arms.

“You bastard let me go!” He kicked and screamed and attempted to bite his assailant.

“Easy, G, it’s Sam. He placed him in a loose chokehold and scissored his legs. “Hush, man, hush.” With his free hand he caressed his lover’s face and neck.

“It’s not going to work. I won’t do it. I don’t care what you do to me. I won’t do it.”

“G, what are you talking about?”

“Yeah and then you’ll rape me. I know how this works. You think I’m stupid?”

“No, sweetheart—“

“Don’t pull that sweetheart crap on me!”

“G stop escalating.”

“Screw you.” Callen panted.

“Easy, man.”

“Going to give me more drugs to make me compliant.”

“Who did that to you, man?”

“Him.” He shuddered.

“Oh… crap… I don’t know if I can….”

“Take it slow,” Sam said.

“Vance,” Callen said his voice barely audible.

“What did he give you?”

“Don’t know, pills and a shot.”

“Tell me what you’re seeing.”

Callen squeezed his eyes shut trying to block the horrendous flashbacks.

“G, come on, man, talk to me.”

“I need you in me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Damn it, I don’t care. Just do it. Don’t ask me a zillion questions. Just put your—” Callen’s breathing hitched. He yelped. Sam had speared him. “Yes, hold me closer.”

“I’ve got you, G.” He nuzzled his head into his partner’s neck. “Remember, if you can remain calm and talk Nate won’t medicate you.”

“Hard to do. It happened when I first started with the CIA, I know I wanted to deny it, wanted to pretend he didn’t do anything to me, I know he did now. I can see him. I see myself with him. Is that possible?”

“Yeah.”

“He calls it training. I call it rape. I see it like a motion picture. Press in harder Sam. I need to feel you in me.”

“I get it now. If you feel me, there’s no room for anyone else.”

He nodded. “It works in my mind. I come into the hotel room. He hides in the room and springs on me, pinning me against a wall. Next he injects a drug into my neck. He presses his hard cock against me, warning me not to fight him. After dragging me over to a chair he sits, forces me to kneel, pulls his zipper down, and shoves my face onto his cock, and rapes my mouth.” He sighed. “That was the easy part to talk about. After this preparation he takes me into the bathroom and gives me an enema.”

“This further explains you getting triggered about enemas and my skin color.”

“Afterward, he takes me into the bedroom and makes me suck his cock again. Sometimes he rapes me in the bathroom too.”

“This explains when you freaked out in the bathroom that one time.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.” Sam kissed his neck.

“Finally, he rapes me until I agreed to whatever he asked me to do.”

“When would he give you the other drugs?”

“In the bathroom.”

“What do you think, Roofies and GHB?”

“Yes, and maybe more.”

“There’s something which happens but it doesn’t make sense. I can’t figure it out.”

“Don’t try to figure it out, G. Just share it.”

“He takes me some place and I’ve been there before.”

“You would if he was taking you there all the time.”

“No, you don’t get it.” Callen squirmed, his breaths becoming more rapid.

“Easy, G.”

“I’m freaked out, man, freaked out on the inside.”

“I’m here, sweetheart, you’re safe.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Maybe you need a tranquilizer.”

“Feels like ants crawling all over me.”

“Anxiety, G, the tranquilizer will help.”

“I don’t want Nate here. Just you and I.”

“Hold me tighter. I need to feel closer to you. Need to know there’s room for no one else. Please.”

Sam wrapped his arms around G’s chest and waist, pulling him back hard into his body.

Sam felt the tension in G’s body release.

“Actually, I like it with your cock in me deep like that.”

Sam claimed G’s mouth with a deep kiss. “Okay, G, talk.”

“It’s about my father and where he used to take me with his boyfriend. Same place.”

“We need to get Eric up here for this and get this on the regular digital recording,” Sam said.

“You’re recording this?” Callen asked.

“Yeah, as always.”

“I look forward to the day that doesn’t happen.”

“You’ll have to quit working for the government for that to happen.”


	65. Chapter 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen remembers more about what happened to him.

Callen’s mind was bombarded with horrible images of the abuses which occurred at the place with stairs. He shivered and shifted on his lover’s lap. “Please, Sam, make it all go away,” he said in a whisper.

“You know sharing helps those feelings you get inside.”

“Can’t.” He trembled.

Sam pulled G back against his chest. “Easy, man, I’m here.”

“So are they.”

“Who, G?”

“The men.” He shivered hard seeing all the men.

“Go back to being with Vance in the hotel room.” Sam kept his voice soft and low.

Callen squirmed on his lover’s lap pulling free from his arms. “No, can’t do that. Don’t want to go there.”

“Tell me where, G.”

“The place he’s taking me.”

“Where’s that place?”

“DC. I don’t want to go to DC. Please don’t make me go there. I hate that place.”

“When did he take you there, G?”

“When did he not?” He sighed leaning back into his partner. “Please need to stop. Don’t want to see it. Can’t see it.”

“I’m here, G, you’re safe.”

“Not from him, not from them.”

“I’m sorry, man, sorry for whatever they did to you.”

“I need to go.”

“Where G?”

“Anywhere but here. I can’t stand my body. It’s crawling.”

Nate took another syringe from his black bag, came over to the left side of the bed, and pulled up Callen’s sweatshirt.

“What the hell?” Callen twisted and pulled away.

“Easy, G, Nate’s giving you something to help with that crawling feeling in your body.”

Nate injected the tranquilizer at a slow rate watching for side effects. “All finished Callen. That should help.”

He shivered hearing the voices in his head, voices from the past. “Need to leave, get away.”

“You’re safe here, G. Talk to me.”

“Dupont Circle.”

“What? When?”

“Jersey.”

“When we were on assignment in New Jersey eight months ago?”

He nodded.

“What time was that, G?”

“Morning.”

“Wasn’t morning, G, we were on an ops.”

“You calling me a liar?”

“Give me a time, G.”

“Early, don’t know when.”

“Pull up the ops timeline, Mr. Beale,” Hetty said.

Eric’s fingers flew over the laptop’s keyboard bringing up the information Hetty requested. He tilted the screen so she could see.

“Mr. Callen were you with Vance very early in the morning?”

He nodded.

“Makes sense, G, go on.” He stroked his partner back, helping him relax.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Easy, man, not going to hurt—“

“You raped me.” Callen leaned forward panting. “Please don’t rape me again.”

“Easy, G, I won’t hurt you.”

“You did, liar.” He yelled at him. “Get out of me. Take it out of me.”

“I’m not in you, settle down.”

“Screw you, get it out of me.”

“G, this is part of the memory.”

Callen scrambled off the bed. He fell face first on the carpet, the drugs in his body made running away impossible. “Screw this!”

Sam lifted G off the floor.

“Get your hands off me, bastard!”

“Easy G, settle down, you’re in the memory.”

“I’m not, screw you.” He kicked him and tried to knee his groin.

Sam wrestled him into a chokehold and scissor locked G’s legs. “Settle down.”

“Let me go, please let me go.” Callen whimpered.

He laid on the bed drawing his partner up beside him. “Easy, G, talk to me.”

“I can’t do this.” He shivered and whimpered.

“You can, I’m here.”

“Afraid of them. Don’t want to go there.”

“Mr. Beale scan at least a three block radius from Dupont Circle.”

“I have Hetty and I don’t see anything. I found Vance’s car on New Hampshire Ave at Dupont Circle. After that I don’t see anything within three blocks.”

“Extend the search to ten blocks.”

“Nothing.”

“No traffic light?”

“Nothing, it’s as if the car vanishes.”

“That is a possibility too. Give me the hour on that Mr. Beale.”

“Five AM.”

“Oh really. Must mean he’s leaving the area. Scan back between 12 and 1 AM.”

“Got him heading northeast.”

“Give a twenty block scan, Mr. Beale.”

“Found him.” His jaw dropped when he found the location’s name.

Hetty’s jaw dropped too. “Your father took you to this place too?”

“Oh shit!” Callen twisted his body to free himself from his partner’s hold.

“Easy, man.”

“Must have been through your father’s boyfriend.”

“Shut up, just shut up. Get out of here, all of you get out.”

“Must’ve hit a sore spot, Callen.”

“Bastard! Release me. Now.”

“No, G, answer the questions and talk.”

“You bastards!”

“Do you need that soap Mr. Callen?”

“I’ll kill you bitch.”

“Stop escalating, G, calm down.”

“I can’t calm down. She pisses me off.”

“Because she’s dead on with her questions, G?”

He buried his face in the bedspread. “Stop this please.”

“Tell me about this place.”

“Crap, I can’t do this.”

“But you know, Mr. Callen. I believe you had enough flashbacks to put this memory together. Correct?”

He refused to give her the satisfaction and kept his face buried in the bedspread.

“Mr. Callen, I asked you a question.”

“Go to hell.”

Sam flipped over on his back pulling G with him.

“I said don’t do this. What the hell is wrong with you? I can’t please turn me back over. Bastard.” Callen yelled. One time before Sam had done this, placed him on his back on top of him. He freaked out when it happened. Freak out so bad he was close to having a seizure. The seizures happened during the abuse years ago too. He wondered why he had them.

“Talk to her and I’ll let you rest.”

“You bastard. Screw you.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

Hetty stood strode over to the bed and grasped Callen’s chin with her fingers. “Open your eyes, Mr. Callen, and talk to me.”

He thought about spitting in her face but didn’t like what she would do with the soap. “Screw you too.”

“I see, Mr. Callen, is that how you want to play this, the hard way? I am attempting to help you and all you want is to escalate and run. Odd tactics for someone as versed as you in ops. Must be extremely painful to remember. Nate, give him the maximum dose of Amytal. These lips will be wagging very soon.”

“Bitch.” This time he couldn’t restrain himself any longer. He spit at her.

“That is going to cost you.”

“You do that and I’ll quit. I’ll cut all these damn things out of my body and bleed to death. You’ll have nothing.”

“Sam bring him down to the library. Mr. Callen and I will have a private session.”

“I won’t you bitch.”

“You will Mr. Callen and you will do it trussed up.” She released him and left the room.

“G, why did you do that? That was a stupid move to goad her like that.”

“She’s goading me. All these threats and using more drugs and… next it will be torture.”

“You’re superimposing Agent Chang onto her, G.”

“No, she threatened me and I’m fighting back with all that I have.” Actually, he hadn’t superimposed Agent Chang onto Hetty. In fact, for the first time, he had a flashback about Hetty. It happened in that moment when she had grabbed his chin and stared into his eyes. He shuddered. Another flashback occurred when Hetty told Sam to bring him down to the library and he’d be trussed up. He shivered, seeing himself trussed up in her presence. It happened more than once.

“Spitting?”

“Yeah, spitting, I know it pisses her off.”

“You’ve got no diplomacy, G.” He flipped his partner onto his stomach so Nate could reach the IV shunt.

“No, she said—“

“Stuff it, G, he’s increasing the Amytal for your session with Hetty.”

“I’m not going down there.”

“No choice, G.”

“Bastards!”


	66. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetty decides to take things to the next level, a level Callen cannot handle. He loses it completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Hetty OOC and squick to the max!!!

**WARNING: Major squick for Hetty Lang. If you like your characters by the book, this is where her character veers off your course. I allow my characters to tell the story, so I did, and this is the result.**

**Squick for Sam Hanna if you like his character you may not like this.**

Sam brought his partner down to the library, keeping him in a chokehold.

“Please don’t do this, Sam, please.”

“You messed up, G.”

“Place him in handcuffs Mr. Hanna.”

“What? No way.” Callen backed up a few inches all the room he had.

“How would you like them on him?”

“Behind his back. I want him trussed.”

“Don’t do this, please.” Callen whimpered. Flashbacks coursed through his brain. He shuddered.

Sam took the handcuffs from Hetty and clasped them around G’s left wrist.

“Sam, I’m begging you, please don’t do this.” Callen shivered within and shook, his breaths coming hard and deep and fast. More pictures threatened to blast through his defenses.

He finished cuffing G’s wrists behind his back.

“Place him on the floor at my feet.”

“What? What the hell? No! Don’t do this to me.” He twisted his body pulling away from his partner.

Sam laid G on the floor facing Hetty.

“This is wrong, all wrong.” Callen humped his body backward trying to get away from her.

“If you do that Mr. Callen, I will chain you to the floor. Understood?”

He swallowed hard and stopped struggling. Further proof she was the woman he met years ago at the CIA. He remembered being chained to the floor in a room with a concrete floor. He shivered.

“You may leave Mr. Hanna. Mr. Callen and I have work to do.”

Callen watched Sam shut the door. He faced his new enemy knowing what she could do to him. “I’m not working for you or with you. I’m quitting.”

“Oh really, Mr. Callen, you see, now that you are tagged, so to speak, I will find you.”

“I hate you. That’s a violation of my rights.”

“What rights, Mr. Callen? You belong to the federal government.”

“Bitch, damned bitch.” He swore under his breath. Those words were the exact words he heard back then. He shuddered.

“Mr. Callen, I fail to understand why you continue to escalate the situation.”

“I’m not talking about what happened.”

“Ah but you are, Mr. Callen. You will do it or I will do what you most fear.”

He trembled hearing her say those words. “You’ll torture me?”

“Yes, Mr. Callen, I will use the same tactics the CIA uses.”

“I knew you were a rapist, bitch.” He screamed at her.

“Whoa, back down, Mr. Callen. I mean true torture through whatever means I must do to get that information from you.”

“Water boarding?” Callen swallowed hard.

“Yes, and more.”

His chin and lips trembled. “Isn’t that against the law?” Callen asked, attempting to keep his voice from quavering but not succeeding.

“Sure it is, but who’s law? Remember you are a federal agent and I own your ass. Your rights fall under a different jurisdiction. Right now you could be tried for treason four times over at least for the times I know about.”

He swallowed hard again and inched backward.

“Do not move backward, Mr. Callen. I am warning you right now to stop moving.”

“Or you’ll do what?”

Hetty stood and pushed him over onto his back with her foot. She pressed her shoe’s heel into his groin.

“Fuck, stop it, please, stop it.” Callen’s breathing hitched. He shuddered. Just like before, this was just like then.

“Acquiesce, Mr. Callen, and I will release my foot.”

He shook his head.

She pressed harder.

Callen shuddered from the pain. He wanted her to smash her heel into him, hurting him, making him cry out in pain. At least it was easier to deal with than the emotional turmoil within and the horrid memories of Hetty crossing the line years ago at the CIA. “Screw you.” He goaded her this time on purpose hoping she’d hurt him.

Hetty kicked him hard in the groin.

White hot searing pain shot through his penis and scrotum. Callen screamed and curled into a fetal position, panting and moaning and finally crying.

“You are playing with fire, Mr. Callen.”

“Go ahead beat the shit out of me. I welcome the pain. There isn’t anything you can do to me which hasn’t already been done. Besides, I simply don’t give a shit any more.”

“I know one thing which could potentially hurt you in a way you’ve never been hurt before. I could forbid you from a relationship with Mr. Hanna.”

This time he held back the obscenities and the spit and the goading. Hetty was hitting below the belt in a way which he couldn’t stomach.

“Well, Mr. Callen?”

He whimpered.

“I see this _is_ something I _can_ use as leverage in this situation. What will it be cooperation or Sam?”

He buried his face in the carpet, tears welling up in his eyes again.

She rolled him onto his back again. “Talk to me, Mr. Callen.”

Her face was close to his. He used his last defense. Callen spit at her. He watched a gob cling to her hair.

Without a word Hetty grabbed him by the hair, placed a hand in her pants pocket, and shoved what she retrieved from it into her agent’s mouth. She held his mouth closed long enough for the sliver of Irish Spring form bubbles in his mouth. Hetty released his mouth and hair.

“Bitch.” Callen spluttered, foaming at the mouth from the hideous taste of soap. His eyes watered as he twisted and writhed his body around on the carpet. He sputtered out the remaining small piece of soap. “I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you.”

“Watch that tongue Mr. Callen.”

He broke down and cried, curling himself into a tight fetal position. He rocked his body.

Hetty buzzed for Mr. Hanna to get him. She sat down and waited.


	67. Chapter 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen tells Sam what Hetty did to him. He talks about his fears.

Callen refused to be held or touched by his partner. He wanted nothing to do with him. Whenever Sam reached over to stroke his arm he jerked away. After several hours he got off the bed and dressed in sweats.

“Come on, G, you need to tell me what happened with Hetty. This has gone on for several days.”

He sat on a chair to put on his socks and shoes.

“Talk to me, man.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“Nothing to say. What the hell are you talking about? You won’t let me hug you. You don’t want me in you. You don’t want to make love. You don’t want to fuck.”

“I’m not gay.” Callen stood and walked out the door a grimace on his face.

Sam rushed past him beating him to the stairs. “Not gay? What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want this thing… us any more.”

“You’re throwing it away? You tell me you love me and now after Hetty dresses you down you don’t. I just don’t get it, man.”

“It’s okay.” He started down the stairs.

“It’s okay? Bull shit!” Sam grabbed G in a chokehold from behind and dragged him back upstairs and into the master bedroom. He closed and locked the door. “Total bull shit.” After laying down on the bed, he placed his partner in a scissor hold and chokehold. “You’re talking and that’s final.” He felt G trembling. “I’m not hurting you.”

“She did.” He whispered.

“What did she do to you, man?”

“She made me choose you or cooperating. I just shut down.”

“You’re not making sense. Me or cooperating? So if you cooperate you loose this relationship?”

“Yeah. I don’t care any more. I’m through with the whole damned thing, everything. I’m quitting.”

“G, maybe you misconstrued what she said.”

“No, now let me go. I’m done with you, with her, and with NCIS, period.”

“Not happening, G.” He pulled him over to the nightstand and retrieved the handcuffs.

“Don’t you dare put those hideous things on me again.”

“I’m doing this for now to make sure you don’t go anywhere.” He cuffed his partner to the headboard with one arm. “I’ll be back after I speak with Hetty.”

“Don’t leave me like this.”

“You’re fine.”

“I’m not.”

“What’s not fine?”

Callen shuddered and grimaced.

“There’s that look again. Are you in pain?”

He shook his head.

“You’re lying to me. Tell me what she did or I’ll go down there and ask her myself.”

“She kicked me.”

“Hetty? Bull shit.”

“In the groin.”

“Let me see.”

“Fuck no.”

“I need proof. Show me. I’ll give you to the count of three before I rip down your sweat pants.”

“Please, Sam, don’t.” He whimpered.

“One.”

Callen remembered what Sam did to him in the pool. He freaked out inside.

“Two.”

He pulled down his sweat pants with his free hand. Sam helped him.

Sam’s jaw dropped. “You need to see a doctor.”

Callen twisted his body away from his partner. “No way.”

“This is serious, G, you’re swollen and black and blue and it’s been over three days.”

“I don’t give a crap.” He faced the window.

Sam climbed onto the bed and straddled G’s waist.

“Get off me bastard.” He squirmed to unseat his partner.

“You are seeing a doctor and that is final.” He grasped G’s chin and tilted his face to meet his eyes. “I’ve never seen you like this, man. We had a great thing going. Now it’s as if someone hit a switch and you turned off.” Sam released the handcuffs and placed them back in the nightstand’s drawer.

“You don’t understand. If Hetty can… forget it.”

“No, tell me.”

“If she can take you away from me that easy… damn it… I can’t handle that loss right now.”

“No, there’s more going on than what happened with Hetty.” Callen attempted to pull away. Sam held onto his chin. “Talk to me, G.”

“It’s the memory, okay, you satisfied?”

“The memory?”

“I’m afraid I’ll hate you, hate you because you’re… you know….”

“African-American?” He nodded. “You remembered what your father’s boyfriend did to you and nothing happened to us.”

“It freaked me out, Sam. This is over the top and what will it do?”

“It will make our relationship stronger.”

“No.”

“Yeah.” Sam kissed him tenderly on the lips. “I love you.” He released his chin. “I won’t let anything happen to our love for each other.”

“I’m afraid of that love disappearing. When Hetty made me choose I… wanted to just throw it all away. It’s easier that way.”

“I understand your reasoning.”

“Losing you… I can’t fathom that possibility.” Callen lifted his head and kissed his lover on the lips. “You’re the first person I’ve ever allowed myself to love.”

“It’s not happening on my side and I’m making sure it doesn’t happen with you. Now let’s get you to see a doctor. I need to use your equipment soon. It’s been too long since I’ve stuck my love pole in your love pie.”

“That’s sick.” Callen laughed.

“At least I got you laughing again, that’s a good thing.”


	68. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen hides more secrets from Hetty and Sam.

Two weeks passed before Callen even wanted to make love to Sam. His aching and bruised scrotum and penis prevented any contact. Now the pain was just a horrible memory to add to the rest of his horrible memories. And he was no closer to talking about what these men did to him. Any time a flashback pushed itself forward he shoved it back down refusing to even peek at what happened. Hetty and Sam had let it slide only because he was healing. But now he was no longer able to use that excuse.

He now had a new respect for Hetty. It evoked shear terror in him every time he remembered what she had done to him in the library. He shivered at those flashbacks of her rage. She was that CIA operative who knew how to say just the right thing. It was the very thing Callen feared losing, Sam’s love and his own love for Sam. He never allowed himself to love anyone like he did his partner. Never.

Yet now two situations might cost him that relationship. His inability to talk about what happened to him at the CIA. And his inability to talk about what happened to him since working for NCIS. Hetty didn’t know that it was the entire time since he started at NCIS’s Los Angeles branch that Vance harassed him, stalking and pursuing him. And Callen wasn’t about to tell her. He’d safely hidden those incidents in another file attached to the mainframe’s computer. Daily diaries of everything Leon had done to him. Vance met Callen once a month to rape him to keep him under control.

Callen shuddered. Sometimes he wondered how he could maintain any sense of sanity. Every time Vance raped him the memories of what that man did to him when he worked for the CIA resurfaced. He forced the memories down deep, keeping them at a distance so he could function. Vance knew that’s what his rapes were doing. Callen knew it too when he saw the crazed look on his rapist’s face. He shuddered again.

He finished his work out in the gym and took a swim. In the shower, flashbacks threatened to bring down his defenses again and he had to sit down and concentrate on stuffing them back down inside him.

“Mr. Callen?”

Callen jumped off the shower seat and stepped back further into shower. “What Hetty?” His voice quavered.

“We need to talk in the library when you are finished.”

When he heard her leave he released the breath it didn’t know he had held. The library. He shuddered.

After he dried off and dressed in a fresh set of sweats he walked out the door and right into Sam.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Callen backed up and shivered hard.

“Easy, G, let’s go see Hetty.”

“That’s the last thing I need right now.”

“If you meet with her I promise to give you a massage afterward.”

“No, you promise to stick your giant black phallus up my now tightened love hole.”

“True, that is my ulterior motive.” Sam stepped forward, pulled his partner into his body, and held him. “I’m not leaving the room this time. I’m not putting you in handcuffs. And if Hetty starts to do something outrageous I’ll protect you,” he said keeping his voice low. Sam kissed his lover’s head, lifted his chin, and planted a kiss on his lips. “I promise.”

“I want you to make love to me.”

“Before or after you see Hetty?”

“After, I need you in me.”

Sam grabbed G’s buttocks, squeezed and kneaded them in his huge hands. “Sounds like a lovely proposition. Can’t wait to stuff my black love pole between those two white cheeks and make you writhe and scream out my name.” Callen panted. Sam lifted G’s chin again and enveloped his mouth. Callen pressed his groin into his lover’s body. “Later G, let’s go.”

“You really know how to spoil my fun.” He winked at him.


	69. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen faces Hetty in the library again. Only this time Sam stays and protects him.

Callen sat down next to Sam on the couch in the library. If he were any closer he would be in Sam’s lap. He shuddered, being this close to Hetty unnerved him. Never again would he trust her. He had trusted her since he started working for NCIS. A trust which felt as if she was the closet thing to the mother he no longer had. But now that was broken.

“Mr. Callen? Did you hear me?”

“No, sorry Hetty.” He apologized but he wasn’t the least bit sorry.

“I asked how you were feeling.”

“Fine.” Best to keep his answers short and succinct. In here it was as if he were in a CIA interrogation room. She glanced at him in an odd way. Callen knew she was attempting to see if there was more he had to say. He trusted his intuitiveness this time instead of trusting his boss’s motives.

“Excellent, Mr. Callen. Mr. Hanna there are things I need to discuss with my agent in private.”

“I’m his partner you’ll discuss them with me here.”

“I need the room.”

“Not relinquishing it.”

“That is an order, Mr. Hanna.”

“I don’t take _all_ your orders, Hetty, and this one is one of those I refuse to follow.”

“Protecting him?”

“He needs it.”

“I see.”

Sam stood and pulled G up with him.

“I have not excused you.”

“We’re leaving.”

“Okay, I will acquiesce on my side. I expect you to give a little on your side.”

“I stay,” Sam said, “that’s my final answer.” He sat down and pulled G down next to him.

“Mr. Callen, I need to finish our session.”

He swallowed hard. “The one we had in here alone?”

“Yes.”

Callen leaped off the couch, opened the door and walked right into Nate. He backed up and shivered. He watched Nate walk past him with his black bag in hand. “No.” He shook his head. “Can’t.” He walked toward the door again.

“Remember what I threatened to do Mr. Callen? I will follow through.”

He stopped and grabbed the door to steady himself. “If you take him away from me… damn it… why are you doing this to me? I can’t….”

Sam placed his arms around G’s waist. “I’m not letting that happen,” he said.

“You will tell me what I need to know or lose your partner’s support. Understood?”

“Yeah, I do bitch. Your threat is why I refuse to share what happened.” He lied.

“You’re stalling Mr. Callen. Mr. Beale has discovered another file linked to the mainframe. Do you need me to show it to you?”

He shivered. Tears flooded his eyes.

“I had a feeling you were withholding from me, Mr. Callen. Now I have more leverage, as you like to say, to use in this situation.”

Fuck. He was toast. His secret was now in jeopardy.

“Is this true G? What does this file have in it?”

“Can’t talk about it.”

“You will, Mr. Callen. Nate if you will.”

Callen jerked his body trying to pull away from his lover.

“No G.” Sam placed him in a chokehold.

“You said you were on my side.”

“I am. Release the door.”

“No.”

“Do you want me to get rough?”

“Yeah, choke the shit out of me. I’d rather die than talk about this.”

“It’s that bad?” He nodded. “What could be that bad, G?”

“I… he… raped me.”

“Who G, Vance?”

He nodded.

“When?”

Tears flooded his eyes.

“Oh man, what did this sick fuck do to you?” Sam released his chokehold and surrounded his lover’s waist.

“Every month since I started working here. It’s in the file.”

“I need the password, Mr. Callen.” She handed Nate a pen and paper.

“I’ll give it to Eric myself. I need to get out of here.”

“I am not through with you, Mr. Callen. There’s the matter of your memories from the CIA and your work here with us.”

Shit. “And if I leave you’ll smash my balls with your high heel shoes to make me comply?”

“Mr. Callen! You seem to lack the memory—“

“I don’t lack any memory of anything. You wanted something from me I can’t give. I can’t do it. And then you threatened me with the only thing….” He broke down and cried, covering his face with his hands. Sam released him. Callen ran out of the library.

“Do not just stand there, Mr. Hanna, get him and bring him back here.”

“No.” He strode out the door.


	70. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen decides leaving is the best choice he has.

“Come on G, don’t do this.”

“I said I would and I am.”

“You can’t get away from her. Remember the tracking devices?”

“I’m getting them cut out of me.” He packed his duffle bag. “I’m through with this.”

“Did you give Eric the password?”

“I wrote it down.” He finished filling his duffle bag and packed his toiletries bag. “I need a gun and you’ll get it for me.”

“What the hell is this all about?”

“I told you, I need a damned gun and you’re getting it for me.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I thought you’d support me.”

“I do but not you doing this.”

“I told you why I can’t share what happened to me,” Callen said, trembling within. He hoped his voice didn’t crack before left the room. “Now she’s forcing the issue. I can’t do it, Sam, it’ll destroy me.”

“Keeping it inside destroys you, G.”

“By the way, I cut the wires on the intercom for this room.”

“You what? You going MacGyver on me now?”

“Funny. I needed to do it. Now are you for me or against me?”

“For you and I won’t get your gun, G. You’re too dangerous right now.”

“So I’m crazy, is that it?”

“Damn it, man. I ought to….”

“But you won’t because you love me.” He finished filling the toiletries bag in the bathroom. Tears filled his eyes.

“I can’t let you leave.”

“I’m not asking you to do that.” He came out of the bathroom with a gun in his hand and the filled toiletries bag. “You’ve given me no choice.”

“That’s my gun.”

“Sorry, you’ll get it back when I find my stash.”

“Your stash?”

“My new—“ Hetty walking into the room stopped him cold.

“Your new identity, Mr. Callen? Is that what you plan to do?”

“None of your damned business.”

“Hetty, I can’t believe what you’re threatening him with,” Sam said. “It’s no wonder he’s acting this way. I thought he was lying to me about what you said and what you did to him.”

“This information is vital to the investigation.”

“And you’ll sacrifice your best agent’s sanity to get it?”

After stuffing the toiletries bag into the duffle bag, Callen threw it over his shoulder. He pointed the gun at both of them. “Get out of my way. Back over to the wall near the bathroom.” He motioned with the gun.

“G, don’t do this, man.”

“Give this to Eric.” He laid a piece of paper on the bed. “Move it, now.” When they moved toward the bathroom he strode toward the door, keeping his eye on them.

“He won’t get far with those implants.”

“He’s getting them removed.”

“Mr. Callen, please reconsider what you are doing.”

“I have Hetty, a zillion times in my head, and I know this it the only way out of my suffering.”

“Get him, Mr. Hanna.”

“I can’t betray him again,” he said. “I did it once and it nearly destroyed him.” Sam hoped it wasn’t one time too many. He leaned against the wall next to the bathroom.

Callen strode out the bedroom door and out the side door of the house. He hiked toward the main road through the dense forest and scrub brush which surrounded his house.


	71. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crossover to NCIS from Chapter 71 to 74.
> 
> Callen calls Sam to let him know he's okay. He heads toward the last person whom he can trust.

**Crossover to NCIS from Chapter 71 to 74.**

“Don’t try to trace this call,” Callen said. He decided to break silence. “It’s a throw away. I’m just calling to tell you I’m okay. The implants are history,” Callen said.

“G, you need to come back.”

“Can’t Sam. I…. I love you,” he said his voice quavering, tears filling his eyes. “Putting in my resignation today.”

“Don’t man, please don’t do this.”

“Need to go.” Callen shut the cell phone down and removed the card from it. As an extra precaution, call him paranoid, he dropped the card on the blacktop and crushed it with his boot. He tossed the phone into a trash bin outside a house in a Virginia suburb. Callen strode toward his destination. The night sky made him shiver as it brought back the horrors of his abuse and terror he felt in Hetty’s presence. He stopped and zipped up his black leather jacket. Down one more street and up another block, he found the house exactly where he remembered it. Callen knocked on the garage door and waited knowing it might take a while for the owner of the house to get downstairs to the lower level.

A familiar man opened the door. “G?” He drew the man into his arms and hugged him. “What are you doing here? Something isn’t right.” He nodded. “Come in.” He took G’s duffle bag and climbed the stairs.

Callen followed close on his heels.

“Coffee or tea, G?”

“Tea is fine Jethro.” He sat at the kitchen table.

“Tell me.”

“I’m putting in my resignation, thought I’d talk to you first.”

“Your resignation?”

Callen sighed.

Jethro sat beside him, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “What happened?”

“You must know some things. Director Vance is gone.”

“Yes, and I thought everything was going smoothly for his upcoming hearing.”

Callen stood and glanced around his friend’s house. Still the same as it was years ago when they first met. “I just can’t deal with this.”

“Can’t deal with this?” Jethro strode back to the stove just before the whistling teakettle got too loud. He poured some tea for them both and brought their mugs to the living room. Callen grabbed his mug off the coffee table and stayed by the fireplace, setting his mug on the mantel. “I watched you jump when the teakettle started to whistle.”

“And?”

“As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never done that.”

“Things are different now.” He turned his back on his friend, took a sip of tea. “I… damn it… can’t work for the government any more.”

“I’ll ask you again, what happened?”

“I can’t talk about.”

“Can’t or won’t, G?”

“Both, okay.” When he heard Jethro set his mug down he flipped around fully expecting him to be right there in his face. He released the breath he was holding.

“You’re very jumpy, not like you.”

Callen set his mug down on the mantel, strode across the room and hoisted his duffle bag onto his shoulder. Jethro rushed over to prevent him from leaving the house. “Not happening, G.” He removed the duffle bag from his friend’s shoulder and placed it on the kitchen table. “We seriously need to talk. At least talk to me about resigning.”

He shivered and stepped backward.

“Take it easy. What happened to make you run?”

“Hetty. Hetty happened. That’s all I can say.” His voice quavered and his body trembled.

“I have a friend I’d like you to talk to.”

“No, no shrinks. It happened. I’m not a liar.” Callen stepped back several more feet.

“I’m not accusing you of lying, G, I just want you to talk to someone besides me.”

“Like someone who can get in my head and make me feel crazy?”

“What happened?”

Callen backed up again.

“Stop moving away from me. Have I ever hurt you?” He shook his head. “Something has happened. I’ve never seen you like this.” Jethro kept his position, giving him space. “Let me call that friend.”

“I can’t…”

“Trust an issue?”

“Yes.”

“This is my best friend, well, besides you. He and I go way back. You trust me?” He nodded. Leroy Jethro Gibbs took his cell phone off the kitchen countertop and speed dialed his friend. It was early in the morning but he knew the man would answer. “I need your help at my house. No questions. A friend in need. See you when you get here.” He shut his phone off. “You staying?” He nodded. Jethro grabbed his friend’s duffle bag. “Let me show you to your room.”

Callen gave him a wide berth and then followed him down the hallway. He remembered the two master bedroom suites at opposite ends of the house. Privacy at last, he needed it.

“Linen closet in the bathroom is stocked with towels and washcloths. As always anything you need just ask.”

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“Anything for you, G.”

“Call my partner on your cell. Tell him you need him to come to NCIS for an assignment.”

“Wait a minute. You want me to lie?”

“I’m the assignment. Please just do it. Do it now before I lose it.”

“I take it you don’t want him to trace your call.”

“I got rid of my last disposable phone.”

Jethro sighed. “And you know mine is encrypted. I hope you’ll be able to tell my friend what’s going on.”

“Me too.”


	72. Chapter 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen talks to Jethro's friend, but doesn't reveal much to him. He also hides his true identity.

Callen paced the master bedroom in Jethro’s house knowing he’d soon be face to face with a perfect stranger. Who knows what the asshole would want from him. He trusted Jethro but a stranger. No. He needed Sam, damn he needed to be held. No, picked up and held in his lover’s arms. Made love to. Hold it together for a few more hours until he arrives, he kept telling himself. When he heard the floor creak outside the door he stopped pacing and waited.

“G, my friend is here. See you in the living room.”

Callen trembled. After he heard nothing outside the door he trudged toward it. He stood at the entrance to the living room unable to move.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Jethro left the room.

“Frank.”

“John,” Callen said, staying at the entrance.

“What would you like to know about me?”

“Nothing. Doesn’t matter to me.”

“I served with our mutual friend in the marines.”

Callen swallowed hard. All he could imagine is this man pinning him to the floor and hurting him. He looked well muscled, strong, like Sam. He shuddered.

“I was the chaplain.”

“You’re a shrink, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Great,” Callen said under his breath. Not what he needed to hear. “I’m not interested in being drugged if that’s what you came here to do.”

“I don’t know you very well. It would be difficult to know what you need at this time. I simply came here on a request from Jethro.”

“How else do you know him?”

“I’ve helped him deal with problems in his life since his return to work. I’m not at liberty to divulge any confidential patient—“

“Cut the legal crap. I’ve heard enough of that bull shit to last my career.”

“Okay John, not a problem. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“Lot’s of stuff, but I don’t know if I can trust you, yet.”

“Why don’t we make an appointment for later on today at a more reasonable time? Say one pm?”

“I’m… without transportation at the moment.”

“I can meet you here.”

“That’s acceptable. John’s not my real name, but it’s all you’re going to know. Understood?”

“Crystal clear, John. So is it John Doe?”

“Very funny, John Starget.”

“All right John I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood and started for the door.

“I’m on the run. I’m always on the run.”

“From the law?”

“No.”

“Hypervigilance?”

“Yeah.”

“Long standing PTSD. You served with Jethro?”

“Yeah.”

“Ever treated for it?”

“Had it before then. Never saw anyone for it. Never wanted to see anyone for it. Still don’t want to see anyone for it.”

“Hard holding it together?”

Callen sighed.

“I’ll take that as affirmative. Nightmares? Flashbacks? Insomnia? Panic attacks? Anxiety? Depression? Reliving the events? Dissociation? Anger? Denial? Avoidance? Anniversary dates?”

“Yeah, and more.”

“I think that is where we’ll start tomorrow afternoon. Any questions you have for me.”

“Are you deaf? What did I just say I wasn’t doing?” Callen asked raising his voice but not quite yelling.

“I heard you, John, and it’s what you need. See you tomorrow.” Frank strode out of the room.

“Fuck you!” Callen said. “Don’t bother with this afternoon. It’s not happening.”


	73. Chapter 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen's friend Jethro calls Sam. He arrives and Callen gets triggered.

Callen stayed in Jethro’s home while his friend went to the airport to pickup Sam. He thought about going but every time he wanted to walk outside the house he got a flashback. He made to the garage once and panicked. He gave up and hid in his room. Any unusual sound sent him scrambling for his gun. He heard the garage door open and hoped it was Jethro with Sam. He grabbed his gun and pointed it at the door.

“G, may I come in?”

“Yeah.”

“There you as usual threatening to kill me.”

“Sam!” Callen slid the safety into place on the gun and placed the gun on the chest of drawers. He leaped into his partner’s arms and hugged him hard. “I missed you.”

“I couldn’t tell.” Sam hugged and caressed his body. “Damn I missed you, G.” He kissed him on the mouth and tongued him deep.

“Does this mean you want something?”

“Yes, later on tonight though.”

“Can’t we just have a little smooch?”

“A little smooch?” Sam pulled him toward the door and closed it. “I’ll show you a little smooch.” He lifted his partner up in his arms and laid on the bed. After he took off his shirt he removed G’s. He laid on top of him.

“Feels exquisite. Don’t you dare move.” Sam stretched out pushing G’s hands over his head and enveloping his lover’s mouth. Callen bucked his hips wanting more, needing more. “Please. I’m so horny for you.”

“Me too, but we need to wait,” he said. “You and I need to talk.”

“Why don’t I want to hear this right now?”

“Hetty told me why she—“

“Now you’re going to give her an excuse? Get the hell off me!”

“No, you need to hear what I have to say.”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear her lies.”

“She was forced to treat you like a prisoner.”

“Forced? She couldn’t say no?”

“Listen to me, man, you’re trying my patience.”

“I’m not going back there. Nothing you say is changing that.”

“G, come on, man, you don’t mean that.”

“I do.” He shuddered. Flashbacks of Hetty and him in the library bombarded his brain.

“I heard everything she did to you.”

“What? Get off me! Damn you.”

“G, what she did was reprehensible,” Sam said. “It was disgusting. You’ve every right to feel this way. There’s no excuse for her behavior. And you need to hear me out. She needed answers from you.”

“And she got zip.”

“Not what she expected from you. She didn’t think you’d break down, G. She didn’t expect you to run.”

“She… it was too much.” More damned flashbacks. He shivered.

“The investigative team informed her that the suspect, Vance, would be released if more proof of abuse wasn’t discovered.”

“So it’s not enough that he stalked me since I was at the CIA?” Callen said. “This is fucking bull shit and you know it. All excuses for her behavior. Fuck her. Fuck them. And fuck you too for believing that shit.” He pushed his partner away, moved across the bed, and climbed off the opposite side of the king-sized bed. He backed against a wall near the bathroom. “I never should’ve asked you to come here. Leave.”

“G, come on, man. You need to hear everything I have to say. I told Hetty I’m quitting too.”

“What? Why?”

“Because of what she did to you. She said she’s sorry.”

“Oh so now everything is forgiven and forgotten?”

“No, G, stop this escalating crap.”

“I’m not escalating, I’m freaked out. You don’t know what I’m going through. You’ve no idea what this, what Hetty did to me, has done to me.”

“You need to talk to someone.”

“Yeah, Jethro told me that too.”

“And?”

“I’m seeing someone this afternoon, but if you think that’s going to cure me you’re wrong.”

“G, you need help not a cure.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Let me hold you.”

“I don’t know if I can… if I want that.”

“I know you do, G, come on, man. It’s why you had Gibbs call me.”

“I need to get ready for my appointment.”

“I told Gibbs everything.”

“You what? Bastard! Damned bastard. I’ll kill you.”

“I hope not.” Sam got off the bed and removed the gun from the dresser.

“That’s mine.”

“I’m confiscating it for now.”

“I guess that’s fair. I took your gun.”

“By the way, how did you do that?”

“I watched you and your routine.”

Sam sighed. “I do keep routines at home. Something I’ll need to change.”


	74. Chapter 74

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen's first official appointment with Frank, a chaplain and psychiatrist starts off bumpy and gets worse.

Callen rounded the corner to the living room and sat in a chair facing a view window. It had been his favorite chair in the past, but today it felt as if it were the hot seat at an interrogation. He watched Frank enter the room and sit down on the sofa.

“Your friend is welcome to join us if that is acceptable with you.”

“Sam,” Callen said raising his voice.

“Yes?” He leaned over his lover and placed his hands on G’s shoulders.

“You can stay if you want.”

“Thank you.” He remained standing, his hands on his G’s shoulders.

“What is the nature of your relationship?” Frank asked.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m curious if he is a source of support.”

“Mostly.” Callen glanced up at his lover and winked. “We worked together.”

“And?”

“He’s my partner.”

“Partner?”

“Damn it.” Callen shot off the chair and faced the window, refusing to look at the psychiatrist. He hated shrinks and this one he vowed wasn’t going to get into his head.

“Sore spot?”

“Fuck you!”

“Mr. Starget if this man means more to you than just a partner at your work place I have no problem with that.”

“Starget? Sweet,” Sam said.

“Don’t you start too.”

“Creative.”

“Sam!”

“Yeah?”

“Enough, please.”

“Just ribbing you. First name?”

“John.” He rolled his eyes waiting for more banter.

“Interesting. Comments later.”

“I’m fine with whatever relationship you two have.”

“Good because I’m not giving him up and you’re not taking him away from me.” Tears flooded his eyes. He wiped away the tears with the back of hand.

“Someone asked you to do that?”

“It’s why I decided to quit my job.”

“And why you ran?”

Callen swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“Who asked you to do that?”

“You know because Sam shared it with Jethro,” he said. “And I know damn well he shared it with you.”

“Hetty?”

“Fuck.” He swore under his breath. “Yeah, that bitch.”

“She’s your supervisor, correct?”

“Not any more, I resigned.”

“You gave your resignation over to Jethro?”

“Yeah.”

“I have it. I haven’t—“

“You bastard! I’ll kill you and him.”

“Figure of speech or literal?”

“Both at this point.”

“Mr. Starget, you need all the friends you can find right now. I suggest you stop threatening to kill them. I haven’t opened it if that’s what you’re worried about. Your identity remains a secret to me for now.”

“You know? How?”

“Jethro.”

“Fuck this! I am going to kill him. Jethro!”

“Mr. Starget, stop avoiding.”

“He’s good at that.”

Callen shot his partner a look. “I’m done.”

“We’re not finished. Your supervisor threatened to take your partner away from you?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “She wanted to hurt me.”

“How else did she hurt you?”

“You know. I’m not talking about this. I’m finished with this damned discussion.”

“Don’t do this, man, talk to him.”

“No.”

“You should take your partner’s advice.”

“I can’t talk about this.”

“You haven’t looked at me this entire time.”

“I can’t,” Callen said. “You’re the enemy.”

“Why is that?”

“A shrink. I don’t need a shrink, bastard.”

“A psychiatrist did something to you?”

“Several.”

“Your situation is complicated. I’d like to admit you to a treatment facility.”

“No way in hell.” Callen backed away and shook, his breaths coming in short pants. “I’m… not crazy.”

“No one is saying you’re crazy,” Frank said. “What happened to you is crazy.”

Callen sidled over to the hallway ready to make a run for it. “This is not happening.” When he ran past his partner Sam grabbed him from behind. “No, no, no, please. Please don’t do this.”

“Easy, G,” Sam said whispering to his lover, “relax and let him do his job.”

“His job?” Callen saw Frank with a brown leather bag. “Oh no, please, stop, no drugs.” He trembled.

“Bring him over to the sofa.”

“Let me go, Sam, damn it, don’t do this.”

“Sit him down.”

“Bastards! Don’t I have a say in this?”

“To an extent, but not in this matter.”

Sam pulled Callen down next to him on the sofa. “That’s it, man, don’t struggle, don’t fight.”

“Or you’ll what? Rape me?”

“That seems to be a huge issue and fear with you, John. We’ll address that at the treatment facility.” He took two syringes out his brown bag.

Callen jerked away from Frank and pulled away from his partner. Sam placed him in a chokehold. “You bastard, release me.”

“When he’s finished with his job.”

“You keep saying that.” Callen’s eyes widened when he saw Frank sit next to him with an IV shunt kit. “No!” He jerked away from him.

“Easy, man.”

“You’re not doing this to me again.” Callen kicked and twisted his body.

Sam placed him in a scissors hold.

“Damn you, stop helping him.”

“I’m helping you, sweetheart.”

“You need to listen to your partner.”

“Fuck you!”

“Come on, G, stop this,” Jethro said, entering the living room.

“I hate you.”

“For now I’ll accept your outrage. Later, you owe me an apology.”

“Screw you. You set me up.”

“You need this, G, so take the medicine.”

“And then what?” Callen winced when the IV was placed.

“Frank will take you to get your head and your heart straightened out.”

“I don’t want this, damn it, I came here to talk to you.”

“After yesterday and how you acted around me I don’t think that would work.”

“So now you’re going to lock me away in some looney bin?”

“You’re not going to a psychiatric hospital, G. If I tried to explain it you wouldn’t understand nor probably believe me.”

“What are you giving me?” Callen twisted in his lover’s chokehold and scissors hold. It was an inch but an inch felt as if he were fighting. When Sam held him this way there wasn’t much room for moving.

“A tranquilizer and a light sedative. I want you walking and talking when I’m finished.”

“Please don’t, Sam let me go.” Callen shuddered. “Jethro, please don’t let him do this to me.” He watched Frank draw up two syringes. “Please.” He panted.

“Should help with that anxiety and panic feeling I know you must have. Right?”

“Screw you!” Callen yelled. “You just want to drug me and then rape me.”

“I assure you, Mr. Who-Ever-You-Are, I have no intention of harming you in that way.”

“You think you’re funny?” Callen tried one tactic to escape his partner’s hold. He jerked his body hard. Sam tightened his hold. “This is bull shit. I have my reasons for hiding my identity.”

“You won’t need to where you’re going.” Frank injected the first medicine into the IV shunt.

“You’re locking me up to shut me up.”

“G, stop escalating,” Jethro said. “Bad habit you have. I don’t where you learned this, but it’s not helpful.”

“It started about eight months ago,” Sam said.

“We shall address that in house.”

Callen relaxed in his lover’s arms, the medicine starting to work. “Don’t tell him any more, please Sam.”

“I’ll tell him whatever he wants to know.”

“And betray me again?” He watched the next syringe’s medicine fill the IV tubing.

“No, help you.”

“Some friend you are,” Callen said his speech slurred and his head lulling from side to side.


	75. Chapter 75

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam accompanies Callen to a treatment facility which Frank owns and operates.

Sam lifted G into his arms and carried him from the car into the building.

“On the couch is fine for now,” Frank said.

He laid him on the couch and sat with G’s head on his lap. Sam stroked his face and ran his fingers through his lover’s hair. It was much longer than the usual military crew cut G usually had. He loved the feel of it in his fingers.

Callen sighed. “Feels good, Sam.”

Frank sat across from them behind a desk. “We need to fingerprint and scan both of you before Mr. Callen is admitted to the facility.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Jethro told me, Mr. Callen. I know quit a bit about you.”

“Great.”

“I have top secret clearance if that’s what you’re worried about,” Frank said, removing the necessary equipment from a cabinet and bringing it over to his patient’s side. “Hold out his hand, Mr. Hanna.”

Sam pulled G’s hand over to the fingerprint analyzer. Callen yanked it back. “Do I need to get rough?” He shook his head. “Good, because I don’t like doing that to you but I will if necessary.”

“Why do you need this? It’s ridiculous.”

“You’ll know soon enough, Mr. Callen. Retina scan next. Hold your head still.”

Callen buried his face in his lover’s lap.

“Mr. Callen if you refuse to cooperate I will resort to more unpleasant methods. Shall I bring in my orderlies?”

He swallowed hard, lifted his head, and faced the doctor.

“Thank you.” Frank scanned his eye. “Identity confirmed. Excellent.” He put away his equipment and locked the cabinet. “Bring him.”

Sam lifted his lover off his lap, stood, and helped G to stand. “Okay walking?”

“I think so.”

He slipped an arm around G’s waist.

“I feel drugged.”

“You are, man.” Sam drew him into his body and kissed him. “I’m not leaving you, G.” He released him.

“This is your room, gentlemen. Private bath, king sized bed, kitchenette, the works. Your duffle bag has been searched for weapons and other non-acceptable items. All placed in a safe until you leave.”

“What the hell?”

“Necessary for your protection, Mr. Callen, I don’t think I need to explain why,” Frank said. “This room is private and insulated for sound which means you two have privacy.”

“Intercoms, recording devices?”

“Mr. Callen, those aren’t necessary in your private suite,” he said. “It’s obvious you had those rights stripped from you by Ms. Lange. We’ll address that too.”

Callen noticed the bars on the windows. He shivered.

“The bars are for your protection.”

“Yeah, to keep me a prisoner.”

“No, to keep predators out of here.”

“Predators?”

“Anyone who’s trying to find you, trying to hurt you, or trying to exploit you. Bring him.” Frank left.

“What kind of place is this?” Callen asked his partner.

“You’ll soon find out.”

“I’m not going.”

“G, don’t start.”

“Start what? I have a choice.”

“There are rules here.”

“I’m sure there are and the answer is no.” Callen sat on the bed. “They’ve searched my personal belongings. That’s enough violation for me right now.”

“Mr. Callen, we’re here to escort you to your appointment.” An orderly stood at the doorway.

Callen shot off the bed and backed away from the door. The orderly looked like a bouncer from a bar. _Why did I think that?_ “No.”

“That is not an answer the doctor wants to hear from you.”

“Sam, please help me.” He inched toward the bathroom.

“Easy, G, let’s not escalate this. Take my hand and I’ll take you there.” He reached out his hand for his lover. Callen took it, hiding himself in his lover’s body. Sam hugged him hard. Callen shook and shivered. “I’ll go with you, okay?” He nodded. “We’ll follow you,” Sam said to the two orderlies.

The orderlies stood aside when they reached the doctor’s office.

Sam and Callen walked into the office together.

“Sit any—“

Callen pulled away from his partner. “What is this bull shit? Huh?” He yelled at Frank.

“What do you mean, Mr. Callen?”

“Don’t act all innocent on me,” he said. “You invaded my life. You fingerprinted me. You rifled through my belongings. You sent your goonies to retrieve me. And now you want me to comply with your orders?”

“Easy, G.”

Callen flipped on his heels and faced his lover. “Fuck you, Sam! Who’s side are you on anyway?”

“Take it easy, Mr. Callen.”

“Take it easy? Bull shit.” He faced the doctor, glancing at him for a few moments and then looking away.

“That is the first time you’ve looked at me since we met.”

“Screw you!”

“Obviously, the color of this room is not soothing to you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“This is one of the most calming rooms in this facility but it enrages you.”

“You enrage me, asshole!” He started for the door and stopped short when he saw the orderlies standing just outside it.

“Please bring our patient over to me.”

Callen backed away from the two burly looking bouncer types. Flashbacks bombarded his brain. He panted trying to bury them. When he saw the men get closer to him he freaked out, shrieking and collapsing to the floor.

“You may leave. I’ll take care of him. Please close and lock the door.”

Callen curled into a fetal position and wailed.

“I take it you’ve seen this behavior from him before?”

“Yeah, too many times to count.”

Frank motioned for Sam to come over to Callen’s side. “Hold him please.”

“I’m here G,” he said cuddling his lover into him. “Easy, man.” He stroked his arm hoping it would calm him.

“Mr. Callen, what triggered you just now?”

Callen shivered and shook. “Can’t.”

“I’m here, G, talk.”

“Not safe.”

“You had a flashback, G?” He nodded. “Thought so. Just want to be held?” He nodded. Sam wrapped his right arm around his lover’s chest and tightened his hold. After placing G in a chokehold he scissored his legs around his partner’s. “Good?” He nodded.

“Don’t you dare let go, damn it. Too many men.”

“I believe you mentioned this before, Mr. Callen. Would you rather I call you Callen? It’s in your records.”

“Doesn’t matter to me.”

“Too many men might do what to you?”

Callen squeezed his eyes shut. “Rape me,” he said with a quiet voice.

“You’ve been abused in many ways. We will get through this together. Your partner told me the escalating behavior started about eight months ago. What happened?”

Callen twisted his body trying to escape and at the same time knowing he needed Sam to hold him this way. “You should know.”

“I should?”

“You’ve perused my records.”

“Not everything Callen but I will soon have it all. It’s downloading on my computer as we speak.”

“How?”

“How, is not the question, Callen,” Frank said. “The question is, what happened over eight months ago which greatly altered your coping mechanisms?”

Callen shivered. Flashbacks coursed through his mind. He saw Vance and himself, as if he were standing outside his body looking at himself. Callen shrieked and twisted his body.

“Easy, G.” He held him closer.

“Callen, what are you seeing?”

“Can’t, please.”

Frank walked over to his desk and punched the month into his computer. “Vance?”

“Fuck!” Callen bucked his hips and screamed.

“He raped you?” He had the answer before him, the digital recording transcribed which the investigative team sent him.

“Can’t do this again. Please stop.”

“Something is unresolved from that time. Tell me what else he did to you.”

“Threats.”

“Of what nature?”

Callen buried his face in the plush carpet. “Can’t do this, please don’t make me do this.”

“What did he threaten to do to you?”

He started to cry.

“Bring him over here to the couch.”

“No Amytal.”

“Who used that on you?”

“Please.” Callen twisted and kicked trying to free himself from his partner’s grasp.

“Hetty used it on him regularly to obtain information.”

“She was interrogating you, Callen?”

“Fuck! Let me go. Don’t do this.”

Sam wrestled him onto the couch on his side, securing him in both holds.

“Damn you, don’t help him.”

“Ultimately, I’m helping you.”

“Yes, okay, she interrogated me.”

“I can see why you wish to quit,” Frank said. “Trust would be hard earned after someone interrogated them especially if they worked for them. You fought her?”

“Always. Now let me go.”

“Not finished with our session. Does your partner hold you like this to calm you?”

“Oh shit, isn’t anything private?”

“Not here, Callen. Does he?”

“You already know. I’m not telling you.”

“I see. Take him back to the room and hold him some more. He needs it. We’re finished for today. You need to eat something too. I realize your appetite is probably lacking its normal robustness. PTSD can do that to you. The cafeteria and the gym remain open twenty-four hours a day. Take care of yourself while you’re here. I expect it. There are no penalties for good hygiene and caring for your body. However, any disregard for either one and there will be consequences.”

“What the hell?”

“Missing appointments or walking out before they are finished is a penalty each. Ten penalties requires a locked down appointment. I won’t go into details about it now. Let’s just say, you won’t easily forget one.”

“You’ll put me in the nut room?”

“The nut room?” Frank said. “Callen, this place is high tech we don’t need a nut room. I can create that in any room including this office. My suggestion is to follow through and take care of yourself and attend and stay in your appointments. If you don’t eat and exercise when necessary, you’ll receive a penalty for each.”

“And then you’ll what? Shovel it into me? Force me to exercise? Nothing you can do to me is as bad as what that bitch did to me.”

“Nothing?” Frank sat on the coffee table facing his patient. “Are you so certain? How about force feeding through a tube down your nose or cut into your stomach?”

“You’d do that to me?” He trembled and his voice quavered.

“Whatever it takes to keep you healthy and strong, Callen,” he said. “Ultimately, it’s your choice though. All it takes is caring for yourself.”


	76. Chapter 76

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen discusses his need for roughness and learns it stems from his father's treatment of him as a child.

Sam and Callen strode back to their room.

“No one is making me do anything ever again.”

“I’d watch that attitude,” Sam said. “This guy can make you do something if you don’t follow through.”

“Right. Idle threats.”

“You want to test him out?”

Callen flopped down on the bed. He laid down on his side. Sam climbed behind him and held him close. “Feels good.”

“Thought it would.”

“Could you put me in a chokehold?”

“Why?”

“I need you to do it.”

“Why?”

“What’s this crap?” Callen asked. “Why are you questioning me? Get away from me.” He scrambled off the bed, walked over to the window, and stared at the bars.

“Well, I’m beginning to wonder why you need it.”

“Trying to psychoanalyze me?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Sam strode over to him and put his arm around G’s neck, pulling him back into a chokehold. “Like this?”

“Yeah, I do. Tighter.”

“You want me to make you pass out?”

“Would be nice.”

Sam dragged Callen toward the door.

“Wait, where are taking me?”

“Back to Frank’s office. You and him need a little talk.”

“I’m not going there.” Callen pressed his body backward into Sam’s.

“Want me to get rough with you?”

“Go right ahead, asshole!”

Sam dragged his partner to Frank’s office.

“Bastard! Release me.”

“You asked for it and I’m dishing it out.” He reached the office, opened the door, and shoved his partner through it.

“What’s up, Callen?”

“This asshole.”

“I thought he was your—“

“Stuff it! I don’t know what you did to him, but he’s not acting like my partner any more. He’s on your side.”

“Callen, it may look as if that’s true right now, but soon you’ll see he’s still on your side.”

“Tell him, G, or I will.”

“Tell me what?”

“Okay, I guess I have to. Sit.” Sam pushed him down in a chair in front of Frank’s desk.

“Bastard!”

“Tell him, this is your last chance.”

“I like chokeholds.”

“You said this before.”

“It calms me.”

“What else does it do?”

“I want it… to hurt… to cut off my breathing… to pass out.”

“Any specific time you want this?”

Callen shuddered, tears filling his eyes. “I need it. Need it when, damn it, when we have sex.”

“Make love?”

He swallowed hard. “Yeah. I need to be choked first and then stroked.”

“Who did this to you?”

Callen scooted his chair back and laid his chin on the desktop. He closed his eyes. “Vance.”

“Who was the first person who did this to you?”

“My father. Next his boyfriend.”

“But your father used another tool on you.”

“Yeah, you know so I won’t get into it.”

“You will because this all stems from that moment when he first introduced a garrote.”

“Damn it!” Callen shot off the chair and started for the door.

“Lock it Sam.”

Sam raced him to the door and locked it before G got there.

“Crap.”

“Crap is right, Callen. Once the door is locked it only opens with a special password.”

“I’ll have it hacked in no time.”

“Really now, I thought you were an undercover ops agent.”

“And a hacker. A skill I learned when I needed get into computer systems to hide information.”

“I saw that note your supervisor made in your file, good at hacking. I’d say number one you’re good at avoiding.”

“Stalling, okay, I’m stalling.”

“Because?”

“Why do you think? You’re supposed to be the psychiatrist. I hate talking about this shit.”

“Because?”

“Damn it.” He crossed his arms.

“Well, Callen is this a stale mate?”

“I can’t talk about it, okay, it unnerves me.”

“Your father used a garrote on you. Why?”

“Fuck. It’s hard to talk about this.”

“That would be normal. I have plenty of time. The day has just begun.”

“I want to go back to sleep.”

“Go right ahead.”

“Where?”

“Here.”

“Fuck this, in my room.”

“How about in a padded room?”

“You said you didn’t have one.”

“Officially, it’s rubber. I reserve it for hard cases like you.”

“Hard cases? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you need to get triggered in order to remember. Perhaps the rubber room would have that effect.”

Callen backed up to the door. “Open this door.”

“No.”

“You’re not putting me in that fucking room.”

“Bring him over here.”

“No, Sam don’t do what he—” When his partner grabbed him he screamed. “You mother!”

“Actually not, G, but I’ll be your mother if you want.” He brought him over to the desk.

Callen saw the syringe in Frank’s hand and shivered. “What are you giving me?”

“Something to help you remember.”

“Pentathol? Amytal?”

“Neither. A sedative.”

“What? That doesn’t make sense”

“You’ll wake up in the rubber room and be triggered. Makes sense to me.”

“Stop! I’ll talk, you don’t have to do this.”

“Sit him down in the chair. Well?”

“Yes, okay, he used that on me. It’s in the transcripts I’m sure.”

“Yes, however, there isn’t much detail. Your supervisor was only digging for information not intent on helping you heal.”

Callen sighed.

“You can release him.” Frank eyed Sam.

“So I did all that talking with those… drugs and it didn’t help me?”

“That’s correct. It only got out the memory but didn’t help you cope with the memory. Your supervisor will be reprimanded for this.”

“I hope they do more than that.”

“I’m sure they will,” Frank said. “Her actions were reckless and reprehensible.”

Callen sighed again.

“Nervous?”

“Very.”

“Tell me what your father did.”

“I’d like to get up.”

“No, stay seated and talk to me.”

“I can’t do this.”

“It reminds you of what Ms. Lange did to you?”

He nodded.

“You may get up but no pacing.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so.” Frank fingered the sedative filled syringe.

Callen remained seated, laid his head on the desk, and closed his eyes. “He’d threatened to cut off my head if I moved while he raped me. He told me the garrote is similar to my first name and how it is like me. My first name, I hate it, I don’t use it. Garrett.”

“That’s disgusting, Callen, I’m sorry your father did that to you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t call me by that name.”

“I wouldn’t unless you gave me permission,” Frank said. “When you had that memory had you known your first name?”

“No.”

“Therefore your father made you hate yourself.”

“Huh?”

“Well, you said he told you how a garrote is similar to your name and then described how that is like you. He was teaching you to hate yourself.”

Callen opened his eyes and lifted his head. “I never thought about it that way.”

“Do a lot of self loathing?”

“At times.”

“Stems from this memory, Callen.”

“So how do I go about changing that?”

“I don’t think that can happen until we deal with Vance and places he took you.”

Callen shot off the chair. “This is screwed.” He started to pace the room.

Frank held up the syringe.

He stopped. “Need to do this.”

“Because?”

“It soothes me.”

“Moving soothes you?”

“Yeah.”

“Interesting. So when you ran away from Los Angeles it soothed you and got you away from the relentless interrogations?”

He nodded.

“Tells me some exercise would help you.”

Callen stepped back a few feet.

“Hit a sore spot?”

“Can’t do that right now.”

“Have you been sleeping well?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t lie, tell me the truth.”

“No.”

“Exercising?”

“No.”

“You feigned sleeping well?” Sam asked. “You lied to me? You told me the sex helped you sleep well.”

Callen shuddered. The room began closing in on him. He backed into a corner and shuddered and shivered within.

“What’s keeping you from exercising?”

“Them,” he said, his voice quavering.

“Them? From the places?”

He nodded.

“The places Vance took you?”

“Shit, I can’t do this right now.”

“I think this session is finished for now. I’ll sedate you.”

“No!” He shrieked.

“Not putting you in the rubber room, Callen, I’m just sedating you. I want you to take the rest of today off. Sam, no pressuring him for sex.”

“Not a problem. I usually don’t pressure him.”

“No?”

“He pressures me.”

“Interesting indeed. Callen, sex is not off limits if you need it. Understood?”

He nodded.

“I’m coming over to you with the syringe to sedate you.”

“No, I’ll come to you.” He walked back to the desk and sat in the chair, holding out his arm.

“That’s a little too cooperative for me, Callen.”

“I don’t want to go into the rubber room.”

“I won’t put you in there. I made a promise. I keep my word.” Frank swabbed the tubing and injected the medicine.

“I’ll be drugged out of my mind. I hate this.”

“It will last about six to eight hours. We’ll keep an afternoon appointment if you want.”

“Sam I need you.”

He scooped G into his arms.

Callen rested his head on his lover’s chest.


	77. Chapter 77

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen freaks out when he sucks his partner's cock.

Callen yawned and stretched, rolling to his side.

“Afternoon sleepyhead.”

“How long have I been out of it?”

“Ten hours.”

“So much for six to eight hours.”

“You needed it and you weren’t feigning sleep this time.”

“Sorry I lied to you.”

Sam sat on the bed and pulled his lover into his side. “Just tell me when you’re triggered.”

“I’ll try to but I can’t promise success every time.”

Sam kissed his head. “Hungry?”

“Yes, for some hot cock.” He scooted over and stroked his lover’s cock through his jeans.

“I’m talking about food.”

“And I’m talking about hot cock.” Callen pulled down the zipper and brought his lover’s cock to his lips. He licked the head.

“Nice.” Sam stroked G’s hair with one hand. “Yes, lick it.” He licked the underside and took the whole semi-hard cock into his mouth, sucking it hard. Sam pressed on the back of his partner’s head. “Suck it hard, man, yeah.” He shoved his hips toward G’s mouth and used both hand to press downward on his head. “Mmm, yeah.”

Callen stopped, jerked away, and scrambled off the bed. He backed against the far wall, shaking.

Sam zipped up his pants and stood. “Easy, G.”

“Stay away from me,” he said, his voice quavering.

He sat on bed again. “Should I get Frank?”

“Don’t know.

Sam stood, strode to the buzzer by the door, and hit it twice. The signal for Frank to come to the room. “I’m going back to the bed.”

“No, stay where you are.” He collapsed to the carpet wailing.

Frank entered the room and sat on one of the four chairs by the kitchenette. “What happened Callen?”

“I happened to me.” He sniffled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “I keep doing this thing and triggering myself.”

“What thing?”

“I want, damn it, I want it. I do but when I do it… flashbacks start and I can’t control the pictures and the voices and the smells, the disgusting smells.” He buried his face in his hands.

“What do you want?”

“To suck Sam’s cock.”

“But it triggers you and brings on a memory?” Frank asked. “You normally push those flashbacks and memories away?”

“I have been and it works but not with the, this.”

“When you have a flashback or memory it means you need to stop and look into them not avoid them.”

Callen shuddered, more flashbacks bombarded his brain.

“You having them now?”

He nodded.

Frank crawled onto the carpet and sat next to his patient. “Let them happen. Don’t push them away.” He reached out and stroked his patient’s back. “That’s it let them come through. You’re safe.”

“The places, those three damnable places. I hated going there.”

“Who took you?”

Callen jerked away from Frank and curled into a fetal position, shrieking and trembling.

“Sam, I think he needs to be in my office. Can you—“

“And you’ll drug me and rape me?”

“No, Callen,” he said. “We’re talking, okay?” Frank stood and offered his patient a hand up.

“I need you to, you know, hold me. Is that okay?”

“An unusual request and I can accommodate you.”

Callen grabbed Frank’s hand and climbed to his feet.

“We can do this in my office or here.”

“Do what? You damned pervert!” He backed away and right into Sam. Callen shrieked.

“Easy, G you asked Frank if he would hold you.”

“I did?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“I can’t remember.” He frowned.

“I’m sitting in this chair.” Frank sat down again. “We can talk right here.”

“I can’t talk about it. Every time I try to tell you I clam up, shut it down.”

“Your mind is protecting you, Callen,” he said. “This is a normal reaction to being abused. You’ll remember when you’re ready. Let’s go back to what happens when you want to make love to your partner.”

“Hell no!” Callen scrambled off the carpet and ran to the door.

Sam stopped him. “Easy, G.”

“Easy? Bull shit, I can’t do this.”

“Where were you running off to?” Frank asked.

“Away from you and your questions.” Callen’s voice quavered. “You’ve asked me the same thing. You’ve asked me to remember those awful places. I can’t do it.”

“So anything to do with sex triggers these flashbacks and memories of the places?”

“Well, no, possibly, maybe, I don’t know. Damn it, don’t know.” He paced the area in front of the door.

“You find you can’t stand or sit still when we talk about this?”

“I guess I do that.” Callen stopped pacing. “I never noticed it before.”

“When Sam and you make love do you have flashbacks?”

Callen stared out the window.

“Callen?”

“I can’t talk about it.”

“We rarely make love,” Sam said. “And he controls the show whenever we do have sex. He tells me how he wants it.”

“If you don’t make love, what do you do?”

“Stop this. I can’t handle it. I said that already.”

“Sam can tell me then.”

“Don’t you dare tell him.” Callen shot him a look.

“Come on, G, how is he supposed to help you?”

“I don’t want him hearing about our sex life.”

“I believe this relates to your—“

Callen screamed. “Shut up, both of you.”

“I’ve hit a very sore spot and this is good. If you won’t talk about it I’m setting up new ground rules for your sex life.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I most certainly can and I will. If you won’t play along, Callen, I’ll remove Sam from the room and you can sleep alone.”

“You bastard!” Callen charged at Frank screaming and ready to physically fight him.

Sam grabbed G from behind and placed him in a chokehold.

“Obviously, that option is not acceptable to you.”

“Damn you.”

“You’ll agree to my terms then?”

“Don’t do this, please don’t.” Callen whimpered, tears flooding his eyes.

“Your options are talk about your sex life or go by the new rules or Sam leaves the room.”

“This sucks.” He stared at the carpet. “I hate all options. Hate them.”

“The rule is this—”

“I know what you’re going to say and I can’t do it. I need to be in control.”

“Not one of the options, you have that right now. Sam initiates all sexual encounters and—“

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“Stuff it, G.”

“And Sam decides what type of sex it will be.”

“Screw this!” Callen twisted and squirmed in Sam’s hold. “Let me go.”

“If you promise to not attack Frank.”

“If he promises to not take you away from me.”

“He’s not doing that. You are the one who controls that option.”

“I hate this, truly hate this.”

“What will it be, Callen?”

There wasn’t a choice. It was more control and the control he couldn’t handle right now. He needed to have sex exactly the way he wanted it. And now his control was being usurped. He shuddered thinking about the choices he had to make.


	78. Chapter 78

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen feels the urge to run again. People control him in ways he cannot tolerate.

Callen wanted to scream and fight and run all at once. The option he chose wasn’t really an option as the rest weren’t options either. They sucked. And now Frank had placed a recording device in the room with them. So sex wouldn’t be private. He felt like a lab rat. Of course Sam promised to only turn it on if there was a problem. When wasn’t there a problem? He loathed sex with Sam now. Before it had been enjoyable and then again at times terrifying. He never knew when he’d get triggered and what the trigger would make him do or feel. Now the triggers came all the time but he wasn’t about to let either Sam or Frank know what was happening.

He’d thought about getting up but decided to linger a while longer in bed, snuggling under the covers, wrapping them around him. Callen would’ve liked to snuggle into his partner but that proved to be too triggering. Those early morning romps of sex were replaced with Callen hiding on his side of the bed, feigning sleep. He couldn’t stomach Sam touching him in the morning. He was most triggered from one until about five or six in the morning.

This morning was worse than the last two. Callen didn’t know how much longer he could hold it together before losing it. Running was now more an option than ever. He had to find a way out of this facility. He needed his weapon or a weapon. Callen started to scheme in his head.

“You’re awake early, sweetheart.” Sam wrapped his arm around his lover’s waist.

Callen only mumbled feigning sleep.

“I know you’re awake because you’re breathing changed about an hour ago.”

He laid on his back and stretched out. “I can’t stand being watched. I thought it was bad enough before, this is worse.”

“I’m not watching you, G.”

“You noticed my breathing.”

Sam rolled over on top of his lover. “It’s because I want to make love to you this morning. You’ve avoided me every morning for the past week. Ever since you made your choice.” Callen closed his eyes. Sam kissed him softly on the lips.

Callen shuddered, flashbacks ripped through his brain. He needed to run. “Get off me, please, get off.”

Instead of getting off him, Sam grasped his lover’s hands and pressed them above his head and to the sides. He kissed G’s mouth hard and forceful. “I want you.” He trailed kisses down his lover’s neck, sucked and nibbled on G’s nipples.

Callen screamed inside, flashbacks hurling through him at a rapid pace. He froze unable to move or speak. In his mind, he saw himself curling into a tight fetal position and rocking his body back and forth. That hideous man was here trying to rape him. He couldn’t fight him. All he wanted was to run and now the man had him tied to the bed.

Sam humped his body into his lover’s, thrusting his cock into his groin. “Going to make love to your body.” He glanced at his partner’s face for a moment, expecting to see desire but all he saw was anguish. “G, what’s going on?” He released lover’s hands and stroked the sides of his face. “Come on, G, talk to me. It’s Sam.” After rolling off of him, Sam brought him into his arms. “What happened, man, talk to me?”

Callen jerked away and scrambled off the bed, grabbed a bathrobe and flew out of the room.

“G!” Sam grabbed a bathrobe, wrapped it around his body, and ran after him.

He dashed into the cafeteria, the only place he knew had weapons, knives. Damn it, he hated knives. His partner presented him with a knife set for Christmas one year. He never told him the knives remained in their original package and stored in a closet covered with blankets hiding the box’s labels. Callen searched the kitchen for a knife. Every one was locked in a labeled drawer. Where are the damned keys? He searched the unlocked drawers for a key. Nothing. Picking the lock was the next solution, Callen found a can opener, used the sharp end, and started picking the lock. Upon hearing a noise he stopped what he was doing, crouched down low, and waited for the sound to stop. Again he picked at the lock. It finally gave way. What he found was better than he’d hoped for, a gun. What was a gun doing in the kitchen? An odd place for one. He took it, grabbed some bullets from a box, and loaded the weapon. Now he felt safe.

After tying his bathrobe around his waist, Callen slinked out of the kitchen toward the hallway. Voices down the hallway toward his room startled him. He stepped backward and panted. Frank and Sam. Where was the man who tried to rape him? Callen edged forward again and peeked around the corner.

“G!” Sam yelled down the hallway at his partner.

He backed up into the cafeteria, cocked his gun, and aimed it.

Sam approached him slow and stopped about five feet from the cafeteria door. “It’s Sam, sweetheart.” He lowered his voice.

“You’re no sweetheart! You raped me! Liar! Don’t come any closer or I’ll blow your nuts right off.”

“Easy, man, I’m not your rapist.”

“Bull shit!” Callen backed up and shook. “Get the hell out of here.”

“What happened in our room?”

Callen shook unable to speak.

“I’m coming into the cafeteria to sit down and talk.”

Callen backed up further toward the only window in the cafeteria. When he felt the window sill at his upper thigh he stepped aside, faced the window, and fired the gun. The window shattered into thousands of pieces. He stared at the floor and his bare feet unable to make the next move. _Flee_. Callen pressed on the bars outside the window. They wouldn’t budge. He saw the lock. He fired the gun again busting the lock on the bars. After climbing through the shattered window, he pushed the bars aside and stepped onto the glass covered grass. A piece of glass cut into his left foot. He yelped and fell to the ground wailing. His left hand scraped along side a piece of glass. Callen shrieked this time. Normally, this breakout would’ve been a breeze for him. He couldn’t figure out why he was freaked out. Something was too familiar about it. He got to his feet and ran across the expansive lawn to find the property was surrounded by a seven foot high chain-link fence. Callen sighed. On closer inspection he realized it was electrified. Not good.

Fours bullets left. He needed to use them wisely.

Callen scanned the fence line searching for the electrical box for the fence. This too was familiar. Somewhere he had done the same thing in an attempt to escape his abusers. Yet he failed to remember when or where or who. Flashbacks trickled through his mind this time. Thankfully, they weren’t like usual, coming at such a fast rate he couldn’t function. As he walked the fence line Callen became aware of someone following him. He stopped and hid behind a low lying bush.

“Come on, G, it’s Sam. I see where you are. Come out and talk to me.”

“Not that stupid.”

“No, you’re quite smart.”

Callen faced the fence and saw the electrical box he was searching for. Maybe it was luck this time. It rarely was luck. Mostly, it was good planning and detailed research before an undercover ops. He aimed and fired his gun at the electrical box. Being the best marksmen on the NCIS Los Angeles team, he struck the box dead on the first time. Sparks flew everywhere along the electric fence wire.


	79. Chapter 79

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen grabs an electrified fence and suffers burns on his left hand where the gun had been in it.
> 
> Sam talks to Frank about G.

Callen crawled toward the fence on his hands and knees. He wished he had pliers and bolt cutters. Using the weapon again might be necessary to get through the fence even with the electricity shut off. As a rule he would’ve tested the fence to make sure the electricity had cut off. This time he was in a hurry to escape his captors and wasn’t thinking as clear as he would on an undercover ops assignment. Before he could stop himself, Callen used the fence to pull himself up off the grass.

An electric current ran through his right hand. He screamed. Callen managed to drop the gun but not before it scorched his hand. He shrieked and screamed until he passed out from he horrific pain traveling into his body.

Sam watched in horror as G collapsed to the lawn the current still coursing through his body. And then all was silent. Frank must’ve turned off the electricity. He rushed over to his partner’s side, pulled him off the fence and into his arms. “Damn it, G.” Sam carried his partner’s limp body into the facility. Frank had brought a gurney over to the front door and together they laid Callen on it.

“He’s breathing, that’s a good sign,” Frank said. “You have the gun?”

“No.”

“I’ll send out one of my orderlies for it. Right now we need to get him back to the infirmary.” Frank rolled the gurney toward the back end of the facility. “What the hell set this off?”

“He wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Running is a symptom of PTSD, it’s quite normal and he’s done it before.” Frank and Sam transferred Callen onto a hospital bed and dressed him in a gown. Frank examined his patient, took his vitals, and noted the only burn on his body. “Some burns here on his hand where the gun had been. That’s it. He’s lucky he cut that current in half compared to what it was.”

“A double set up?”

“Yes, to deter people from getting in and out. It’s not a very high voltage electric fence just enough to get the message across. The gun in Callen’s hand caused him the most problems.”

“I think G got the message and he’s not going to be very congenial when he wakes up.”

Frank dressed Callen’s left hand with topical antibiotic ointment for the burn and wrapped it gauze. “I’ll sedate him for now. You and I need to talk.”

Sam sat on a high stool next to the bed and stroked his partner’s face. “I’m not sure I can help you much.”

“I think you can.” Frank injected the sedative and left the room.

Sam followed him into the office.

“He’s withdrawn from me,” he said. “He talks but it’s subdued. How about you?”

“Oh man, I don’t want to go there.” Sam sat on the couch.

“That’s where we need to go.”

“Has he told you about not wanting sex in the mornings?”

“He refuses to talk to me about sex.”

“Well, every morning since his decision and between one and six am, he feigns sleep he pretends to sleep and doesn’t want sex.”

“He’s completely shut down since his decision. This needs to be addressed.”

“This morning while I tried making love to him he became physically and emotionally absent.”

“How so?”

“When I hold him down or climb on top of him he’ll struggle if he wants me off of him,” Sam said. “Well, this morning, nothing. He did tell me to get off him, but it was a half-hearted request. I glanced at his face before I carried the love making to the next step. He had a look of anguish on his face.”

“Anguish?”

“Yes, first time I’ve ever seen that look. I stopped, rolled off him, and pulled him into my arms. I asked him what happened and that’s when he lost it.”

“I think he can’t handle sex like this,” Frank said. “I think he can’t handle sex at all. He tolerates it because he wants it and he wants it on his terms and self-medicates for pain and torment. We’ll go back to his way for now and I need your room recorded at all times. I need to know what he’s going through before, during, and after sex. It will be done discretely so he can’t see it nor find it.”

“You got to be kidding.” He laughed. “He’ll find it if he searches for it. Remember you’re dealing with an undercover ops agent.”

“True.”

“And the window, bars and fence?”

“All ready called the companies to come and fix them. The cafeteria is being fixed as we speak.”

“Want me to dock his pay?” Sam smirked.

“Thanks for the talk,” Frank said. “Need to go check on Callen.”


	80. Chapter 80

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen and Frank discuss Callen's need to be in control when it comes to sex.

Callen stirred and glanced around the room, figuring out where he was. The infirmary. He lifted up his left hand and examined it. The memory of what happened hours ago still lingered in his mind. He had been so close and now he was back in this God forsaken place, trapped against his will, made to follow someone else’s rules and he hated it.

“I see you’re awake,” Frank said, entering the infirmary. “I’ve changed my mind about the choices you have.”

“Just like that. You’re apologizing?”

“I wouldn’t call it apologizing, Callen. I’d call it changing my mind, period. I think we’ll leave things with you instigating sex in your relationship.”

He sighed. At least that lifted one load of stress off his chest. “What about the window I destroyed?”

“You want me to take that out of your hide?”

He swallowed hard.

“Joking, Callen, only joking. It’s being repaired along with the fence.”

“I killed that electrical box.”

“There’s more than one thank goodness or you’d be gone and I’d have a team hunting you down.”

“Hunting me down?”

“Yes.”

“ _Really_ hunting me down?”

“No joke, Callen, my team, all special forces vets, will hunt you down, capture you, and bring you back here. It would be for your protection as well as my protection. Let’s just say you don’t want to escape from here, because I will find you and it won’t be pleasant.”

Callen swallowed hard again.

“After you’re captured, you’ll be under lock and key at all times. I suggest you get your ass out of this bed, put your bathrobe on, and follow me into the office. Got me?” He nodded. “Good. See you in three minutes.”

Callen watched Frank leave. He scrambled out of bed, put on the bathrobe, and hurried into Frank’s office. He sat down at the desk.

Frank stood at his bookshelf reading through a periodical. “Please close and lock the door, Callen.”

“Lock it?”

“Yes, we’re in lock down until our discussion is finished,” he said. “You’re other choice is the nut room as you refer to it.”

Callen closed and locked the door and sat back down. “What about Sam?”

“I already had a discussion with him. It’s your time right now.”

He swallowed hard hearing that. Now he truly felt he was sitting on the hot seat. “Can I sit any where?”

“Yes.” Frank answered without looking up from the article he was reading.

“Can I pace?”

“No.” He brought the periodical over to his desk and sat down. “I’m going to be up front with you Callen. I was against doing it this way, but I think you deserve at least that. From now on, your room is being monitored. I don’t monitor patients at this facility, but under the circumstances and as a result of what happened earlier today, I now find it necessary. You’ll be asked about what was recorded on the digital recording during the previous day. Anything you don’t wish to talk about I’ll understand and make note of in your file. If the same issue keeps surfacing you’ll be required to talk about it, and if you accumulate ten subjects you don’t wish talk about you’ll be required to talk about all of them. You see, I believe you’ve be omitting vital bits of information from our conversations. As a matter of fact, sometimes these are not bits of information, rather these are outright lies. I won’t allow lying. If you’re going to heal you need to be honest with me.” He nodded. “Now then, the gun you found in the kitchen is no longer being kept there. I’ve confiscated all the weapons and have them in my safe in a secured room. When you leave here, you’ll get your weapons back. I hope that will be soon for all our sakes including yours. As I already said, that requires you telling me the truth and talking about what happened without going ballistic on me. Understood Callen?” He nodded. “Good. We’ll start right now with what happened earlier this morning. Your partner asked you what happened and instead of telling him you ran. You obtained a weapon and shot your way out of the facility. I’m giving you another chance to tell your partner what happened. This is being recorded. All conversations from now on are being recorded. I have bugged this place. Callen?”

“I don’t know why I ran.”

“The truth Callen, not another lie.”

“I hated your choices, okay?” He stared at his hands on the desk. “Hated them.”

“And?”

“My choice, I knew no matter what choice I picked would cause problems for me, but my choice was the most triggering. I thought it would be the least triggering.” He licked his lips. “It started that day. The flashbacks increased. The nightmares worsened. I feigned sleep more and more.”

“All because?”

“I can’t stand having someone touch me while I’m sleeping.” He shuddered. “Okay? It freaks me out. Okay? I feel as if I could kill them, instead I ran away and hid. I feigned sleep whenever Sam wanted sex.”

“Especially between the hours of one and six?”

Callen sprang to his feet and ran to the door. He turned the knob and remembered it was locked. “I can’t talk about that. Don’t make me.” He rested his cheek on the door.

“Okay. I’ll place that in the ‘can’t talk about it’ column. That’s one time. Tens times and you’ll talk about if I have to use Amytal or Pentathol. Understood?”

“Yeah.” Callen faced the room but refused to look at Frank. “I need to control when someone touches me. I need to be the one who decides when and where and how sex happens.”

“That’s normal for someone who’s been abused and raped.”

“I realize that, but how about asking to be roughed up during sex?” Callen asked, squeaking out the words.

“How do you want Sam to make love to you?”

“I don’t want him to do that at all. I want him to be forceful and demanding and rough.”

“Your perpetrators were that way with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Did any of them ever make love to you?”

Callen zoned out when he heard the question. It was as if Frank hadn’t even opened his mouth to speak. “My perpetrators?”

“Yes.”

Callen stared down at the carpet. “I can’t talk about that.”

“Which perpetrator are we talking about?”

“Vance.”

“Vance made love to you?”

“Shit!” Callen walked over to the window and stared out at the expansive lawn and fence beyond. “Yeah. Several times. I can’t talk too much about this.”

“I’ll mark that as one time. That’s two.”

“But I told you some stuff.”

“Not enough to get you off the hook.”

“After he raped me, sometimes brutally, he made love to me. He’d make love to me after he took me to those places.”

“So out of guilt, he made love to you?”

“I guess, yeah, don’t know.”

“How did it feel?”

Callen stared at the floor and answered in a quiet voice. “I wanted it and I liked it and I needed it, but it felt foreign. The rough sex, the abuse, the brutality, the rapes — that’s what felt normal.”

“And therefore rough sex with Sam feels normal and him making love to you feels wrong.”

“Not wrong, just weird for him to be loving and tender. It freaks me out. Okay? I get jumpy inside.”

“Waiting for the other shoe to drop? Waiting for the rough brutal rapes Vance perpetrated on you? You think your partner will do the same thing?”

“Sure, after all he’s a man. All men think that way, right?”

“No, Callen. Is it better if you control the sex and determine how rough you want it?”

“Yeah, then I know and I get what’s coming to me and there’s no shoe dropping later on.”

“No shoe either way.”

“What?”

“No brutal rape, no love making.”

“Yeah, sounds right.”

“Does it work that way?”

Callen sighed. “Not always, at least not with Vance.”


	81. Chapter 81

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everything now recorded, Callen feels relief, premature relief.

At first Callen felt uncomfortable knowing everything was recorded in the entire facility, but after a few days, he relaxed knowing he didn’t need to tell everything going on inside to Frank. His therapist knew most of it from the digital recordings. It was actually a relief. After three days he still had only one point against him, one to six am. Damn. He refused to talk about it. At least Vance making love to him was no longer a topic for discussion in the future. He hoped so. Callen figured Frank would probe him about Vance again, he’d hoped it wouldn’t be after one of those rough nights where the one to six hours haunted him with nightmares and flashbacks and night terrors. Those night terrors. He used to have them as a kid but was told by one therapist they were normal and kids out grew them. He never did.

He ate his breakfast in silence not wanting to talk about the sessions with Frank, not wanting to talk about whatever weird thing he kept saying in the middle of the night during those night terrors. Sam had asked him about both and he avoided both.

“Shall we talk about the birds and the bees instead?” Sam asked.

Callen stopped staring at his plate and glanced sideways at him. “I suppose if that would at least keep you from asking me about Frank’s sessions and whatever it is that I say.”

“Nope. You know I like my time while you’re in session. I can go down to the gym and get my work out in. Speaking of which, are you exercising daily?”

“You would have to ask me that.”

“Yep, nosey, I’m not the only one going to ask you that.”

“He noticed?”

“Sure did and mentioned it to me in my last session.”

“You’re seeing him too?”

“Yeah, to cope with you and what you’re going through. Frank thought it would be a good idea.”

Callen sighed. “I’m that much of a burden to you?” He picked up his plate and glass and bussed them to the rubber bins by the kitchen. He started for the door and almost ran into his partner.

“You going to give me a chance to answer?” Sam asked. “Or are you just walking out that door as usual? You’re not a burden to me, sweetheart, I love you. I’d do anything for you. This was Frank’s idea not mine.”

“I’m a pain in your side and you know and I know it.”

“Stop this self-loathing, G. You need to talk to Frank about this attitude.”

“I’m fine.”

“Fine?” He sighed. “That’s bull shit. You won’t talk to me about your night terrors. Not one single time have you told me what’s going on. I’ve asked and you flat out refused to talk to me. I don’t really care about the details of your sessions. Yeah, I asked you about them and there’s no pressure, but the night terrors? You’d better talk to Frank, that’s all I got to say.” Sam returned to the table and sat down.

Callen stood staring back at this partner. “What the hell do you want from me? Huh?” He walked out the door and this time he ran into Frank. “Sorry.”

“In my office now, the two of you.”

“My appointment is not until this afternoon.”

“Don’t give me grief about the timing of your appointment. In my office now!” Frank raised his voice.

Callen hurried down the hallway and into Frank’s office. He sank down onto his favorite seat, a well-worn, black leather couch.

Sam sauntered into the office and sat on a high-backed, chocolate brown, leather chair near the window. He faced G and Frank.

Frank entered the office and locked it down. “It seems to me, Callen, you do fine for a couple of days and then you loose all sense of what your responsibilities are. Would you please recite them for me?”

“Recite them?” What was this crap?

“Yes, Callen, now.”

“I’m supposed to talk to you about anything which bothers me. I’m supposed to exercise daily. I’m supposed to eat properly. I’m supposed to debrief with Sam.”

“Now, Callen, tell me which of those you are doing?”

“I eat.”

“When do you plan to follow through on the rest?”

“I was doing them.”

“And then what happened?”

Callen squirmed on the couch. He needed to get up and pace the room and if he did Frank would get all over him for it.

“Callen?”

“Crap!” He shoot off the sofa and paced.

“No pacing. Either stand still or sit.”

“Why? I don’t understand why.” Tears flooded his eyes and he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

Frank stood and got in his face. “Callen, what are you avoiding?”

“The night terrors.”

“Tell me how you feel after you wake up from one.”

“Terrified and needing to run and escape.”

“That’s a start. How long have you had these night terrors?”

Callen backed up several feet.

“Easy, Callen, how long?” Frank stepped forward.

“I was a kid the first time.”

“What age?” He moved closer to him.

Callen backed up until his back was against a wall. “Please I can’t do this.” He slid down the wall to his knees. “They told me they’d go away.” Tears filled his eyes again.

“Who told you that?” Frank stood within a foot of his patient.

“Therapists I saw right after I had the first episode.”

“What age, Callen?” He asked again his voice softer.

“I was five. Right after my father tried to kill my mother.” He buried his face in his hands and cried.

“These aren’t ordinary night terrors.” Frank stroked Callen’s shoulder. “They’re linked to what you saw. You saw your father try to kill your mother?” He nodded. “Thought so. Were you afraid you’d be next?” He nodded. “So you’ve lived in terror that this might happen to you any time soon. Again the other shoe might drop. Have you had them continuously since that incident?”

“They worsened when I got here. I don’t know why.”

“When I instigated the change in your sexual behavior?” He nodded. “What other shoe do you believe will fall?”

“Don’t know. Shit, don’t know.” Callen trembled.

“Maybe afraid I will do something to you like your supervisor did to you?”

Callen scrambled to the far side of the office, falling to his hands and knees. He hid in the corner visibly shaking.

“Easy, Callen, I’m not going to do that.”

“You said you’d use the Amytal or Pentathol.”

“Only if you flat out refuse to talk about those things on the list. I’d prefer it any other way, but forcing you.”

Callen shook and shivered. “I’m doing okay, right?”

“Yes, you doing great.”

“You said if I escaped you’d lock me down.”

“Do I need to do that?” He shook his head. “Okay, but you’re still waiting.” He nodded. “We need to change this, Callen. How do you want to deal with those things which trigger you?”

“Don’t know. I guess I need to talk about them even if they’re uncomfortable. When you started recording everything it reminded me of her and what she did.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know any other way to bypass your defenses and get you to talk. I don’t believe in using so-called truth serums.”

“Now I feel more comfortable knowing I don’t have to tell you everything.” Callen relaxed, but stayed in the corner. “Maybe that made me lax though, knowing it was being recorded. I’ll work on talking to you more.”

“And exercise and debriefing with Sam?”

“Oh crap. Debriefing with Sam is hard right now.”

“Due to the night terrors?”

“Yeah, I guess. It comes full circle. One thing begets another. Darn it.” He bit his lower lip and shivered.


	82. Chapter 82

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen questions his desire and love for another man.

Callen couldn’t stop thinking about one thing, why wasn’t he getting hard around his partner. Ever since he tried to suck his lover’s cock and got triggered, Callen’s cock was limp. His desire for sex with his partner was gone. It made him wonder if he wanted the relationship with Sam. Maybe again, he was just acting out what happened to him with all his perpetrators.

“Sam?” Callen asked between bites of steak at the dinner table in the cafeteria.

Sam glanced up from the new iPad2 he was reading from. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know what category this falls under, debriefing or therapy.”

“Doesn’t matter. Shoot.”

“Why can’t I just say this?”

“Take your time.”

He had taken his time. The concern had lingered in his mind for at least three weeks maybe longer. “Believe me I am.”

Sam reached over and stroked his arm. “I love you.”

Nothing happened when Sam said those three words, stroking his arm. Nothing. “I do too, but, damn it, why doesn’t my cock say so?” He felt the heat rise from his chest into his face.

“Don’t be embarrassed, G.”

“Am I into relationships with men?” he asked. “I don’t think so. Maybe I just got into this with you, because it was available, and reminds me of the abuse.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t get hard when you touch me. I don’t get hard around you any more. I used to get hard when we were in close proximity to each other. When you said, ‘I love you’ I would get hard. Now nothing happens.” _I don’t even get a tingly feeling._ “Makes me wonder if I’m not… damn, if I don’t really love you. I’m so confused.”

“Maybe it’s because our sexual relationship is changing,” Sam said. “You’re no longer wanting it rough all the time.”

“It scares me. I want it rough but not like before.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Anything is fine with me. Maybe you should talk to Frank about this.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“I’m sure you can, Callen,” Frank said. He stood in the doorway, leaning on the door jamb of the cafeteria’s double doors. “Come with me.”

Callen stood and followed his therapist into the office. This time, for something different he sat in the high-backed chair.

“That’s new for you.” Frank closed the door.

“How much of what I shared did you hear?”

“Doesn’t matter really as I can listen to the recording any time. Why don’t you start from the beginning.”

“I’m no longer sexually attracted to my partner the way I was in the beginning.”

“You mean you’re no longer acting out your abuse on your partner?”

Callen shot off his chair and ran to the door. He was surprised to find it unlocked.

“Remember, if you walk out that door, this topic goes on the list. You should think about your list too. It’s all about sex.”

Callen faced Frank. “What do you mean?”

“Every topic on the list is about some aspect of your sex life or your rapes.”

He swallowed hard and leaned back against the door, pressing his head harder against it than his body. “I’m confused. Why don’t I feel anything like I did before?”

“Working through your abuse may cause you to temporarily become frigid.”

“What?” Callen moved away from the door. He wanted to pace the room, no needed to do it. He started to without saying anything.

“Stop.”

“I need this. Don’t make me stop doing it. I need to do it.”

Frank stepped in front of Callen’s path. “I said to stop.”

“I can’t. I need this.”

“Tell me why.”

“Exercise doesn’t help, okay, it doesn’t do shit.”

“I know what would help but you’re going to need to allow your partner to touch you in a different way.”

“What?”

“Making love to you without any roughness whatsoever.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.” Callen sighed. “Makes me nervous even thinking about it. Reminds me of the first time we had sex and yes it was sex. I came on to Sam after he washed my cock and balls.” He didn’t know why the first time bothered him. Heck, he didn’t even know why he came on to his partner.

“Well, then starting at this point will be good. That is your assignment, ask your partner to make love to you.”

“Shit,” Callen said under his breath.


	83. Chapter 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen and Sam start making love in the shower. Callen gets a flashback and freaks out. What triggers him in the same thing which triggered him the first time they made love in the shower.

After Callen and Sam worked out in the gym together, they grabbed a bite to eat, and headed back to their room. “I want you to take a shower with me.”

“You haven’t asked me that for a long time. I’d love to, sweetheart.” Sam followed his lover into the bathroom. “Want me to undress you?”

Callen shook his head and undressed himself. Sam undressed too.

“Glad this shower is more than adequate for the two of us. Can you wash me?”

“Sure after you wash me,” Sam said, grabbing the bar of soap and handing it to G. Callen stroked his lover’s body all over with the soap. He spent extra time washing his cock and balls and ass. “You want to make love to me?”

“No. I need you to make love to me.”

Sam grasped the bar of soap and brought G’s fingers to his lips. He tenderly kissed them one by one. Callen gasped and glanced down at his cock. It was becoming harder. “And you said nothing happened when we were close to each other.” He brought his lover’s body back against his and massaged his chest and abdomen with the bar of soap. “What a sexy body you have. Working out together is making a difference in your muscle definition. Most delicious.” He nibbled on his lover’s neck. Callen humped backwards wanting more. “Mmm, love that move, sweetheart.” Sam gently tilted his lover’s head toward his and suckled on his lips. He tongued him hard and deep alternating with tender sucking and licking his lips and mouth while his hands traveling up and down G’s sides, chest, and abdomen, massaging and stroking and caressing.

Callen shivered and sighed, his breathing hitched. “Please.”

Sam didn’t respond with his voice but with his hands, stroking his lover’s cock and cupping his balls. Callen bucked his groin into lover’s hands. “Hot, sweetheart.” He lifted his lover’s cock and pressed it flat against his stomach. Callen panted and shivered again. Sam lathered up his hands and stroked G’s cock. Callen bucked his hips to the beat of his lover’s stroke on his cock.

“I’m close.” And then the flashback overcame him. He shrieked and jerked away, running from the shower.

“G!” Sam grabbed two towels wrapped himself in one and entered the main living area. He found his lover curled into a fetal position on the bed. After climbing on the bed behind him, Sam wrapped his partner in the over sized white bath towel and pulled him into his body. “I’m here, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know if I can handle you being this close.”

“Tell me what you need, sweetheart. Frank?” He nodded. “He’ll be here soon. Anything else?”

“I’m freaked out inside.”

“What triggered it?”

“Please don’t get angry.”

“I won’t.”

Callen sighed. “When you started jerking me off. No, wait, the flashbacks began just before that when you first touched my groin. I thought I could shove them back inside me. Boy, was I wrong.”

“That’s exactly what I did to you when you misconstrued my intentions the first time we made love in the shower.”

“I know. I can’t seem to move past that trigger when you’re making love to me.”

“Callen, I’m here.” Frank sat at the foot of the bed.

“I did it again, Frank, I just can’t get past it.”

“When you got triggered what did you see?”

Callen jerked away from Sam.

Sam pulled him back into his body and softly stroked his face. “Easy, G.”

“I don’t know if I can, shit, I’m going to be sick.” Frank leaped off the bed, grabbed a waste basket and shoved it under his patient’s head just in time. Callen lifted his head and hurled into the waste basket. Sam held the waste basket for him. Frank wet down a wash cloth and brought it over with a hand towel. “I don’t know why that made me sick to my stomach.”

“Part of the memory I’m sure, Callen. It must be repulsive to you.” He passed him the wash cloth and hand towel.

Callen wiped his entire face and sighed. “Vance, I see Vance, damn it, and he’s… I lied to you Frank,” he said. “I couldn’t tell you the truth. I’m sorry. Too hard to do.” He grasped the waste basket and hurled again. After swiping the wet wash cloth over his face again, Callen laid his head against Sam’s chest. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you again, Sam.”

“No apologies necessary, Callen, whatever you’re remembering must be horrifying enough. I don’t blame you for being self-protective.”

“He’s making love to me,” Callen said, shuddering. “He’s passionate and tender and gentle. Suddenly he changes into this… a beast of a man. Vance stands and kicks me. I scream and coil into a tight ball trying to protect myself. He kicks whatever he can reach, my ass when I’m curled and my groin when I’m reaching for my ass. I scream and writhe and pant and pass out. I come back to consciousness and he’s raping me, hard, vicious and unrelenting thrusts inside my already battered ass. I’m screaming. He doesn’t care and says so. He contorts my body into odd positions to get as deep as he can go. I’m wailing and screaming for him to stop.”

“I’m at a loss for words, G, I’m so sorry you endured that.” Sam held him close but with a loose grip around his torso.

“Did this happen only once?”

Callen grabbed the waste basket and hurled. Frank rinsed out the wash cloth and handed it back to his patient. “Unfortunately, no.”

“How often?”

“Can’t I stop now?” Callen wiped his face with the wash cloth.

“After you tell me.”

“Every time we met.”

“Every time, G, you said he met you once a month?”

“Yeah.” He shoved his face into the bed covers. “Can’t. Need to stop.”

“We’re finished, Callen, you did great.”

“That means it doesn’t go on the list?”

“One more question before I keep it off the list. When did this abuse start?”

“Shit!” He jerked away from Sam, grabbed the covers, diving under them and curling into a fetal position. He rocked himself. “When I first worked for the CIA.” Tears streamed down his face.

“Of course, he was your handler.”

Vance was more than that. If he could only tell Frank the whole picture instead of half of it.


	84. Chapter 84

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen is triggered after Frank says he wants the counseling office locked down. He wants to run. Flashbacks bombard his brain.

Later in the afternoon than usual, Callen plodded into Frank’s office. This is not where he wanted to be today. Yet it was part of his responsibility to attend a counseling session at least once a day. He slouched down on the leather couch and stretched out on it. Frank had been pretty lenient with him, allowing him to not talk about subjects to their full extent. He hoped that didn’t mean he was headed for a lockdown session. When he thought about being locked in the office with him Callen shuddered and wanted to run. He used every ounce of mental strength to stay focused on not walking out that door.

He didn’t understand the feeling which came over him when he was around Frank. It wasn’t that Frank was a psychiatrist. It was more than that and it frightened him.

“Callen, did you hear me?”

He startled, slid his feet off the couch, and sat upright. “No.”

“Lock it down after Sam comes in.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

Callen watched his partner enter the room and sit down in the chair by the window. He shot off the couch and ran out of the room.

“What the?” Sam stood. “Where’s he—“

“Get him please,” Frank said, “and lock down the room after you bring him back here.”

“G? What’s going on, man?” Sam asked when he entered their room. He watched him packing his duffle bag. “You’re running away?”

“Shit, don’t ask, I can’t do it.”

“Do what, G? What did Frank ask you—“

“Lock the door. Damn this.”

“I’ll lock it for you when we get back in the room.”

“What is that going to do for me? Oh hell.” Flashbacks coursed through his mind. He sat down as dizziness overwhelmed him, head in his hands.

“Let me at least hold you.”

“Shit!” Callen stood up, backed away and shuddered, holding up his hands in front of him. “Get the hell away from me.”

“Callen,” Frank said when he walked into the room. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t know.”

“Okay, what triggered you?”

“You.”

“Ah and the locked room.”

“Not happening.”

“Neither is you leaving, Callen. Unpack your duffle bag and put away your clothes. If you won’t do it yourself one of my orderlies will and he’ll confiscate your duffle bag. Understood?”

Flashbacks bombarded his brain and body, Callen felt as if darts were stabbing him all over. He stumbled backward and fell to the floor butt first. “Get away from me. Bastard!”

“Easy, Callen, what just triggered you?”

“Get out, get the hell out of my room.” Callen wailed and curled into a fetal position.

Frank rushed over to his patient and sat on the carpet next to him.

“Don’t let them, please, I’ll do what you want. I promise.” He shook and shivered.

“Tell me where you are and what you’re seeing.”

“No, can’t, please.”

“Tell me one thing you see, just one thing.”

“The bar.”

“Bar? What kind of bar, Callen?”

“I can’t, please.”

“The place where Vance took you?”

“Oh shit.” He cried, trembled, and rocked his body. “I said I would do it. Please don’t do this.”

“What do you see now?”

“The bouncers.” Callen’s shivering intensified and he rocked his body harder. “You sent your bouncers after me.”

“Callen, you’re not making sense.”

“I’m not making sense, liar, I’ll kill you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You have bouncers and they’re coming to get me and take me back there.”

“What?”

“Don’t lie to me asshole, I know what you’re doing.”

“You’re in the memory right now. I don’t have bouncers I have—“

“Screw you! Liar. I saw them. You can’t lie to me. You think I’m stupid? I saw them, bastard.”

“Callen, I have no bouncers.”

“I saw them, damn it, saw them.”

“My orderlies?”

Callen backed away. “Oh shit, oh hell. What’s happening to me?”

“You were in the memory, reliving what happened to you.”

“How did I get in here?”

“You ran out of my office.”

Callen covered his mouth.

“No points against you since we hadn’t started the session.”

“What… were you going to talk about?”

“Your list.”

“I knew it.” Callen backed up further, scrambled to his feet and scanned the room.

“He’s getting ready to run.”

Sam waited near the door.

“You bastards! Why are you doing this to me?”

“Easy, G, we need to talk.”

“You’ll send in those bouncers. I know what you’re planning. Don’t lie to me.” He studied the door and Sam’s position trying to gauge whether he could make it through without his partner tackling him. Callen inched toward the door, keeping his eyes on Sam. For some reason he forgot about Frank. Now, if he was on an ops assignment that would’ve never happened. Right now he needed to get away from the bouncers and that’s all he could think about. Frank grabbed him from behind and wrestled him into a chokehold. Callen shrieked and kicked and scratched the bouncer. He clawed at the man’s arm and tried to bite him. The bouncer flipped him onto the bed and handed him over to another bouncer. Callen scratched and bit him, kicking and shrieking. The bouncer scissored his legs. Callen peed all over himself and the bouncer and vomited several times.

“Easy, G.” Sam walked him to the bathroom. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Frank reentered the room carrying a syringe and alcohol swab.

“Fuck no!”

“Callen don’t escalate this. I’m sedating you. You need it. Hold him.” Sam steadied his partner. Frank pulled Callen’s sweats down to expose his buttocks.

“Bastards!” He twisted and squirmed. “Please don’t rape me. I can’t take this. Don’t do this.”

“Hold still Callen I don’t want to break this needle off in your ass.”

“You’re putting the needle inside me?” Callen shivered and shook.

“No, in your butt cheek, easy does it.” Frank eyed Sam. Sam tightened his scissors hold. Frank swabbed the area and injected the medicine.

“You bastards! Stop this right now. I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you both.”

“Easy Callen, let the medicine work. You’re taking the rest of today off. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“What did you give me?”

“A combination tranquilizer-sedative. You’ll sleep well tonight.”

Callen slumped in Sam’s hold as the medicine overtook his body’s defenses relaxing him.

“Call me if he wakes up. I want him sedated throughout the night.”

“Please don’t hurt me,” Callen said his speech slurred.

“Not going to hurt you, sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“I’ll get the bed changed for you two.”

“Thanks Frank.” Sam released his chokehold and scissors hold and guided his partner into the bathroom.

“Please hold me, Sam.”

“In a minute, sweetheart. Let me get you out of these soiled clothes.”

Callen had a horrified look on his face. “Did I shit in my pants?”

“No. You’re fine.” Sam brought him into the shower.

“Are you going to rape me?” He whimpered.

He brought G into his body and held him, stroking his back to calm him. “Easy, man, just getting you washed and then to bed.”

“To rape me. I know it. You can tell me. First you’ll make love to me. Next you’ll rape me. I know. It’s okay, I like it. You taught me to like it.”

“G, you’re in the memory.” He lifted his partner’s face. “It’s me, Sam, I’m not your rapist.”

Callen sighed and rested his head against his lover’s chest. “Please make love to me.”

“Not happening, G, you need rest. You just experienced part of your memory. You’re traumatized.”

“I don’t feel traumatized.”

“You’re still saying things which tell me you are.”

“I know it’s you Sam, please make love to me.”

“No.” He grabbed the bar of soap and started washing him.

“Feels good. I need you in me.”

“Stop.”

Callen grasped his lover’s face and pulled him into a sloppy kiss.

“Do you know what no means?”

“Yeah.” He kissed him again, lingering, sucking on his lover’s lips.

Sam pushed him away. “Finish this yourself.” He handed him the bar of soap and stepped out of the shower.

“I hate you! Go screw yourself.” He fell to his knees crying.

“Oh gees, come on, man.” Sam helped him off the tile floor and hugged him.

“You don’t want me any more?”

“I didn’t say that. Let’s finish this later after you wake up.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.” Sam enveloped his mouth and kissed him deep, claiming his mouth.


	85. Chapter 85

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a beautiful lovemaking time with Sam, Callen loses it in the shower, horrific flashbacks flood his mind. He tries to push it away which only makes it worse.

After their lovemaking, Callen lost it in the shower. It was unexpected. He tried to keep his mind on the wonderful time they had for a few more moments. Instead, horrific flashbacks bombarded his brain. His usual tactics, numbing himself or trying to think of anything but his perpetrators, didn’t work this time. Callen shrieked and curled into a tight fetal position and wailed.

Sam rushed into the shower and lifted G into his arms, carrying him to the bed. “Easy, G,” he said, settling down behind him. “You’re safe. Did you have a nightmare?” He nodded. “Why didn’t you wake me, sweetheart? Next time please wake me. I’m here for you.”

“I didn’t want to ruin it.” Callen sobbed into the bed covers.

“You didn’t ruin anything. It was beautiful and still is. I love you.”

He snuggled into his lover and smiled.

“That’s a start.”

“I’m trying to suppress the memory, but I can’t. When I do I have nightmares about it.”

“That tells you what you need to do.”

“Please make it go away.” Callen whimpered.

“Tell me, Callen,” Frank said, when he sat on their bed.

Callen startled and tried to crawl away from his partner.

“Hold him. Tell me. You’ve known for a while. How long?”

He swallowed hard. “At least two weeks.”

“And you didn’t tell me. Why?”

“I don’t want it to be true. If I say it out loud it’s true. I can’t handle that truth.”

“Do you want to keep suffering?”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t believe you, Callen, tell me the truth.”

He buried his face in the covers again. “If I tell you, damn it, I don’t know if I can live with it.” Callen lifted his head, tears flooded his eyes. “My father, damn you for asking me, my father knows Vance.”

“Your father knows Vance?” Sam asked his jaw dropping.

Callen decided to omit the rest of the truth.

“Anything else we should know, Callen?”

He swallowed hard.

“Let me get this straight, your father and Vance took you to bars. Not just any kind of bar, a specific type. Now why would your father and Vance take you together? You’re not making sense, Callen.”

“Oh fuck, please stop. I can’t do this.”

“You will, Callen, or this will be one of those times I’ll use the Amytal or Pentathol.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

Callen bit his lower lip. “I, damn it. This crushes me, simply crushes me. When I remembered after I had several nightmares I was devastated.”

“You’re stalling,” Frank said.

“I hate you for making me do this.”

“Hate me? I doubt that. You’re angry? I’ll believe that.”

Callen sighed. “Vance, damn it, he’s my father’s boyfriend.” He cringed as he watched Sam’s jaw drop.

“I thought that might be the case. Thanks for the information. Now everything makes sense.”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m going to the trial hearing.”

“You’re leaving me with who?”

“Callen, calm down. Nate is coming—“

“What? I’ll never trust the bastard again.”

“Easy, G.”

“Screw you both.”

“Can you listen to—“

“No.” Callen wrenched himself free from his partner and sat up. “There’s nothing you can say to me which would change my mind. Nothing.”

“Doesn’t matter, he arrives this afternoon and he will care for you until I return tomorrow evening.”

Callen scrambled off the bed, grabbed a bathrobe, and drew it around himself. “This sucks, this completely sucks.” He paced the room and gave Frank a try-to-stop-me look.

“He’s here if you need to be medicated.”

Callen stopped pacing. “Great, here to drug and interrogate me.”

“No, Callen, he’s here to medicate you under the supervision of my orderlies.”

“You mean under the supervision of your orderlies slash special forces men?”

“When did you figure this out?”

“After I shot out the window and you warned me.”

“And that is when you knew your father’s boyfriend was Vance?”

“I’ll give you that.”

“Smart man, Callen.”

“Street smarts and NCIS smarts.” He smirked.

“Smart aleck, G.”

Callen laughed.

“Okay, I see you’re handling this pretty well right now. I see no need to medicate you.”

“But you’ll sick Nate on me if need be?”

“That’s up to you, Callen, completely up to you.”

He sighed. “I’m trying to keep talking. It’s not easy at times.”

“I leave this afternoon after I get Nate settled in.”

“What’s with you and Nate?”

“We worked together over in Iraq.”

“Serbia I suppose too?” Callen asked.

“Yes. I’ll have Nate talk to you later. You need to know about why he’s helping me and ultimately you.”

“You mean a good excuse for how he treated me?”

“Easy, stop escalating,” Sam said.

“Me escalate? Not possible.” He pouted and frowned. “Okay, I’ll back down for now. I promise.”

Frank grinned at Callen and left.

“Great!” Callen slumped down on the bed.

Sam crawled over on his hands and knees and brought his lover’s head back to meet his. He passionately kissed him on the mouth, lips, and neck.


	86. Chapter 86

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen wants Sam to try something on him. He doesn’t know why though. When it happens he gets triggered and has flashbacks and a temporary psychotic break.

Callen gagged and shifted his weight on the bed as his lover began to piston his huge, black pole into his mouth.

Sam pulled out. “Slobber some more on it. Come on bitch get it wet, really wet. So you don’t choke on it when I fuck your mouth with my black phallus.”

Callen jerked away scraping his teeth on lover’s tool. He scrambled off the other side of the bed, shrieking and shaking.

“G, calm down.”

“Shit! Oh shit!” He ran around the room panicking trying to find something which looked familiar. Nothing looked right. He grabbed a bathrobe and threw it on and ran out the door into the hallway.

“G!” Sam ran after him grabbing his bathrobe on the way out. “G, man, what’s going on with you. Talk to me.”

Callen stopped in the hallway, staring at the odd colored walls. Nothing looked right. Where were the stucco walls inside NCIS’s Los Angeles office? The ceiling was all wrong too. No beams. The hallway connected to other rooms but no open space. He shrieked and shook. Callen kept running down the hallway trying to find a safe place, but nothing looked right, nothing looked real. Maybe it was another nightmare. Maybe it was another memory. When two hands grabbed him around the waist and pulled him backward he shrieked again and urinated down his legs. “No, please, let me go.”

“Easy, G, easy.” Sam lifted his partner into his arms and carried him back into their room. “Talk to me, G. What just happened?” He carried him into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

“What are you going to do to me?” Callen shivered and shook.

“You’re going to bath yourself,” Sam said, placing Callen on the shower seat.

“Why?”

“You urinated on yourself again.”

“No, liar, it isn’t true!” Callen stood and inched backward until his buttocks hit the shower wall. He trembled. “Who are you? Where am I?”

“Frank’s treatment facility in DC.”

“Oh hell.” Callen swore under his breath. “What did I just do?”

“You freaked out on me.”

Callen panted. He was close to passing out. After sliding down the wall he placed his head between his knees.

“You okay?” Sam sat next to him.

“Feel faint.”

“Keep your head down like you’re doing.” Sam rubbed his back.

“I had a flashback when you tried to fuck my mouth.”

“A trigger or a flashback?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Care to share?”

“I think that’s why I feel faint, I think… no maybe not.”

“Just say whatever comes to mind. It’s probably right.”

Callen shivered and wrapped his arms around his knees. “Vance raped me like that.”

“When?”

“I don’t know.” But he did, he could see when and where it happened. “I need to get washed.”

“Wait? You’re changing the subject that fast?”

“That’s all I saw.”

Sam stood and helped his partner up. “You feeling okay?”

Callen grabbed the soap and started washing himself. This he couldn’t share with his partner. He remembered back to the time Sam almost lost it during an assignment. Callen wouldn’t be the one responsible for him losing it this time.

“G, did you hear what I just said?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Bull shit!” Sam grabbed the soap from him. “Look at me, G.”

He couldn’t, instead Callen stood under the shower head and rinsed himself off.

Sam got in his face. “What is going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

“This isn’t nothing, talk to me.”

“I had a flashback and it’s gone and now I need to get out of the shower and dry off.”

“Man, there’s something off with you. I’m calling Frank and you’re talking to him. You got me?”

“No.” He stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel and dried off.

Sam washed himself and stared at his partner and lover in disbelief.

Callen entered the main living area and dressed in sweats.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to workout and eat some breakfast.”

“What? G what’s happening with you? You’re not right in the head.”

“I’m fine.”

“You just had a horrific flashback and now you’re fine? Give me a break!” Sam grabbed his cell phone and auto-dialed Frank’s number. “Yeah, problems, serious problems, I’ll have you talk to him.” He handed the phone over to G. “He wants to speak with you.”

“Great, about what?”

“Just talk to him, man.”

Callen took the phone and held it up to his ear.

“G, damn it, talk.”

“Hi.”

“What’s going on, Callen?”

“Nothing. Just dressing in my workout clothes,” he said with a voice flat.

“Everything okay with you?”

“Sure.”

“That’s not what I’m hearing in your voice, Callen. Talk to me.”

“I can’t talk in front of him,” he said keeping his voice low.

“What can’t you say in front of your partner?”

“Please, don’t make me do this.” Tears flooded his eyes. His body shook. He was trying to keep it together, trying to hold onto this reality, trying to pretend everything was all right. Callen sat on the bed. “I need you here, Frank.”

“I can’t be there, Callen, I’m sorry. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? What the fuck? Didn’t you say this evening?”

“I’ve been delayed by the hearing. It’s taking longer than I expected.”

Callen laid down on his side and drew his legs up to his chest. “I can’t.”

“What can’t you do?”

“I’m losing it, I’m trying to hold it together.”

“Stop trying to hold it together. Let it go.”

He shivered. Flashbacks.

“Callen?”

“Can’t. He took me there.”

“Who and where?”

“Shit, I can’t.” Callen rocked his body hard back and forth. “His… the damned dungeon, oh shit, oh shit.” He set the phone down and wailed.

“Who’s dungeon Callen?”

“Please no, I can’t, don’t make me do this, don’t make me.”

“Are we talking about your father?”

“No!” Callen screamed into the phone. “Vance, it was him and I always thought it was my father. Oh shit, oh shit, why didn’t I see it? Was I blind? Was I stupid?”

“No, Callen, traumatized.”

“Blindsided into believing it wasn’t true.”

“Callen, where’s the dungeon?”

He froze hearing the word and back away from the phone.

Sam took the phone and sat on the bed. “Tell him.” He switched to speakerphone.

“Vance’s basement, oh shit, his damned basement.”

“Sam?”

He turned off the speakerphone. “What do you need me to do?”

“Make sure Nate sedates him.”

“I heard that asshole, he’s not touching me, you hear me.”

“He wants to talk to you.”

“Screw you, Frank!”

“Easy Callen, take the medicine and don’t put up a fight, understood?”

“Or you’ll sic your orderlies on me, right?”

“I’d rather not, I hope you’ll allow Nate to sedate you.”

“Bastard!” Callen scrambled off the bed and ran out of the room.

“He freaked out again. I need to get him.”

“I just activated my orderlies. They’ll handle the situation.”

“He’ll freak when he sees—“

“Yes, that’s too bad. I need to go. Call me again if he has anything more to say.”

Sam dressed in sweats too and slid his cell phone into his pants pocket. Screams down the hallway alerted him to G’s location. He ran down the hallway in the direction of the noise.

“You bastards stay away from me.”

“We have orders to bring you to Frank’s office.”

“I don’t want his medicine!” Callen backed up shaking and screaming.

“Easy, G, don’t escalate.”

“I’m not, damn you. None of you understand. Frank wants to shut me up.”

“Only for now, because you’re traumatized by your memories.” Sam signaled to the two orderlies to back off.

“I saw that asshole.”

“G, I’m trying to help you. I just signaled them to back off.” He redialed Frank’s number. “Problem still exists.” He set the phone to speakerphone. “Talk to Frank, G.”

“You double crossing bastard!”

“Sounds as if you’re angry, Callen.”

“Don’t patronize me!”

“Don’t escalate, Callen. Go back into the room.”

“No, I wanted to go to down to workout.”

“Not in your state of mind, you need to rest.”

“You want me to stay healthy and now you don’t?”

“Callen, I’ll give you exactly one minute to return to your room. If you refuse, my orderlies will place you in lockdown. Do you understand what I’m talking about?”

“I hate you!” Callen screamed into the phone and strode toward the front door. He turned the corner in the hallway and found one of the orderlies. He shrieked and backed up.

“Thirty seconds, Callen.”

“Fuck this!” Out of the corner of his vision, he saw Nate with a syringe in his hand. “No, please stop, no, I’ll go with you, I promise, you don’t have to drug me. Just don’t do it to me again.” Callen fell to his knees and curled into a fetal position, rocking himself and wailing.


	87. Chapter 87

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen has a horrendous flashback about what Vance did to him.

Callen awakened to find himself in the infirmary and restrained in the bed, all four limbs secured. With every sound he shook. After trying to lift his head and not being able to, Callen figured it too was restrained. He couldn’t move, even an inch. The bed rails were up and the lights were turned down low. It had to be night time. But what day? A shadowy figure in the doorway caused panic to rise from his belly. He squelched the urge to scream.

Frank strode to the bedside and sat on a rolling high stool. “Awake?”

“I hate you.”

“Is that any way to greet your psychiatrist after he’s had a long trip?”

“Fuck you.”

“I see you’re going to remain belligerent. In that case, you shall remain in the infirmary in restraints until you can address people in a much more congenial manner.”

“I want to be released.”

“When you—“

“No, bastard, release me from this facility.”

“Not happening, Callen.”

“I hate you.”

“This is obviously a stalemate. Tomorrow I’ll be placing a tube into your stomach to feed you. This is your third day. You’ve refused water and food. I’ve placed a catheter and an IV.”

“You what? Bastard.”

“That is precisely why, Callen. Lose the attitude and I’ll think about getting you out of here.”

“You sent your goonies after me.”

“You had a choice Callen, you made yours, and you suffered the consequences. Remember what I told you before? I said I’d lock you down and I kept my word.”

“Lose the attitude? You lose your fucked up, piece of shit, asshole, mother fucking attitude! Release me!”

Frank stood, checked his patient’s urine output, made some notes on his chart, and left the infirmary.

“Bastard, you can’t do this to me, I’m a federal agent.”

“In here Callen, you’re my patient and that is all.”

“Then why the hell did you do a retina scan and a full hand fingerprint scan?”

“Our policy, Callen.” He shut the light off.

The flashbacks overtook his mind again. The same ones which caused him to get in this mess in the first place. He attempted to shut them down but they persisted. He thought of something else. They persisted. He shivered and shook and tried to fight, but his body wouldn’t move. It triggered the hell out of him. It was the memory. It happened and the restraints replayed the memory in his mind. Terror rose from the pit of stomach. Callen could see Vance threatening to torture him in a way that was so hideous. He couldn’t stop him because the drugs made it impossible to fight. The gagging started again. He shivered again. Callen needed to move away from the bastard but he couldn’t. His body wouldn’t respond to his brain’s request to move. And then, no, please it couldn’t be, he didn’t want it, yet he wanted it. It was attention. He needed gentle and tender touch, he craved it. His touch was like velvet trailing over his skin. He pressed his face into his lover’s hand, the only part of his body he could move. And then Vance was inside him, making tender love to him. Yet he couldn’t feel it at all. He could see him above his body humping, Vance’s cock sliding into him, but feeling it was impossible. Now he tenderly kissed his lips. Callen shuddered knowing what was coming next. He peed on himself. Thank goodness the catheter was in him or it would have been everywhere. Next he felt something was wet. If no pee, then what? Oh fuck, he didn’t, damn it, he ejaculated. Callen felt the heat rise from his chest. And something else, he shit on himself. Oh fuck. Callen wouldn’t live this down. Literally, the shit was scared out of him. It must’ve happened back then too, but there was no memory. Only sheer terror of knowing what was coming next and not being able to stop it. Instead of calling for Frank to come and help him, he cried himself to sleep.


	88. Chapter 88

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After horrid flashbacks and body memories, Callen finally remembers what happened to him in Vance's basement.

Hands touching everywhere, invading his privacy. He whimpered and moved. Yes, he moved. Fight. Escape. Run. He opened his eyes. Frank was above him, somehow above him. No, wait in front of him, no, that wasn’t it either. The placing of his body in space was a complete mystery. Was he standing, no sitting, no laying. No restraints at least. Oh shit, he was vomiting and fighting them. Someone was screaming and Callen realized it was himself.

“Easy, Callen, you need to relax while we get you cleaned up.”

Frank’s voice, thank goodness, he imagined it would be Vance. “Where?” Callen asked all he could figure out how to say, his speech slurred.

“Giving you a bath. Don’t be embarrassed, Callen. Things happen.”

“You mean shit,” he said with a drugged sound to his voice.

“Yes, and ejaculate.”

“Just stop all ready, I can’t, please.” Callen whimpered.

“Almost finished, easy, Sam want to get the towels ready?”

“The bed’s made and ready for him, towels spread out and ready.”

Frank helped Callen stand under the shower’s spray.

“Please, I’m sorry.”

“For what, Callen?”

“I did this to myself.”

“You didn’t do this to yourself. You probably had a flashback. Why didn’t you call for me to come back?”

“Too triggered. Too scared. Too embarrassed.”

“Flashbacks?” He nodded. “Sorry, I wish I was there to hold you.”

“Me too, sweetheart.” Sam helped Frank bring G into the living area and laid him on the bed. He toweled off his lover and laid down next to him. “I’m here now. Sorry you felt so alone. That was not our intention.”

Callen buried his face in the towel and cried.

“I’m sedating you again, this time you can stay in here with Sam. You won’t be walking the halls when I’m done with you.”

“I said I’m sorry please don’t drug me.”

“I need to know what you’re remembering.”

“I can’t talk to you about it.”

“And I can’t help you if you refuse to talk to me.”

“And I told you, I won’t talk about it with Sam here.”

“Why?” Sam asked.

“Shit… I’m protecting you, okay. I need some clothes.”

“To stay in bed?”

“I’m not allowed to go anywhere?”

“Callen, privileges are earned and you’re not earning them right now.”

He kept his faced buried in the towel.

Sam rolled G over onto his back. “Come on G, you’re not just protecting me.”

“You’re right, myself too.” Tears welled up in his eyes.

Frank sat on the bed near them. “Time to talk about this. You need to stop holding it in.”

“It’s too damned hard.” He wiped the tears from his eyes. “Can you snuggle with me Sam? I need to be held.”

Sam rolled G onto his side and wrapped his arms around his lover’s chest and waist. “How’s this?”

“Good. I need you too Frank.”

“You sure?”

“Please.”

Frank wrapped Callen in a blanket and scooted his body into him. “Feel safe now?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“This is highly irregular for me, considering the circumstances I’ll make an exception.”

“Vance made love to me.”

“When, G?”

“Whenever he was going to torture me, he’d make love to me before he tortured me.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m ashamed to say it felt good. I really liked it, I needed it, and I wanted it. Afterward he drugged me with special drugs causing me to become paralyzed.”

“Maybe something which caused temporary paralysis?”

Callen squirmed and shivered. “I urinated and crapped and vomited on myself. Damn it. I couldn’t help it. I lost all control of my bodily functions.”

“Had to be a drug which did this, Callen,” Frank said. “If you’re scared you usually can’t urinate or defecate. The opposite happens.”

“And drugs to shut down my breathing as much as possible.”

“What?” Sam asked.

“He, damn it, he buried me in this cabinet in the ground. Shut the doors.” He shivered and shook, his teeth chattering. “Left me for dead.”

“He simulated death. The bastard, I’ll kill him!” Sam yelled and pulled away from his partner.

“I told you, damn it.”

“How old were you?” Sam asked his voice gruff and abrupt.

Callen glommed onto Frank’s neck and shook. “Please don’t hurt me. Please. I’m sorry.”

“Back down, Sam, you’re scaring him.”

He glanced down at his partner. “Oh G, I’m sorry, I’m not angry with you.” Sam pulled his lover off of Frank and snuggled him backward into his body. He kissed his neck and head. “Sorry, man.”

“You’re not triggered?” Callen asked with a shaky voice.

“Hell no, I’m angry that this bastard treated you like this.”

“Callen, how old were you?”

He pulled away from Sam and pushed Frank away from him.

“Callen, easy, how old were you?”

“The first time?”

“He did this more than once?”

He nodded. “Every year on my birthday.”

“What the fuck?” Sam said.

“Except later all he had to do is mention his dungeon and I would do whatever he’d ask of me.”

“You mean when you worked for the CIA?” Frank asked.

“Yeah.”

“The first time?”

“Shit.” Callen pulled the blanket over his head unable to look at either one of them. “Three years old.”

“What the hell? How did he—“

“Vance has been my father’s boyfriend since I was a year old.” Callen pulled the blanket off his face. He cried. “He was my main perpetrator, my torturer, my abuser, my handler, my programmer. Okay? I’m finished, I’m through with this, leave me alone.”

Frank backed off the bed and stood. “I can verify this is true, Callen.”

Callen lifted his head and stared at him. “How?”

“Vance video taped and later digitally recording everything he did to you.”

“Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.” He jerked away from Sam and brought the cover tight around his body. “He said he had proof, I thought he was just blackmailing me.”

“Proof to make you do things you didn’t want to do?”

“Yeah.”

“I haven’t watched anything yet, but I know the contents of each recording.”

“What? You have them?”

“Copies of all the recordings.”

“Fuck!” He shivered and shook. “I can’t.”

“You’re not watching them, Callen, I am. I need a reference point.”

Tears filled his eyes.

“I would like to give you something to help you sleep. Is that okay?”

“Please, damn it, please don’t drug me.” His lower lip and chin quivered.

“Will you sleep?”

Callen did it again. He couldn’t help himself. The memory of Vance raping him after he was taken from the underground cabinet coursed through is mind. He urinated. “Oh shit!” Urine dripping down his legs, he scrambled off the bed and ran into the bathroom.


	89. Chapter 89

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> G suffers from the aftermath of a memory and another part of it on its way.

“What the hell?” Sam checked the towel and blanket. Both soaked.

“This memory is far from over, clean him up and I’ll change the bed this time.”

Sam entered the bathroom to find his lover curled in a fetal position on the shower floor. He grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his partner, and laid down beside him. “Easy, G, talk to me.”

“I, damn it.” He shivered and shook.

“I’m here.”

“I can’t help myself. I peed again. Why?”

“Something terrified you.”

“Yeah, what he did after he ‘rescued’ me from the ‘grave,’ as he put it.”

“You’re having flashbacks?”

“Yeah, too many.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. What can I do to help you talk about this?”

“You’re doing it now. I just need you close.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

Callen swallowed hard and pushed his body hard into his lover’s. “Wrap your arms around me tight.”

Frank came in and sat on the shower bench. “I’m here, Callen.”

“No drugs.”

“Not needed.”

He sighed. “Vance manhandled me out of the ‘grave’ and threw me onto the bed. My hands were handcuffed behind my back. He anally and orally raped me until I passed out cold. When I came to my father did the same thing. Next they both did drugs, don’t know if they smoked or injected or swallowed. They left me laying there crying and still unable to move due to the drugs given to me before.”

“You said they started when you were three. Did they repeat on your birthday at four?”

“Don’t know. I remember three. And… my twenty-first birthday.”

“What did they do then?” Frank asked.

“Got me drunk and drugged my drink,” he said. “Gang raped me at the bar. Took me back to Vance’s and he made love to me. He drugged me some more and threw me into the ‘grave.’ They left me there about four hours. I remember hearing them say they were doing that. This night they repeated their burial three times. And for the next seven years even while I was in the navy.”

“I wonder how they accomplished that?”

“Vance was connected before he got into the CIA. I have vague memories of things he used to say to me which tells me he was connected.”

“How would you like to do some research on that yourself?” Frank asked. “It’s something you’re good at and he’s your perpetrator. The more we can pin on this guy the better.”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll get you a computer.”

“What is this?”

“I think you need to do this Callen, don’t ask me why.”

“You want me to get back in the game.”

“I want you to get back to work.”

“I’m not working there any more, asshole!” Callen rolled over grabbed the towel and wrapped it around his body.

“Hey, it was just a—“

“Fuck this.” He jerked away from Sam, stood, and steadied himself on the wall, edging to the living area.

Sam scrambled to his feet and grabbed G before he got to the door. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what? Damn it, I’m not working for the bitch again.”

“She’s been canned, G.” Callen’s jaw dropped. “She was arrested for her mistreatment of you.”

“Arrested?”

“Yes, Callen, that’s why I had to stay a day later than planned.”

“How come I’m the last one to know?”

“If you remember correctly you were all tied up when Frank got back.”

“Was that supposed to be funny, I’m not laughing.”

“You brought it on yourself, G.”

“I couldn’t help myself.”

“Callen, what happened was a direct result of holding onto the flashbacks and memories and not sharing them.”

“I thought Sam would lose it,” he said. “He lost it before when we had this other assignment. I thought it would happen with what I was sharing.”

“So?”

“Maybe, I’ll think about it, don’t know if I’m ready to do any research on my perpetrator.”

“You might get triggered?” He nodded. “I’ve set you up in an office down the hall.”

“You knew I’d agree?”

“Callen, you’re good at this.”

“And if I get triggered?”

“Sam’s got your backside.”

Callen smirked. Yeah, he literally had his backside.


	90. Chapter 90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot scene and a memory starting to surface.

Callen kept glancing up from his computer to eye his partner and lover. He hadn’t worked with him since the change in their relationship. It felt odd and yet good to know that his partner not only had his back, but he _had_ his backside. The corners of his mouth turned up as he remembered the first time they had sex in the shower. It was hot. And he wanted more of that shower sex soon.

“G?”

“Huh? Did you ask me something?”

“Yeah, man, you had that dreamy, day dream look on your face.”

“My what?”

“Day dreamy face.”

“When is the first time I had this look?”

“After we had hot steamy sex in the shower the first time.”

Oh no, caught in his partner’s surveillance eyes. Callen slouched down in his easy chair, his laptop computer sliding down his lap. He grabbed it and covered his groin.

“I see.” Sam placed his laptop computer onto the desk and stood. “Why don’t you let me take care of that?” Sam kneeled between G’s legs, lifted the laptop computer from his lap and set it on the floor. He brushed his palm against his lover’s hardened cock. “Seems to me you need some attention here.”

“Sam.” He gasped. Sam drew G down into a hug and a kiss. “Need you.” Callen whispered. His lover pulled him off the chair and into his arms. “Damn it, I love working with you.” Callen passionately kissed his lover’s lips and trailed down to his neck, sucking and licking.

“I love working on you,” Sam said pushing G onto his back and straddling his hips. He laughed at his own joke.

“I can’t. Please get off me.” Callen whimpered.

“What?”

“Sorry, damn it, I’m triggered just by this. Unfair.” He covered his eyes with his forearm.

Sam kissed G on the arm. “Let me see.” He pulled his partner’s arm away from his face. “It’s okay.”

Callen stared at the ceiling.

“G? You with me, man?”

“Get off me.”

Sam laid on his lover’s chest, grasped his face in both hands and gazed into his eyes. “Sorry if I said something which—“ Callen cried out and squeezed his eyes shut. “Easy, G, talk to me.”

“Please get off me, damn it, please.” Sam rolled off his partner. Callen rolled over to his side away from his partner. “Don’t touch me. I can’t handle that right now.”

“No problem.”

Callen pulled his legs up to his chest and whimpered.

“Must be a—“

“Shit, shut up, okay, just shut up.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

Frank sat on the floor facing his patient. “I’m here, Callen.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I heard you in here and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Great.”

“You want me to leave?”

“Damn it, I can’t do this memory right now.”

“That’s fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Callen, forgot to mention something to you. I decided to pursue Dean, your immediate supervisor at the CIA.”

“What?” Callen sat upright and climbed to his feet. “You can’t do that.”

“He threatened you?”

“Who didn’t? I don’t want anything to do with this investigation.”

“You won’t. Eric and I are working together on it.”

“Eric? What the hell? Where is he?”

“He came back with me from the hearings.”

“Oh hell.” Callen paced the room. “Don’t try to stop me. Don’t need him here. Don’t need this. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Frank blocked his patient’s movement. “It wasn’t yours to know.”

“Wasn’t? Damn it, if it involves me, it’s mine to know.”

“Callen, you’re my patient in my facility, not an undercover ops agent.”

“You’ve screwed this up. I hope you haven’t pursued this asshole yet. You don’t know who you’re dealing with.”

“And you do?” 

Callen backed away from Frank and grabbed his gut, feeling as if someone hit him with a baseball bat. He doubled over and kneeled on the carpet. 

“What the hell did this bastard do to you?” Frank asked.


	91. Chapter 91

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overwhelmed by his memories, Callen shuts down.

The basement. Ever since he stepped down into Vance’s basement, he hated basements. Callen shivered seeing them torture him. Odd seeing his own body as if he were floating above it. Just when he believed the memories were finished another one slammed him against a wall. He tried to stand and instead fell back to the carpet. This time Callen curled in a protective fetal position.

“This man needs to be taken down.”

Callen cried out. “Can’t do this right now. Stop!” He curled his body tighter, willing himself to shut down.

“Callen?”

Frank’s voice distant. He could handle that. Now white noise drowned out the voices from the past which haunted him.

“Come on, G, talk to us.”

Callen didn’t stir.

“Don’t shut this down, man.” Sam leaned over and stroked his partner’s head. “G?”

“Let’s bring him into the office,” Frank said.

Sam and Frank half-lifted, half-dragged Callen across the hallway to the office. They laid him on the carpet.

“Lock it down.”

Sam locked the door.

“Callen, if you won’t talk to me I’ll put you in the rubber room. Understand?”

He moaned.

“Well, at least you’re acknowledging me.”

“What brought this on?”

“We were doing research,” Sam said. “Maybe something bothered him. He didn’t say anything to me.”

“What did you find, Callen,” he asked, “or did you get triggered?”

Callen moved backward away from Frank.

“Ah, I think I hit a sore spot. Talk to me, Callen. What triggered you?”

“Can’t do this right now.”

“Can’t talk?”

“Can’t do anything right now.”

“Research triggered you?”

“I need to get out of here.”

“Out of here? You mean out of this room?”

He nodded.

“Something triggering you here?”

“You.”

“Me? What about me?”

Callen backed away again. “Can’t do this.”

Frank crouched down near his patient. “I’m triggering you? How am I—“

“Stop!” He crawled away on his hands and knees and huddled in a corner and trembled.

“I think you need the rubber room.”

“No! Bastard! You said you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“If you’re sharing about your memories and—“

“Fuck you! I can’t, damn it. You don’t understand what I’m going through. And I can’t talk about it.”

“I can’t understand you if you won’t talk about it.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

“Help me, help you.”

“Shit.” Callen whispered. “He looks just like you.” He shuddered hard.

“Looks just like me? Who?”

“The damned doctor.”

“What did he do to you, Callen?”

“I can’t… damn this… horrible flashbacks.”

“At Vance’s place?”

He nodded.

“Obviously, he knows Vance, Dean, Hetty, and your father.”

“True.”

“Give me at least an initial.”

“F.” Callen trembled.

Frank straightened and backed away from his patient. “Damn it!”

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Not good.” He slumped into the chair behind his desk. “He’s talking about my father.”

“Your father?”

“Yes, he’s a warped son-of-a-bitch and most likely one of the psychiatrists who raped him,” Frank said. “I never thought this would happen. One of my patients being abused by this sick bastard. Not good at all.” He sighed. “Callen, we could meet elsewhere is that would help you feel—“

“I told you damn it, it isn’t the room, it’s you.”

“I remember you telling me when you first arrived about me being a trigger for you,” he said. “Of course I thought it was about something else, I was wrong, Callen. I’m not my father just as you are not your father.”

“So you became a psychiatrist to rectify your father’s behavior toward others?” Sam asked.

“In part, yes, mostly though because I wanted to help others.”

“Just as G became a federal agent to amend what his father did to him and his mother.”

“No!” Callen screamed. “That’s a lie.”

“No, G, it’s the truth. You are no more made in your father’s image than Frank is made in his father’s image.”

“Fuck this!” Callen scrambled to his feet and grabbed the door knob. “Open this damned door.”

“You don’t like the truth?” Frank stood and approached him.

“Get the hell away from me, bastard.”

“If I’m a bastard because of my father, you are too.”

“Bull shit!”

“No, the truth, you can’t blame Frank for what his father did to you.”

“I can and I will.” He slid sideways along the wall away from the door. “Stay the hell away from me.”

“You’ve known for a while.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since you told me about being raped by three psychiatrists you knew about my father.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you that.”

“But you withheld information from me?”

“I couldn’t talk about it.”

“You will now or you will be in the rubber room until you do.”

Callen trembled seeing Frank’s father torture and rape him. He slid down the wall to his butt, grabbed his knees, and buried his face between them.

“What did this sick bastard do to you?” Frank crouched down near his patient. “You can’t hold this in forever.”

He rocked himself hard trying to keep the memory from exploding in his brain. “Can’t, please, can’t.”

“Callen, I think the rubber room is the best place for you right now. You can scream and pound the walls all you want to and you can’t hurt yourself.”

“Scared to tell you. Scared to let it go. Scared I’ll go crazy.”

“I wish Sam or I could hold you but you don’t want contact right now. It might help you when you remember.”

“I remember, damn it.”

“So talking about it is the problem.”

He nodded.

“What can I do to make it easier?”

“Don’t know.” He rocked his body harder. Nausea rose to the back of his throat. He trembled.

“Tell me something small, tell me the least harmful thing he did to you.”

“You crazy? Least?” Callen said. “There isn’t any least thing except him taking me there. I can’t just blurt it out.” Flashbacks ripped through his brain, blasting through his defenses. He swallowed the bile which had erupted into the back of his throat.

“Give me at least one thing to go on. One thing, come on, Callen.”

He shook hard. “Sounds stupid.” He cringed seeing the paper slice through his body. “Cut me.”

“Doesn’t sound stupid.”

“It was with paper,” he said. “Just a damned piece of paper. It’s stupid. See? How can that be so painful and scary…” Callen vomited on the carpet, before he vomited a second time Sam shoved a waste basket in front of his partner. He grabbed it and continued to hurl several more times, cringing and shuddering after each time.


	92. Chapter 92

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen reveals what Frank's father did to him.

He hated paper cuts. Sometimes the sight of a piece of paper made him cringe followed by a hard shudder tearing through his body. Any wonderful sensations pared with a paper cut, Callen shut down all his senses.

And knives? He didn’t even own one. Once a class was offered at NCIS on knife combat and Sam had asked him about taking it with him. He avoided that conversation, waiting until the opportunity had passed. Yet, oddly he knew how to do knife combat. Yes, oddly. How did he?

It triggered him to watch Kensi and Sam practice their knife combat skills. He cringed hearing the blade’s electric sound as it touched Kensi’s or Sam’s body. Encouraging them to fight each other helped Callen stave off his feelings and the sensations of being cut on. At least for a while it did and if it got to be too much he dissociated.

Now his partner would know why he never took that class and know why he avoided him rather than answer him. He shuddered.

“G?”

Sam, oh hell. “I need some space.”

“Don’t do this, man, talk to us.”

“Paper cut, okay, a stupid paper cut. It shouldn’t hurt and it shouldn’t make me feel as if….” _How can I say this? A paper cut makes me want to bawl like a baby?_ “It’s crazy.”

“What else were they doing to you at the same time?” Frank asked.

Callen swallowed hard. This part of the memory was the most incongruous. Yet it produced the most triggers and flashbacks. “I can’t talk about it.” He cringed and shuddered. “It’s too triggering, can’t handle that.”

“Remember, Callen, baby steps.”

He would have to use that word, baby. Damn it. “This sucks.” He released the waste basket and moved away from the vomit on the carpet.

Frank grabbed a towel, mopped up the vomit and threw it into the waste basket. Callen watched him from a distance and shivered. “You’re safe, Callen.”

“Doesn’t matter because knowing that won’t make this easier to share.” He huddled on the opposite side of the room shivering and shaking.

“Whatever it is I’m here, sweetheart.”

“Now why did you have to go and say that?” Callen curled into a fetal position and whimpered.

“Sorry, G.” He settled on the carpet within a foot of his partner. “I’m here if you need to be held.”

“Can’t handle anyone touching me right now.” He shook, the memory coursing through his mind, breaking down all barriers and threatening to spill out of his mouth. “Why couldn’t I deal with his onslaught? They were only paper cuts. Paper cuts. Damn it.” Callen grabbed his knees and curled tighter in a ball. He knew why now. More than paper cuts. He cringed, feeling something slice through his body. Callen’s body jerked and writhed as the memory slashed through his defenses. He shrieked.

“Callen, I still believe the rubber room would help you deal with this better.”

“You’ll lock me up in there.”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“Sam can be in there with you if you wish.”

“Nobody. Damn it. Nobody touches me. Get the hell away from me.”

“Okay, you can walk in there by yourself. I’ve prepared a room. I’m ready whenever you are.”

“Screw the rubber room!” Callen climbed to his feet, ran to the door, and grabbed the door knob. “Open this damned door.” He pounded on the door and shrieked.

“Easy, Callen,” Frank said approaching his patient from the side. “Step away from the door and I’ll open it for you.”

“And make me go there? Is that what you’ll do?”

“No, it’s on a volunteer basis and I offered it and you declined.”

Callen sighed and stepped away from the door. “I can’t deal with this right now.” He watched Frank open the door and made a run for it.

“Should I get him?” Sam asked.

“No, he’s running scared right now and needs his space.”

Callen climbed onto his bed and pulled a cover over his body. He rocked and moaned willing the memory to leave. When he felt the bed move he shrieked and retreated away from the motion.

“Easy, G, not going to touch you, just sitting here with you.”

“Years ago, I avoided you and lied to you.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

“Remember the combat class you wanted to take with me?”

“You mean knife combat?”

“Yeah, that one. Damn it. I never answered you and I avoided you on purpose. I hoped you’d forget, but you kept hounding me, nearly everyday too. I couldn’t do it.”

“They aren’t real knives—“

“I know, damn it, I know but it didn’t seem to matter to me,” he said. “I couldn’t get the pictures out of my mind.”

“You had flashbacks?”

He nodded.

“I wish you would’ve told me.”

“I didn’t know what was happening to me.” He sighed. “One time you showed me the special knives. You sat next to me in the bullpen and showed me that knife. I just about lost it, but managed to keep a hold on this reality until I excused myself.”

“I remember you said you had to go to bathroom.”

“Where I vomited my breakfast and lunch.”

“Damn it, G you could’ve told me.”

“Imagine what Hetty would’ve said to me had she got wind of it.”

“After that you avoided me until the sign up date was past.”

“Had to.”

“Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a knife in your weapons collection. You’ve never carried one on an ops assignment.”

“I know how to use one though,” he said. “Don’t remember where I learned. That’s the creepy part.”

“Very odd.”

“My words exactly.”

“And you’re telling me this because?”

Callen shuddered and cringed. “It wasn’t just paper cuts, but I didn’t know if it would be paper cuts or, damn it, knife cuts.” Tears filled his eyes. He ducked his head under the covers. “I can’t look at you.”

“G, you have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing.”

“He made me,” he said, shaking, “kiss him. If I kissed him he promised to not cut me with anything. He lied, damn it.” He shuddered and cried, tears wetting his face. “With you, I want to trust you, but I’m always waiting for the pain which came after the pleasure. I’m so mixed up inside. I want you and I don’t want you. Forgive me.” Callen curled into a tighter ball, dragging the covers with him. “So I kissed him and he lied and cut me with a knife or threatened to shove the knife inside me, thrashing my insides into shreds.” With his body wracked with heaving sobs, he shut himself down and curled into a tighter cocoon beneath the blanket.


	93. Chapter 93

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The memory is there, but Callen just can’t bring himself to talk about it. Finally, he talks about Frank’s father torturing him with knives and paper while being tied to Vance.

Frank entered Callen’s and Sam’s room. “Let’s go, Callen, in my office let’s finish this.”

“I told Sam what happened,” he said. “Why are you doing this?”

“You know why. Do you really need me to explain?” Frank asked. “Stand or I’ll pick you up like Sam does.”

Callen scrambled off the far side of the bed and inched along the wall toward the bathroom.

“Stop running from the inevitable.”

“Why do you want to trigger me?”

“Seems to be the only way you respond to treatment,” he said, stepping toward his patient. “Each patient has their own pattern for change and yours happens to be getting triggered.” Before Callen could enter the bathroom Frank reached out and wrestled him into his arms.

“Bastard!” He started to fight him.

“A warning: if you fight me I will place you in the rubber room.”

“You mean I won’t be able to go in there myself?”

“Correct.”

Callen relaxed his body.

“Excellent, get moving.” Frank walked his patient toward his office.

“Don’t let them hurt me, please.” He whimpered seeing two burly orderlies tailing them.

“No one is hurting you as long as you don’t fight or run. Understood?” He nodded. “Excellent.” Frank sat his patient down and locked the office door. “Lock down for each session from now on until further notice.”

“This sucks.”

“It’s up to you, Callen.” Frank settled down on the sofa next to his patient. “You share freely and the door remains unlocked. If it becomes a burden then I lock it. Right now, you’re leaving out vital information and I won’t tolerate it. I heard what you told Sam and I sense there’s more to that memory than what you shared.”

“Do you read minds too?”

“No, I observe body language and omission is written all over yours.”

Callen laid against the cushions and sighed. “He’s Black.”

“Who?”

“Sam.”

“A given and so is Vance.”

“Couldn’t you just once not say that bastard’s name?”

“I could call him a bastard but then you met too many and that would be confusing.”

“You suck at jokes.” Callen pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around his knees. “Not easy to talk about. Sam’s always triggering me too.”

“He triggers you on purpose?”

“Of course not and it happens while we’re making love.” Right now he wanted to run away or hide under a blanket. Instead, he shoved his face between his knees.

“Relax, Callen, tell me what you’re seeing.”

“I can’t, damn it, can’t do this.”

Frank surrounded his patient’s shoulders with his left arm pulling him into his side. Callen shrieked and leaped off the sofa. “You’re not doing this to me again. I’ll kill you, I swear, I’ll kill you.”

“Doing what to you?”

He trembled, moving backward against the bookshelves.

“What did he do to you, Callen?”

“No more, stop, I can’t talk about this.” He inched toward the door. Halfway he remembered it was locked. Damn. “You know what so stop playing these stupid games with me.”

“What did the bastard do to you? Rape you?”

Callen reached the door and yanked on the door knob, yelling. He pounded on the door.

“I think the rubber room is ideal for this situation. Come with me.” Frank unlocked the door and strode toward the room he had prepared earlier.

Callen stood inside the office refusing to step foot outside it. “He raped me. They tied me to him and he raped me while they cut me.” He backed away into a corner and shook.

Frank stood just inside the door and watched his patient. “How did they tie you to him?”

Callen slid down the wall and wailed, the memory taking over his senses and emotions and body. He flinched and jerked and yelped, reliving the feeling of sharp edges piercing his skin.

“I’m here. You’re safe.” He shut the door, this time leaving it unlocked.

“Don’t come near me. Don’t touch me. Don’t.” He cringed and shuddered.

“Easy, Callen, I’m staying right here by the door.”

“On my, damn it, back. I hated it. I couldn’t stop them.”

“That’s horrid.”

“I need to get out of here. I can’t stand these feelings inside my body. Please.”

“The door is unlocked, Callen, you can leave whenever you wish.”

“And you’ll dock me for leaving?” he said, squeaking out his words as his throat spasmed.

“No, you’re free to go.”

“To the rubber room?”

“If you wish, your choice,” Frank said.

Callen rose, steadying himself with one hand on the bookshelf. He lumbered out of the office and down the hallway toward his room. He passed what he knew was the rubber room, stopped and turned back to peer inside. After staring into the room for too long, he stumbled inside, half asleep and ready to crash. He didn’t even close the door. Too tired. Callen climbed onto a pale green futon, the only furniture in the room, pulled a cover over his body, closed his eyes, and fell into a deep sleep.


	94. Chapter 94

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After losing it in the rubber room, Callen suffers from the after effects of the memory.

Upon awakening, Callen found himself in his room on the bed. He rolled over to face his slumbering partner. After several minutes of watching Sam sleep, he decided to get out of bed. He rolled back to his other side and that’s when he noticed one his legs was chained to the bed. He sat straight up in bed. “What the fuck?”

“Easy, G.” Sam rolled over in bed to face him.

“Easy? Bull shit!”

“Not my doing.”

“Who’s? Frank? I’ll kill him.”

“Go right ahead, Callen, plan my demise, I did this for your own good,” Frank said from a chair across the room.

“More like your own good and to keep me under your thumb.”

“Come on, G, stop escalating.”

“Right, you too, I know what you both want.”

“This isn’t what it looks like, G.”

“It’s not? Then what is it?”

“You freaked out in the rubber room.”

“I don’t remember.”

“Of course not, I heavily drugged you.”

“I looked at the clock. It’s been twelve hours since I entered the rubber room.”

“Try forty-eight hours, G.”

Callen’s jaw dropped.

Frank removed the ankle cuff and chain from his patient’s left leg.

“You need to get up?”

“I can damned well do it myself.” He slid his legs over the side of the bed, started to stand, and nearly did a face plant. Callen gripped the blankets, steadied himself and fell back onto the bed. “What the hell did you give me?”

“I guarantee this reaction is not the medicine,” he said. “It’s the memory and the aftermath. We’ll need to talk later.” Frank left.

Sam came around to his partner’s side of the bed. “Need my help?”

“Stupid question.”

“Don’t go ballistic on me again.”

Callen glanced at him sideways.

“Yeah, you lost it, man, totally, unequivocally lost it.”

“I don’t remember a thing.”

“Frank said it will come back in due time.”

“Great.” Callen leaned on his partner as they walked to the bathroom. “You’d better support me more.”

Sam wrapped an arm around G’s waist. “How’s this?” He drew him into his arms and planted a light kiss on his mouth.

Callen jerked away from him with such force he fell backwards, slamming against a wall, the breath knocked out of him.

“You going through it again, man, you need to stop, G.”

“No, you need to stop. I remember, damn it.” He covered his mouth with his left hand and bent over at the waist, swallowing back the bile in the back of his throat. “I freaked out because you came into the rubber room.” Callen placed both hands on his thighs and panted. “I thought, damn it, I thought you were him coming to rape me.”

“Vance?”

“Yeah, I know stupid isn’t it? And right now… I don’t know if I can handle being in a sexual relationship with you.” He slid down the wall until his buttocks rested on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest. “This sucks, completely sucks. I love you and I’m blocked and backed up over it. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, I do, man.”

“I want us but I can’t handle us right now. Maybe I can’t handle it at all.” He sighed. “What happens when this is all over and I decide I can’t deal with our relationship, that it’s too triggering? You have no idea what I promised myself I’d never do.” Callen rested his elbows on his knees and let his face drop to his hands. “I promised to never let a man get close to me. Never allow a man to befriend me. Here I am in a sexual relationship with a man. I’m screwed figuratively and literally.”


	95. Chapter 95

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen freaks out whenever Sam touches him.

Callen slept throughout the day avoiding Sam and Frank. Both of them triggered horrible memories which he could no longer stomach. Best to stay away from them and protect himself.

Sam cuddled up to G hoping to at least hold him while he experienced another round of horrendous nightmares. He wrapped his arm around G’s waist and drew him backward into his torso.

“Please don’t do this,” Callen said, moaning and pulling back.

“Easy, man, another nightmare?”

Another one? What? He shuddered.

“G?”

“Don’t know.”

“Look at me,” he said.

“I can’t. Can’t do this. No questions.”

Sam rolled G over onto his back and straddled his lover’s waist.

“Shit! Get off me.”

“Easy, man, calm down.”

“I’ll calm down when you get off me.”

“No, just the opposite, you’ll calm down and I’ll get off you.”

Callen sighed. “Is this some kind of mind-fuck game?”

“No, Frank’s orders,” Sam said. “He wants to help you have sex with me again.”

“Since when? Someone forgot to notify me.”

Frank strode into the room.

“Is there no such thing as privacy around—”

“Callen, your assignment—”

“Screw my assignment.”

“Consider this an undercover ops and follow through with orders.”

“Which are?”

“Relearn how to have sex with your partner.”

“You forgot a major problem here.”

“And that is?”

“Sex with Sam requires two participating agents.”

“You plan on not participating, Callen?”

“I can’t do this right now.”

“Flashbacks?”

“Not yet.”

“When’s the last time you had them?”

“When he kissed me last night.”

“Did you tell him or me?”

Callen sighed and squirmed under Sam.

“I gather that is a negative?”

“Yeah.”

“While you’re on the receiving end of Sam’s affection you’ll talk about the flashbacks from last night. Furthermore, if any more arise you’ll inform him or me about them.”

He turned his face away from Frank.

“What’s the attitude about?”

“I don’t want you here.”

“I won’t be. I’m leaving right now.”

Callen watched him leave and close the door behind him. “Is the intercom off?”

“Yeah, not the recorder.”

“Damn it.” He squeezed his eyes shut, took in a huge breath and released it with a long sigh.

“I’ll start rather innocuously with a massage.”

“What kind?”

“No-strings-attached and I’m serious this time.” Sam climbed off his partner and grabbed the bottle of massage oil from under his pillow.

“Well-equipped again?” Callen smirked.

“Call it good planning, remember, we’re on an undercover ops assignment.”

“I’m the ops assignment?”

“For me.” He pulled the covers off his partner and covered him with a black, satin twin-sized sheet.

“I missed the hiding spot on that one.”

“Under covers.” Sam smirked.

“You’re sick.” Callen smiled.

“At least I got a smile out of you, the first one in weeks.” He tucked the sheet around G’s body until only his legs from the knees down were exposed. “I’m serious about this being a no-strings-attached massage. You don’t need to reciprocate in any way. If you choose to that’s fine.” Sam laid along lover’s left side with his feet at G’s head. He poured a small amount of cherry scented oil into his left hand, warming it up with both hands. Afterward he grasped his partner’s left foot, rubbing the oil into his foot with gentle strokes. “This requires your debriefing with me at all times.”

“I tell you what I’m feeling?”

“Yeah.”

“Scared. Hard to breathe. Nervous. How’s that for a start?”

“Perfect, G.” He forced his fingers between G’s toes, hearing a long sigh and feeling a deep shudder from him. “Go with the feelings, man, let it all go.”

“I’m freaked out.”

“About?”

“Your touching me.”

“Memory?”

Callen inched away from his partner.

Sam stopped massaging his foot. “Stay, stop trying to escape. Talk to me, G, or I’ll straddle you again. You want that, man?”

He shook his head, eyes wide open, scanning the room.

“Easy, man.” Sam grasped his left foot once again.

Callen’s body jerked. He shrieked.

“Tell me—”

“Damn it, stop, please stop, I can’t handle this.”

“Because?”

“Imagining what you’ll do to me next.” Callen squeaked out, the terror within him clipping his words off.

“What did _he_ do next to you after he caressed your body?”

He shrieked and started convulsing.

Sam dropped G’s foot and rolled his partner to the side, pulling him back against his body. “Easy, man.” He switched his body’s position coming along side G, drawing him closer into his torso. After switching the intercom to broadcast and called out for Frank. Seizures still coursed through Callen’s body.

“How long has he been seizing?” Frank asked.

“Less than five minutes.”

“Let’s see if this episode subsides on its own. I’d rather not medicate him. Memory?”

“It started when I asked him what happened after your father caressed his body.” Sam watched the seizure subside and breathed out a sigh of relief.

“I need him in my office. Bring him.” Frank left.

“Come on, G, you’re in for a session with your brain stretcher.”


	96. Chapter 96

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen struggles with being touched and the memory attached to those feelings.

When he felt Sam lifting him into his arms, Callen moaned and twisted his body.

“Easy, man.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Frank’s office.”

“Put me down. I can’t do that.”

“No.” Sam carried him down the hallway to the office.

“Is this your idea, asshole?” Callen asked after his partner settled him onto the sofa.

“Callen, I suggest you stop the belligerent attitude,” Frank said, crossing the room and locking the door. “Apparently, you’ve avoided telling me the rest of what my father did to you.”

He stared out the window instead of looking in Frank’s direction.

“Avoiding again? When are you going to really look at me, Callen?”

“It’s not necessary for therapy.” He crossed his arms. “You said so yourself.”

“Callen, stop this posturing and deal with the memories.”

“Screw you!” He stood, crossed the room, and stopped at the window, staring out at nothing. There was nothing outside this prison except a seven foot high, electrified, chain-link fence. It wasn’t supposed to be a prison, but it sure felt like one. He glanced at his left hand where the electricity had scorched the palm and some fingers. _I’m a prisoner of my own mind._ As scary as that thought was, it was true. He shuddered. He couldn’t stop himself from remembering what happened to him. Memories caused him to feel as if he were that prisoner, unable to leave and forced to live through the torture, again and again.

Frank wanted was for him to share.

Sam wanted him to receive a massage.

Callen wanted to hide in a corner of his mind and never come out again.

“Come on, G.”

“Screw you too!” Callen kept his back to them. “You two plan something and don’t inform me.”

“Still harping on that, Callen?”

“Got my reasons.” He crossed his arms again.

“Rubber room?”

“Screw that too.”

“Then what, Callen, when are you going to talk about this?”

He sighed. “Unlock the damned door. I’m finished.”

“No. Talk to me.”

Tears flooded his eyes. He shuddered. Flashbacks ripped through his brain again. He reeled within unable to control the onslaught of memories. Callen gripped one side of the window frame to stop his body from swaying. “Fuck.” He swore under his breath.

“Callen,” Frank said, whispering now, “you’re safe, no matter what happened—”

“Can’t talk about it.”

“The massage triggered you?”

“Touch triggers me.” Callen’s knuckles whitened as he clamped down on the window frame with both hands now, trying to steady himself. His knees weakened from the constant bombarding of memories in his brain. Body memories threatened to bring him to his knees. He gasped. His body contorted from a seizure. Callen lost his purchase on the window frame, sliding down the wall to the carpet. His body writhed and twisted, his head bashing against the wall sounding like a chaotic drum beat.


	97. Chapter 97

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen goes through more of the memory.
> 
> Frank insists on Callen getting checked out by a doctor.

At first, Callen awakened confused by his surroundings. He felt drugged and tried to remember how he got on the sofa. Wasn’t he standing at the window with memories coursing through his body and brain? After a few minutes, he realized it was the office. He half expected to see Frank’s father standing behind the desk staring at him. He sighed, only Frank sitting behind his desk.

“How are you feeling, Callen?” Frank asked.

“Drugged.”

“Had to give you something, the seizures were intense.”

“Seizures?”

“You’ve had them before when remembering something horrific. Do you remember having them while the abuse was happening?”

Callen squeezed his eyes shut. The memory of them drugging him while they tortured him percolated through his brain. He thought it had been a different kind of drug. Now he knew Frank was right: a drowsy drugged feeling lingered several hours later. His memory had holes in it, big gaping holes in it. He shuddered and opened his eyes. “Yeah, I thought they were trying to sedate me.”

“Did it happen more than once?”

“Yeah. what does this mean?”

“For one thing, it means you’re telling the truth.”

“What? You doubted what I’ve said?”

“Eric’s researched every memory you’ve shared and there is proof they happened. The videos show that.”

“He’s watching those damned videos?”

“Sorry, Callen, I need verification.”

“What the hell for?”

“To prove your case in court. We’ve got enough, but the more we have the more sound your case.”

“I don’t want him seeing those… things.” He shuddered, a flash of memory trickling into his mind.

“Not your choice. The seizures also prove your abuse was as horrific as you describe.”

“What?”

“When abuse or torture is beyond a person’s ability to cope several reactions can occur and seizures are just one of them.”

“So you’re saying I’m a wuss?”

“No, Callen, I’m saying the abuse was horrific and your mind, body, and emotions couldn’t tolerate any more so they shut down—a healthy response.”

“Great.” He let out a long breath. “Am I free to go?” He sat up, yawned and stretched, and rubbed the back of his neck and head. The top of his head hurt like hell and his neck felt stiff and ached.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You need to tell me what happened. You need to share this memory before it eats you alive.”

“What’s with the headache? Is that an after effect of the drug you gave me?”

Frank stood and grabbed his brown bag.

The minute Callen saw the brown bag flashbacks seared through his brain. He shrieked, leaped off the sofa, and ran to the door. After grabbing the door knob, he remembered he was in lock down. He flipped around, plastered and stiffened his body hard against the door and shook. He scanned the room, several times.

“Easy, Callen.” Frank set the brown bag on the sofa and removed a flashlight from a side pocket. “I need to check your eyes.” He showed his patient the compact flashlight in his hand. Frank edged toward him.

“Don’t you dare use that on me.”

“What do you think this is?”

“Shit! Don’t play mind-fuck games with me.”

“I assure you I’m not playing a game with you.”

“Liar! Damned liar.” He shrieked. “I see what you have in your hand. I know what you’re going to do with that.”

“Callen, I want you to look at what this is.” Frank held it up for his patient to see.

Shit! He relaxed when he saw it was only a flashlight.

“What did you think this was?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“On the contrary, I do.” Frank stepped to within inches of his patient. “What kind of headache do you have?”

“That’s a little inaccurate.” Callen rubbed the back of his neck again.

“Your neck is hurting too?”

“Yeah.”

“Your head hurts?”

“Yeah.”

“A little more information, Callen.”

“It aches. My neck feels like a whiplash from a car accident.”

“I think we need some x-rays on your head and neck.”

“What for?”

“You don’t remember anything from the seizure do you?”

“No.”

“Your head was slamming again the wall,” Frank said. “Let me check your eyes.”

“For what?”

“A concussion.”

“Great.”

Frank stepped right up to Callen and reached out to touch his face.

“Get your damned hands off me!”

“Take it easy. I need to shine the light into your eyes.”

“I’ve heard that bull shit before, then what?”

“Look at my hand. Remember the flashlight?”

He let his breath go. “Damn, I’m freaked out.”

“Shall we try this again? You ready?” Callen nodded. Frank tested his patient’s eyes several times. “Looks good, but I’ll still need x-rays and I want my doctor to check you out.”

“No damned doctor, I don’t do doctors.”

“I understand your reluctance.”

“The hell you do. No doctors. Period. End of discussion.” Callen slid sideways away from him.


	98. Chapter 98

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen tells Sam and Frank about the memory.

The moment Sam strode into the office and Frank again locked the door, Callen shook. He knew what was coming and he couldn’t stop it.

“Hi G.”

Shit. He didn’t respond to his partner’s presence in the room. Didn’t even glance at him. Stared at a spot on the wall above the sofa.

“Come on and sit next to me,” he said, sitting on the sofa.

“I know what you two are planning and I’m not doing it.”

“Come on, G, not planning anything.”

“He is. He told me.”

“What did he say, man?”

“No doctors.”

“Callen, I’m not bringing in a doctor.”

“Liar, you said you would.”

“If you remember you refused.”

“Don’t mind-fuck me.” Callen stayed with his back near the window.

“The only mind-fuck I see here is what you’re doing to yourself,” Frank said.

“Bastard.”

“I’m trying to help you. You’ve thwarted my every effort.”

Callen crossed his arms.

“Are we at a stand still again?”

“Come on, G, sit here next to me. I promise not to bite.”

“Yeah, but you’ll hold me down and let him drug me.”

“Did it to help you.”

“And I told you not to touch me. What part of _no_ don’t _you_ understand?”

“The part where it hurts you more than not doing it.” Sam patted the sofa next to him.

Callen stumbled over to his partner’s side and plopped down next to him.

“That’s much better, sweetheart.”

“You would have to say that in front of Frank.” He smirked.

“There you go being yourself.”

“Make you happy?”

“I ought to slug you one.”

“In my drugged mind, it might feel good.” He smirked again.

“Mind if I put my arm around your shoulders?”

“Yeah I do, don’t even think of it.”

“Talk, G.”

“So that’s why he brought you back in here?” he asked. “Knew there had to be an angle.”

“That’s my, G, always trying to figure out what people are really up to.”

“Yeah.” He stared out the window, unable to glance at his partner.

Frank pulled up his desk chair and sat before his patient. “How’s the head and neck feeling?”

“Same.”

“I’d like to give you a tranquilizer so you can talk about this memory.”

“See, I knew it.” Callen’s eyes teared up. “Neither one of you can be trusted, always an ulterior motive.” He stood, reached out to steady himself on the sofa’s armrest, and started for the opposite side of the room. Halfway, he stumbled and nearly did a face plant.

Sam rushed over to steady him. “Don’t argue with me this time.” He drew G into his arms, hugging him and whispering into his ear. “You need this. Stop resisting me.” He held his partner close to his body, stroking his back. Sam felt wetness on his shoulder and pulled back. He lifted G’s chin until their eyes met. “Come on, man, I’m here, talk to me.”

“I’m afraid you’ll do the same thing.” Callen shuddered. “Feels like you’ve done the same thing. I can’t handle that possibility.”

“Have I ever done that to you?”

“Yeah, something similar when you put me in the room with Hetty.”

“I thought we dealt with this.”

“Sort of.”

“You lied to me when you said you forgave me?”

“Omission.”

“We’ll discuss this later, don’t avoid.”

Callen sighed and dropped his chin back on partner’s shoulder.

Sam rubbed G’s back with one hand and wrapped his other arm around his waist. “You’re safe, I promised I’d never let that happen again. I love you. Talk to me.”

He shuddered trying to hold the memory off for another few minutes. “Tighter, I need you to hold me tighter and closer. Stop stroking my back. Can’t handle that right now.” Callen shook hard, the horrid pictures bombarding his brain, his nerves felt frayed. “He, don’t ask me to say his name, mind-fucked me.”

“That’s why you’ve latched onto the word?” Sam asked. “You seem to do that with these memories.”

“It best describes what he did.” He took in a deep breath and released it. “Tighter, closer, I need no space between us.” Sam wrapped both arms around his partner, one surrounding his upper back and the other around his waist. “He hung me by my arms from the ceiling.” He shuddered seeing himself hanging helpless. “He made love to me.” Callen whispered. “He told me it was foreplay, I believed him. He tenderly kissed me. He gently stroked my body. Made me feel good. I wanted it. I needed it. I had to have it. I was starving for it. He knew it. Shit.” He shook hard, more tears flooding his eyes. “When I least expected it, he raped me, a brutal rape. So brutal I had seizures from it and he had to stop. While he raped me, my body flailed lifeless as if I were a marionette being controlled by a madman.” Callen struggled, trying to pull away from his partner. “Don’t let me go. No matter what I do, don’t let me go.”

Callen freaked out inside his mind, the horrid pictures permeating every space. It felt as if his muscles had memories locked into them. His nerve endings burned with fire.

“He got angry and beat me because I was having seizures. He told me I had ruined his fun, ruined his plan, and ruined his torture session. He beat me with a belt and his fists. I kept seizing and he didn’t stop. I started to pass out and he grabbed my lower jaw and made me look at him while he kicked and slugged me. Afterward, he tenderly kissed my mouth and lightly massaged my body. His final blow was to ask for my resignation from the CIA which I gave him without arguing or protesting.” No longer needing to hold onto the memory’s horrible images, Callen cried.


	99. Chapter 99

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen warms up to his lover.

Callen jerked away from Sam’s touch. Here it was again, another no-strings-attached massage. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted this. Yet, he loved the touch of his partner’s hands on his body. Situation normal these days: ambivalent. Callen signed again and tried to relax against the pillows.

“Easy, man, relax.”

“Trying. Hate being the ops.”

“I love working on you.”

“Damn, you’re messing with my brain again.”

“Trying.” Sam massaged G’s foot.

“I owe you a slug. Watch it.”

“I’d settle for a mind-fuck myself.”

Callen leaned forward resting on his elbows. “Now how am I supposed to do that?”

“Let me make love to you.”

“I wish I could.”

Sam slid his beefy fingers between his lover’s toes.

Callen sighed. “Feels good.” He smiled.

“So what do you think?”

“We’re debriefing?”

“Always.”

“I think I’m falling back in love with you.”

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.” Sam kissed and sucked on his lover’s left big toe.

“I’m glad you didn’t kiss my lips.”

“Wish I could.” With long strokes he massaged his lover’s legs.

“Not ready.”

“Maybe when I am finished?”

“Maybe.” He fell back against several pillows and sighed. “Feels good.”

“Excellent.” He planted light kisses along G’s legs until he reached his thighs. Then he switched to sucking his lover’s skin into his mouth and lightly teasing it with his teeth. Callen moaned. “Sweet, a response from my ops.” Sam smirked. “I love performing surveillance on your body.”

“Now I will slug you.”

“You can’t even reach me.” He moved G’s naked body until he lay diagonally on the bed.

“I think you’re planning an assault.”

“Thought of it, but still in surveillance mode.” He pressed G’s legs apart and kneeled between them, stroking his lover’s thighs. Callen shivered and moaned. “Nice, my ops is coming alive.”

“No where near coming.” Callen laughed.

“That’s going to cost you.” Sam leaned over and took his lover’s cock into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue.

Callen yelped, his body jerking. “Warn me next time.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He leaned over his lover’s body, placing his hands on either side of his head. “May I kiss you?”

“You shouldn’t have asked.” He wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck and drew him down to his face, kissing and tonguing his mouth deep and hard.

“I think you’re ready.” Sam kissed him back, lingering on his lips, sucking them in and out of his mouth.

“For?”

“My undercover ops mission.”

“I wasn’t informed of this ops.”

“I’m informing you right now.” He kissed G again. “You’re not fighting me. You’re not struggling to get away. You’re not stopping me from kissing you.”

“And the mission?”

“Should you decide to accept it?”

“Is this mission impossible? Will you self-destruct in sixty-seconds?”

“I ought to slug you one for that but I’d rather kiss you.” Sam dipped his head down again and claimed his lover’s mouth. “I’ll self-destruct if I can’t get my big black phallus into your tight, hot love canal,” he said with a smooth, sexy tone.

Callen gasped hearing his lover’s voice.

“Well?”

“I’m flattered.”

“Flattered? Is that any way to accept a mission? Would you say that to a superior?”

Callen laughed, even thinking about saying it to Hetty made him laugh. “Yeah.”

“I ought to—”

“Screw me silly?”

“Something on that order, but first you need to come up with an alias.”

“Huh?”

“I only screw aliases.”

Callen laughed and drew Sam down into his body again, wrapping his arms and legs around his naked lover. “Which one did you like the best?”

“The guy delivering the cocaine to Lazik was hot. He brought the goods right into the middle of a volatile situation.”

“Yeah, he did. Anyone else?”

“Jason Tedrow. I could get into him any time.” Sam smirked and winked.

“You’re cruising.”

“I’d like to _drive_ home my point, but you still need an alias.”

“John Starget.”

“Personally, I think the name sucks. Couldn’t you be a little more creative? Sounds like a live TV show host’s name.”

“Wasn’t supposed to be like his name,” he said. “I know who you’re referring to. Don’t like the guy at all.”

“So why did you choose it?”

“I was unnerved at the time.” It seemed as if it were years ago when he first met Frank. “I could make one up on the spot.”

“You’re good at that except for John Starget.”

“What’s there not to like about him?”

“He’s belligerent, obnoxious, cantankerous, and not sexy enough for me.”

“Sexy?”

“Yeah, sexy.”

Callen devised a character in his head and became him in an instant. “Want to screw in the shower, big Daddy? Your boy needs your hot fudge stick in his hole.” Callen thrust his hips upward emphasizing his need.

Sam’s jaw dropped. “Damn.” He climbed off the bed and hoisted G over his shoulder, carrying him into the bathroom.


	100. Chapter 100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen drops a bombshell about who Hetty is to him.

After steamy shower sex, Callen rested his head on Sam’s shoulder while sitting on his lover’s lap. The sound of the water soothed his senses and body. He relaxed, wrapping his arms around his lover’s neck to maintain his position.

“Starvation setting in yet?” Sam asked. Callen moaned. “Guess not. Can’t get enough of me?” Callen moaned again. “Maybe this will get a reaction out of you.” Sam grasped his lover’s face in both hands and planted a sloppy kiss on his mouth. Callen kissed him back with the same passion. Sam wrapped his arms around G’s waist and drew his lover closer. “You promised to share after we indulged.”

“I feel as if I’ve been indulged.” Callen smirked.

Sam lifted G’s chin until their eyes met. “Glad you’re feeling relaxed. Seriously though, you promised me.”

“That I did.”

“And?”

“I’d rather snuggle with you.”

“You can do that and talk to me.”

“I can’t, because if I share what’s on my mind I’ll need to pull away from you.”

“This is about me?”

“I’ve avoided talking to you about this.”

“You’re good at that, G.”

“True.”

“And?”

“I can’t stand this.” Callen buried his face in his lover’s chest. “It’s about Hetty.”

“And when I took you into the library?” He nodded. “As usual you withdrew from me.”

“I was angry before you took me in there.”

“More like livid.”

“Yeah.”

“Afterward you withdrew from me.”

“Needed to, shit, why can’t I just tell you?” Callen asked not expecting his lover to answer him. “Should be simpler than this, should be, but reality is, it’s harder than I thought.” He took in a long, deep breath and let it go with a loud sigh. “She was my, damn, my handler at the CIA.” Callen glanced up into Sam’s eyes expecting to see disbelief and anger.

“G, why didn’t you tell me?” He drew his partner close into his body, wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist.

“I dissociated. I remembered Agent Chang and Vance.” _Damn it, she followed me to NCIS. Damn it. How stupid of me to believe I was safe?_

“Hetty and Vance made sure they kept their eyes on you from the moment you left the CIA.”

“Yeah, she used to, damn, torture me, brainwash me, interrogate me. I mean, I think she did everything to me. The soap, it really did happen and she did it to me, not Agent Chang.”

“Why did you lie about that?”

“I didn’t, if you’ll remember I accused her, she got mean and denied it.”

“True.”

“I backed down because, well, damn it, I was scared. Sounds stupid now.”

“G, I can believe you’d be scared,” he said. “You didn’t know how far she’d take it. When did you first have an inkling about her?”

“The first time she slapped me,” he said. “Hetty said it was to put on an act, but I got triggered. Later, I had a flashback.” Callen climbed off Sam’s lap, grabbed a towel and dried himself off. “I’m finished.”

“That’s it?”

“I can’t deal with this stuff right now.” He wrapped a bathrobe around himself and exited the bathroom.

“What?” Sam got in his face before he reached the main living area.

Callen stared down at his partner’s feet. “You’re dripping water on the floor.” Tears flooded his eyes.

“Give me a break, G! You’re worried about water on the damned floor after you just shared the most shocking memory I’ve heard to date?” Sam moved closer to him and lifted his lover’s chin. When he saw the tears in his ultramarine blue eyes, he pulled G into his body and held him close. “Sorry you went through this and you’re still going through this.” He kissed his lover’s forehead and stroked his back. “What can I do for you?”

“This. You’re all I need right now.”


	101. Chapter 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen learns he's returning to work and he's not certain he's ready.

A week later, Callen and Sam attended a required meeting in Frank’s office. Callen paced the office, worrying about why Frank had called the meeting. It wasn’t on the normal schedule. When Frank strode into the office, he stopped short of making the turn.

“Glad you stopped pacing, Callen, please lock the door.” Frank sat in his chair behind the desk. He watched his patient obey his request. “Good, please be seated.”

“You sound different, all formal.”

“Today is a different day.” Frank sighed. “You’re going home, Callen.”

Callen’s jaw dropped.

“You’ve healed enough. Nate has agreed to take over from here. Besides you have some issues with Nate you need to work out.”

“Home? What do you mean?”

“Back to Los Angeles and NCIS.”

Callen stood, strode over to the window, and stared out at the plush lawn stretching toward the fence. “Don’t know.”

“I know that’s where you belong.”

“I’ve been gone a long time.”

“Much has changed since your departure.”

“Nervous.”

“That’s why we’re here in this room.”

“Which is why I can’t work there, ever thought about that?”

“Yes, Callen, many times. I’ve given this several hours of thought and talked things over with your partner.”

Shit. He said under his breath. Everyone knew what happened to him except for what he remembered here. How would this work?

“G?”

“Did you say something?”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Everyone knows.”

“Everyone on your team knows, G.”

“Yeah, and they probably told everyone there.”

“No.”

“You can’t be sure.”

“Eric talked to them and they all agreed to keep it within the team.”

“And the rest?”

“The rest of your memories you’ve had here?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Eric knows everything and I do mean everything.”

“I don’t think he’s going to sell your history to the black market.” Sam smirked.

“Eric encrypted and secured your files,” Frank said. “No one, and I do mean no one, will gain access to them.”

Callen slipped deeper into his thoughts and worries about returning to his job at NCIS’s headquarters in Los Angeles. He knew he wasn’t finished here—not finished with flashbacks, not finished with body memories, and not finished with memories. He shivered, thinking about leaving here and being there without the protection and expertise of Frank and his treatment facility. Callen leaned into the window frame, resting his left arm above his head, tears flooding his eyes.

“G.”

His partner’s gentle voice even startled him. Sam came along side him.

“I’ll walk through everything with you.” He wrapped his arm G’s waist drawing him into his side. “I’m not leaving your side.”

“Don’t know.”

“I know you can do this.”

“How’s it all going to work?”

“With us standing by each other, together we can do this. I promise.”

“Scared, damn it, I’m scared.” Callen faced Sam and wrapped his arms around his partner’s waist. He laid his head on his Sam’s shoulder and cried. Sam stroked his back. “That’s it, G, let it go. Let it all go.”


	102. Chapter 102

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam asks for Callen's hand in marriage.

Sam kept his eye on his partner throughout their plane ride home. G’s eyes were wet most of time and he tried to hide it from Sam. No hiding anything from him now. His watchful eyes scrutinized G several times during one particular hour. He caught his partner glancing out the window of their private jet. What he actually saw was the reflection in the window. The grief he momentarily witnessed shook him to the core. This wasn’t over yet, not by a long shot. It unnerved him to see his partner overcome by intense emotions. G was an expert at what Sam called stealth responses, keeping his emotions in check and never allowing anyone to see the inner pain and turmoil. Now Sam was privy to the innermost recesses of his partner’s thoughts and emotions. He hoped he’d seen the worst of it and that this was all behind them both. He could only hope this was the truth, yet, he doubted it. Sam had seen the memories come and go in a flash only to return when neither one expected them to. Anything could be a potential trigger. Anything. He could only imagine the horrid pain G went through each time a memory surfaced. He sighed long and hard, as if he were pushing air out of his lungs and keeping it out.

“Interested in a snack or a meal?”

“Not really hungry,” Callen said.

“You’ve eaten nothing all day.”

“Yeah.”

Sam grasped his lover’s hand, lifted it to his mouth, and planted tender kisses on each finger. “What do you need from me?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“I’d like to.” Callen stared out the window.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah, quite serious.” He sighed.

“Let’s go then.” Sam stood and helped his lover to his feet.

“You’re kidding me?”

“Nope.” He pulled him into his arms and planted a tender kiss on his mouth. “Let me show you.” Sam held his lover’s hand and grabbed a small bottle of champagne and two glasses with his other hand. He climbed a short flight of stairs up to the rear of the jet.

Callen’s jaw dropped. “You weren’t kidding.” He released Sam’s hand and sat on huge round bed in the middle of the room. It was covered with a burgundy velvet bedspread and white satin sheets.

“Very serious.” He set the glasses and champagne on a table in a holder. Afterward he crossed the room and locked the door. Sam poured two glasses of champagne and handed one to G. He kneeled on the carpet before him. “I love you.”

“Is this what I think…” Tears welled up in his eyes.

He pulled a small, velvet purple ring case from his pants pocket, opened and turned it toward G. “G Callen, will you do me the honor and marry me?”

Callen’s jaw dropped. He stared at the ring.

“G?”

“I’m… at a loss for words.”

“I can see that.”

“This is… your Navy SEAL ring.”

“Yeah.”

“I hope I can give it the honor you’ve given it.”

“You will,” Sam said. “I had it resized for you.”

“How?”

“While you slept, I took measurements,” Sam said. “Frank got it resized.” Tears formed in the corners of Callen’s eyes. Sam picked up the ring, grasped his partner’s left hand, and pushed it onto his ring finger. He took his glass of champagne and touched G’s glass. “To us, G, I love you.” They each took several sips before Sam stood and took both glasses, placing in their holders on the table. He crossed the room and drew G up into his arms.

“Yes,” Callen said.

“Thank you.” Sam rocked him in his arms, stroking his back and holding him close. He grasped G’s hand kissing his ringed finger. “Looks magnificent on you.” Sam lifted his lover’s chin and planted a tender kiss on his lips while he removed his jacket. He planted gentle kisses along both sides of G’s neck. “I love when you wear suit jackets. You’re sexy and delicious in them.” He placed the jacket on the bed behind his lover.

Callen started to lift his hands to undress his partner.

Sam gently brushed them aside, pressing them back to G’s sides.

Callen sighed and relaxed.

He unbuttoned the first button on his lover’s shirt. “Damned sexy in dress shirts as well.” Sam leaned in and gave G a lingering kiss on his mouth. He unbuttoned two more buttons and slipped his hand under his shirt, stroking G’s chest while he kissed him.

Callen gasped.

“Lovely, so sexy and all mine.” Sam leaned down, planting kisses down G’s neck and unbuttoning his shirt.

“Please,” Callen said, his voice strained.

“Easy, G.” Sam grasped his lover’s ringed hand again and kissed the ring finger. “You’re mine. I want this to last.”

“I’m not going to last.”

“I’ll take care of that in a moment.” He cupped G’s face in both hands and plunged his tongue deep into his lover’s mouth, sucking on his lips and tongue.

Callen moaned and humped into Sam’s body. “Please.”

“Have you dreamed up an alias yet?”

“An alias?”

“Remember what I said.”

“Your serious?”

“Quite.”

Callen smiled, his lips turning upward into a smirk. “Garrett Callen.”

Sam laughed. “I like that alias. The man is courageous, tender, sensitive, open, adventurous, and best of all sexy.” He removed G’s shirt, laying it behind him. “Damn, you look delicious enough to eat.” Sam leaned down and sucked a nipple into his hot mouth, while his hands caressing his lover’s lightly tanned, smooth skin. Callen pressed his chest into his partner’s hungry mouth. Sam licked and flicked his tongue around his lover’s nipple while massaging the other one with his hand.

“I’m close. These pants are about ready to be…”

Sam cupped G’s face and kissed hard and deep. “Closer?” Callen moaned and thrust his groin into his lover. Sam kissed, licked, and sucked G’s neck, trailing down to his neglected nipple. He nibbled and chewed on it until his lover was bucking hard into him. Sam focused his attention on the left nipple again, sucking, nibbling, and chewing on it.

“Sam, please, damn it, please make love to me.”

“Who should I make love to?” Sam watched tears form in his lover’s ultramarine blue eyes.

“Callen, Garrett Callen, please Sam, make love to me.”

Sam lifted his lover into his arms and laid across the bed, drawing Garrett close into his body and stroking his chest. “I love you, Garrett, damn it, I love you so much.”


	103. Chapter 103

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen wonders what's next and Sam delivers the goods.

Callen settled onto the long bench seat along one length of the vehicle. First a Lear jet and now a super stretch limousine. He wondered what was coming next.

Sam climbed into the vehicle and settled next to his partner.

“Okay, what gives?”

“You.” He leaned over and kissed his lover.

“Me?”

“Well, more like us,” he said, slipping an arm around G’s shoulders. “I wanted a special evening to celebrate our engagement.”

“And?”

“May I blindfold you?”

“What?” Callen’s jaw dropped.

“I want to surprise you.”

“You should know me by now, I’ll know where we’re going even with a blindfold on.”

“Well, then, I’ll just keep you occupied on the carpet.”

“Sounds intriguing.” Callen winked at him.

Sam wrestled his lover onto the plush carpet at their feet. He straddled his waist, holding G’s hands above his head with one hand. “Intrigued?”

Callen panted.

“I guess that’s an affirmative.” He leaned in and planted a hard, claiming kiss on his mouth. Sam removed a purple, satin blindfold from his back pocket.

“You planned this?”

“Of course,” he said, “alias?”

“Jason Tedrow.”

“Does he like mysteries?”

“He likes to be intrigued. Where’s this going?”

“Pick another alias.”

“I’m thinking.”

“Faster.” Sam laid the satin blindfold across G’s chest.

“You’re not going further?”

“No alias, no game.”

Callen sighed and squirmed.

“Triggered?”

“No, this is a huge turn on for me.”

“Oh really, something you never revealed.”

“Hasn’t been serious enough to tell you my deep, dark secret yearnings.”

“I’d say I raised the game up a notch.”

“Yeah, more than one notch.”

“Alias?”

“Marty Deeks.”

“Now there’s a creative alias.” Sam smiled and laughed. “He does like mystery and he’s mysterious.”

Callen smirked. “How much do we even know about him?”

“You know more than I do, snoopy.”

“Who’s calling who snoopy?”

“You’ve got your nose into everyone’s business. You probably know more about every team member’s background than I do.”

“And I should I’m the team leader.”

“I thought you were the peon, _Marty_ ,” Sam said.

Callen swallowed hard and shivered. His lover slipped into the game so fast it shocked him. He smiled, loving where his partner was taking this game.

“Yeah, you’re the peon and I give _you_ the orders,” he said with a menacing tone.

He squirmed, getting hard listening to his partner’s words and tone.

Sam released his lover’s arms and placed the blindfold on his eyes. “Do I need to cover your mouth too?”

“I promise to do as you ask without fighting you.”

“Where’s the fun in that, Marty? You’re always such a smart-ass.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, a smart-assed, cheeky bastard.”

“You like my sense of humor. It adds spice to your life.”

“I’ll give you spice. You want spice?” Sam asked in a sexy, deep voice.

Callen shivered and squirmed.

“Yeah, you like spice don’t you?”

He nodded.

Sam kissed him hard.

“Shit!”

“I hope not, Marty, makes a mess of things,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to cover these pouty, sexy lips anyhow.” Sam traced G’s lips with a light touch of his finger. “Mine.” He sucked his lover’s lips into his mouth and released them.

“Damn.” Callen lifted his head for more. “Please.”

“Not now, peon, but your time is coming soon. I’ll seduce and make love to your body, mind, and soul until you scream my name, again and again, and beg for more.” Sam spoke in his lowest, sexiest voice.

“Promises.” Callen whispered.


	104. Chapter 104

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steamy sex game with Callen's newest alias.

“Mind if I use something to tie your wrists?”

“Are we doing BDSM? Cause I’m not interested in that flavor.”

“No, just a little excitement, Marty.”

“Excitement? I rather like mystery.”

“I can arrange for more mystery if you’d fancy it. I wonder, you like stake outs with Kensi?” Sam asked, testing his partner’s alias.

“Well, yeah, what’s there not to like?”

“A sexy, sultry woman is your cup of tea?”

“Tea? Where’s this going, Sam?”

“Anywhere I want it to,” he said. “You didn’t answer my question, Smarty Marty.”

“Smarty Marty?” Callen laughed.

“Yeah. Always a new word on the tip of your sassy tongue, and of course there’s the occasional new, transmogrified word which spews from your mouth.”

“I like mystery, remember.”

Sam rolled off him and laid down beside G, drawing him into his body. “I’ll give you mystery.” He slid his hand into the back of G’s pants and fingered his hole.

Callen pushed his ass back onto Sam’s finger. “Please.”

“Your decision?”

“What?”

“Come on Smarty Marty, you’re not paying attention.”

“Hard to pay attention when you’ve got me so turned on.”

“Good, and?”

“Tying my hands?”

“Yeah.”

“With what?”

“Where’s the mystery in revealing that? Yes or no?”

“Is there a safe word?”

“A safe word? Not with you, Marty. You make every word into a game.”

“Okay, now you’re mind-fucking me.”

“Yep, love to do that, Marty.”

“You’re always teasing me.”

“Marty, I banter you because I like you.”

“Is that what it is?”

“Yes or no?”

“Yeah.”

Sam removed a purple, satin scarf from his other back pocket. He trailed it down G’s face and neck, swirling it around until he saw him shudder. “Yeah, you definitely like mystery.” Sam enveloped his lover’s mouth with his, sucking on his tongue and lips.

“Oh damn, please.” Callen squirmed.

“Hot, huh? You like that, Smarty Marty? Those smart-ass words get dammed up in your mushy brain?”

He nodded unable to speak any words.

“Thought so.” Sam trailed the scarf around G’s head and face, watching him shudder again. “Nice.” He unbuttoned his lover’s shirt and trailed the scarf over his nipples. Callen shivered, goose bumps raising up on his chest and his nipples hardening. “Lovely, responsive, sexy body. No longer a smarty pants, huh Marty?”

“You’d better stop that.”

“Having a _hard_ time _coming_ up with a new word to dazzle me?” Sam dipped down and kissed him hard and forceful on the mouth while rubbing and pinching a nipple into a hard nub. Callen moaned and arched his chest into his lover’s hand. Sam grasped G’s hands, placing the palms together. He wound the satin scarf around his wrists. “Nothing serious, Marty. Just a little playful fun. Can you wrap your mind around this?” Sam sucked his lover’s fingers into his mouth, slobbering all over them. He pushed G onto his back again and straddled his waist. Panting hard and needing release, Sam unzipped his pants and thrust his now hard cock into his lover’s hands. “Damn, I’m close.”

“What is this in my hands? A frankfurter?” Callen laughed.

“Guess again.” Sam thrust harder into G’s hands.

“Kielbasa?”

“You like that type of sausage don’t you, Smarty Marty?”

“Actually, I’m rather fond of _Hung_ arian sausage.” Callen smirked.

“Smarty Marty, always a way with words.” Sam laughed. He thrust his cock back and forth through his lover’s hands.

Callen grabbed and squeezed his lover’s cock with his wet fingers.

“Open your mouth?”

“And I’ll get a bite?”

“You take a bite and you’ll wish you weren’t such a smart-ass.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Open your mouth and I’ll feed you my _Hung_ arian sausage.” Sam forced G’s hands upward, aiming his cock at his mouth. “Here it comes Marty. Get ready to eat it all.” One more thrust and he came into his lover’s mouth. “Now that was hot,” Sam said, still breathing hard.

“Yeah, hot and spicy.” Callen licked and smacked his lips.

Sam removed the scarf, trailing it around and across his lover’s lips. He tenderly kissed G, sucking on his lips.

Callen kissed him back hard, enveloping his whole mouth. “Need you.”

“Soon, sweetheart.”

He wrapped his arms around Sam’s body, drawing him close. “And the blindfold?”

“Stays on until we get into our suite.”

“Our suite?”

“At our hotel.”

“What are you planning?”

“Finished the plans, now comes the fun.”

“Can’t wait.” Callen kissed his lover again.


	105. Chapter 105

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam takes Callen to the penthouse suite.

Sam helped his lover out of the limousine. He drew him into his body and hugged him. “You’re going to love this. I can’t wait.” Sam whispered into his ear in a sensuous tone.

“You’re making me hard.”

“Good.” Sam took his hand and guided him through a private entrance to the their hotel suite. Once in the elevator and their duffle bags placed inside, he pressed the button for the top floor and drew his lover into him. “Can’t wait until we’re married.” Sam kissed him hard on the mouth.

“Please.”

“In the elevator?”

“Is anyone else in here with us?”

“Nope.”

“Wouldn’t mind it.”

“Maybe later. I’d rather make love to you in our private suite.”

“Is there glass on the elevator’s wall?”

“Damn, you’re good, G, you _can_ really hear the difference.”

He nodded.

“Amazing.” Sam caressed his face and traced his lips with a single finger. Callen shivered. “Nice, responsive.”

“Please.”

The elevator stopped. “Stay here while I get our bags.” Sam set them just inside the room and strode back to the elevator. He lifted G into his arms, carried him into their suite, and laid him on the bed. “Relax a bit while I get things put away.”

“Now I’m curious.”

“Good, I like mystery too.”

Callen rolled over to his side, facing the sound of Sam’s voice. “Maybe that’s why we’re so great at our jobs, we both like mystery.”

“It’s the reason I fell in love with you.” Sam stopped by the bed, leaned over and planted a light kiss on G’s lips.

Callen moaned.

“You’re my mystery.”

“Really?”

“And I love that about you.” Sam laid on the bed in front of G and drew him into his body, caressing and stroking him.

“Speaking of mysteries, when does this come off?” Callen touched the blindfold.

Sam kissed the blindfold. “Just about now.” He removed it and kissed his lover’s eyelids. “Slowly open your eyes.”

He sat up and allowed his eyes to adjust to the dimmed light in the room. His jaw dropped. “What the? Is the penthouse suite?”

“Yeah, you like?”

“Okay, how did you swing this?”

“Sold off the weapons in your bunker.” Sam laughed.

“Really?”

“Of course not, wouldn’t do that to you.”

“How?”

“Frank and Gibbs helped me foot the bill.”

“How long?”

“A week.”

“Wow! A week.”

“Don’t worry about the cost. It’s their engagement present to us.”

“Obviously, they know about our engagement.”

“It wouldn’t have happened without them both encouraging me to go for it.”

“You were chicken?”

“No, nervous, wondering whether I could give you all you needed.”

“You kidding?” Callen said, “you’re more than enough for me.”

“Thank you, G. I love you. Damn.” Tears well up in Sam’s eyes.

“Hey, I’m supposed to do that.” Callen kissed him. “What are the amenities?”

“You name it, this penthouse suite has it. Two luxurious baths. Full, gourmet kitchen. Dining room. Living room. Outdoor space with some nice surprises which we’ll use later.”

“Can’t wait to see it all.”

“You might want to slip off your shoes. The carpet feels exquisite under bare feet.” Sam switched his position and began to remove G’s Nike runners and socks. “You sure like wearing these casual shoes don’t you?”

“They’re comfortable, but they wouldn’t work a damn for undercover work.”

Sam grasped G’s feet, sucking his big toes into his mouth. He licked and nibbled them.

“You have a foot fetish or something?”

“Just love every square inch of your sexy body.”

Callen grasped his lover’s feet and massaged them.

“You know, my next surprise might not happen if we don’t get off this bed.”

“Who says I want to do that?”

“Do you want me to make love to you later?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go eat.” Sam climbed off the bed and offered a hand to G. He drew him into his body and held him. “Damn I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

“Sorry.”

“In a good way.” He rocked him in his arms. “I can’t wait to make love to you again.” He gently kissed him on the lips and released him and took his hand again. “Let’s go.” Sam brought his lover into the dining room where the table was set for dinner and lit only with purple and white candles. He pulled out a chair to seat G. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“For you.”

“Down, boy, down.” Sam laughed. He entered the kitchen and brought back a huge Maine lobster and set it on the table between the two of them.

“You know of course this is my favorite food.”

“Of course. And the second course is—“

“Don’t ruin the mystery.”

“I won’t, Poached G.”

Callen lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

“Never heard of the dish?”

“You’re pulling my leg, well, I hope you are.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see. Remember, you like mystery and I don’t want to ruin your mystery. Something for you to look forward to. What would you like to drink?”

“I’ll take a Succulent Sam.”

“You’re cruising.” Sam dipped his head down and enveloped G’s mouth, sucking and tonguing him. “Seriously? Champagne, water, beer, juice.”

“Hm, juice.”

“Come on, G.”

“I’d like to but you keep putting me off.” Callen smirked.

Sam headed back into the kitchen and grabbed two beers. He set them on the table and sat next to his lover. “I think you suffer from a one track mind.”

“Ever since you asked for my hand in marriage and you put this ring on my finger.”

“It looks great on you.” Sam lifted his lover’s hand, caressed and kissed it.

“Damn, you don’t know what you do to me.”

“It’s probably the same thing you do to me. I can’t get enough of you.”

“Obsessed. Head over heels. Bowled over by. Captivated by. Enchanted by. That about describes it for me.”

“You’ve become a man of many words.”

“Must be, Smarty Marty, rubbing off on me.” Callen laughed.

Sam broke open a lobster leg, dug out a chunk of meat, and fed it to G.

“Delicious. My turn.” Callen leaned over and fed his lover part of the lobster in his mouth. He kissed him, lingering afterward.

“At this rate, you and I will starve to death. Maybe we need to go straight to the second course.”

“I’m not going straight any more.” Callen smirked.

“That’s it.” Sam grabbed the lobster off the table and shoved it back into the warmer. He returned to the dining room. “Let’s go have the second course.” He offered G his hand and brought him out on the private deck. Sam started undressing him.

“Where’s the second course? I’m hungry.”

“You’re it, sweetheart, Poached G.” Sam smirked. “Hurry up and undress me too before I jump you on the deck. I rather make love to your sexy body in the hot tub.”


	106. Chapter 106

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam knows how to take away Callen's tension.

Wednesday morning came too soon for Callen. He wished for the first two days of their special time in the penthouse. Instead of hump day, this was down in the dump day for him. He rolled over on his back, stretching and yawning, not wanting to get up for a shower. Not that taking a shower with Sam wasn’t something to look forward to.

“Hey, there,” Sam said, “how about a lingering shower with my favorite lover?”

“About the only part of this day I’ll enjoy.”

Sam faced him. “Attitude all ready? Let me see those pouty lips.” He drew G into him, caressing his body and kissing his lips. “Nervous about this afternoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ve got a surprise for you later,” he said. “We shop for our home together. So there’s more than one part of this day you’ll enjoy.”

“True. Still, I wish I didn’t have that test today.”

“Maybe I need to seduce you while at work to get your mind off your test.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Only interesting?”

“Okay mysterious.”

He pushed G onto his back and laid on top of him. “You feel so wonderful. I love the smell of your skin, the taste of your mouth.” He cupped his lover’s face in his hands and kissed him hard and deep.

The kiss left him breathless and wanting more. “If you continue saying those things and kissing me like that, I’ll never get out of bed.”

Sam rolled off the bed. “Let’s get into the shower. I want to wash you again.”

“I’m dirty again?”

“No, I love bathing you and you love it too.”

“You have a soap fetish too?”

“No, a G fetish.”

“Yeah, it relaxes me when you touch me.”

“And when I kiss you?”

“I melt.”

“I’ve noticed.” He drew his lover into his arms and kissed him again.

Callen followed Sam into the bathroom. “Someone’s been busy.” Red candles lit the bathroom.

“I’m always thinking of ways to entice you.” Sam closed the bathroom door and took G into his arms. He pushed him against the door, caressing and kissing his body. Afterward he took his lover by the hand and into the shower. He turned on the water and drew G under the warmth with him. Callen wrapped his arms around his lover, kissing his face and neck. Sam grabbed the soap and stroked his lover’s back and buttocks with it.

Callen gasped and melted into Sam. “Need this. Don’t stop.” He relaxed in his lover’s arms. “Believe me, I don’t need much enticing.”

“I can see that.” Sam enveloped his lover’s mouth, tonguing him deep and claiming his mouth.

Callen sighed. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please make love to me in the shower.”

“I had hoped you’d say that.” Sam kissed him again, this time tender and sensuous, lingering on his mouth and sucking on his lower lip.


	107. Chapter 107

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The acting operations manager lays some shocking news in Callen's lap.

“And?” Sam asked G when he walked out of the firing range.

“It was a breeze.”

“And you were worried?”

“If you hadn’t, you know…” Callen lowered his voice. He recalled their hot sex in some forgotten, storage room in the building. The thought of getting caught added to the hotness of the scene. Callen shivered.

“You wouldn’t have passed? You’re blushing.”

“Damn it. You do that to me.”

“You enjoyed our rendezvous. No need to be embarrassed, sweetheart.” He ushered him into the archive room, plastered him against a wall, and kissed him hard and deep.

“Sam!” Call gasped, panting for air.

“Yes?”

“Not here.”

“When we get home, sweetheart, I’ll make love to your lovely and responsive body. Let’s get some lunch and take it back to the suite.”

“I think you want to make me into your lunch,” Callen said.

“You’re right.” Sam released him. “I think you’d better enter the bullpen first.”

“Yeah, because they’ll know you tried to seduce my innocent body.” Callen smirked.

“You’re cruising, man.”

“I hope so because I want you later on tonight.” Callen strode into the bullpen, trying to act as if nothing had happened between Sam and him. Damn, this was going to be hard to pull off. Maybe not, just put on an act. It came natural to him. He sat down, picked up a notebook, opened it, and pretended to read something.

“Hey, Callen, pass the firing range test?” Deeks asked.

He looked up from the notebook. “Yeah, was a breeze.”

“Glad to see you back.”

“Me too, Deeks.” But he wasn’t, at least not in every way he had hoped. He hated that part. Callen had hoped it would be like getting on a bike and riding it again. No. He sighed.

“Mr. Callen, I need to see you in my office.”

Damn, the acting operations manager. He shivered and hoped he could maintain his cool for however long she wanted to talk to him. Callen followed her into the now semi-enclosed office which Hetty had occupied.

“Have a seat, Mr. Callen. I’m Stacey Greenich, acting operations manager.”

Callen shook her hand and sat down.

“I’ll be brief, Mr. Callen.”

“Please call me, Callen.”

“All right. You surpassed the tester in the firing range as I hoped you would. Well done.”

“You set me up?”

“You could say that. I have my reasons. You’re being promoted to senior agent. I needed to make sure you could cut the grade.”

“Promoted?” Callen tried hard not to be too shocked. It was hard to contain himself. He wondered if Sam knew about this. He’d taken him into an area of their headquarters where neither one of them had been before. Yet Sam knew a place they could make love and not get noticed.

“Yes, there won’t be another operations manager. You and Mr. Hanna will work in tandem, he being second in command.”

“Thank you. What’s next?”

“I’ll bring the two of you up to date on specific items. First off, you’ll need a raise. I’ll show you the pay schedule and where you’ll fit in. Second, you’ll be sitting here. This is your office now. You’ll officially take over on Monday. However, you should be doing everything by Friday.”

“That’s only two days of training.” Callen’s heart beat harder. Nerves. He needed another secret rendezvous with Sam, his stress reliever.

“There’s not much that you don’t all ready know. Third, you’ll receive the highest security clearance. Let’s get you started.” She pulled out the pay schedule and pointed to six levels above his current pay grade.

This time he failed to contain his shock. His jaw dropped. Maybe this is how Sam could afford the penthouse suite? Maybe it wasn’t only Jethro and Frank paying for it?

“I need to update your biometrics: rescan your fingerprints, handprints, and your retina for the change in security clearance. I need a new photo for your driver’s license, your credit cards, documents, and passport. After that we’re finished for the day. Tomorrow, I’ll show you the ropes. I need you here earlier than usual, six am. It’s a twelve hour shift tomorrow to get you through all the necessary training. Friday, you’ll be here at eight am.”

“Sam too?”

“Of course, he’s a senior agent now, though not at your pay grade or level. Let me orient you to the desk and area. Come around to this side.”

Callen stood and hesitated. He was crossing that line and then it would all be different or so he believed. After pushing his chair in, he sighed and walked around the desk.

“Sit.”

He sat in the chair and felt odd doing it, like he didn’t belong there, yet. Monday, yes, it would be his.

“I’ll be right back.”

After a few minutes, Sam came up to the desk and sat down.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sighed. “I know you had to know about this.”

He leaned forward, grasped his lover’s hand.

“Damn it, don’t just sit there and hold my hand, say something, anything.”

“I love you.”

“Crap,” Callen said, keeping his voice low.

“You’ll do just fine, sweetheart.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’re a gentle, unpretentious, and fair leader.”

“Gibbs, I’m not.”

“No kidding, G, your style of leadership is completely different,” Sam said. “Each has his or her own style. You’ve found your niche so accept it and move on. Don’t fight yourself.”

“She sent you in here.”

He nodded.

“Damn, I’m that transparent?”

“You are now. I rather like it myself.”

“Why?”

“You’re approachable now which adds to your leadership capabilities.”

“You think so?”

Sam lifted his lover’s hand to his lips and kissed his ring finger. “I know so.” He laid his lover’s hand on the desk and stood. “Later, man,” he said and left.


	108. Chapter 108

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a reprieve of a week, Callen starts to have a memory.

Callen awakened at three am unable to go back to sleep. What awakened him had been a nightmare. Felt foreign to him. The last one was over a week ago. Why now? He slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Sam. Could be the on-the-job training which starts at six am. Could be the trigger he experienced when he walked into the penthouse suite’s master bathroom for the first time. Could be he was just overdue for one. Oh hell. He paced the dining room. Callen needed to exercise. That would help with these awful feelings in his gut and chest. He tiptoed back into the master bedroom and into the huge walk-in closet. After dressing in his sweats, Callen sat on the carpet, yes it was as plush as Sam said it was, and put on his socks and shoes. He threw on a light jacket and grabbed a flashlight from his duffle bag’s side pocket. Callen climbed off the closet floor and opened the closet door.

Sam.

Callen startled, stepping back several feet into the closet, nearly tripping on his duffle bag.

“What are you doing up so early?”

“Thought I’d go for a run.” A partial truth, a partial lie. What a way to start the morning?

“I’ll join you.”

“I need space.” He tried to keep his eyes on his partner knowing he’d suspect deception if he didn’t. Callen slid by him and crossed the room toward the living room.

“G, what’s going on?”

He stopped short of his destination and sighed, a short, shallow sigh, but he didn’t face his partner.

Sam came around and got in his face. “I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Callen stepped back a few feet. “Can’t do twenty questions right now.”

“Avoiding, G?”

He slumped down in a burgundy, leather, easy chair. “I need to run, damn it, I need it. Just stop with the questions.”

“I know you didn’t sleep well last night.” Sam sat in an identical chair opposite him.

“Damn it.”

“Tossing and turning.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad you’re admitting this.”

“It’s why I need to run.”

“I’ll buy that only you’re not going alone.”

“Why?”

“Frank told me to keep an eye on you when you go through memories.”

“I’m not going through a memory.”

“Bull shit.”

Callen sighed. Yeah, this was pure bull shit. “Why don’t you just admit it?”

“Okay, I know you had a nightmare.”

He shot off his chair and paced.

“I believe you need to run.” Sam stood, crossed the room and entered the closet. “You’ll wait until I’m dressed.”

Callen slumped down on the chair again and frowned.

“I saw that.”

“So?” He sighed, this time long and deep.

Sam emerged from the closet fully dressed. “I’m concerned.”

“Right.”

He crossed the room and stood in front of his partner. “This isn’t about control.”

“Yeah, right, not about control, you just have to run with me at this hour.”

“I’m following the suggestion of your therapist.”

“Okay, there’s a great copout.”

“What’s with you this morning?”

“I told you, I need space.”

“You’re not getting it while you run.”

Tears welled up in his eyes.

Sam drew G up off the chair, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I know you’re going through the beginning of something.”

“Yeah.” He sniffled and buried his face in his partner’s chest.

He rocked G in his arms. “I’m here, man, don’t hide this from me.”

“I’m not sure what triggered me.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe the bathroom.”

“The bathroom?”

“Damn it, yeah, the bathroom, reminds me of some place I’ve been.”

“Anything I can do to help you through this?”

“Make sure I don’t freak out in the bathroom and do something to myself.”

“You thought about—”

“I had a damned flashback in there this morning.”

“Sorry, G.” He stroked his back.

“I can’t stand this.” He wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck and shuddered. “I hoped, damn it, the memories wouldn’t come while we were here.”

“Don’t stop them, sweetheart.” Sam pulled back and kissed G’s forehead. “I’m here for you, whenever the memory comes.”

“What if I loose it at work?”

“I’ll take you home.”

“In the middle of a surveillance ops?”

“I’ll take you home.”

“You serious?”

“Yes, your sanity is worth more than your career.” Sam kissed him and slipped his hands under G’s sweatshirt, caressing the smooth, warm skin on his back.

“I’ll bet you would and take the opportunity to seduce my innocent body.” He smirked.

“Innocent? I’ll give you innocent.” Sam smirked. “Sounds as if you’re feeling better.”

“You do that to me.” Callen kissed him back. “I’d like to take this to the next step, but I do need to run.”

“As long as I can have my way with you when we’ve finished our run.”

“Catch me if you can.” He slipped his hands down his partner’s chest.

“I think I’ve done that.” Sam caressed G’s left hand and gently kissed his ring finger.

Callen gasped and pulled away. “Let’s get going before I change my mind.”


	109. Chapter 109

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their grueling run, Callen suffers from more signs of an imminent memory.

After their hour long grueling run, they both stood panting in the elevator as it took them to top floor of the hotel. Callen stared out the glass wall at the sunrise and early morning sky. Sam slid behind his lover, drawing him back into his body and stroking his chest. “I hope you’re not getting any ideas about doing it here,” Callen said.

“I’d love to seduce your sexy body right here and make you come all over the window.”

“Someone might see.” He whispered, turned on by the thought of making love to Sam in the elevator.

“I checked the glass, no one can see into the elevator.”

“You would.”

“After all, I’m an expert at surveillance.”

“I’ll bet.”

“I’ve kept my eye on you for three and half years waiting for the perfect opportunity to enrapture on your lovely body and claim you as mine.” Sam licked his lover’s neck.

Callen shivered. “Really?”

“Yeah, really.” He slipped his hand down the back of G’s sweat pants and caressed his buttocks. Callen gasped and pushed back. “You want it too.” He nodded. “Want me to take you in the elevator.” He nodded and shivered. “Yeah, nice.” Sam slipped his other hand under G’s sweat shirt, rubbing and pinching a nipple.

“Fuck.” Callen panted, wanting more. He pressed his chest forward into his lover’s fingers.

“Soon I’ll make love to you, bringing you to your knees screaming my name again and again.”

“Please.” He gasped hearing his lover describe with a sensuous tone how he’d make love to him.

Sam pressed the stop button on the elevator and slid behind his lover again. He inched G’s sweat pants down to expose his naked buttocks. “Going commando I see.”

“Always ready for you.”

“I like that.” Sam dipped down and kissed and licked his lover’s buttocks.

Callen gasped.

He grasped his lover’s buttocks with both hands and massaged them.

“Please.”

“No foreplay?”

Inside his mind, an explosion ripped through his defenses when he heard that word, foreplay. He jerked away from Sam, pulled up his sweats, and pressed the elevator button again.

“Easy, G.” Sam came behind him and drew him back into his body. “Trigger?”

“Worse, a body memory associated with that word. Don’t say it.”

“I won’t, sweetheart.”

Tears flooded his eyes. “Damn it. I wanted this.” He sniffled.

“We’ll have another opportunity—“

“Not here and now.” He broke down crying. Sam lifted G into his arms. “I wanted this time to be special and I didn’t need this crap. I wanted you to make love to me in the elevator. I hate this.” He buried his face in Sam’s chest.

“You can’t help it, sweetheart.”

When the elevator came to a stop, Sam strode out the door, opened the door to their suite, and walked into the guest bathroom. “Can I take your clothes off? Will that trigger you?” He set G on his feet.

“We’re not in our bathroom?”

“You had a flashback in there.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Make love.”

“We’re taking a shower, sweetheart, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

“Can I remove your clothes?”

“I’ll do it.” He stared over Sam’s shoulder.

“You’re triggered?”

He nodded.

“I let you take a shower by yourself then.”

“No!” Tears welled up in his eyes again. “I’m afraid I’ll do something to myself. I need you here with me. I hate this.”

Sam stripped off his sweats, stepped into the shower, and turned on the water.

Callen stared at him unable to undress.

“Come on, sweetheart.”

Flashbacks ripped through his brain. He shrieked and fell to the floor, curling his body into itself.

“G!” Sam rushed over to his side, kneeled beside his lover, and stroked his back. “I’m here, man, you’re safe.” He picked up his lover, undressed him, and brought him into the shower. Sam sat on the shower seat, rocking him and stroking his back. “I’m here with you, man.”

“Please, I can’t do it.”

“Do what?”

“Sex.”

“Not asking you to, sweetheart, just holding you.”

Callen sat up, wrapped his arms and legs around his lover, and rested his head on his chest.

“Flashbacks?”

He nodded.

“Want me to bath you? No-strings-attached, I promise.”

“Yeah, might feel good right now.” Callen relaxed in Sam’s arms as his lover washed his back. “Feels good. Thank you.”


	110. Chapter 110

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen loses it over ensuing flashbacks.

While Sam drove them to headquarters, Callen slumped in the seat, resting his head near his lover’s lap. Sam stroked G’s head and shoulders. “Feels good.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I could use some Valium right about now.”

“Maybe you should talk to Nate.”

“I’m not talking to him.”

“You two need to hash out this rift.” Sam caressed his face. “You might need him, like right now.”

“I can’t talk about this. Can we skip it?”

“I want you to see him later on today and work this out.”

Callen pushed Sam’s hand off him and sat up. He leaned against the door, keeping his eyes closed.

“You’re not letting this slide that easy. Come back over here and get stroked.”

“No-strings-attached?”

“Yeah.”

Callen repositioned himself, laying close to his lover.

Sam caressed G’s face and neck.

“Need this.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Sam parked the car behind the building and drew G into him. “I love you. Remember, if you get triggered or have flashbacks, you need to let me know.”

“And you’ll?”

“Take you some place private and hold you.”

“Oh.”

“You thought I had other plans?”

“Who knows?”

“You missed our morning lovemaking session?”

“Yeah. This sucks.”

“No sucking involved.”

“Don’t entice.” Callen kissed him. “Need to go.”

Sam kissed him back. “Go get ‘em, sweetheart.”

He gave himself a once over in the visor’s mirror and climbed out of Sam’s black Challenger. “Did I ever tell you how I love seeing you drive this beast?” Callen winked.

“You’re cruising.”

“I hope so.” Callen walked up to the old water plant building and opened the door.

Sam hurried over to his side and strode inside the building with his partner. “Have a good day, sexy, see you later.”

“Sexy, I like the sound of that, as a matter of fact, I could get used to hearing that.”

“Good, it fits you well.”

Callen entered the bullpen and fixed himself a cup of tea. _Hopefully this will soothe over my rough edges._ Tea was something Hetty had introduced him to. He remembered the day it happened and smiled. Afterward he frowned. A flashback stung his brain. He set the mug on the countertop and cringed. Callen panted as another flashback tore through his defenses. He grabbed the countertop, knuckles whitening. Inside he reeled from the pictures, seeing her, yes it was Hetty, watching him from the bathroom doorway. As suddenly as the flashback had come it was gone. Callen ran into the bathroom, entered a stall, kneeled down, and vomited up his breakfast. He shut the door behind him and hurled into the toilet again, shivering and shaking. Unable to kneel any longer, he slid to the floor and rested his chin on the toilet bowl. His face pressed against the cool porcelain, he closed his eyes.

# # #

“G!” Sam yelled finding his partner lying on the floor next to the toilet. He flushed the toilet and lifted him into his arms, bringing over to the sink. “Damn it, man, why didn’t you come get me?” He washed his partner’s face. That’s when he noticed G was out cold. He sat in his chair in the bullpen and called Nate. “Come on, answer, damn it.” The phone rang six times before he heard his voice.

“Yeah, it’s too early for me.”

“I don’t care, Nate, I need you down here ASAP.”

“What’s going on?”

“G’s out cold.”

“I’m dressing as we speak, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Make it five.”

“Speeding ticket.”

“I’ll pay it.” Sam hung up, stood again, and strode toward Nate’s office. He walked inside, set G on the sofa, and sat down. Sam pulled his unconscious partner’s head onto his lap and stroked his back. “What the hell happened, man?”

Callen stirred and moaned.

“Sweetheart.”

He lifted his head and glanced around. Nate’s office. “I need to get out of here.” Callen tried to sit up and fell back. “Feel like shit.”

“You look like shit too.”

“Thanks. What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Last thing I remember was resting my head on the toilet bowl.”

“I found you lying on the floor next to the toilet. You were out cold.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know.”

Callen tried to sit up again and same thing happened. He felt horrible. He scooted closer to his partner and laid his head in his lap.

Sam stroked his partner’s back. “Did you have more flashbacks?”

“Yeah.”

“Glad you’re telling me the truth.”

Nate entered his office, closed the door, and sat across from them. “You look like hell, Callen.”

“I feel like it too.”

“What happened?”

“I started having flashbacks yesterday and they’re worse today and I had a nightmare earlier this morning.”

“I’d like to call Frank and consult on this with him.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

“You and I are not exactly on good speaking terms.”

“I know, Sam’s says I need to hash it out with you.”

“And?”

“I’m willing to now, because I need to talk to you about this.” Callen hid his face in his hands.

“Flashback?” Nate asked.

“Yeah.”

“If you’re willing, I’d like to give you some low dose Valium in pill form.”

“I’m glad you didn’t say an injection, because I would fight you on that one.”

“At this point, I don’t think you need that, Callen.”

“Why did I pass out?”

“I won’t know until we speak further.” Nate stood and strode over to his desk. He opened a locked, desk drawer removed a prescription pad and a blister pack of Valium. After sitting down, he wrote out a prescription for Callen. “You need to fill this tonight. I’m giving you the Valium I have here, enough for today only. Take this twice today. If you need more let me know.” Nate passed the prescription and medication over to him. He stood and brought Callen back a glass of water.

“I take four?”

“Yes.”

Callen took the water from him and swallowed the pills.

“I want you to rest here until the medicine takes full effect.” Nate went back to his desk and removed another blister pack. “I’d like to try you on an antidepressant.”

“Why? I’m not depressed.”

“It helps with other symptoms of PTSD as well.”

“I don’t know if I’m interested.”

“Well, Callen, you might be if you plan to function at work with flashbacks and a memory looming over you.”

“I don’t want to be drugged.”

“I understand and I’m not pushing this on you, your choice. Try it for a week and see what you think. If you don’t like the way you feel on it, you can stop taking it.”

Callen reached out and took the medicine from Nate. “Take one?”

“Yes.”

He popped the pill in his mouth and chased it with the rest of the water.

“I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Wait, you’re talking to her aren’t you?”

“Yes, Callen, I think she needs to know what’s happening with you.”

“Damn it, now what, I’m going to be canned for this?”

Nate came back to the sitting area. “NCIS headquarters knows all about your situation. I’m simply informing her that today you going through a tough time.”

“Oh. I’m just a tad bit defensive.”

“I understand.” Nate left.

“Just a tad?” Sam asked.

“Okay, more than a tad. Satisfied?”

“Very.” Sam leaned over and kissed him on the head. “Close your eyes and rest for a bit longer.” He stroked his back.

“Anything to get in your pants later.” Callen smirked.

“You must be feeling better.”

Callen sighed and closed his eyes.


	111. Chapter 111

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen agrees to see Nate.

Callen was thankful the Valium worked on his symptoms. Might have been the antidepressant too. Though he doubted it worked this fast. The rest of the day passed without a problem and without more flashbacks. Sam checked on him several times throughout the day and even took him to lunch. Callen kept his food down too. Now there was the miracle. The nausea vanished after he took those pills earlier this morning. Maybe the antidepressant was a good idea.

He finished organizing the next day’s work and locked his desk drawers. Time for his appointment with Nate. He didn’t look forward to this. Callen walked the short distance down the hallway and into Nate’s office. He plopped down on the sofa, drew the blanket off the back of the sofa around his body, and laid down. Within several minutes, he was asleep and in the throws of a horrendous nightmare. His body twitched and jerked. He moaned and mumbled. She was there again, standing in the doorway of the bathroom staring at him. In the dream, he tried to move away from her piercing eyes and found he couldn’t even move an inch. He screamed when she started speaking to him. No, it wasn’t him, it was them. She was giving orders to these men. Callen screamed and kicked and sat straight up, eyes scanning the room, searching for her.

That’s when he saw Nate sitting at his desk. “You heard everything didn’t you?”

“Yeah, Callen.”

“Oh hell.”

“Kind of like being in therapy, but not being present.”

“Yeah.”

“You must’ve been tired. We can put this off until tomorrow morning.”

“Sam won’t like it if I do that.”

“Why is that?”

“I gave my word I’d talk to you.”

Nate walked over to the sitting area and sat across from his patient. “May I tell you about what happened at Sam’s and your house in Idyllwild?”

Callen drew the blanket around him, needing a layer of protection against an impending storm. “Go on.”

“I know you believe I betrayed you.”

“Yeah.”

“Sam and I both betrayed you.”

“Yeah.”

“We followed our supervisor’s orders until we both began to question her actions.”

“You discussed this, together, you and Sam?”

“Yes, compared notes, if you well.” Nate shifted positions on the chair. “I find this whole conversation quite unnerving for myself even. Would you mind if I got up?”

“No.” Callen laughed to himself as he watched Nate pace the room. Now he didn’t feel alone in his need to move when he talked about something volatile. Nate needed it too. His movements were smaller and he stopped more often.

“We decided I should contact someone outside NCIS and inform them of the situation.” Nate stopped pacing. “I knew Frank from years ago and the war and decided he was my best bet.”

“Wait, are you talking about Frank my psychiatrist?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell?”

“Hear me out, Callen.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Just that Hetty was acting strange and interrogating you.”

“And?”

“He arranged through the service, which provided your medicine to me, to alter the doses.”

“Alter them?”

“Yes, he lowered the concentration of Amytal and the Valium, thus diluting them.”

“You lied to me?”

“To prevent her from figuring out things,” Nate said. “To protect you from further abuse by her. To prepare you for a time when you had enough of her abuse and escaped.”

“You allowed me to escape by giving me less drugs?”

“Yes.”

Callen sighed. “And Sam knew about this all along too?”

“Yes, and he couldn’t tell you.” Nate stopped pacing. “Neither one of us could even give you a hint as to what we were doing with the medicines Hetty ordered me to give you.”

“Here I thought you were siding with her and becoming an interrogator.” He straightened, allowing the blanket to fall off his shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Callen, I wish there had been some way to let you know.”

“What about the court hearings with Frank?”

“I testified about Hetty interrogating you.” Nate sat across from Callen again. “Plus I presented an audio and video recording of her interrogation.”

Callen squirmed, now he _needed_ to get up and pace. He knew what was coming next. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it, especially right now with the current memory looming over him. Once again he drew the blanket tight around himself preparing for the words Nate would speak. “Which one?”

“The library.”

“Fuck!” Callen pulled the blanket over his head and shrieked. He shuddered and flashed, seeing her in the doorway of the bathroom leering at him.

“What are you seeing?”

“Can’t.”

“What do you need from me?”

“I need Sam, please get Sam. Damn it.” Callen curled into a tightened fetal position and rocked himself.


	112. Chapter 112

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The medicine and the impending memory take a heavy toll on Callen's mind and body.

After work, Sam and Callen looked at furniture for their home. It was part of their scheduled outings. Callen wanted to trash the schedule and hide out in the penthouse. Sam insisted their keep their appointment at the exclusive furniture store. It took a month to reschedule an appointment. That’s what Sam had told him. Callen trudged around the store in a daze. He’d taken a second dose of Valium which Nate had given him. Every chance he got, Callen rested his head on an armrest. First, it was a soft, supple, leather love seat in aubergine. Next, it was an even softer chenille love seat in chocolate brown. Callen actually fell asleep after a while on the chenille one. Sam had to nudge him a couple of times to wake him up. Did he snore? That would be embarrassing. He overheard Sam explain it as jet lag. Right, jet lag which lasted four days. More like drugged lag. Several more opportunities arose for Callen to rest his weary, drugged head and body.

Two long hours later, they finished shopping. Afterward they stopped to get Callen’s prescription filled and buy a take home dinner. Callen couldn’t keep his eyes open in the car. He settled in the seat and scooted over as close to Sam as he could get and laid down. His lover couldn’t keep his hands off him and Callen loved that about him.

He felt himself being lifted into Sam’s arm. “I could’ve walked on my own.”

“Yeah, right, I could just see you doing a face plant on the sidewalk or in the elevator.”

“So I guess this means we won’t be making out in the elevator.” Callen wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck and drew him down into a kiss.

“You need your beauty sleep, sweetheart.”

They reached their penthouse suite and Sam strode in the door, setting his lover down in the dining room. “I suggest you eat before you fall asleep in your food.”

Callen sat and rested his elbows on the table, his face in his upturned hands. In minutes, he was snoring.

“You going to eat, G?” Sam sat at the table with him.

He startled awake. “Didn’t I?” He rested his arms on the table and looked almost cross-eyed at Sam.

“If you call snoring eating, then you did.”

“I wasn’t.”

“That’s at least three times this evening I caught you snoring.”

“Embarrassing.”

“You’re tired but you need to eat.”

“I had a big lunch.”

“You needed it after driving the porcelain bus this morning.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I’m hungry.”

“You sure?”

“Tired.”

“More like pleasantly drugged,” he said. “At least you’ll sleep well tonight.” Sam stood and offered G his hand. “Let’s get you into bed.” He drew his lover into his arms and kissed his forehead. “Remember, I’m here if you need to talk. Wake me.”

“Even at three or four in the morning?”

“Especially at that time.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s when you usually have your nightmares.” Sam sat G on the bed and kneeled before him.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“No, but you need it.” He removed his lover’s shoes and socks. “Stand up and balance yourself on my shoulders.”

“I’m not that out of it.” Callen stood and almost did a face plant. “I guess you’re right.” He steadied himself with his hands on his lover’s shoulders.

Sam unbuckled G’s belt and unzipped his pants, pulling them off him.

“You coming on to me?”

“Would love to, but I don’t think you could handle it.”

“I’d love to handle it.” Callen smirked.

“Full of it even when you’re drugged.”

“I love you.”

“I know, me too. Sit, G.” Sam unbuttoned his shirt. “You didn’t wear that suit jacket I find so sexy.”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Sam slipped the shirt off his lover. “Stand.” He pulled G into his side, steadied him with one hand and drew down the bedcovers with the other. After settling his lover onto his side of the bed, Sam pulled the bedcovers up and tucked him in. He gave him a lingering kiss on the mouth, forcing his tongue inside.

“Please.”

“No, sweetheart.”

“Damn it.”

“You need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow morning we can do something.”

Before Sam stood up, Callen wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down to meet his lips. He planted a sloppy kiss on his mouth.

Sam pulled back. “Enough all ready, sweetheart. Go to sleep. I’ll put the food in the warmer.”

“Late night munchies.”

“Try early morning for you. I’ll be in a half an hour.”

“Wake me.”

“No.”

“Why?” Callen pouted.

“You do that pouty look well.”

“I just want to snuggle with you.”

“Okay, if you don’t awaken on the first nudge I’ll let you sleep.”

“No fair.” He frowned.

“Okay, three nudges.”

“I’ll take it.” He watched Sam leave, rolled over and faced the opposite wall. A few minutes later, he started crying. Callen didn’t know why either. The tears flowed and he curled into a tight ball, rocking himself.

“Man, why didn’t you tell me.” Sam undressed in a hurry and slid under the covers with his lover.

“It came on suddenly.”

“No flashbacks? No memory?”

“No, please just hold me.”

Sam drew his lover back into his body and wrapped his right arm around his waist. He caressed G’s face and neck. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” He kissed his head.

“I don’t want to be left alone right now.”

“Gotcha, not happening any more, I promise.” Sam tightened his hold around G’s waist.

“Thank you.”


	113. Chapter 113

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen awakens from a horrific nightmare about Hetty but still wants Sam to make love to him. He agrees to Sam’s lewd plans for sex in order to get his way.

At precisely three AM, Callen awakened and shrieked. He jerked away from the hands which held his body. With eyes wide open, he scanned the room, searching out the face he’d seen.

“Easy, G,” Sam said, leaping out of bed and readying himself.

“Don’t.” Callen scrambled off the far side of the bed, narrowly missing the wall when he lost his balance.

Sam came over to him.

“No, don’t touch me, shit, no.”

“Easy, man, you’re safe, it’s Sam. You know me don’t you?”

Callen only stared at him.

“I know that look, sweetheart, you just had a horrendous nightmare.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, you were kicking and screaming and thrashing.”

‘Thrashing?”

“Moving all over the bed.”

Callen sat on the bed and sighed. “Damn it, I don’t remember.”

Sam sat next to him and placed an arm around his shoulders, drawing G into his side.

“I remember only one thing, her.”

“Who?”

“Hetty, damn it, it was her again.”

“Hetty? Where was she?”

“I can’t see much, just her standing in a doorway. She’s talking to these men who are in the room with me.”

“Doorway of what room?”

“Damn, I can’t talk about that part, triggers me too much.”

“Okay, what do you need from me?”

“Hold me and snuggle with me.”

Sam and Callen climbed back under the covers again. This time they faced each other and entwined their naked bodies together. Sam stroked his lover’s back. “Good?”

“I wish we could, you know…”

“Make love?” he asked. “I think you’re too traumatized for that, sweetheart.”

“You’re right, but I want you.” Callen squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in Sam’s chest. “You said later and this is later.”

“No, means no, G.” He lifted his lover’s chin and gave him a light peck on the mouth.

“I have an alias all picked out.”

“I’ll bet you do, but this will have to wait.”

“You’re breaking my heart.”

“Really?” Sam pushed G onto his back and straddled his waist, pushing his hands above head and to the sides. “Doesn’t appear broken to me.”

“You don’t have x-ray vision. How can you tell?” Callen made his lower lip roll downward, exaggerating a pout.

Sam lowered himself onto his lover’s body. He sucked on G’s lower lip. “How about a no-strings-attached massage?”

“No, I need you… in me.”

“Demanding for a drugged man, aren’t you?”

“I’m desperate.”

“How desperate, what are you willing to do to have your way?” Sam simpered.

“Just what are you planning?”

“Well?”

“You mean I have to do something for you?”

“Yeah, something you refused to do the other day at work and in the elevator.”

“I wanted to make out in the elevator last night and you turned me down.”

“Damn it, G, you couldn’t even stand up on your own two feet last night.”

“True, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have seduced my willing, sexy body.”

“Man, you’re horny this morning.”

“Your damned right. I need you, please.”

“Promise you won’t fight me at work.”

“Oh crap.” Callen remembered what his lover was asking. “Somebody might come in there while we’re making love.”

“Your choice.”

“Can’t we settle for just the elevator?”

“I’m screwing you in the elevator Saturday morning. You’d better be lubed and ready.”

Callen’s jaw dropped.

“You want it lewd, I’ll give you lewd.”

“You like to tease me.”

“Sure do. What’s it going to be?”

“When?”

“Sunday morning.”

“What if—“

“No ‘what ifs’, G, either you agree or we have no deal.”

Callen sighed.

“Surrender?”

“Damn, you drive a hard bargain.”

“No, sweetheart, it’s a hard cock in your tight hole. Deal?”

“Nervous.”

“And?”

“Sam, you’re asking me to do something outrageous and completely out of my comfort zone.”

“And the question is do you want to make love right now?”

Callen lifted his head trying to reach Sam’s face to kiss him.

He pulled back. “Nope. Answer.”

“You’re frustrating the hell out of me.”

“Yeah, agree or forget it.” Sam rubbed his buttocks all over his lover’s cock.

“Damn you.” Callen panted and moved his hips trying to get his lover’s buttocks onto the right spot.

“I guess not.” He started to release G’s hands and climb off him.

“Stop! Okay, damn it, I’ll do it.” He made a face.

“You angry about this?”

“Places me in a compromising position.”

“Good, I love adventure and so do you.” Sam leaned over and planted a hard, forceful kiss on G’s mouth, pressing his tongue inside and sucking on his lips. “I expect you to have a solid alias by then.”

“I know just the one I’ll use too.”

“I can well imagine.” Sam winked at him. “You’ll need an alias for the elevator too.”

“What?”

“You’re good at devising and playing aliases so don’t fret.”

“You’ll test me both times?”

“You’re damned right.”

“I’ll need to read up on them later on today.”

“Let’s start this off with a massage.” Sam slid his hand under his pillow and brought out the massage oil.

“Ooh, damn, you played me.”

“Got that right.”

“You knew I’d agree?”

“Knew I could persuade you.”

“Because I’m desperate?”

“Yeah, desperate and sexy and curious and adventurous.”

“I’m so screwed.” Callen frowned.

“That you are and I can’t wait to screw you at NCIS headquarters.” Sam enveloped his mouth again, sucking, licking, and tonguing him deep. He poured some oil down his lover’s chest and over his nipples. With his forefingers and thumbs, he worked on G’s nipples bringing them to hardened nubs.

Callen moaned and squirmed under his partner’s expert ministrations. “Please.” He arched his back, pressing his chest into his lover’s hands. “More.”


	114. Chapter 114

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen gets his panties in a bunch over their upcoming Sunday morning tryst.

Halfway through Friday, Callen realized why Sam had persuaded him to play the two sex games. He wanted to take his mind off his worries and the emerging new memory. It worked. He could only think about Saturday and Sunday mornings. The latter occupied his mind more. _I’m the new supervisor and the possibility of getting caught doesn’t settle well with me._ As for adventure, he loved his job and that gave him all the adventure he thought he could possibly want and need. Now enter Sam. He wanted to take Callen on adventures which took him outside his comfort zone. He shivered half from nerves and half from desire. After lunch, he studied the aliases he’d chosen for the two days.

By the end of the day, Callen was satisfied with a job well done and ready for his first official day on the job. He locked his desk and the file cabinets. After grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair, he decided to head up stairs and investigate a specific area. Sam met him on the landing.

“Where are you going?”

Shit, caught in Sam’s surveillance eyes. He froze.

“I see, you’d better come downstairs with me.”

“I just wanted to check something out.”

“No.”

Damn, not fair. “You checked something out, but I can’t?”

“No.”

“What’s with the one word answers?”

“We’re on our way out to eat dinner.” Sam moved in closer. “We’ll have plenty of time to explore each other on Sunday morning.” He brushed the front of his lover’s pants.

“Crap.” Callen said, whispering. He swallowed hard.

“Very soon I’ll make love to you,” he said, keeping his voice low and sensuous.

He stepped back several inches until his buttocks touched the wrought iron railing. He bit his lower lip.

Sam left and took the remaining steps two at a time. “See you at the car.”

Shit. Callen released his breath with a long sigh. He followed his partner to Sam’s black, sleek Challenger. After climbing into the passenger seat, he buckled up and rested his head on the door frame, facing his partner. “I take it you set things up for Sunday.”

“Not telling.”

“Can’t you tell me one thing?”

“I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

“This isn’t fun.”

Sam released his seatbelt and his partner’s and dragged G over the center console with two hands on his collar. He slobbered all over G’s mouth, sucking and licking and tonguing him deep and hard. “You worry too much.” Sam unbuttoned his partner’s shirt and kneaded his chest and nipples. He slipped his hand down the back of G’s pants and stroked his buttocks.

“Fuck.” Callen’s breaths came short and shallow.

“Relax, man, we’ll have fun.” Sam pushed his partner back onto his seat and buckled his seatbelt for him.

“Damn, that was the hottest thing you’ve ever done to me.”

“More to _come_ soon, sweetheart.” He grasped G’s left hand, brought it up to his mouth, and kissed and licked each finger. “Shall we? Our reservation is at seven PM in an hour.” Sam started the car and put it in reverse.

“I think I’m in love.” He leaned against the door frame and watched his partner drive the beast to the restaurant.


	115. Chapter 115

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dinner a misunderstanding leads to a volatile situation. In the end, Sam and Callen kiss and make up.

After a leisurely dinner which took two hours, Sam and Callen strolled along the beach, hand in hand.

Sam stopped and faced G, taking both hands in his. “I love you, G Callen.”

Callen felt the heat rise to his face.

“When do you want to set the date?”

His jaw dropped. “I, wow.”

“Forgot about that?”

“Don’t know.”

“What time of year suits you best and where do you want to be married?”

“Maui, on the beach, Hawaiian Islands, New Years Eve.”

“Wow, now I’m blown away,” Sam said. “I didn’t expect such an exact place and time to come from you. This year?”

“Don’t know.”

“Well, think about it. That’s only a short time away.”

“Yes.”

“That was fast.”

“I want you,” Callen said. “I want you to marry me. I need you in my life.”

Sam dipped his head down and claimed his lover’s mouth. He wrapped his arms his lover’s waist and drew G into his body. “Damn, you make me so happy. Let’s get back to our suite so I can make love to your sexy body.” He took his hand again and strolled back to the car.

They both climbed into the Challenger and watched the last of the sun setting over the water and disappearing.

“Dessert?” Sam asked.

“All I need is you.”

He leaned over the console and drew G into him. “I want to make love to you in the elevator. Do you mind if it’s a few hours early?”

“Alias needed?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart.” He gave G a tender kiss on the mouth and sat back. “Damn, I can’t get enough of you.” Sam whispered.

“Nate Getz.”

“Don’t get all psychobabble on me now.”

“Before we can do this, I’ll need to psychoanalyze you.”

“Really? How do you plan on doing that?”

“I’ve devised a test.”

“What kind of test?”

“If you pass it, you make love to me. If you fail it, you fuck me.”

“I like this test. Fire away.”

Callen smiled. This was going to be hot. “One, what year did I start working at NCIS: LA?”

“Are you serious? Nate, this is a preposterous question.”

“No, _straight_ forward and quite simple.”

“The same year G. Callen started working, three, almost four years ago.”

“The year?”

“2008.”

“Two, do I approve of your relationship with G. Callen?”

“Yes.”

“How can you tell?”

“Easy, you encourage me.”

“Excellent. Three, what year did Freud die?”

“What?”

“You don’t know?”

“I didn’t expect a questionnaire.”

“You expected multiple choice?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I left the test at the office.”

“That’s a load of crap. You just want to get up those stairs and see what I’m planning.”

“You angry?” Callen shrunk back in his seat, unsure where his partner was taking this.

Sam started the engine and backed out of the parking space.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“Are you angry at me?”

“Just let me think.” He drove in silence back to the penthouse suite.

Callen tried to remain still. He willed his breathing to become shallow. Sam had gone from enjoying what he was doing to a silent partner. He shuddered. Maybe Nate as his alias was a bad idea. And maybe his choice for Sunday morning was even worse. He faced the road afraid to even glance at his partner to see what was happening with him. “What did I say wrong? Damn it, tell me.” Tears flooded his eyes. The sudden silence was killing him inside. The thought of hurting the man he loved tore at his insides.

As soon as Sam pulled into the parking space at the hotel, Callen climbed out of the car and ran to the elevator. He slid the keyed security card into the elevator door, got in, and pushed the button to the top floor. When he arrived, Callen opened the keyed door and ran inside. He hid in the closet, as far back inside as he could get, covering himself with his duffle bag.

“G! Damn it, man, where are you?”

Callen heard his partner searching the suite for him. He shuddered and shoved himself backward another inch. Tears fell on his cheeks and he wiped them away with the back of his right forearm.

Sam checked in the closet. “G, damn it, man, I’m sorry.” He crawled on his hands and knees to the back of the closet and sat next to his partner. “I shouldn’t… for some reason the questions angered me. I guess I didn’t expect you to pick Nate as your alias. Forgive me?”

He could only nod, his throat dry.

“Damn it, don’t do this, talk to me.”

Callen started crying.

“Oh, damn.” Sam slid closer to his partner, drew him onto his lap, and into his arms. “I screwed up.”

“I picked the wrong alias, it was stupid.” He buried his face in Sam’s chest. “The other one’s probably a fucked up choice too.”

Sam placed both hands on his lover’s face and brought his mouth up to meet his, tenderly kissing him on lips. “No, this is my fault. I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

Tears flowed down his face.

“G, please don’t cry.” Tears well up in his eyes when he saw his lover’s tears. He wrapped his arms around his waist, rocked him and stroked his back. Sam kissed each eye lid, his lover’s cheeks, his lips, and his neck, lapping up G’s salty tears. “Please say something, anything, damn.”

“Make love to me in the elevator,” Callen said, the tears still streaming down his face. “I need to feel you close, closer than sitting on your lap. I’m sorry I ran. I was afraid. Afraid you didn’t want me because I said the wrong thing. When you became silent, I feared the worst: that I hurt you. It hurt me so much.”

“When it was I who hurt you, G.” Sam climbed to his feet and pulled Callen off the carpet and into his arms. “You didn’t hurt me. I pulled back from you when you needed to hear from me.”

“True.”

“I can’t be doing that to you, no matter what.”

Callen wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck.

Sam lifted him into his arms and strolled toward the elevator. Once inside the cubicle, he pressed the stop button. He held his lover close, rocking him in his arms.

“What time is it?”

“Close to midnight.”

“Perfect.” Callen smiled.

Sam set G down and turned him to face the window. He pressed his body into G’s. After a lingering kiss on his neck, Sam sucked some skin into his mouth and chewed on it.

“Maybe I should’ve picked Dracula?”

“Then I’d need a stake.”

“Didn’t we have steaks for dinner?” Callen laughed. “That’s going to leave a mark.”

“I hope so,” Sam said, releasing the skin and licking it. “I’m marking what’s mine.” His voice seductive and smooth.

Callen’s knees weakened, he swayed.

“Like that?”

He nodded.

Sam kissed and sucked on his lover’s neck again. He drew G back into his chest, caressing his body.

“Please.”

“1939.”

“Damn.”

“You know what this means of course,” Sam said, lowering his voice. “A long drawn out, passionate, hot, lovemaking session where I enrapture your body until you scream my name again and again, begging me to take you.”

“Please make love to me, Sam Hanna.”


	116. Chapter 116

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam plays into Callen's easily turned on demeanor.
> 
> Callen makes Sam take care of him in the linen store.

“Are you sure these are the right colors?” Sam asked him as they shopped for towels at a mega-linen store.

“What?”

“Where’s your mind, G? In the gutter?”

Callen smirked. It was. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sunday morning.

“One track mind, sweetheart?” Sam stole a kiss.

“Here?” His mind panicked for a moment.

“No one was looking.”

He sighed.

“I need to get you back to the suite before you have a _hard_ time in the store.”

“What?”

“Did that get your mind off Sunday morning?”

“How did you know?”

“The dreamy, far away look,” Sam said. “If you want I could take you into the handicapped men’s room and seduce you.”

“Here in the store?” Callen whispered.

“Sure, why not?”

“Is nothing sacred?”

“You only want sex in normal places?”

“Normal?”

Sam said, “Bed. Bed. Bed.”

“I ought to slug you.”

“But you love me.”

G teased back. “We did it in the elevator.”

“Yeah, and that was hot.”

“We did it on the Lear jet.”

Sam whispered, “Ooh, and that was hot, sexy, and sweaty.”

“If you don’t stop talking about this—“

“You’ll take me into the handicapped men’s room and stroke my body?”

“What about this pattern and color?” Callen needed to keep his mind on other things besides sex.

“That was a smooth move.” Sam slipped his arm around his lover’s waist and nuzzled his neck. “Kind of like my moves on your body earlier this morning in the elevator.”

“Shit, Sam, please stop.”

“It doesn’t take much talk does it?”

“You’re evil.” No, it didn’t take much. His mind was stuck on one thing, the OPS Center tryst.

“And you love it.”

“That’s it, we’re going there tonight.”

“Ooh, I like taking orders from you.”

“Enough or we go there tonight.”

“Only six hours until midnight.”

“Yeah, six hours of pure torture.”

“I could arrange pure torture for you.” Sam licked G’s neck.

Callen startled.

“Aw, nice response.”

“Bathroom, now.” Callen pointed toward the restrooms and strode toward the handicapped one. He left the cart outside in the layaway department and entered the private bathroom. Sam followed him. Once inside, Callen locked the door and shoved his partner up against it. “Look what you’ve done to me.” He pointed to his pants.

“You sure you’re not Freud, being all stiff like that.” Sam smirked.

Callen laughed.

Sam kneeled on the floor, yanked down his lover’s sweats, and licked his cock.

Callen grabbed his lover’s head and pushed his cock all over his face. “Lick it. Now suck it. Yeah, take it.” It wasn’t going to take much after all that sex talk, and his mind fixated on Sunday morning’s tryst. “Damn it.”

“What?”

“Too fast. Open your mouth.” He came down his lover’s throat. “Take it all.” Callen thrust his cock into his mouth and panted hard, nearly breathless.

“Man, what have you been taking?”

“Huge doses of Sam Hanna and his hot fantasies.” He pulled up his sweats and bent over to lick Sam’s face.

“I see I missed a few drops. That was hot. Can’t wait until—“

“Don’t say it, I can’t keep my mind off it.”

“Neither can I.”

They both stood and hugged each other. Sam couldn’t resist the urge to slide his hand inside the back of his lover’s sweats.

“Please, no more.”

He gave G’s buttocks a big squeeze before removing his hand. “Let’s see, that killed another thirty minutes.”

“Who’s cruising now?”

At the same time, they both checked themselves in the mirror and straightened their clothes. Callen left the bathroom first and waited by the cart for his partner in crime.

“There you are.” Sam joined him, surrounded his waist, and slipped his hands down to squeeze G’s buttocks.

“Damn it.”

“Hot, can’t wait.” Sam whispered. “Let’s go shopping some more and kill another two hours.”

“How about some dinner?”

“Sounds good.”

After leaving the store, Sam stopped at a fast food spot and ordered a light dinner for them. They had both eaten a huge lunch.

“You know we haven’t talked much about moving into your house,” Sam said.

“That’s sure a huge change in subject.”

“Well, it’s something we need to discuss.”

“Nothing to discuss.”

“Why?”

“I’m moving in with my husband-to-be?” Callen said. “What more is there to talk about? I love you and that’s final.” But it was a partial truth. He couldn’t place his finger on it but something wasn’t right. Maybe the memory which he kept buried.

“You’ve changed.”

“I guess so. I’ve fallen in love with you. I no longer suffer from the issues which prevented me from getting close to people.”

“You trust me?”

“Yeah, more and more each day.”

“Good, because it’s about time to get ready for our early morning tryst.”

“Talk about huge changes in subject matter.” Callen smiled.


	117. Chapter 117

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen receives a frelting in the OPS Center.

When his partner entered the bedroom, Callen’s jaw dropped. What the?

“You like?”

Sam was dressed in supple, dark chocolate brown leather from head to toe. “Damn, I’m hard again.”

“That much of a turn on, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, you look delicious.”

Sam drew his lover up into his arms and hugged him.

“Damn.” Callen breathed in the smell of leather.

“Are you sniffing me?”

“Yeah.”

“This turns you on that much?”

“Yeah.”

“I think we need to get moving before you need relief in the elevator.”

A few minutes later, Sam and Callen climbed into the Challenger and drove to the NCIS Los Angeles headquarters.

Callen couldn’t keep his hands off of his lover. He stroked his leather covered right arm and leg.

“Now I know what I need to get more of, leather for my lover,” Sam said.

He scooted over and laid across the console wanting to be closer to Sam. “Man, I’m going to come in my pants if we don’t hurry up and get there.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” Callen stroked his lover’s leg up to his crotch, caressing Sam’s cock through the leather pants.

“Down, boy.”

“I can’t help myself.”

“I see that,” Sam said. “We’d better skip leather for an undercover ops. You can’t keep your hands to yourself.” He laughed.

“Not funny, I’d never survive an undercover ops with you dressed like this.” Callen caressed his lover’s cock again.

“G, you need to stop so I can focus on my driving.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah, sorry, sweetheart, you’re distracting the hell out of me.” Sam stroked G’s fuzzy head. “I love this buzz cut.”

“Me too.” He sighed, loving the feel of Sam’s hand. “Feels good.”

Sam pulled up to the rear entrance and stopped.

# # #

Callen lifted his head and sat upright.

Sam grabbed G by the collar and dragged over the console and out of the car.

“Fuck! What was that for?”

“Get your mind off your nerves.” He shoved him up against the hood of the Challenger and kneed his legs apart.

“Damn.”

“I’ll seduce and make love to your sexy body very soon.” Sam whispered, performing a sensuous body search on his lover.

“What the hell?” Callen tried to face him.

Sam shoved him face down against the hood of the car. “You’ll stay just like this, if you know what’s good for you.” He took handcuffs from his rear pocket. “Trust me?”

Callen shivered. “Yeah.”

“Good.” He handcuffed his lover’s wrists together and brought him to a standing position. Sam started to walk him toward the door.

“My knapsack.”

“Forget it, _boy._ ”

Callen shivered hearing the tone change in his lover’s voice. It was an order, not a suggestion.

Sam brought him over to the door and unlocked it. He opened the door and dragged G inside with him. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Safe word is frelted.”

Callen laughed. “I can handle that.”

Sam took G up to the OPS Center. He switched the light on and placed G in the room’s center. “Don’t move.” Sam covered his lover’s eyes with the purple, satin blindfold. Afterward he shut all the blinds and locked the room down, setting a private password for the door. He removed a small duffle bag from a locked cabinet and set up the contents on strategic areas around the room. Sam switched on two LED lanterns on opposite ends of the room. He switched off the light and came back to his lover’s side. “Triggered?”

“I’m fine.”

“Good.” Sam cut off G’s sweat shirt with a pair of scissors. He felt him shiver. “Cold?” Callen shook his head. Next he cut off G’s sweat pants.

“What are you going to do to me?” He asked, voice quavering.

“Frelted, G, remember.”

“Can’t you just—“

Sam covered G’s mouth with his, sucking and nibbling on his lips and tongue.

“Am I supposed to—“

“Nothing.” Sam removed the handcuffs and replaced them with leather cuffs lined with polyester fleece and fastened his wrists above his head. He pushed G across the huge light table facing the video screen.

“You aren’t going to… you know… me here?”

“You’re damned right I am, _boy_.”

Callen’s breathing hitched.

Sam moistened a finger and shoved it deep inside his lover.

“Ooh.” Callen moaned and writhed on the light table.

“Nice and responsive. Stay.”

He listened to Sam setting up some equipment in the room.

“You look simply edible lying there like that.”

“What if—“

“Stop worrying, I’ve taken care of everything.” Sam moved around to his lover’s backside and massaged his shoulders and neck.

Callen relaxed under his lover’s expert hands.

“Good.” He removed the blindfold. “Open your eyes.”

“Are you…”

“Filming our lovemaking session live so you can watch it on the screen.”

Callen swallowed hard. Damn it. “Can’t do it. Sorry.”

“What’s going on, G?”

“This, damn it, is a huge trigger. I think I had a flashback.” He squeezed his eyes shut willing them to disappear. Instead, the flashback intensified. He shuddered.

“G?” Sam rolled him over onto his back. “Safe word.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you. I want this.”

“You can’t handle it. Just say so.”

“Fuck,” Callen said under his breath.

Sam lifted him into his arms and removed the leather cuffs.

“No, damn it, put me down!” Callen squirmed and writhed in his lover’s arms.

“G, stop, man.” He sat in one of the OPS chairs and stroked his lover’s face. “Easy, man.”

“This sucks.” He relaxed, loving the feel of his lover’s hand on face.

“Tell me what triggered you.”

“The video camera. I can’t do it, sorry.”

“Then we’ll skip that part,” Sam said. “You should’ve used the safe word. That’s why I gave you one.”

“I didn’t because I wanted us to continue.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, right, I haven’t even talked about the other memory and you want me to just spit this one out.”

“I’ve kept your mind off the first memory for now.”

“That’s what this is about, the sex games?”

“Yes and no.”

“Well, they’re working if that’s what you had in mind. That is until now.” Callen rested his head on Sam’s chest. “I wish I didn’t get triggered like this.”

“Me too, sweetheart. What would you like to do?”

“This is good.”

“Did the manhandling trigger you?”

“I thought it was hot and sexy.”

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.”

“I got hard and then lost it up here.”

“Sorry, sweetheart.” Sam cupped his lover’s chin in one hand and dipped his face down to graze his lips across his lover’s mouth.

Callen squirmed on his lap. “I like that.”

“Looks like it. Shall we continue without the camera?”

“I’d love it.”

“With the leather cuffs?”

“Yes, please.”

“A polite and obedient slave.”

“Slave?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think I can handle that scenario.”

“Okay, what then?”

“This sucks.”

“How about your alias?”

“My clothes are in the car.”

“Do you really think I’d let you wear clothes?”

“No.”

“Slide into your alias as I slide into you,” Sam said, lowering his voice to a sensuous whisper.

“My safe word works with me quite well,” he said. “Before you can have me, I’ll have to hack into your brain and get more information on you.”

“Oh really, if you do that I have to frelt you.”

“Frelt me?” Callen raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Sam shoved G to his knees on the floor. “You’re not exactly in a position to fight me.” He grabbed the leather cuffs and attached them to his lover’s ankles. “See how far you get with those, tech boy.”

“Tech boy? I’m not just any old tech boy.” Callen crawled over to another chair and started to pull himself up into the chair.

Sam grabbed him from behind, lifted him into his arms, and threw him over one shoulder. “You’re mine, tech boy.” He growled.

Callen panted.

Sam laid G face down on the light table. “Be prepared to be frelted.” He blindfolded his lover. “Stay.” After removing the camera and accessories, Sam came back to the light table and removed the blindfold. “Get ready.” Sam unzipped his pants.

“What no frelt lube?” He laughed unable to keep a serious alias.

“I performed a frelt test on you before.” Sam dragged his lover to the edge of the light table and speared him.

Callen’s breathing hitched. “Fuck!” Callen panted and pushed his hips back to meet his lover’s.

“No tech boy, we’re frelting.”


	118. Chapter 118

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The memory looms close as the time for Sam and Callen to move into Callen's home draws near.

Sam and Callen sat on the closet floor together and packed their clothes in their duffle bags. Every couple of minutes, they’d face each other, lie down on the carpet, and smooch.

“Can’t get enough of you,” Sam said.

“Me too.”

“What’s on your mind, G?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s not your nothing look.”

Callen wasn’t excited about moving into his house. The furniture they ordered wouldn’t arrive until Tuesday, leaving not much to sit on. But that wasn’t the reason. It was something else and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Just the thought of moving back into his home made him cringe.

“G?”

“Damn, sorry.”

“Mind in the gutter again?”

“I wish.” Callen sat up and grabbed another item to pack.

Sam pulled G back down into his arms. “Remember, I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Face me, sweetheart.”

“Can’t.”

“Triggered?”

“No.”

“Flashbacks?”

He nodded.

“When did these start?”

“After we woke up this morning.” Tears flooded his eyes.

Sam stroked his face. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

“Damn this.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Oh hell, this man _could_ read minds.

“G?”

“I need to finish packing.”

“Packing can wait. I can extend the reservations if necessary.”

“My nightmares,” Callen said, pausing to think about how he would talk about this. “My bathroom, I remodeled it, and, damn, it looks like the one in my nightmares.”

“When did you remodel it?”

“About a month after I moved in.”

“So eleven months ago?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“I can’t do this.” He pulled away from him and scurried out of the closet.

“G!” He hurried after him. “What’s going on, man?” He asked when he entered the living room.

“I can’t move back in there with what I’m remembering.”

“Exactly what are you remembering?”

Callen stopped pacing the room and faced him. “I thought I remembered the worst.”

“Frank warned you this might happen and he warned me.”

“I need to run.”

“What?”

“I’m pacing so I need to run.”

“The hell you are.”

Callen backed away from Sam.

“What’s going on, man?” He stepped closer to his partner. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing.”

“I know better.”

“I need to run.”

“Because?”

“Shit!” His skin crawled, that’s why he needed to run. “It helps me deal with this.”

“This what?”

“Damn it, Sam, stop with the questions.”

“I’m playing my card.”

“What?”

“When’s the last time you lived in your house?”

“What do you mean?” Callen paced again. This question pried into an area of his life he thought no one would ever venture.

“I think you know exactly what I mean,” Sam said. “Answer the question.”

He swallowed hard, tears formed in his eyes. “I moved out after I remodeled the bathroom.”

“I wondered about that.”

“Why?”

“Because one day I stopped by after work and you didn’t answer the door.”

Shit. Callen stopped pacing and backed up several feet. “When?”

“I stopped by to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner,” Sam said. “The drapes and blinds were drawn so I couldn’t peek in to see if you were there.”

Damn it.

“G?”

“Please, I can’t go there right now.”

“Go where?”

“Where this conversation is going.”

“Why?”

“Damn it, stop asking me. Stop.”

“Something isn’t right, I’m missing a huge piece to the puzzle.”

Callen cried out, bending over and burying his face in his hands. He kneeled on the carpet.

Sam kneeled before him, drawing his partner into his arms. “What happened, man?”

“I freaked out.” He buried his face in Sam’s chest, shaking.

“Where?”

“In the shower, damn it, I lost it in the shower.”

“How?”

“I, crap, I cut on myself.”

“With a razor?”

“No, something far worse.” He saw himself in the shower bleeding from his arms and stomach. Callen shuddered.

“I think we need to call Nate.”

“No.”

“Did you take your Valium this morning?”

“Yeah.”

“Take another one right now.”

“I don’t need it.”

“G, don’t argue with me.” He stood and pulled him up into his arms. “Where are they?”

“Kitchen.”

Sam lead him over to the kitchen and placed an arm around his waist to steady him. Callen pointed to a cupboard. Sam took a pill out and gave to him. He gave him a glass of water. “Have you been taking these twice a day?”

“No.”

“Thank you for being honest with me.”

“I felt better so I skipped yesterday all together.”

“Every day, G. Every day, twice a day. And today?”

“I lied, okay.”

“None?”

“Yeah, I hate taking that crap.”

“It helps doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Not strong enough?”

“I don’t want to become addicted. Valium’s addicting.”

“What’s the real reason, G?”

“I don’t want to be drugged. Okay?” He hated being drugged into a stupor. His thinking became slow not to mention his ability to move and act if needed.

“I’ll buy that,” Sam said. “Let’s get you into bed.”

“What about our reservation?”

“I’ll take care of it. You rest.”

“You’re calling Nate?”

“Yeah.” Sam sat on the bed with him.

“I don’t want him here.” Maybe the rift in their relationship was healing but Nate might try to medicate him further. He didn’t want or need to drugged by him again.

“Tough, climb under the covers.”

“You’re angry with me?” Callen slid under the covers.

“No, concerned.” Sam tucked him into bed and kissed him.

He rolled over in bed, curled into a tight fetal position and whimpered.


	119. Chapter 119

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen talks about part of the memory.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Sam stroked his lover’s face, waking him from his nap.

“Better.”

“Good, because Nate is here and you two need to talk.”

“Damn.” Not what he wanted to hear.

“Sorry, I think it’s for the best.”

“Who’s best?”

“Both of ours,” he said. “You want to talk to him in here?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Whatever is most comfortable for you.” Sam kissed him once more and left.

Nate entered the bedroom, pulled over a chair, and sat next to the bed.

“Promise me you won’t call Frank.”

“I can’t do that, Callen.”

“Damn.” He grabbed two pillows and stuffed them behind his back and head and laid against them.

“Sam told me about the medication I prescribed for you.”

“Damn it, why?”

“Because you need to take it regularly and it will help.”

“Not with this.” He crossed his arms.

“Why don’t you think so?”

“I lost it, one hundred percent lost it, and nothing can change that.”

“Talking about it helps.”

“I can’t even do that.” He sighed, a short huff.

“You told Sam a bit. Tell me the rest.”

Tears formed in his eyes. He glanced away from Nate.

“You don’t have to look at me.”

“Thank you.” He wiped the wetness from his eyes with a corner of the white, Egyptian cotton sheet. “Damn. I thought I’d remembered the worst. But this, this goes beyond comprehension. I only want to talk about what I did after it happened. Don’t ask me what happened. I can’t do that right now, you hear me?” Callen raised his voice.

“I hear you. Go on. Do you need Sam to hold you?”

“I don’t know. He might get angry.”

“You did something to make him angry?”

“No, damn it, I went crazy, okay? Crazy!” The flashback haunted him, images filling his mind again and again.

Sam stepped into the room. “I don’t care what you did, G, I love you.”

“This will change that.”

“Nothing will change that, I promise.” He sat on the bed next to his partner.

“You’ll see and change your mind.”

“I won’t, G, I’m in this for good,” he said. “I’m not turning my back on you.” Sam pulled his partner onto his lap. “I’m going through this with you.” He wrapped his arms around G’s torso and shoved the pillows under his own back and neck.

“I have to face you and look at you?”

“No.”

Callen took in a shaky breath and sighed. “I lost it in the shower. It wasn’t a razor blade. It was, damn it, an X-acto knife.” He slid down Sam’s lap until he was laying on his side, his eyes closed. He shuddered, remembering how he had sliced his arms and stomach. “I needed to do it.”

“To relieve the pain, Callen?”

“Yeah.” A flashback rippled through his brain. He shook.

“Maybe this is why you hate knives too?” Sam asked.

“Don’t know.” He faced Sam and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Damn it, hold me tight.” Callen inched his way up his partner’s body, resting his head on his chest. Shivers ran up and down his spine.

Sam wrapped his arms around G’s back, holding him tight.

“I sliced my arms and stomach. Not deep, just deep enough to feel pain. I wanted to feel pain. I wanted it to hurt.”

“Because you hurt inside, Callen?”

“Yeah, I wanted to make it go away, but it didn’t.” He shuddered again. “I made them see it, made them look, forced them to know what they did to me, and I shrieked and ran through the house.”

“What do you mean, G?”

He cried. “I wrote it, damn it, I wrote it all over the house.” Tears fell down his cheeks.

“Wrote what, Callen?”

“In blood, my blood.” He buried his face in Sam’s chest.

“It’s still there?” Sam asked.

“I never went back. I couldn’t go back there after what they did.”

“What who did?”

“I can’t talk about it.”

“Maybe not to us, Callen, but you need to talk to someone. Frank?”

“Damn it. What will he think?”

“He’ll think something horrible happened to make you do this.”

“I hope so.”

“I’ll call him right now, right here.” Nate took out his phone and auto-dialed Frank’s cell number. “He’s in a conference until this evening.”

“Good.”

“I’ll take this in the other room when he calls.” Nate placed the phone in his lap. “What can I do for you?”

“Nothing.”

“How about some more Valium?”

“No.”

“You might need it later on.”

“I don’t want it. I don’t want to take any. I don’t want to be drugged.”


	120. Chapter 120

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen runs with Sam to relieve tension and stress and exhaust himself.

Callen clung to Sam, unwilling to be out of his sight for more than a minute. He lay on his partner’s body, unusual for him, but this way he knew when Sam moved.

“Sweetheart, I need to move.”

“I know. Don’t want you to leave me.”

“I said I wouldn’t and I meant it.”

“You think I’m hideous. Just say it.”

“No.”

“You’ll hide it from me.”

“I’m not hiding anything from you, G. At least let me turn on my side.”

“No.”

“Frank will be here within the hour.”

“That’s too soon.” Callen rolled off his partner and ran into the bathroom. He made it just in time before he lost his lunch in the toilet.

Sam rushed into the bathroom and gave him a wet wash cloth and a towel. “Can’t stomach this?” He stroked his back.

“Not at all.”

“You know Frank doesn’t have a bone of judgment in his entire body.”

“Doesn’t matter, he won’t understand me doing this.”

“He will.”

Callen trudged over to the sink and splashed cool water on his face. “I hate this.” He looked past himself into the mirror. It was the same look he gave himself eleven months ago when all hell broke loose in his life. The beginning of the end. He shuddered.

Sam came behind him, pulling G back into his body and wrapping his arms around his waist. “We make a handsome couple.”

“Yeah, we do.” Tears formed in his eyes.

“You’ll make it through this.” He kissed his head.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I promise.”

Callen pulled away and left the bathroom. The memory loomed closer. Soon he wouldn’t be able to stop its emergence. He needed to run, not run away, just run and run until exhausted and then sleep would come easily. Callen walked into the closet and sat on the carpet.

“G?”

“What?”

“I was talking to you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“What are you doing?”

“Running.”

“No, man, you need to stay here.”

“Damn it, I need to run. Come with me.”

“Okay.” Sam grabbed his running shoes and sat on the bed. “Sit next to me.”

Callen brought his shoes into the bedroom and sat next his partner.

“Thirty minutes is all we have.”

“Okay, I guess. I just need to run.”

“Want to run at the beach?” Sam asked. “That’ll tire you out faster. That is what you want. Right?”

“How did you know?”

“We’re more alike than you think. That’s how I relieve tension and stress too.” Sam closed the gap between his partner and him. He tilted G’s face upward and kissed him. “Let’s go.”

Thirty minutes later, Sam and Callen returned from their rigorous run. They rode the elevator up to the penthouse, both bent over and panting to catch their breath.

“Thank you, I needed that,” Callen said, still breathless as they showered together. “Please wash me.”

Sam pulled G into his body and massaged his entire body with the soap in his hand.


	121. Chapter 121

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Sam touches him, Callen loses it in the shower. The memory emerges.

The moment Sam touched his body, he freaked out. He twisted and squirmed to free himself from Sam’s hold. The memory took hold of his senses, his body, his mind, and emotions. He kicked, punched, and screamed at his assailant. Exhausted by the battle, he fell to the shower floor and curled into a fetal position, wailing. He felt several hands carry him into the bedroom, placing him on the bed.

_Damn it I lost it again._

“G?”

Sam, oh crap. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m okay.” He stroked his partner’s face and neck.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Frank arrived about the time you freaked out in the shower.”

“Boy did I freak. Damn it.”

Sam pulled G closer into his body, cuddling him.

“The memory, Callen?” Frank sat on a chair close to Sam and Callen.

“Yeah.”

“How long have you held onto this memory?” Frank asked.

“Too long. It emerged right after… oh hell… right after Sam proposed to me.”

“That was a week ago,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I couldn’t talk about it.”

“You need to now, G.”

Callen wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist and cringed. He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing away the images which threatened to overwhelm him.

“Easy, man, you need to tell us.”

“Maybe I need to be drugged.”

“How much Valium have you taken,” Frank asked.

“Obviously, not enough.” Callen sighed. “Three but it doesn’t seem to help.”

“I want to give you an antipsychotic.”

“Not that drug.”

“You need it.”

“Fuck, no.” Callen opened his eyes, sat up, and scooted backward away from his partner. “I hate the way it makes me feel.”

“G, listen to him, man.”

“Screw you! No way.” He started to climb off the opposite side of the bed.

Sam reached out and grabbed his partner’s arm. “You’re staying on the bed.”

“I’m getting away from you two.” Callen yanked backward. “I don’t want that kind of drug.”

Sam pulled G back into his side, holding him tight.

“Sam, stop, please let me go.”

“Don’t fight me, listen to what Frank is telling you.”

“I don’t want to be drugged like that. I want more Valium.”

“You said it isn’t doing the job,” Frank said. “Maybe this memory is worse than—“

“Damn it.” Callen buried his face in Sam’s chest. “It’s the beginning of the end of my life as I’ve known it.”

“What are you talking about, G?”

He shuddered, flashbacks ripping through his brain. “Can’t tell you.”

“The medicine would help you talk, Callen.”

“I’m not stupid, I know what you’ll do after you’ve drugged me like that.”

“What will I do?” Frank asked.

“Drag me into my shower and rape me.” He whispered.

“Who drugged you and dragged you into _your_ shower?”

Callen shuddered and cringed. “He did.”

“Your father?”

“Fuck no, asshole!”

“Easy, G, he’s just—“

“I can’t. Stop asking me questions.”

“Why do questions bother you, Callen?”

“Oh shit.” _I never thought about why questions bother me. Now I know._

“G?”

“It’s because of this.” He couldn’t just come out and tell them. They asked him to do something which cut across the very fabric of his existence. Everything he knew and who he was. Their question threatened his life’s work, his career, and his job. He shivered and glommed onto his partner’s body. _Sam would’ve fought them._ _But I did not._ Tears fell down his face, splashing on Sam’s bare chest.

Frank reached for his brown leather bag which was laying on the bed at Sam’s feet.

“No!” Callen yelled. “Please let me go, Sam”

“Hold him tight.”

“Damn it, not that drug, I told you, please I’ll do it.”

“Do what, G?”

“Shit, please, no more drugs.” He flashed on the tea. A strange feeling crept over him after he drank it. Said she would love to make him a cup of tea. She fixed it for him. He swayed, feeling lightheaded and needing to lie down. The feeling intensified and he collapsed on the floor before he could get horizontal in his bed.

“Who drugged you, Callen?”

He whimpered.

“G, I’m here. You’re safe.”

“She was my friend.”

“Hetty?”

“Yeah.” He shuddered and flashed again on the tea. “I thought she wanted me to like tea.” More tears fell on Sam’s skin. “She brought over a gift to celebrate me finishing the shower’s remodel. Tea. I hate her tea now. Hate it.”

“She drugged the tea, Callen?”

“Hell yes.” He cried, tears streaming down his face. “I trusted her, damn it, trusted her. Why did I trust her? How could she do this? Why? Damn it, tell me why. What the hell did I do? Nothing, damn it. Nothing.”


	122. Chapter 122

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the memory unfolds, Callen freaks out and Frank medicates him with an anti-psychotic drug.

Callen shifted his position next to Sam. “You’re drugging me, Frank?” He asked, tears still streaming down his face.

“No, you’re talking and doing okay.” He set his bag on the bed again.

“Can I rest for a bit?”

“No, Callen, I need answers.”

G asked, “You want to interrogate me too?”

“Where’s this coming from?”

“Everyone does it, so why not you?”

“Have I ever done it to you?”

“No.”

“But you believe it might happen anyhow.” Frank sighed. “I don’t how I can convince you.”

“You can’t.” Callen sighed. “While I was incapacitated from Hetty’s special tea, she let Vance into my house.” He shuddered and flashed on seeing him in a fog-like vision. “He dragged me off the bed and took me into the bathroom. I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t even fight him. Hell, I wanted to get away but my body wouldn’t respond to my brain. It was as if I were a rag doll, flopping around while he carried me, my limbs unresponsive to nerve impulses. I knew what was coming, or so I thought. Damn it.” He trembled and cringed. “Someone else was in there the bathroom. I think it was my father. Don’t know.” A flashback ripped through his defenses. Callen jerked away from Sam, curling into a fetal position and wailing.

Sam turned over on his side, wrapping himself around G’s shaking body. “I’m here, you’re safe.” He stroked his face and neck.

Callen scooted backward seeking more skin contact with him. “Vance asked me, damn it, asked me to do it. I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, goes against everything I am. Damn him, damn him to hell.” He shuddered, hiding his face in a pillow. “I said no and he, shit, he and my father raped me.”

“You know it’s your father?”

“Yeah, I can see him now, my vision is foggy, but I can see him and smell him.” He remembered the smell of his after shave and it sickened him. “Hetty’s talking to them. I can’t tell what she’s saying. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.” He wrenched himself free from Sam’s hold and scrambled off the bed.

Frank met him on the other side of the bed. “Easy, Callen, calm down.”

“Fuck no, get away from me.” He backed up against a wall and shook.

“Easy, G.” Sam crawled to the other side of the bed, bringing Frank’s brown leather bag with him.

“You’re not drugging me, damn it.”

“You need help, Callen.”

“Please don’t, please.” He whimpered.

Frank eyed Sam.

“I saw that, I’m not stupid.”

“I know, easy G.” He climbed off the bed and handed the satchel to Frank.

“Don’t you dare.”

Sam lunged at G, grabbing and wrestling him to the carpet.

“Fuck, get your damned hands off me!” Callen thrashed and twisted his body.

“Easy, G, calm down.”

“Bastard.”

Sam pressed G into the carpet and shoved his elbow between his shoulder blades.

“That hurts, stop this, you fucker.” He kicked and squirmed trying to free himself.

“Settle, G, and it’ll make things easier.” He scissored his partner’s legs. Now he laid on his partner lengthwise and had him completely under control.

Callen cried.

“That’s it, man, let it go, let it all go.”

Frank kneeled and swabbed his patient’s left biceps area. “A sharp prick.”

“That you are.”

“Sounds like Smarty Marty is back in town.”

“Not funny.”

“Relax and don’t fight this, G.”

“Give the drug at least fifteen minutes to take effect before you release him.”

“Bastards.” He sucked on his lower lip. The flashbacks started again. “Please, make this go away.”

“Not a good idea, sweetheart.”

“I thought you loved me.”

“I do.”

“Yeah, right, why did you tackle me like that?”

“You freaked out again, man.”

“I didn’t freak out, damn it, I couldn’t handle what I was seeing and hearing.”

“Whatever, G, Frank and I both saw it.”

“Saw what?”

“The change in your behavior.”

“This is so screwed.” He sighed and relaxed, the medicine starting to work.

“I need access to your home,” Frank said.

“No fucking way, no one’s seen it and no one’s going to see it!”

“Where does he keep a key?” Frank asked.

“You tell him and our relationship is history,” Callen said.

“I don’t want to say, but Kensi knows.”

“Bastard! I hate you.”

“Grab my phone off the nightstand and I’ll call her.”

“I’ll kill you!”

“Fat chance, G, you’re drugged and I’m lying on you.” Sam dialed the number. “Kensi, I need you to meet a guy named Frank at Callen’s house. Don’t enter the house but give him access. Thanks. Oh and call Nate and tell to come here with full color printer. He knows where we are.”

“Kensi don’t, please don’t.” Callen whimpered.

“Ignore him, Kens, later.”

“Damn you!” Callen pushed upward.

“Pathetic, G, you should’ve taken me up my offer to teach you wrestling.”

“When you get off me I’m going to—“

“Make love to me?” Sam nuzzled his partner’s neck.

“Sam!”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

G’s cock had hardened in spite of being drugged. “I’d like to be angry at you.”

“But?”

“You’re messing with my senses and my body and, damn it.”

“It’s not working?”

“No.” Callen sighed and relaxed more.

Sam stroked his head and face. “That’s it, G, relax and let it go for now.”


	123. Chapter 123

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetty insures Callen has no future with the federal government.

Frank came back to the penthouse with a digital camera filled with pictures. Nate brought the color printer to the penthouse. Together the two men printed off the photographs.

Sam picked up the photographs as the printer spit them out. His jaw dropped. No wonder G was having a difficult time talking about what happened. He could barely stomach seeing those words written in G’s blood.

“This goes no further than this room,” Frank said.

“Meaning?” Nate asked.

“No one else sees these photographs unless I approve first.”

“What’s with the mystery?” Sam asked.

“I think I know what they asked him to do,” he said. “This involves the weapons arsenal Callen purchased.”

“How do you know so much about this stuff?” Nate asked.

“I’ve had more than one patient with a similar abuse background. This is eerily familiar.”

“What’s going on in here?” Callen asked.

“Hey, sweetheart, you shouldn’t be out of bed.”

“You mean I should be listening to your conversation or seeing those photographs.”

Frank eyed Sam.

“Out now, G.”

“I have a right to see them.”

“You may have a right but you can’t stomach them.” Sam strode over to his partner’s side. “Come on, man.” He took his hand to walk him out of the room.

Callen twisted free and backed up several feet. “I remember what I wrote.”

“There’s a difference between remembering and seeing it again,” Frank said. “You left your house and never returned for a reason.”

“And I know what that reason was.” He sighed. “Let me see at least one.”

Frank scrolled through the photos on his camera until he found one which could possibly trigger his patient. “I’m showing you this one on purpose.”

“To trigger me, right?” Callen asked. “I figured you would. Let me see it.”

Frank came along side him and presented the picture. “Remember?”

“Yeah, I did before you drugged me.”

“But you refused to talk about it,” Frank said. “Tell me what they did to you with this.”

Callen stepped back a few more feet. “Tortured me.” He whispered.

“How, Callen?” He handed the camera back to Nate to finish printing the photographs.

“Shit.”

“You’ve held this within you far too long.”

Callen kneeled on the carpet in the hallway outside the dining room and whimpered.

“Sam you may want to hold him.”

“What the hell did you show him?” He strode over to G and sat on the carpet by him.

“It doesn’t matter, he remembers.”

Callen crawled onto his partner’s lap, wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist. “Hold me, I need you to hold me tight.” He shivered, the memory now here. “They made me stand in it. I couldn’t stop them.”

“Stand in what?”

“The basin filled with water.” He cringed. “They sprayed me with water and used electricity on me.”

“You mean shocked you?”

“Shit, yeah, they shocked me, wanting me to follow their orders, her orders,” Callen said, his voice monotonous and lifeless.

“Her orders? You mean Hetty?”

“Yeah, she kept asking me if I would do it.”

“Do what, Callen?”

“Damn it.” He shivered, hiding his face in Sam’s chest. “Tighter damn it. Use the weapons in a terrorist plot.”

“Were you threatened if you didn’t agree?”

“I had to quit,” he said. “I resisted buying the weapons. It took me six months to follow through with that order.”

“And you never used them. Never planned a terrorist plot.”

“Instead, I gave her what she wanted, told her I’d quit at the end of my fourth year.” He shivered. “I couldn’t obey her. It goes against everything I believe in and I stand for. I don’t know what she wanted from me. Except for me to quit. I finally figured that out at the very end. It’s what she wanted all along. I was so blind I couldn’t see it. Push me far enough and I’d break one way or another.”

“That’s why you were saying you quit at your Idyllwild house,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I told her I’d quit five months ago.”

“Callen, this was all under duress. She threatened you with further torture,” Frank said. “It voids your resignation. The conference I’m attending is on your behalf.”

Callen faced Frank. “What do you mean?”

“The federal government wants you to quit working for NCIS.”

His jaw dropped. “Did Hetty set this in motion?”

“Yes.”

“Vindictive,” Callen said.

“You’re a liability to them,” Frank said. “You now remember most of what they did to you.”

“So they want to oust me.”

“Yes.”

Callen shuddered, a flashback smashed against the wall of his mind.

“A memory?” Frank asked.

“Can’t talk about this.”

“Were threatened if you did?”

Callen said, “Yeah.”

“Something they said to you?”

“How did you know?”

“Remember, I told you I have several clients with a similar history.”

Callen wrenched himself free from his partner’s hold and climbed off his lap. He backed away. “I’m hearing her... Oh shit.” He tried to breathe but felt as if someone had punched him in the chest, knocking the wind out him. Callen edged back down the hallway toward the bedroom. “‘You’re a government owned experiment.’ That’s what Hetty said to me,” he said, whispering.


	124. Chapter 124

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen runs on the beach until exhausted.

Dawn. His favorite time of the day. Running at this hour gave him freedom to think and be alone. This time of day was his, silent humans contrasted with songs of birds. Callen awakened early as usual, dressed in his running gear, and sneaked out of the penthouse. Once on the beach, he ran until his lungs burned from the cool autumn air. He estimated his run took an hour by the way his body felt afterwards. Exhausted, he collapsed to his knees in the sand facing the water. He sat watching the ebb and flow of the waves on the shoreline. At least this was soothing.

He knew Sam would be searching for him by now but he didn’t care. No cell phone with him, no way for Sam to call him.

Frank had left for the conference well before dawn.

Callen didn’t bother to show up for work. Neither did he call into NCIS headquarters to inform them of his intentions. By this afternoon, he was history. Callen sank further onto the sand, drew his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them. Tears flooded his eyes.

His career was gone. The reality hit him in a dream he had earlier in the morning. It was a dream not a nightmare. His first dream in years. It amazed him how much clarity he had about the dream. If he only could have that much clarity about a new career path.

Pleasant memories of his last three and half years at NCIS faded in the face of the horrible memories he now lived with daily.

Without a word, Sam sat cross-legged next to his partner and lover. Callen leaned into him, resting his head on his lover’s chest. Sam wrapped his arm around G’s shoulders. “Missed you, sweetheart.”

Callen sighed.

“Interested in breakfast?”

“Not hungry.”

“Let’s just sit here a while longer.”

“Can we lie here on the sand?” Callen asked his voice quavering. “I just want to forget about everything right now. I want to forget the world exists beyond ourselves.”

They wrapped their arms around each other, lying back on the sand.

“I don’t have words to describe how I’m feeling,” he said, snuggling closer to Sam. “Who am I now? Where do I go? I was my career and now there’s nothing.”

“I’m here.”

“You don’t have to be, but I have no choice.” He buried his face in his lover’s shoulder.

Sam tightened his arms around G as his body convulsed with wracking sobs.


	125. Chapter 125

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen wants payback. Sam discourages it.

Callen sat on his lover’s lap in the hot tub while Sam massaged his shoulders. “How’s that, sweetheart?”

“Need more.”

“Can’t get enough of me?”

“Can’t get enough of this and of course you.”

Sam nuzzled his neck.

“Trying to get somewhere?”

“Would love to but I’ll wait until our company is gone. I have plans for this evening.”

“Poached G?” Callen laughed.

“Only if you’re up to it.”

“Was that meant to be lewd?”

“No, silly, I know you’re going through a lot right now.” Sam wrapped his arms around him again. “Your mind is in the gutter.”

“You do that to me.”

“Shall we get out and take a shower?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to do anything, but stay right here with you,” he said, lying against Sam’s chest.

“Frank needs to talk to you.”

Callen sighed. “Damn it. I don’t know if I want to hear what he has to say.”

“Might be good news.”

“Fat chance.” He slid off his lover’s lap into the hot tub and dunked his head under the water. After a minute, he surfaced to lay on his back. “With my luck lately, it’ll be screwed news.”

“Maybe not,” he said, sliding into the water beside him and lifted him into his arms. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

“Come on, man, let’s get out before we both shrivel up into nothing.”

“Would be bad for me,” Callen said. “You wouldn’t be able to pick me up and I love that about you.”

“Bad humor, G.” He stepped out of the hot tub and set him down.

“Yeah, thought so myself too.” He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his naked body.

“Glad you have a little modesty for Frank’s sake.” Sam smirked.

“And you?”

Sam grabbed his towel and smacked his partner’s ass with it.

“Ouch.”

“Ouch?”

“It smarts.”

“You’re acting too cute not to get frelted later on.”

“We can’t do that here.”

“You want to say your last farewell to NCIS Los Angeles Headquarters?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Callen said, thinking about leaving something behind.

“Where’s your dirty mind now?”

“Imaging how I’d mark the OPS Center.”

“I can imagine what you’re thinking.” He wrapped the towel around his waist.

“They deserve it.”

“Eric and Nell?”

“No, the administration.”

Sam grasped G’s waist and drew him back against his body. “I’d rather frelt you here, sweetheart.”


	126. Chapter 126

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank lays down the points of the settlement.

All three men sat in the living room at the penthouse.

Callen settled close to Sam, skin contact would’ve been his preference. He steeled himself against the news Frank was about to share.

“Ready to hear what I have to say?” Frank asked.

He cringed.

“They reached a settlement.”

“What?” Callen pulled away from Sam. “A settlement? I don’t understand.”

“I returned to the conference today with an attorney friend of mine,” he said. “Without him, I believe the federal government would’ve done their best to shaft you, and you’ve been shafted enough by them.”

“I don’t understand where this is going.”

“Simple, Callen, you deserve to be paid for pain, suffering, and career loss for what the government put you through.”

His jaw dropped.

“And I made sure you got what you deserve.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Nothing. You don’t owe me a thing,” Frank said. “Well, except two things. Number one, I want you to do something with your life. And number two, I want you to be happy. You deserve that much after what happened to you.”

“I take it I’m not the only one you’ve gone to court for?”

“You’re right.” He sighed. “Wish there never were any patients who had things like this happen to them.”

“And?”

“There are three settlements.” He lifted several papers off the black, marble coffee table. “The first is for Sam’s house. Full buy out at above market value.”

“Why above?”

“Future loss if market regains momentum,” Frank said. “Next, full buy out for both your Idyllwild and your Toluca Lake houses. Same deal as Sam’s house, above market value.” He turned to the next page. “Last, is your settlement.”

“How much do the houses come to?”

“Millions, Callen.”

His jaw dropped. “Millions?”

“I wanted to make sure you were well compensated for your losses,” he said. “Your settlement tops that number. Five million dollars.”

His jaw dropped again. “Five million dollars?”

“No attorney or consulting fees.”

“I never expected something like this.”

“I pressed them to throw in one month at the penthouse.”

“And what’s the catch?” Callen asked. “If I know the government as I’ve gotten to know them, there’s always a catch.”

“You can’t work directly for the CIA, the DEA, the FBI, or NCIS ever again.”

“Great.” He sighed. “Not that I’d want to work for the other agencies again, but NCIS in no capacity?”

“In exchange, you can provide independent outside services for them,” Frank said. “And they have a lifetime anti-harassment clause against them.”

“They can’t harass me ever again?”

“Correct. What do you think?”

“I think some of it sucks.”

“I’m glad to you didn’t say all of it, G.”

Callen stood and paced them room. “And don’t tell me to stop pacing, Frank.”

“Not going to.”

“What do I do now?”

“Simple, anything you want.”

“Yeah, except work for NCIS.” Damn it. _I love my career._

“G, you’ve got money, enough that you could live off the interest.”

“And what about you, Sam?”

“They included a severance package for Sam and you.”

“Wait, severance package and the settlement?” Callen stopped pacing.

“Yes.”

“Damn, what do I have to do?”

“Sign the papers.”

“Sign my life away.”

“No, G, sign away that life and start a new one.”

Callen stared at his partner. “I don’t know even where to begin.”

“How about with me and getting married?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Then what?”

“We can do anything, anywhere,” Sam said. “What’s wrong, G?”

“I feel lost, don’t have words to describe how I feel.”

“That’s understandable,” Frank said. “Expect to go through some more grieving over this loss.”

So Sam told Frank about his run on the beach.

“G?”

“You told him about my run?”

“I thought it was a good idea under the circumstances.”

Callen sighed. “Any excuse.”

“You’re angry with me?”

“And about all our rendezvouses?”

“Where’s this going, G?”

“I guess I’m angry about you talking to Frank,” Callen said.

“We’ve an agreement about sharing if it’s to do with your mental and emotional health,” Frank said.

“So nothing’s secret?” Callen asked. “What the hell did you tell those people at this conference? Huh?”

“Whoa, back down, Callen.”

“I want to know what you did to get this settlement.”

“You’re not angry with Sam are you?”

“No.”

“I did whatever it took.”

Callen cringed and asked the worst question he could imagine. “You used the pictures?”

“Had to.”

Callen’s jaw dropped.

“Why do you think I printed them off?”

“Don’t know,” he said. “I didn’t think about anything, but seeing them and you viewing them. Never thought about someone else viewing them. Damn it. What about everything I shared?”

“I presented a summary to them.”

“Great.” Damn.

“All records they gathered on you from the hearings have been returned to my care for safekeeping.”

“You don’t think they kept copies?”

“I know they didn’t because the settlement prohibits it,” Frank said. “I’ll leave you a copy of the settlement for you to peruse before you sign it.” He stood and stretched. “I’ve had a long day, I’m turning in for the night.”

“Where are you staying?”

“In the same hotel as you, but a more _modest_ suite.”

“Was that supposed to be your first joke?” Callen smirked.

“As close as I’ll ever come, take it or leave it.” Frank left.


	127. Chapter 127

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen and Sam plan their wedding and honeymoon.

Callen leaned over Sam’s shoulder while they laid on the bed, relaxing and planning their wedding and honeymoon. “I like that one,” he said, pointing to the house on the beach.

“So far it ranks as my favorite too,” he said, putting the iPad2 on the nightstand. “But I like this better.” Sam dragged his lover over the top of him and into his arms. “You’re all I need.”

“Me too.”

“A house is far better than a hotel?”

Callen said, “For me.”

“Are you going to carry flowers?”

“Too traditional for me.”

“What then?”

“A lei for getting laid later.” Callen smirked.

“You’re cruising and we’re not even married.”

“Can’t get enough of you.”

“All playfulness and sexiness aside, we need to plan our wedding.”

Callen said, “I want a simple one.”

“How simple?” Sam asked.

“Just you and I and someone to marry us.”

“We need a best man.”

“Maid of honor?” Callen smirked.

“Kensi?”

“I’d like that.”

“Best man? Leroy Jethro Gibbs?”

“You would do that for me?”

“I’d love to do that for you.”

Callen kissed him. “Thank you.”

“Shall we get this all written down, make our reservations, and send out our invitations?” Sam asked.

“No.”

“Why?”

Callen sighed. “Because I’d rather spend the day with you in bed.”

“We’ve been here all day as it is.”

“I’m enjoying your company.”

“You can enjoy it while we’re making our reservations.”

“I guess we better or we’ll have to make love on the beach in Maui.” G winked at his partner.

“Ooh, I like the sound of that,” Sam said. “You becoming more adventurous?”

“I’m adventurous.”

“Right. Name one off the wall rendezvous you’ve planned.”

Callen said, “Okay, you got me. Zero.”

“I must say though, you’re great at aliases.”

“And you’re great at freaking out with my aliases.” Callen smirked.

“Okay, that’s going to cost you.”

“Cost me what? What are you promising you’ll do to me?”

“Goading me?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.”

“I’ve plans.”

Callen shifted positions. “Serious?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We have to turn in our guns and identities later on tonight.”

“Oh crap, I forgot about that.” What had he gotten himself into now? G’s mind was going one hundred miles an hour thinking about the possible tryst his partner had planned.

“I didn’t.”

“I’m not going to ask.”

“I’m asking right now, what’s your alias going to be for tonight?”

“Depends on what we’re doing.”

“Christening an object of your affection for my severance package present to you.” Sam smirked.

“What in the hell does that mean?”

“You’ll soon find out,” he said. “In the meantime, I’d suggest you think about an alias, because you won’t be able to think when I take you there.”

“I’m not sure—“

“Stuff it, G, it’s happening whether you want to do it or not.” Sam climbed out of bed and entered the bathroom. “Taking a shower?”

Callen scrambled out of bed and entered the bathroom. “Are we?”

“No, nothing until tonight.”

“What? You’re making me wait that long?”

“Yeah.”

Damn, now he was curious and excited and apprehensive, all at once.

After their shower and finalizing their wedding and honeymoon plans, they snuggled together on the bed.

The thought of a raunchy tryst at NCIS Los Angeles headquarters got Callen excited. Yet, he was apprehensive about what Sam had planned. Knowing him, it would be something where Callen had to get his comfort zone and stretch. In his mind, he could imagine a lot of lewd things, but number one on the list was leaving some kind of souvenir for someone to find.

“Ready, sexy?”

“Sexy?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, stroking his lover’s body while they lay on their sides on the bed.

“Is it legal?”

“Of course it’s legal to make love to you.”

“Sam! You know what I mean.”

“Yep, it’s legal, but outside the neat little box you called your life.”

“Damn.” What had this man planned to do with him? “How far outside?”

“Just enough to get you ready for our honeymoon.”

“I’d should’ve known you’d be planning something.”

“Always thinking of ways to seduce my future husband.” Sam laughed.

“I detect a little evil in that laugh.”

“A little?”

“Sam, if this isn’t aboveboard—“

“Aboveboard? Remember, we don’t work there any more.”

“I don’t want to get caught with my pants down.”

Sam roared with laughter.

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny.”

“But it was, and it is what you’ll be doing.”

Shit.

“Foot in mouth problems, sweetheart?”

_Damn, I did have to use those words, pants down._

Sam drew him backward into his body and stroked his chest. “Relax, sweetheart, we’ll have fun.”

“At my expense?”

“You need to ease up on yourself.”

“What are you making me wear?”

“Something sexy and wonderful feeling,” Sam said. “Let’s get you dressed.”

“You’re dressing me?”

“Yeah, dressing you up and down.”

Callen laughed. “Isn’t that what your supervisor should be doing to you?”

“Glad you think that’s funny,” Sam said. “Can’t wait for the fun to begin.”


	128. Chapter 128

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam POV.
> 
> Last tryst at NCIS Los Angeles Headquarters.

Sam blindfolded his lover and then dressed him in brown leather pants and an ultramarine blue, silk shirt. After dressing himself in nearly the identical clothes, he took G by the hand and lead him to the elevator. He pushed him against the window, smashing his face sideways against the glass. “Going to take you.” Sam whispered in a deep, sensuous voice.

“Please.”

“Not, here, getting you in the mind set.” Sam stroked G’s face and neck while kissing and licking him there too.

“Not much more.”

“Lot’s more.” He humped his groin into his lover’s. “Can’t wait to seduce you where we used to work. Can’t wait to christen the object of your affection.”

“Can’t you just tell me what that cryptic sentence means?” It got his mind going with all kinds of ideas yet probably not the one thing that his partner planned to do with him.

“Don’t want to spoil your fun, sweetheart.” Sam took G by the hand out of the elevator and over to their car.

When they received their severance pay, Sam and Callen purchased a car together. A 2011, metallic, cherry red Challenger with all the bells and whistles offered. They added some accessories they’d need in the future for their business.

Sam settled G into the passenger seat and buckled his seatbelt. He leaned over and kissed him. “Can’t wait.”

“Damn.”

“Hot damn, you look delicious in your sexy outfit.”

“If I could keep it on long enough to enjoy it.”

“You will,” Sam said, sliding into the driver’s seat. “I’m taking you out to dinner after our tryst.”

“Tryst?”

“Yeah, I like that word better.”

“You’ve honed up on your Smarty Marty skills.” Callen smirked.

Sam started the car and backed out of the parking space. “It best describes what I plan to do to your lovely body.”

“I just hope no one else can see.”

“You worry too much, sweetheart.”

“Should I be worried?” He imagined he should be worried over what Sam had devised. That cryptic message meant it couldn’t be something good.

Sam stroked his lover’s left thigh. “Relax.”

“Damn it, you’re making it so I can’t.”

“The rest of you needs to relax.”

Thirty minutes later, they arrived at NCIS Los Angeles headquarters. Sam climbed out of their car and came around to G’s side to help him get out.

“Such the gentlemen this time,” Callen said, taking Sam’s hand and stepping out of their car.

“You liked it rough last time?”

“Loved it, exciting.”

“I’ll make a mental note for our honeymoon.”

“Damn, I should be careful what I say.”

“Might come back to haunt you?”

“Yeah.”

Sam leaned over, kissing and licking his lover’s neck.

“Please.” Callen backed into him.

“Soon, have patience.” Sam closed the door and walked his lover toward the building. “I’ll give you something to remember for the rest of your undercover career.”

“You’ve got me,” Callen said, “I don’t have a clue.”

“Good.”

They entered the building, Sam taking G over to the bullpen. He set his knapsack on his former desk. Nothing had changed yet. His name plaque still graced it. He removed their badges and weapons from the knapsack and set them on his desk. He’d planned this tryst to fall on a holiday, which meant no one would be here. Sam doubled checked with Kensi and Eric to make sure no one would show up. This time he planned to take his lover in the open.

“Stay here. Don’t move.”

“Where is here?”

“No clues.”

“Damn.”

Sam grabbed their badges and weapons and crossed the room. He placed them in a locked cabinet. Then he deposited the key on the desk. He returned to G’s side, took him by the hand, and lead him to G’s former desk. He pushed everything to one side and leaned him over the desk face down. “The blindfold stays on until the very last moment.” Sam lowered his lover’s pants, grasped his buttocks and massaged them.

“Fuck.”

“Soon, very soon,” he said. “Yell all you want. No one is here.”

“What if someone shows up?”

“They’ll be embarrassed.”

“No, I’ll be bare assed.” Callen smirked.

Sam laughed.

“Speaking of which, it’s cool around here.”

“You need to air out that ass some.”

Sam unzipped his pants.

“I hear it.”

“Yeah.” He removed the blindfold.

Callen gasped. “No, Sam! Not here! Nothing is sacred to you.”

“Too open for you?”

“Shit, what if, damn it.” Before he could think another thought or say another word, Sam speared him.

“Alias?”

“I can’t remember it.”

“Doesn’t matter anyhow, I’ve got you,” Sam said. “Next we christen my desk and finally what was supposed to be your new desk.”

“I can’t believe you’re making love to me here like this.”

“I can.” Sam nibbled on his neck and earlobe. “Here’s to our new life together and our new career.”

Callen sucked on his lower lip. “This is hot. Damn. You think of everything. Perfect. I love you, Sam Hanna.”

“I love you, G Callen.”


	129. Chapter 129

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now the final chapter....
> 
> Sam makes love to G in a secluded cove on Maui.

“That was a beautiful wedding,” Sam said, drawing G into his body as they watched the sunset on the beach.

“Yeah.”

“Talkative.”

“Not much to say.” Callen relaxed in his husband’s arms. “I wish I could stay here forever with you like this.”

“I like that picture.”

“But you have other plans?” He asked, knowing full well that Sam had something planned. He wondered what he had devised for their honeymoon. G couldn’t wait to see what surprise he had in store for him.

“I certainly do, sweetheart.”

“And?”

“You like adventure, right?”

“I don’t like where this is going.” He was ambivalent. Callen was curious and excited as usual. And he was nervous too. How far would Sam take him this time?

“Ah, but you’ll like it.”

“Okay, I give.”

“Ready to replay a scene from a movie, _From G Callen to Eternity_?”

G laughed, picturing the scene from the original movie in his head. “I’m not sure I can do that.”

“Because?”

“You’ve seen the news where they show a couple on the beach being ogled by a tour boat.”

“Yeah?”

“Damn it, Sam, what if someone sees us?”

“I found this secluded cove.”

“Yeah, famous last words,” G said. “Couple finds secluded cove and tourists find them.” He smirked.

“Come on, I thought you said you wanted adventure.”

“Not that kind.”

“Having your bare ass exposed to the world doesn’t excite you a bit?”

“No, your bare ass,” he said, picturing his lover’s ass getting ogled. He laughed.

“What so funny?”

“What my mind can imagine.”

“That’s what I like about you, an imaginative mind,” Sam said. “It’s why you’re good at your job. So you’d prefer the sand up your ass crack?” He asked.

“I ought to slug you.”

“But you’d rather make love to me?”

G faced his husband. “Yeah.” He wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

Sam lifted G into his arms and strolled toward the spot he found.

“Now?” G freaked out inside. This was not his idea of adventure.

“Yeah, now, all this talk has got me hot for your sexy body.”

“It’s getting dark and—“

“Hush, I’m prepared.”

“What are you a boy scout in disguise?”

“Could be if you want me to be.”

“Not my type of fantasy.”

“What’s your type?”

“A romantic evening with my hunky, Navy SEAL husband making love to me in the shower.”

“Hunky husband? Glad you didn’t say hunky-dory husband.” Sam smirked. He stopped and set his husband down on the white sand.

“This is a nice spot.”

“Yeah, and you’re a nice catch.” Sam dropped his knapsack on the sand. He dipped his head down and kissed G.

“Damn.”

He started unbuttoning his husband’s shirt while planting kisses down his face and neck. “I love you.”

G sighed, at a loss for words.

“Nice.” He slipped his hand under his lover’s shirt and massaged his chest.

“Do I need an alias?”

“When don’t you need one?”

“Our first time as a married couple and you’re asking me to lie?” G smirked.

“Interesting twist on aliases.” Sam unbuttoned the rest of his lover’s shirt and slipped it off his body. “So, who are you?”

“G Callen, husband and lover.” He smiled.

“I like that alias. I think I’ll keep him forever.”

**\----------------**

**The End**


End file.
